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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out sex - are you glad you did or wish you hadn't?

73 replies

Squidge14 · 18/09/2014 12:51

Hi all

Just looking for opinions/experiences here really. I am currently 9+2 so still a long way off but partner and I decided when we found out we were expecting that we wouldn't find out what we were having, he has now changed his mind and really wants to find out, I still don't want to as think it's nice to keep it a surprise.

For those of you that found out the sex...are you glad you did or do you wish you had kept it a surprise? I couldn't let my partner find out and I not know, mainly because he would accidently tell me within 5 minutes and I couldn't bear not knowing when someone else does the curiosity would drive me nuts! But I also know that if we did find out I would instantly wish we had waited until birth!!

Thoughts please! xx

OP posts:

splendide · 18/09/2014 13:11

Hmmmm I'm still a bit conflicted.

I wanted a surprise but my other half really wanted to know so I said ok. I do like being able to give him a pronoun and also I had some mild gender disappointment which I am now completely over. So maybe having that time helped.

On the other hand, it must be amazing to find out at birth.

I'm going to say overall I slightly regret finding out.

ilovepowerhoop · 18/09/2014 13:14

I found out with both of mine and had no regrets

squizita · 18/09/2014 13:19

Glad I did simply because it helped narrow down name choices.
Most of our decor and clothing us unisex (but not baby beige ... I love cute animal designs so it's all safari/zoo/woodland cute).
It also gave me a weird sense of security as it really emphasised baby was not a vulnerable ball of cells, but pretty much "complete" ... of course the rest of the scan dI'd that first, but it was a nice thing to end on.

mupperoon · 18/09/2014 13:20

I wanted to find out at the birth - it felt like the biggest surprise since Xmas aged 10. I was so curious towards the end, but really glad we did keep it a surprise - I had to have an EMCS and about the only item from my birth plan that we actually got was my husband telling me the sex! It was a highlight of the day and would have been whatever the outcome.

pinkteapots · 18/09/2014 13:24

I had 4 where we didnt know. No regrets for the first 3, but by time I was expecting no 4 I was well over surprises. I didnt find out, but wished I had ('wish' is a bit strong! Didnt bother me that much!) Have found out with num 5, and glad I did. For us, i've enough to do without leaving out pink and blue stuff, making two name lists etc.

If this is your first though, my reasons dont apply! I dont think i'd have felt strongly enough to refuse had OH wanted to know. Either way its your baby, whether you find out now or later is just timing! Be aware if you find out you then need to decide whether to keep quiet or tell people! We've kept it quiet, but its a consideration.

And congratulations!

Annarose2014 · 18/09/2014 13:28

I found out. I'm finding pregnancy enough of an uncertain, scary voyage - I wanted to know something for sure. Helps to visualise, and helps to pick names. You can build up a wee fantasy of what it'll be like.

I don't like suprises, tbh. But each to their own.

Original poster

Squidge14 · 18/09/2014 13:28

Thanks for the replies all, I really don't mind what we have so either would be a lovely surprise (first DC) although understand if I had strong feelings either way it would be better to know (a family member had gender disappointment too but finding out via an early scan really helped her come to terms with it and now she's so glad it turned out the way it did!)

Squizita, I love the animal print things too, will have tons of the stuff by next year!! that's the other thing, we have agreed on a girls name but not a boys so could help us there!

Mupperoon - that is exactly the feeling I want!!

If I had it my way I would 100% wait until birth but know my partner really wants to find out so it might not go my way! I'll have to recruit some 3rd parties to help sway his mind

OP posts:

twiglet2 · 18/09/2014 13:31

Really glad I did - I was convinced it was a boy, to the point where I was only thinking of boys names etc. DH was convinced it was a girl and he was annoyingly right... I feel closer to the baby as a result and its nice to refer to her rather than it. We both wanted to know - I think if one of us had wanted it to be a surprise we wouldn't have found out.

Greenrememberedhills · 18/09/2014 13:32

I found out with one of mine and later discovered I needed a planning Caesarian, which isn't uncommon.

My experience was that to know the date and sex was not a good thing. It was like knowing what you were getting for Christmas early. Took away the magic, a bit. I didn't find out with my last.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/09/2014 13:34

We didn't find out either time. We wanted the surprise at the birth and it was brilliant! It was fun guessing too during both pregnancies.

Never had a problem buying neutral clothes, there's lots of cute animal stuff about at the moment.

mupperoon · 18/09/2014 13:34

Squidge, maybe making it his task to tell you would help? Assuming he'll be your birth partner?

Congratulations, so much to look forward to!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/09/2014 13:36

With my first I didnt want to know and I am glad I didnt cave. I wanted this "magical moment" (to me!) Of dh telling me as I gave birth - and the MWs were very good they let him tell me "we have a baby girl". It was beautiful.

This time round we chose to find out and I am just as happy with my decision. We areable to tell dd that she has a little.brother coming, and are able to finally rid the house of anything too girly to be used on a boy. Ive not had a great end to this pregnancy, and frankly and just at a point where I want him here. The detail doesnt matter to me now - i just want a smooth swift birth and to get back to being a mum who can get on the floor and play with my kids sorry am in a major late pregnancy grump today.

LBNM19 · 18/09/2014 13:38

I think a surprise is lovely but I'm far to inpatient, I found out with both I'm 35 weeks with my 2nd and don't regret it I think it's also quite nice to find out halfway through sort of kept me going xx

moggle · 18/09/2014 13:39

We didn't intend to find out from the start, then I had a bit of a wobble, but in the end we stayed in the dark at the 20 week scan. And I'm pleased we have. I've found it fun seeking out decent unisex clothes and also I think it's been moneysaving on certain things which annoyingly seem to come only in blue or pink options.

