When did you/will you tell work? (non physical jobs)

[minipie]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and the tiredness and sickness has kicked in. (Also have an active and non sleeping toddler)

At the same time my boss is heaping work on me. I'm a lawyer and my hours are already pretty long and stressful. I just can't get through the work while feeling like this.

The usual convention in my office is not to tell until post 12 weeks, I think. But I'm wondering if I should.

I know there are some jobs where you really have to tell them early eg if you do anything physical or potentially toxic etc. But what if you're not in that category but are still struggling to do your job (or do it fully) while pg?

When did you/will you tell your work?

[lizhow14]

I am a nurse. Told my manager as soon as I found out (in a specialist role so wanted to make sure they had someone to cover), my colleagues after my scan and HR when I gave my Mat B1 form at 29 weeks!

[OvertiredandConfused]

I'd be tempted to tell your boss in confidence, especially if you expect and intend to work through most of your pregnancy. You could say that, if it's like last time, you expect to be feeling better by early September and, in the meantime, you'll do the very best you can and always be professional but wanted him / her to know that you may not be at full parr and why.

Make sure you plan things to help you cope - early nights where possible, carrying ginger biscuits or snacks etc. The small bags of mini gingerbread men (designed for packed lunches I think) are a godsend if ginger helps you.

Congratulations!

[TerrifiedMothertobe]

20 weeks both times, and both times really bad morning sickness. I also travel internationally, but, I'm precious about preconceptions as work in v male environment.

Do it whenever you think is best.

[Eatscones]

I was still on probation (My DH and I wanted to have kids in the next year or so, but I wasn't finding a job and wasn't as careful as I had been previously ... so I found out I was pregnant a month after I began a new job). I told them immediately as I was sickly and figured it'd be better for them to know and be able to dismiss me before the 3 months were over if they needed to (I was feeling bad to be getting pregnant right after beginning a new job!). So I told them at 5 weeks. Thankfully, although I was severely sick I still made it to every shift and and worked happily right through my pregnancy.

[SetTheWorldOnFire]

I had to tell work 9 months before DS1 was conceived, as even trying for a baby limited the areas where I could work. As it was, by the time he was on the way, I worked somewhere it didn't matter, but ended up telling my boss around 6 weeks, as I was really sick. Told everyone else after 12 week scan.

[GreenPetal94]

I told my work at 13 weeks and miscarried at 15 weeks, I wished I had waited longer.

[Burmama]

I'm waiting til 20 weeks, will even wait longer if I can get away with it.... I'm 15w now, not showing at all yet w DC1

[Greengrow]

I waited 5 months as it never showed until then and I didn't want anyone treating me any different and it was none of their business. Also I would not want to tell anyone had I had a miscarriage which are pretty common in the first 3 months. Did not even tell family for 4 or 5 months actually!

i worked until I went I went into labour. It worked very well as once you are over the first 3 months you stop feeling sick and feel a lot better anyway.

[Bumpforme2014]

12 weeks but to be honest if work was hugely stressful I would have told my boss sooner because I felt terrible from 6 weeks and can't imagine dealing with a toddler plus stressful job on top of that. Even if the worst did happen you would end up telling them anyway, at least this way they will back off a bit.

[HaveTeaWillSurvive]

Told my immediate boss at 6 weeks - horrendous morning sickness - everyone else at 20weeks. Although I'm sure a lot of people had guessed by then - was grey and constantly eating crackers for months!

[beanandspud]

As a manager I am always very grateful when members of the team let me know as early as they feel comfortable.

It means that I can support them, keep an eye on their workload/travel and also begin to plan maternity cover which can take months to organise in a specialist role. If, sadly, things go wrong or it is a difficult early pregnancy a manger is more likely to be understanding than if they have someone taking (seemingly) random time off with (seemingly) no reason.

I completely understand why people wait until 12 weeks but if I'm told before that I will always keep it confidential.

[katiegee]

I told my boss and one colleague,who I'd consider a friend, when I was about 8 or 9 weeks. Like you, tiredness and nausea hit pretty hard, I'm an anaesthetist and just couldn't cope with long stretches in theatres. Both were fabulous, my boss in particular made sure I was only scheduled to cover shorter surgeries and my friend was great at swapping with me if I was having a particularly bad day.

