Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

A 4th child - what do you think? Everyone has been so negative.

68 replies

earthtomummy · 26/09/2006 13:58

Ds is 5.5, DD is 3.5 and DD2 is 1.5. Thinking about trying for our 4th (and final) this Autumn, so hopefully baby would arrive when Ds is 6.5, DD 4.5 and DD2 is 2.5. I've always felt like the broodiness won't ever go, but I really want another but no more after that! Are there any otner MNetters with 4 with similar age gaps. My only concern is making sure we're not being unfair to our current 3. I don't think we are, I think they get a lot from their siblings. DH is keen and v. hands on and has new job just 5 mins away from home (hurrah!). But I know my mum will clearly express her disapproval and I find that hard to handle, esp. in the face of horrible morning sickness. So, I guess I'm looking for someone to be postivie about this, because only my DH and I seem to be. All my friends just look at me like I'm deranged!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

agalch · 28/09/2006 21:25

Mooshy thats why we had dd2.Theres 13 yrs between my elder son and dd1 and 9 yrs between ds2 and dd1.Didn't notice it too much till she started to talk and walk etc.

You have nothing to lose and will gain loads having no4.Go for it girl!!!

BROWNY · 28/09/2006 21:32

I have four childen, and live in Liverpool too Mrs Darcy, why don't you come and say hello on our Liverpool meet-up thread? My children are dd1 10, dds2 9, ds1 7 and ds2 2 years old. I love having four children, although I am kept very busy, our house looks like and smells like a laundrette most days! Good job I like the smell of washing tablets and fabic conditioner . My older children absolutely adore their baby brother and love to show him their toys and read to him. I'd say definately go for it, 4 is a lovely number of children to have around the house!

Miaou · 28/09/2006 21:32

I've got three - aged 9, 7 and 1, and am ttc a fourth. Funnily enough I've never had any negative reactions, but then my dh is one of four and his db has four kids, and my mum regrets not having a fourth - so there is a lot of empathy on both sides!

But I have to say - if you want a fourth, then go for it . Ignore the narrow-minded people and do what is right for you.

largeginandtonic · 28/09/2006 21:34

I have dts 7.11, dd 6.2, ds 4.2, ds 19mths and im prg with #6 due in may. I love it, im from 4 and always wanted a big family. It is chaos and like mass catering but there are so many benefits. The entertainment value is fantastic, they all look after each other and are such a caring bunch of kids. They all asked for another brother or sister and are thrilled, although they have all said they would like dtd

I did get a bad reaction from lots of friends last time and sadly it made me wary of announcing this one. We are so pleased though and cant wait for may, i say go for it!

aitch71 · 28/09/2006 21:35

i'm one of 4, i love it. i really feel a bit sorry that my dd is not going to be from a big family... we just left it too late.

bubblepop · 28/09/2006 22:38

etm, ive got four, aged 9, 6, 2.3 and 9 months. i can honestly say i would'nt change a thing, even tho no 4 was'nt planned. ive had lots of negative comments from other people, which really ground me down at first. everyone seems so concerned about how many bedrooms we've got (or not got). ive come to the conclusion that these people just can't imagine themselves in my shoes or how they'd cope if they we're me. you just learn to shrug it off in the end and deal with it. it sonds like you've got a really supportive dh so go for it!

NotABraBurningOtter · 28/09/2006 22:45

i have 5 and absolutely love it. moan about it but love it and would not have it any other way.
Dinner time last night and after only 1 beer dp turned to me and said' aren't we blessed' and we are - go for it girl you wont regret it.
( we get the comments but i have decided people are just jealous!)

QueenEagle · 28/09/2006 22:52

I have 5. Like NAO I moan about the stresses and niggles but mostly love it. Mine are almost 15, almost 13, 10.5 then I have a big gap of 7 years after a marriage split, then remarried and had 2 more 3.8 and 21mths now.

I'm personally finding the younger 2 quite hard work but that's only due to the 21mth old being such a cheeky livewire and 3.8 yr old having mild special needs (speech).

If YOU want another, YOU have another. Nothing to do with your extended family and you don't need their approval. I'm sure your mum will come round when the baby is born. How could she not?

NotABraBurningOtter · 29/09/2006 17:36

have you stopped QE?