One thing I thought was, I can see how it makes a lot of sense to find out for DC2, to sort out future bedroom plans, which clothes to get out, and to get DC1 understanding things a bit more if you can say "your baby sister" or even decide on a name to tell them, etc. I'd quite like to have the experience of finding out AND not finding out, so to me it made sense to not find out for DC1 and find out for DC2, should we be so lucky.

I agree that if I'd had any kind of strong feeling either way I would probably have found out to avoid any kind of gender disappointment or just disconnection with the new baby. As it is we call baby 'baby' and refer to it variously as a he or a she or an it! (I used to say 'they' but then someone thought I was having twins!)

Original poster

Squidge14 · 18/09/2014 13:44

Thanks again guys, I keep changing my mind on what I think I will have and I think like Green says, it will be like knowing what you're getting for Christmas early and I think the curiosity will be so great by the time it comes to the birth it will help me get through labour

Mupperoon - I will try this tactic! He is such a big kid though and so impatient, I've never known him so excited! I think he is panicking that he will have a daughter (and she would never be allowed a boyfriend...ever!!) so would want time to accept that and get his gun license it's just so hard because we are divided and one of us will be disappointed with the decision!

OP posts:

Lweji · 18/09/2014 13:44

It didn't make much difference, but I didn't regret it.
It helped that I had already chosen a name by the time DS was born, but you could do that for both. But I had one male name and couldn't decide on a girl's name, so that saved a bit thought time.

It's still a surprise, but earlier rather than at the birth.

But also, I was looking at the screen when they did the scan, and it was obvious.
So, if you choose not to know, make sure you don't look during the scan.

fevdec · 18/09/2014 13:45

I have found out the sex of my baby at 20 week scan but I always wanted to so no regrets here. It helped me to create baby’s identity and pick the name and basically from 21 weeks my baby was called by name. Plus it’s so much easier to buy everything (clothes, pushchair etc) when you know the sex. I have some gender neutral stuff we bought before the scan but I couldn’t face having everything in yellows and whites and I wouldn’t have time after the birth to run around the shops and buy appropriate colour. I know that gender determination isn’t 100% accurate and I can end up with complete gender - colour mismatch but who cares as long as the baby is healthy and I’m well.

Thurlow · 18/09/2014 13:47

It's a surprise whether it's at 20w or at birth though, surely?

We found out. I liked it, being able to decide on a name, getting my head around the idea of my daughter, that sort of thing.

MsBug · 18/09/2014 14:09

We found out with dd and it was definitely the right choice for us. It helped me to feel like she was a real person - a 'she' not an 'it'.

Plus it was something exciting to look forward to halfway through the pregnancy - ime giving birth and meeting your new baby will be amazing enough whether you already know the sex or not

Bohemond · 18/09/2014 14:14

I am very glad we found out - we did it as we will find even one name/names hard to agree on, let alone two. It also made it easier when shopping at the NCT NNS!

Noodledoodledoo · 18/09/2014 14:20

We haven't found out - am 39 weeks now and it is bizarre not knowing what is kicking and punching me but also exciting.

DH wanted to know - I didn't from the outset. I have never felt the need - not sure why but just don't. DH thought I would as I am a serious planner in everything else in life.

I won the call by pointing out it was in my belly so I got final say - bit mean but he has had it easy!!!

I swear everyone else thinks we know as I always refer to it as a he but we honestly don't. It's just a monkey at the minute with all the pushing and shoving I am getting!!

Ifem · 18/09/2014 14:23

I didn't find out with either of mine, although nearly broke with DC2.

Very glad I waited until the births. Its the most amazing moment, that 'is it a girl or boy?' bit. Cant explain it...just magical.

Babetti · 18/09/2014 14:27

My DH really wanted to know and I didn't feel strongly either way so we found out. I liked being able to use the proper pronoun rather than saying 'it' or 'they' which is what I had been doing. I felt that know we were having a little boy made him part of the family before he arrived - it made it more real! Saying all that, I still decorated the nursery in a gender neutral style and bought white and yellow clothes just in case they had made a mistake!

Flugelpip · 18/09/2014 14:52

In some ways knowing if it's a boy or a girl is the least important thing. I knew I was having a boy both times and it was still the most incredible thing to meet this little stranger and see his face. I do think it helped second time round that we knew, because it meant I got used to the idea of having two boys. I also think that there are enough unexpected things about having babies - it's nice to know one thing for sure!

TinyMonkey · 18/09/2014 15:03

I'm 28 weeks and have changed my mind countless times during pregnancy about whether or not I want to know, at times it has felt a bit odd to have such a strong connection with this baby inside me and yet not to know this most basic fact about them. Plus I still have two growth scans scheduled so could still cave in, but now I feel I've made it 3/4 of the way without knowing, I can probably resist.

Some of the factors stopping me:

DP really doesn't want to know
I don't mind particularly whether it's a boy or a girl
I can't name a baby without seeing it first, so no point finding out for that reason.

But the main reason I haven't is because it is one of the very few things left in life that you can't google an answer to. Everyone and everything these days is geared towards instant gratification, but nine months isn't really that long to wait in the context of the rest of our lives. I don't want to make assumptions about what it will be like to parent a son or a daughter before I've even met it!

With my nephew, we knew his sex, his name and, thanks to a 4D scan, saw his face before he was born. No suspense or surprise left at all, and his birth almost felt a bit anti-climactic. Whereas I want everyone to be on tenterhooks for our birth announcement!

Good luck whatever you choose.

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