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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I can't believe they said...

112 replies

NinjaPanda34 · 15/08/2014 14:59

MIL on finding out we were having twins said... "I don't want to worry you, but I know someone who had twin boys and they both turned out to be gay" WTactualF?!

What are some of the howlers that you've heard been thrust upon you

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JennyBlueWren · 16/08/2014 19:04

On the identical twins thing. Last week I went back to my old church to help with the summer club as I do each year. Twin boys I've seen since they were babies were there and I was surprised at how different they were. They had always looked exactly the same before and I had assumed they were identical (although never thought to comment to their mum as it was none of my business) now at 6yo they are quite different although still obviously related.

Original poster

NinjaPanda34 · 16/08/2014 19:11

I am so glad it's not just me! We're surrounded by idiots. Take cover!

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 17/08/2014 14:48

Not even my twins, but twin boys who I was looking after in Italy. Very obviously not identical - one fairish and small, the other dark and more heavyset. They were 22mo. I used to walk in the park with them most days and the comments I got from the old ladies were odd to hilarious.
Are they twins? Are they yours? were always the opening gambits - and then "they're so different!"
"do they get fed different foods?"
"do they have the same father?"
and my all-time favourite:
"were they born in different places?"
They're TWINS ffs. As my boss said, she was hardly going to hobble down the road mid-labour to a different hospital to have the second one.

Littleturkish · 18/08/2014 07:26

I have struggled with anorexia for a long time, have one DD already and just found out I am pregnant again. I definitely 'got my figure back' and actually weigh a stone less than when I conceived this time. My friend knows all this.

When telling her I was pregnant, she said "you'll never get your figure back after the second." And even when I (mustering all my calm not panicking feelings) rebuffed her saying, "well, I did after DD, so I'm going to try not to worry about that this time," she just kept on insisting it would be harder, she found it harder, so I told her I wouldn't care.

But I really do, and it's festering in my mind now. Still, good to have something to talk about in my therapy sessions for the next few months...

roofio87 · 18/08/2014 07:35

I asked a woman at toddler group last week if she planned to have twins!!!?! in my defence I am very sleep deprived!!

squizita · 18/08/2014 09:15

Thumb witch I am of mixed heritage and a smaller twin. As a toddler, my sister looked taller/older than me and English, I was tiny and dark.
I have been asked if I'm sure we ARE twins because I am clearly a foreign runt and she is far more socially acceptable when I was a kid.
In adulthood our colouring evened out a bit and of course age the same: she's still 4 inches taller and athletic though!

squizita · 18/08/2014 09:18

Little I have people tell me similar about my 1st ... and then lecture me that if I did care, I'm a bad mum and not maternal enough.
Makes me fume.
You'll look a wreck AND be a bad mum.
Thanks.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/08/2014 09:20

SFIL's reaction to hearing he'd be a grandfather "oh no" followed by (to DH) "is it yours?". No idea why. We'd been married 3 years, are financially stable and in our 30s.

RetroHippy · 18/08/2014 09:30

I've been asked if it was planned by multiple work colleagues. Also how DH feels about it. Yep, cause if it wasn't planned and DH was furious and on the verge of leaving me I'd tell you. It very much was and he's over the moon, but that's nobody's business.

A few people have said how lucky it was that we've 'got the house sorted' as we moved when I was 6 weeks. Erm, yes. That was kind of the plan. Obviously we bought before we got pg, but had been trying for a few months. It's not luck. It's careful planning that gobsmackingly all seems to have gone pretty smoothly

Coughle · 18/08/2014 09:31

I have had the same woman stop me TWICE to ask if my DC in the double pram are twins... They're 2 years apart!

LadyFlashHeart · 18/08/2014 09:45

Oh God, I am so guilty of being one of those people who used to ask if you knew whether it was a boy or a girl. Only now that I'm pregnant do I realise what a tedious, irrelevant, repetitive question that is!!

Most people park it after we respond that we're not trying to find out. But a few people seem a bit annoyed/disappointed by this, as if we're being contrary fools. We do this:

And do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?
No, we aren't finding out.
Oh!...
To be honest, we're not even sure he's the father.

My husband does a GREAT deadpan!

squizita · 18/08/2014 10:05

Lady I got "did you find out the gender?"
I said yes and they said...
"UGH how unnatural and modern. Why did you do that? It's not like you can change it. I didn't want to know!"
...er they just asked?

It was a vague colleague of DHs we bumped into shopping too; no one that would have any actual emotional attachment to the gender of our future of or indeed likely to even ever see the child.

Heatherbell1978 · 18/08/2014 10:16

The gender thing is a funny one, most people must have a preference for their own sex when they have kids. Before I had my 20 wk scan, my friends asked if I had a gender preference and I said I had a teeny tiny one (boy) but I really would be happy either way. They all said 'girl I assume' when I said I had......then a few weeks back in a restaurant the waiter asked if we knew what we were having. Boy I said, and he looked at DH and said you must be happy then? Erm I'm delighted too.....

squizita · 18/08/2014 10:27

Oh and the "it must be a boy you're carrying high" ... 4 scans since 20 weeks, all say girl.
But a random glance at my bump means boy.

Serenitysutton · 18/08/2014 10:35

My mil, upon seeing my carry a v light price of carpet- "you shouldn't be carrying that! You have to be careful, my friend Paula had a miscarriage playing tennis"

Yes because it's always the woman's fault isn't it? :(

scrufhead · 18/08/2014 11:05

I've been planning a home birth from the start of this pregnancy... when talking about it at work one woman said 'whhyyy... youre a bloody fool! You'll be screaming for an epidural within the first hour!' err thanks for the support!! Like complications/ it being too painful never crossed my mind

Primaryteach87 · 18/08/2014 11:47

A headteacher I used to work for told one of my colleagues, on her informing him she was pregnant, "are you keeping it" and then raged about the inconvienience. Awful! So lucky she wasn't the suing type! Unbeknownst to him she had been having fertility treatment, so doubly insensitive.

squizita · 18/08/2014 12:12

Serenity I've had constant "should you be doing/eating that ... you know, as you lost those others?"

Hmm yes because of course (1) it must've been my fault not the blood condition they diagnosed which causes miscarriage and might be the fricken obvious thing and (2) someone wit my medical history wouldn't know the nhs rules at all would she? Not like shed be extra careful would she?

I recently had someone say "1 in 200 babies is stillborn" then give me a pointed look. Thanks for those reassuring wishes based on NOTHING (mid 30s, good maternal health, yes birthing in a MAC but inside a big hospital with all mod cons).

Who says that when someone anxious reaches 3rd trimester after a long stint? Apparently I looked not worried enough. Sorry, I should weep and be all weak so everyone else feels they can save me...

squizita · 18/08/2014 12:14

MLU not MAC. The pushy make-up sales ladies would object...

Purplehonesty · 18/08/2014 12:31

my friend told her boss she was expecting twins. Boss said well don't tell too many people, these things have a habit of not sticking around, especially twins!
What a thing to say to a newly pregnant woman!

Serenitysutton · 18/08/2014 13:09

Squizita, that's just awful. What nasty people

SmallBee · 18/08/2014 13:15

Upon telling two different people I was pregnant:
'Oh I knew you were going to tell me that today!'
Which was frankly bollocks as I hadn't see either of them in months and had never ever discussed wanting kids with them. Really brought on my pregnancy rage.

Thumbwitch · 18/08/2014 13:17

Wow Squizita - what unpleasant people you know!

FruitBadger · 18/08/2014 13:47

I'm fairly thick skinned and most comments are likely to go completely over my head but SmallBee your post made me think of the one person who had made me roll my eyes so far; my MIL.

DH and I told his family I was pregnant over the Easter weekend, I was 9 weeks gone. MIL's reaction was to say "I knew it, I've been waiting for you to tell us since Christmas!". This was the first time we'd seen her since finding out ourselves and this baby is unplanned but she apparently had known all about it before DH and I The woman is as mad as a box of frogs!

ohfourfoxache · 18/08/2014 13:50

I'm nearly 11 weeks, and mil has already decided that our conception delay is a perfectly acceptable topic of conversation for a discussion with my parents (we've kept very quiet over the years - I know that she'll be dining out on this for years )

Oh, and she rather indignantly told me that she needs to know everything as "this is our first grandson". I mean, wtaf? This was at 8 weeks

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