Mog · 29/09/2006 18:17

I've stopped at three as feel I'm too old to go for a fourth but if I'd started younger I would have gone for 4. I just think that at the end of your life having a big happy family is a very rewarding thing to look back on - much more so than lots of other things people put store in.

Original poster

earthtomummy · 29/09/2006 19:18

Great to hear from so many with big families. My odest son is 5 and he has mild special needs - well we're not using a label but the paed. has dx'd him with Aspergers but on the milder end of the spectrum. This is another reason why people think we're mad to want another - not only coping but sev. people have asked if the dx. has put us off having another in case they are on autistic spectrum too. Q. offensive really, esp. when they see our darling DS.

OP posts:

NotSoUselessMum · 29/09/2006 19:25

I've got only one, for now. I'll definitely go for another, maybe three. I am one of three and I loved it.

but that's beside the point. you two want a 4th. go for it without hesitation!!!

Original poster

earthtomummy · 29/09/2006 20:33

oops - should have said oldest not odest!

OP posts:

southeastastra · 29/09/2006 20:35

i am the last of four it's nice

fourboys · 29/09/2006 20:42

Hi... I have four sons whom I had in under seven years and peoples negative comments have been shocking over the years..
I get the constent "were you trying for a girl ?" question along with "how do you cope" "your brave" "your mad!!" "you must have a big house" "do you have help" I think people are just facinated these days when they see bigger families where the children are close together in age. And as for me i'm proud of my sons and for the most part enjoy having a big family. On the downside it is a fact that more kids do make more work... hey its a choice thing and I made mine and it sounds like you've made yours and thats the only important thing as these people with their comments are not going to be doing the job of mummy!! good luck

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 29/09/2006 20:51

I'm someone who might give out vibes that could be interpreted as "you must be deranged" - but what I really mean is "I'd have to be deranged to have 4 because I am not competent enough and I am too selfish" - and I think this is what a lot of people mean when they look at you like that. I think many of them are in awe and full of respect. so, on the one hand don't be too quick to feel attacked. on the other hand, it doesn;t matter what other people think anyway...

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 29/09/2006 20:53

fourboys - I really don;t think comments like "how do you cope" are negative - I think they're genuine awe.

FioFio · 29/09/2006 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fourboys · 29/09/2006 21:04

I don't take it personally, Its just said too me constantly! Too be honest its the constant jibe about having only boys that drives me a bit mad..... as its very often not positive. (sad)

NotABraBurningOtter · 29/09/2006 21:07

i have four boys and the pitying comments get my goat

Enid · 29/09/2006 21:08

I'd love 4

but am too old and knackered

fourboys · 29/09/2006 21:13

NotA
Glad I'm not alone. Really pisses me off particulally when its said infront of by boys!

NotABraBurningOtter · 29/09/2006 21:15

where there's an egg there's a babe.....

Thomcat · 29/09/2006 21:18

my friend told me she was thinking about a 4th today. I was a little taken aback. Not becasue 4 children is so outrageous but because of her situation:

she argues massivley with her DH, he is supposed to go to anger management but doesn't. She tells me stuff about him/them and talks as if she's not going to be there in 10 yrs time
they have a massionette, 2 beds. the 12 yr old and the 2 yr old share a room and the 9 month old shares their room
they don't have much money
her eldest (12yrs_ still wets the bed, her 2yr old eats wotsits for breakfast (that's all he'll eat apparently) and is - her words - violent towards the 9 month old.
she stopped looking after my DD 2 days a week because it was all too much, she doesn't drive felt trapped etc.

And then she says she wants a 4th -

Spidermama · 29/09/2006 21:19

I love having four.

However, you know the attitude you describe where people critisise you decision and think you're a loony etc? Well I encountered the same attitude and I have to say it doesn't go away once you have your fourth. In fact, I get less help now from family than I ever did before. They can't handle having four around so they visit less and help even less than they did before. I can't complain because they already have an air of 'I told you so' if I even mention how hard I'm working.

It is hard. Really hard. It's also great fun. I virtually never stop and still my house is messy. I'm constantly frustrated and want to decorate BUT my kids are fantastic and the good times are as good as the hard times are hard. I'm really living life to the full.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread