GENDER CONFUSION

[jdr1234]

Hi All
Am looking for some advice, we have our 20 week scan next week and I cant decide on whether to find out the sex. I am desperate to know and have a very strong instinct its a girl. I think I want to be organised and mentally prepare for what is going to pop out but it is my first and lot of people have said the surprise at the end is worth it. Please could people who have done both comment on there experience- I also feel if we find out I don't want to tell anyone and wondered if that was just silly and if people had found out and managed to keep it from everyone else. Thanks in advance.

Yes it's interesting. Society is far more comfortable (and sadly it includes people who really think they're being enlightened) with girls being non-gender-specific dressed etc' than boys. It's very sad as boys often love bright colours and sparkly things, just like girls (kids like glitter as a rule, I've found from many years at work), but societal pressure shames it out of them so young. :(

I've read a few things about how some very sexist attitudes are hidden behind proudly saying "my little girl won't wear pink/plays football..." if the person wouldn't be equally proud of a son who did/didn't. It's cropped up a bit through my work and so on: e.g. schools having success getting girls into science but the arts suffering because girls think they're 'too girly' and so do boys, just because that is their legacy from enforced gender stereotypes.
Essentially society thinking the 'solution' to pink leading to objectification etc' is to label anything gendered female as a 'problem', rather than looking at what elements are problematic and what elements are something positive for both boys and girls. Completely missing the point and actually neatly re-packaging the "feminine is weak" message they love to peddle to a new generation who question the more obviously sexist stuff: come puberty, some girls and boys will look 'feminine' and can be labelled and blamed for not being right in a different way from the old days.
It also works very neatly for the 'boys will be boys' brigade because of course if anything traditionally linked with girls (pink, cooking, imaginative play that isn't cars/guns, dress-up...) is now seen as the weaker choice kids will pick up on that. So little boys won't want to try those things.

I found out with DS(5) and by the time he was born he had a name and a personality and I felt like I knew him, of course if never done it before and may well have felt the same had I not found out.
I have my 20wk scan on Monday for DC2 and I will again be finding out.
I'm a bit rubbish at surprises though and like to know things so that I can plan

Also I felt strongly that DS was a boy but I have not so much of a feeling either way this time.

Wow thank you for all the comments- I think it is so personal, so many friends have said your mad to find out and others don't understand why you wouldn't. Either way just as long as it's healthy- roll on Monday!

I didn't find out, I wish I had!
When the baby was actually born I was so excited and overwhelmed that I didn't even care what I had, or bother to look. I had just given birth ffs - I had other things on my mind.
I would have been much more excited to find out during pregnancy, I wish I hadn't been persuaded to keep it a 'surprise' by others.
There is surprisingly little gender neutral clothing available in colours other than white, and it made it v hard namewise as we had to pick two.

I found out...baby boy :) all the old wives tales and the nub theory pointed towards girl and my instinct was girl as well so am really happy to now know and start thinking blue as hadn't really considered it could be a boy. Thanks for all the above comments, very excited.

Congratulations! Baby boys are fabulous (so are baby girls of course)

Congratulations, I just found out I'm having a girl this time