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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Finding out sex - are you glad you did or wish you hadn't?

73 replies

Squidge14 · 18/09/2014 12:51

Hi all

Just looking for opinions/experiences here really. I am currently 9+2 so still a long way off but partner and I decided when we found out we were expecting that we wouldn't find out what we were having, he has now changed his mind and really wants to find out, I still don't want to as think it's nice to keep it a surprise.

For those of you that found out the sex...are you glad you did or do you wish you had kept it a surprise? I couldn't let my partner find out and I not know, mainly because he would accidently tell me within 5 minutes and I couldn't bear not knowing when someone else does the curiosity would drive me nuts! But I also know that if we did find out I would instantly wish we had waited until birth!!

Thoughts please! xx

OP posts:
broomy123 · 18/09/2014 15:22

Hi, I haven't had any experience but currently pregnant with my first and had the same situation as you. In the end we decided not to purely because we didn't really see the advantage in finding out before. We want to have another one so we are going neutral most things. I don't regret it one bit and once we had the 20 week scan the temptation is over so you just get on with enjoying the guessing! I feel like it's odd when people say they bond better with their baby knowing what sex it. I love my baby and can't wait to meet it as much as anyone else. I also think there are few genuine surprises in life and dragging it out for as long as you can adds to the excitement. My friend found out with her first and not her second. she said it's so much more magical being told after you've given birth by the dad. Good luck!

moggle · 18/09/2014 15:25

Yes Tiny I agree, it is one of the last genuine surprises in life. It is true that of course the only options are boy or girl, and also that it is a surprise whenever you find out, but for me i would like it to join in with the whole big melee of emotions I'll feel at the birth.
Also I feel while it's equally a surprise for me and DH whenever we find out, I feel it is a better surprise for our parents and maybe siblings to find out after the birth, not halfway through.

AggressiveBunting · 18/09/2014 15:25

I found out with DC1 and had a surprise with DC2. Preferred not finding out.

TinyMonkey · 18/09/2014 15:36

I like this thread! IRL I feel like I'm somehow being a bit odd by not finding out, everyone seems to assume that we would've as a matter of course and looks rather surprised when we say that we're having a surprise. Glad to know I'm not just being hopelessly old fashioned!

I do think that if we have another, which is unlikely, we might find out in order to prepare it's older sibling for a sister or brother in advance, but who knows.

Original poster
Squidge14 · 18/09/2014 15:48

Thanks again for your answers everyone, I am still adamant I want to wait until the birth, now operation convincing DP is in play!

Tiny you have summed up what I feel about it, I think once you know there are no more surprises left, obviously it will still be magical meeting them at the end but even more so having a complete surprise. I also agree I want the whole 'OMG what did you have' when people find out they are finally here! I'm also of the opinion if we were lucky enough to have a 2nd I would find out for planning purposes but for the first I don't need to, so why should I, baby is already nicknamed so they are a little person to me already Smile

OP posts:
Lorelei353 · 18/09/2014 15:50

I wanted to know and DH didn't. Figured that since everything was about me, I'd give him that one Grin

Now, I'm glad we didn't find out. I'll never, ever forget that moment when I heard DH's voice say 'it's a boy' as I lifted DS out of the water.

That said, that moment of meeting DS for the first time was going to be amazing no matter what, so if we'd known it wouldn't have made it less special. It was fun not knowing though.

DecaffTastesWeird · 18/09/2014 16:01

Like Lorelei, I quite wanted to know and DH really didn't! I'm sort of glad we didn't find out now, although at the same time I can't wait to know what we're having (I'm 28 weeks now - ftm). At the moment I think I would want to find out if we had another one, but that might just be the impatience and hormones talking.

I think I would have cracked at the 20 week scan and asked to find out, but when I told the sonographer that I only kind of wanted to know but wasn't sure and that DH really didn't she said "oh well I just won't look then"!

AnythingNotEverything · 18/09/2014 16:12

I didn't find out with either of mine. I really enjoyed being able to introduce them to the world without anyone knowing anything beforehand.

We may find out next time though (TTC ... Fingers crossed!). Depends whether we think it would help DD cope with getting a sibling.

Original poster
Squidge14 · 18/09/2014 16:54

Aww good luck anything hope you get to make this decision very soon!

OP posts:
jdr1234 · 18/09/2014 17:38

Hi- I just wanted to share as I had the same dilemma and found out on Monday (20 week scan) I was so worried I would regret it and even though I have only had a few days to digest it I am so glad we found out. I was convinced it was a girl and it turns out its a boy, I didn't mind either way but as my instinct was girl and everyone was telling me it would be a girl inc all the old wives tales so for me it is nice to now know and get excited about the little boy I am carrying. For me it is making the pregnancy more real. We asked the sonographer if he was 100% sure and that we didn't want him to tell us but to write it down, we then opened it later that evening when we were just the two of us which I think made it more special.
Lots of my friends haven't found out and have loved the surprise but for me finding out was the right decision.

Topsyloulou · 18/09/2014 17:42

You sound just like I did before my 20 week scan. I didn't want to know but DP did. In the end we made a deal, if the baby lay still long enough we'd find out. Thought I was safe with that as at the previous 3 scans it had wriggled around like crazy. The only part of the 20 week scan he lay still for was when they checked the sex!

I am glad I found out, it has helped me to really think of the baby as a little person and I've been able to give him an identity. After two miscarriages I've found it very reassuring to see him as a person. It has also helped DP to form more of a bond with the baby, he talks about going to rugby matches together etc. One of the thoughts I had when trying to decide was that DP to an extent can't play much of a role in the pregnancy but knowing the sex was effectively a gift I could give him and get him more involved and it definitely worked for us.

Although we have told everyone the sex we haven't discussed names with anyone and we won't decide on one until we see his face so there is still an element of surprise.

I don't have any regrets about finding out the sex, it didn't matter what the sex was, it was the knowing that was the important thing. I will definitely find out again for any future children.

in2theblues · 18/09/2014 18:03

I didn't want to know with first child but I caved in at a late scan and asked. Was told we were having a girl so it was an even bigger surprise when DS arrived.

Tbh if it happened again I wouldn't want to know. My reason being that once they are here they are their own person.

Strokethefurrywall · 18/09/2014 18:43

Didn't find out with DS1 and did with DS2.

If we were to have a third, I wouldn't find out. Figure it'll be another gorgeous boy though Grin and that would be more than wonderful for me.

spinningirl10 · 18/09/2014 18:54

I didn't find out with my dd, I was sure I was having a girl and only chose girls names and I was right.
With ds we found out and I kind of wish we hadn't, I enjoyed the surprise of dd.
We're ttc number 3 now and we've said we won't find out this time. I really like the idea of dp telling me what we have Grin

Good luck op.

monkeyfacegrace · 18/09/2014 19:01

I'm finding out.

It's dc3, and I have a mountain of boys and girls clothes from ds and DD. I need to know which ones to get down from the loft and wash.

And the kids want to know which bedroom it'll be chucked in Grin

Simple as that.

CruiseShipsAhoy · 18/09/2014 19:03

I didn't find out but was convinced I was having a boy. I was really shocked when my dd was born as I'd never imagined myself with a little girl and it took a little while to get used to. I had a number of complications during my pregnancy (previous mc, reduced movement a couple of times, premature labour) and post delivery (huge blood loss, tearing, emergency surgery, struggles with bf) which resulted in it taking some time for me to feel that overwhelming feeling of love that people talk about. I absolutely adore her though and wouldn't change her for anything. I do think that being convinced she was a boy contributed to this and if I had another baby I would definitely find out but keep the sex to ourselves. Just do what feels right for you and don't worry about others. Good luck xx

ColdTeaAgain · 18/09/2014 19:23

I'm a sonographer and find that with couples who can't agree on finding out the gender, more often than not, it is the dad who wants to know and the mum who wants a surprise. I often wonder if it is because the dad feels less of a bond during the pregnancy so finding out helps them with that part of it.

I always feel quite sad for women who get put on the spot by their partners in the scan room and they end up giving in and finding out when they clearly didn't want to. I feel like maybe I should intervene but it really isn't my place to but I can't help thinking the woman probably has very little say in anything else either.

Anyway, am going off topic now!

We didn't find out and it was lovely, totally worth the wait and so exciting telling everyone. The temptation was immense because of my job as I could look for myself at any time but I promised DP I wouldn't Grin Am not sure if I can resist it a second time round though, but we'll see!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 18/09/2014 21:26

We waited and found out when she was born. The single most incredible moment of my life was OH telling me we had a daughter. I'm glad we waited, but I wouldn't judge anyone who found out - it just isn't for us.

Pico2 · 18/09/2014 22:19

We found it really difficult to decide, but eventually we didn't find out as I knew someone who was told "girl" but had a boy. I didn't want this to be part of my son's history (your bits were so small we though you were a girl). We had a girl anyway Smile.

We are now having our second and haven't found out, despite it being possible to find out 100% using the Harmony test we had. This time we didn't as we enjoyed finding out when we had DD and it is the start of us trying to treat our DC as equally as possible.

I also find taking pictures of unborn babies genitals a little bit undignified. I don't feel defined by mine, there is so much more to an individual.

Roseylee20 · 19/09/2014 09:00

I'm only at 9+3 too, first pg (after 2 previous mc's). And I really am adamant I don't want to find out, I will be over the moon either way, so I think a surprise is the best way for the first! I read on this site somewhere that someone had put "it's like waiting for Christmas, but already knowing what presents your having" of knowing which gender. Everybody is different but I thought this was quite accurate! I know that some people really like/need to be prepared. I know some friends that found out the sex and then named the baby straight away. I also know a lady who is having twins, and for that reason wanted to be prepared so paid for an early gender scan. I think in her case it's understandable that she wants to be so prepared. But for me, a first pregnancy had to be a surprise! Smile

Roseylee20 · 19/09/2014 09:01

*has! Not had

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 19/09/2014 09:08

Didn't find out with either and absolutely no regrets over that, like others I wouldn't judge those who do but it was absolutely not for us.

We felt very bonded with the babies throughout both pregnancies and it was one of the few aspects of the births that was as nature intended (forceps and ventouse deliveries).

kkllww · 19/09/2014 09:21

I found out with first and we both want to find out this time too. Partly to be able to explain to our son about his new brother/sister, and also it really helped me to bond first time around by knowing his gender and refering to baby as 'he'.
I am impressed by those who have the patience and restraint not to find out though!

Artandco · 19/09/2014 09:31

We didn't find out either time.

I really don't like the whole girls in pink and boys in blue so everything was brought for ds1 in unisex colours. 2nd was ds2 but still unisex clothing. Never brought lemon colours either as hated, but lots of white/ light grey/ navy/ red/ dark green. All babygrows were plain white anyway, so just cardigans/ hats/ booties in other colours.

Car seat/ pram all black, cot/ blankets etc all white as was our preference.

Actually we brought very little 'baby colours or things'. Ie they had sheepskin rug to lay on, rather than bright garish baby mat. ( didn't go with our home decor!)

Only1scoop · 19/09/2014 09:32

Found out both times. Glad we did.