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Original poster

Finding out sex - are you glad you did or wish you hadn't?

73 replies

Squidge14 · 18/09/2014 12:51

Hi all

Just looking for opinions/experiences here really. I am currently 9+2 so still a long way off but partner and I decided when we found out we were expecting that we wouldn't find out what we were having, he has now changed his mind and really wants to find out, I still don't want to as think it's nice to keep it a surprise.

For those of you that found out the sex...are you glad you did or do you wish you had kept it a surprise? I couldn't let my partner find out and I not know, mainly because he would accidently tell me within 5 minutes and I couldn't bear not knowing when someone else does the curiosity would drive me nuts! But I also know that if we did find out I would instantly wish we had waited until birth!!

Thoughts please! xx

OP posts:
Tovi · 19/09/2014 09:41

On my first we found out - simply because I was so excited and just wanted to know. Found out again on the second. With number 3 we kept it as a surprise as we thought it would be our last. Number 4 was a happy surprise but we decided to find out as we'd got rid of all previous baby clothes and had to start from scratch so wanted a heads up so to speak. I could have quite happily have left number 4 a surprise and bought all neutral clothing but DH really wanted to find out.

Notso · 19/09/2014 09:53

One of the only things I wrote in my birth plans were that I wanted DH to tell me the sex. It was a lovely moment between us. Or rather four lovely moments Smile

I lost a baby in the late second trimester before I met DH.
For me it was easier to get through subsequent pregnancies without turning 'the baby' into my daughter or my son. I know many people with similar experiences feel the opposite but I only wanted to bond with my babies once they were alive in my arms.
Thinking of them by sex,by name and as a real person seemed to make it more to lose in my mind, it sounds completely heartless when I write it down but it is hard to explain.

Tovi · 19/09/2014 10:43

Notso: It doesn't sound heartless at all. It sounds a completely understandable thing to say after suffering a previous loss.

Cullercoats88 · 19/09/2014 14:38

My partner and I found out. I'm glad we did, it's nice to put a name to the baby. She feels like a real person now, I can imagine what she looks like and it's great. It's also nice to be able to prepare clothes, what we buy, what we can ask others to get and so on...

Definitely agree with PP about it making loss harder. This is our DC1 and thankfully everything has been plain sailing so far, I do think I would feel differently though if we had experienced a tragic bereavement.

Serenitysutton · 19/09/2014 14:41

We are going to have a surprise- however DH wants a 4D scan and it's just occurred to me if will be quite obvious on that won't it? Can you have one without finding out?

ilovepowerhoop · 19/09/2014 16:18

we got asked at the 4D scan whether we wanted to know and then they put it off 3D and onto the normal ultrasound to check for us (we said yes).

EvilRingahBitch · 19/09/2014 16:25

I wouldn't really care if it wasn't for the sonographer knowing. I'm damned if I'm having some random NHS worker knowing that I'm having a girl if I don't know myself.

eastmidswarwicknightnanny · 19/09/2014 16:59

We found out with first and have again with second I didn't mind either way although like to plan but let husband decide as feel everything about pregnancy is about the woman and was nice for it to be his decision first time round assumed he wouldn't want to know he did n I was glad.

TaytoCrisp · 20/09/2014 06:02

I'm really looking forward to the surprise next Wednesday! Most things about this pregnancy have been planned and involve numerous interventions, so this is the one aspect that i'm glad will be a real surprise!!

I agree, that if you had a preference for one or other gender, then it might be better to find out in advance. I did that once before.

Good luck!

tiggy2610 · 20/09/2014 09:06

I think it's a completely personal decision with no right or wrong.

We know we're having a boy and as agreed we would find out from the start. I can't tell you why, it makes me difference to us what so ever but we both knew we wanted to know. I still don't know what he looks like, will he have hair? Who's nose will he have? What will he sound like? Who will he take after the most? Etc...so still plenty of surprises left at birth and beyond. I am a little OCD with planning and preparation so that probably played a key role in it...

My colleague is 3 weeks ahead of me and doesn't want to know and I completely understand her reasoning for it.

sandgrown · 20/09/2014 12:08

Never wanted to know as I love surprises and the anticipation helped through labour. Had an amnio with last pregnancy and asked them to note that under no circumstances were they to reveal the sex of the baby.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 20/09/2014 12:22

Didn't find out and it was the best surprise ever. The moment the midwife said "it's a boy" will be one I will remember forever. There are so few true surprises in life and this is one of them.

Notso · 20/09/2014 12:57

Thanks Tovi

pieceoftoast · 20/09/2014 13:07

I found out yesterday (it's another DS!) and don't regret it. MIL has been hankering for a girl and I love annoying her Grin

rubyboo2 · 21/09/2014 18:36

Hi I have 2 boys and my partner 1 daughter.I always found out and managed to keep it a secret . With having 3 kids already it helps us to be prepared. We have a 21wk scan a week on monday and it has killed me 2 wait this long Grin !! A friend was in the same situation as you so she asked the sonographer to write the sex down and put it in an envelope . Go with how you feel as i said ive been desperate to know . Brew I never regretted finding out Grin

junkfoodaddict · 21/09/2014 19:04

I had a surprise with DC1. I needed an EMCS and it was 10 minutes later before I asked what the sex was!!!
This time, we're finding out as I have all of DS1's clothes to sort - either to wash and keep or to sell/give to charity. Also I want to be more prepared with clothes and a name and give the child an identity to help DS1 bond with his sibling (he's hoping for a boy!).
I regretted not finding out with DS1. I hate gender neutral clothes - so boring.

Pico2 · 21/09/2014 19:56

Junkfoodaddict - that is the one reason that I would like to find out the sex of this one, we have a lot of girls clothes to sort out. But we won't be finding out, so will have to do the sorting once the baby is here.

CherryLips1980 · 21/09/2014 19:56

I did for DD (first child). For this one (second, 9+6) the intention is NOT to find out. The only thing I wish was different about DD's birth was that DP had told me the sex but at the time it was important for me to know what she was before she arrived. I can't tell you why though.

thatsn0tmyname · 21/09/2014 20:04

Really glad we didn't either time. The suspense was killing me but it was so exciting.

Siennasun · 21/09/2014 23:00

I hate surprises and DH wanted to know. Not finding out was never an option and definitely no regrets Smile

Gennz · 22/09/2014 01:56

We found out and I'm so glad we did. I had (or thought I had) a preference for a girl - we are having a boy and I'm really glad we are, but I'm glad we found out in advance. I've hated being pregnant and it's made it much more real thinkign about our son and the things we will do with him, as opposed to "Shroedingers cat" as we called the baby before - a sort of intangible presence!

I don't really get the logic of "there are so few surprises in life" - it's a surprise whenever you find out! (Plus I hate surprises anyway, so the fewer for me the better).

Original poster
Squidge14 · 22/09/2014 12:01

Thank you for all your responses, it's lovely to hear everyone's experiences. I still don't want to find out I think by the time I'm in labour I will be so bloody curious it will help me get through it! Fingers crossed I can get DP convinced or I can drug him with sleeping tablets before the 20wk scan Grin

OP posts:
Pico2 · 22/09/2014 17:35

Gennz - we called DD Schrodinger's baby before she was born.

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