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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

GENDER CONFUSION

58 replies

jdr1234 · 09/09/2014 10:30

Hi All
Am looking for some advice, we have our 20 week scan next week and I cant decide on whether to find out the sex. I am desperate to know and have a very strong instinct its a girl. I think I want to be organised and mentally prepare for what is going to pop out but it is my first and lot of people have said the surprise at the end is worth it. Please could people who have done both comment on there experience- I also feel if we find out I don't want to tell anyone and wondered if that was just silly and if people had found out and managed to keep it from everyone else. Thanks in advance.

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ffallada · 09/09/2014 10:38

I think quite a lot of women have a strong instinct for a girl the first time around - I know I did.
I'm having a boy.

I wanted to find out as I have neither the time, money or energy to buy things entirely gender neutral or take things back post baby. Terribly un-romantic but practical.

Also, I'm a little overwhelmed by this pregnancy thing anyway. I need no more surprises (the all-day morning sickness, gum bleeding, out of breath walking up a flight of stairs sheer exhaustion has been quite enough of a surprise)

angeltattoo · 09/09/2014 10:44

I found out last time, and will again, because I am a planner. That said, I told everyone I was 'probably' having a girl (it's never 100%).

That said, I've had lots of friends that have had surprises, and others who have found out but not told anyone. I don't understand that myself, but it worked for them.

So really, it's a very personal decision. I am too impatient to not know!

PeppermintInfusion · 09/09/2014 10:49

I'm going to find out, for me it's part impatience, part because I'm a planner and part because I need to feel in control.

Saraswati · 09/09/2014 10:53

It's really personal I thik. I didn't find out, I want that delivery room moment of 'It's a girl/boy!' and I'm hoping that wanting to know will give me a bit of extra push! We have a girl and boy name decided so I wanted there to be some surprise left and also I feel quite superstitious about knowing the gender and naming the baby before its even born. I don't know why really it just feels wrong to me.

I have found lots of lovely gender neutral things and to be honest wouldn't go all out pink or blue for a boy or girl anyway. I've just bought things that I like and will continue to do that even when the baby is here.

It's very personal and only you and your dh/dp should decide but make sure you're on the same page, I know lots of friends where there have been big rows!!

01952louise · 09/09/2014 10:53

We have found out for the same reason as above and also I hate surprises and I am also very impatient .

We paid for two private gender scans at two different places (just to be sure).

This is our first, we're so glad we found out.

Molotov · 09/09/2014 10:58

We found out both times. I needed to know so that I could buy girlie or boyish stuff! I didn't want to have all of baby's first clothes in neutral colours.

Second time, it was for more practical reasons: to better help prepare dc1 for dc2; whether I could recycle clothes (hey, that wouldn't have been an issue if I'd bought neutral ones! )

Both times I wanted to mentally prepare myself to visualise my boy or girl. Second time I needed to visualise a sister/brother, or sister/sister.

Finding out was amazing for us, but I would say that it depends on your personal feelings

Good luck!

RoseHoney · 09/09/2014 10:59

I found out with my first 2, both were boys despite me being convinced they were girls!
I had my 3rd last month and didn't find out this time and I had a girl, I was so shocked I almost fell off the bed! It was such an amazing moment finding out and I really wish I had waited with the boys aswell.
For me, waiting is the best choice but it is a very personal decision.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 09/09/2014 11:01

We didnt find out the first time - I genuinely didnt care what I had and had no curiosity or desire to know in advance. I also wanted DH to be the one to tell me what we had when I delivered (highlighted and in capitals on my birth plan).

This time round, DH wanted to know and I was indifferent, so we found out. We had a girl first time around, and this time its a boy. The pregnancies have been identical so if I didnt know Id be assuming Girl about now

I have to say, I enjoyed not knowing last time, but am equally enjoying knowing this time around.

ToniWol · 09/09/2014 11:07

We've decided not to find out. I've never been too keen on the pink for a girl, blue for a boy thing anyway (I do Guides - if I'm happy for me to wear blue if I have a girl I don't see why she shouldn't either). We've got lots of neutral stuff and I'll be knitting some bright cardigans. My Mum's a bit miffed as she doesn't like darker colours

Original poster

jdr1234 · 09/09/2014 11:09

Thanks for all the above....am just so undecided. We are renovating a house and moving in about 4 weeks before baby arrives and have visions of creating a pink or blue nursery. My husband is one of three boys and both brothers have two boys so his parents I know are (although they wouldn't say it) desperate for a girl.
Has anyone who found out not told anyone they know?

OP posts:

ChickenMe · 09/09/2014 11:22

Hi we are going to find out but we are only going to tell my best friend. We will tell the family that we didn't find out so they won't go on about it. If you tell them you found out but you don't tell them they will bug you and try to read into things I think.

Mistyautumn · 09/09/2014 11:26

DH and I genuinely couldn't decide whether we wanted to know so ended up going in to scan with the view that if we were meant to know then bits would be on show and if not then we wouldn't get upset.

Ended up have 3 anomaly scans because of baby position and had the gender confirmed at all 3.

We have told immediate family ie grandparents. However, we are not that keen on the whole pink/blue everything so have still gone pretty neutral and not told anyone else so we don't get overwhelmed with coloured clothes. We are hoping to have more in future so wanted things to be reusable.

Xxx

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 09/09/2014 11:30

I wanted to know the sex of my second baby, but despite regular scans (I had gestational diabetes) their legs were always closed and you could only see their bum! We decorated in cream and it was a nice surprise when DD arrived.

TinyTear · 09/09/2014 11:30

I have a girl and found out.

Still the nursery has yellow walls, and a red blind and looks great, no pinks here...

I found out as i wanted to think of her as a person as a she, not as an it

Still, i knew it wasn't certain and when she was born I asked 'is it still a girl'

sleepyhead · 09/09/2014 11:34

I didn't find out with dc1 and found it a little odd that there were two "potential" children, my daughter and my son, only one of whom actually existed.

When ds1 was born, I actually was a bit sad about the little girl who would never be - that wasn't gender disappointment btw, I think I'd have felt the same if ds had been a dd.

We found out at the 20wk scan with ds2 and personally I preferred that. We chose a name and I associated the name with him from that point on, as opposed to with ds1 when we had 2 names obv.

Other people feel very differently though and don't have a problem at all with finding out at the birth, and if ds2 hadn't complied at the scan we wouldn't have bothered paying for another one so it wasn't that big a deal.

bonkersLFDT20 · 09/09/2014 11:36

Are his parents likely to say something insensitive if you have a boy? I'd like to think not because I'm sure they had their fair share of it when their 3rd boy was born, but if you feel they might say things that might upset you then maybe it would be good to find out before the birth so you can get it all out of the way.

Also, will your DH be able to find out and keep it a secret? You may very well be able to, but it won't be much use if he's blabbed! It can be pretty exciting for the father to be able to identify with their unborn child - remember he's not had the experience of feeling it growing and finding out the sex can be a defining moment for a dad-to-be. This is partly why we found out with DS1 - it made me feel that DH was getting to know the baby. Not the same for all men obviously.

twiglet2 · 09/09/2014 11:37

I was totally convinced we were having a boy, to the point where I was only looking at boys names (as was my mum - she had about 5 dreams that we were having a boy), but my husband was convinced it was a girl. Neither of us had any preference, and we were already planning a neutral nursery anyway, but we both decided we wanted to know, so found out at our 20 week scan.

I was very nervous at the 20 week scan, and to be honest was just happy that the baby was ok.

We're having a girl, and now can't wait to meet her. Its a really personal thing though, and I think if either one of us had wanted to keep it a surprise we wouldn't have found out. Also totally up to you if you tell anyone if you do find out.

spiderlight · 09/09/2014 11:44

I really wanted to know, and I found that I bonded much much better with 'Bod' once I knew he was a he - I'd been a bit rabbit-in-the-hjeadlights before the scan because he was unplanned. You may not get a choice, though! I didn't even get the chance to ask the sonographer, because the first image that came up on the screen showed DS with his legs wide open, letting it all hang out! When I asked her for comfirmation at the end, she said 'Oh, thank goodness you wanted to know!'

BonnetDeDouche · 09/09/2014 11:48

I had a surprise first time. Convinced that I was having a girl. So much so that I asked my husband several time if he was sure when he told me DS was a boy .

We had planned to have a second surprise until the 20w scan was coming to an end when we changed our mind. DD is now getting a lot of use out of the gender neutral bits we had kept from DS.

I like to think I would have another surprise if we're lucky enough to have DC3. I don't think it made pushing any easier but it was lovely being to by DH that we had a little boy. Also, after finding out DDs gender we said we'd keep it to ourselves but that lasted all of a week as I was too excited.

BonnetDeDouche · 09/09/2014 11:50

Wow. That's some average phone typing I've managed!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/09/2014 11:56

Found out both times. Both times I worried throughout that they'd got it wrong and I'd have to return a ton of stuff

It's really very difficult not to refer to the baby as he/she once you know.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/09/2014 11:58

Take a look on Pinterest for gender neutral nurseries. We did lots of bright colours. Once you have a lovely sweet pink nursery, all the plastic tasteless tat that come with small children doesn't blend too well

Original poster

jdr1234 · 09/09/2014 11:59

I think DH parents really just want it to be healthy as do we but I think a girl would be extra special for them- I am due on MIL 70th birthday so if I am having a girl we will def keep it from her as would be such a good surprise, if a boy will tell them as just in case they are really hoping for a pink one they can get there head round another blue one.
I think I am swaying more towards finding out but I think I will ask sonographer to put it in an envelope so me and DH can open it when we are 100% sure and on our own.

OP posts:

Pooka · 09/09/2014 11:59

I didn't find out with any of mine.

Was lovely. Personal decision, but I wanted the surprise element. I wouldn't be comfortable at all naming a child in utero.

All of mine wore white sleep suits for the first few weeks anyway, and even after that I was never into pink/blue. Lots of funky stripes and spots and so on instead.

Pooka · 09/09/2014 12:00

The baby was in our room until 6 months anyway, but walls were/are white with lots of bright accessories.

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