[Spotsonmydots]

After 1st scan. I have a lot of sympathy. I was leading a corporate transaction and I remember sitting in the offices of a magic circle law firm visualising what it be like if I was sick in the room!

[LightTripper]

I told at about 8 weeks due to nausea. My boss was supportive, though it felt v weird telling her before family...

[lawyeredout82]

I am also a lawyer in a magic circle firm and haven't told work yet. I am 14 weeks and undecided when to tell the partners as it could affect my promotion prospects over the next couple of months. My hours are also long and in some ways it may have been easier to tell them why I was in hospital at 6 weeks. Instead, I am now tied up in a series of white lies about why I've not been in (or been late in) on such and such date. I don't know if your firm will help with the hours once you tell them the news - one of my best friends at a similar firm told me it didn't make any difference and she was still working up to 2/3am on deals in the week before she went on maternity. So I'm not sure there's a right answer!!!

[PotteringAlong]

Teacher here - told the head at 6 weeks both times, told the people in my dept at 12 weeks.

[Greengrow]

lawyer, I think you should wait. Better to suffer a few weeks of working late and feeling ill than to lose the partnership which they will decide in the next few months. Also most people feel so much better after 3 months so any sickness goes and if you can just hold on in silence until then so much the better. HOwever I am quite a private person anyway so telling people late may just be my personality.
Once you have one child already and are expecting the second I am not sure it is easier going home earlier to a screaming toddler and the like than working late in a relatively luxurious office.

[minipie]

Thanks everyone! Hmm a real mix then.

I think I will try to hold off for now... I have a holiday coming up in a couple of weeks so just need to try to make it through to then... but if the workload does get bigger I will reconsider.

lawyeredout82 I have to say in your position, at 14 weeks, I would tell them. I would think that in the current climate they may actually be more likely to promote you if they know you are pg as there is such a big drive at the moment amongst city law firms to look more female friendly/retain and promote women - and they may be nervous about looking discriminatory if they don't promote you knowing you are pregnant. But you know your firm's culture better than I do of course!

[SeaSaltMill]

I've just officially told HR and a couple of friends at work today, I'm 12+3. I told my line manager at about 6 weeks, because I'd had 3 mc previously and was having extra scans etc and needed time off. She kept it to herself thankfully.

Regarding wider team, I wont be necessarily telling people as a big announcement, just letting it spread naturally as things do in an office!

I'm a PA. Not particularly strenuous but there are times I need to carry things etc.

[Greengrow]

They may well be seeking to promote women but I am afraid I know women lawyers sacked whilst off on maternity leave by law firms,. I don't think anyone shoudl be in any doubt that there is a lot of sexism out there and however wrong it is if you aren't around and don't keep in touch there may well be consequences however wrong that might be (and given that it's easier to sit at a desk than mind a small baby I certainly do consider just how long it will be in everyone's best interests for you to be off after too - it is not a straight forward decision)

[minipie]

Greengrow things have changed a fair bit recently. When were the sackings that you're talking about - I am guessing a few years ago?

Nobody's asking about keeping in touch or length of maternity leave but fwiw I haven't found either to make a difference.

[Greengrow]

I am afraid about 3 months ago. I found the lady a good employment lawyer but I am not sure what has happened because they cleverly picked others for "redundancy" too. I don't want the firm or her to be identified so I will not say any more details.
It certainly surprised me because you would have thought a law firm would ensure the opposite but I suspect there are lots of confidential pay offs and we never hear about them. I cannot remember more details of the others. Just about all will have signed confidentiality undertakings so details will not get out.

[ShovettyMcShovetty]

I told a member of our HR Team a bit earlier as I was finding some of my work a bit too much with morning sickness (early morning long commute on a train to a satellite office to carry out assessments etc). The HR advisor was able to speak to my line manager for me about that. I think it worked for me as, the HR Advisor could speak to my line manager about limiting certain expectations without actually explaining why.

I told my manager and everyone else after the 12 week scan.

[Redling]

It's a shame that the OP is being advised to hide her pregnancy to get on at work and to avoid being sacked/passed over, when it is against employment law to do that and it's the employers who would be in the wrong. It might be the way things are in some workplaces but why should a pregnant woman struggle on, wearing herself out when she doesn't have to? Sickness in early pregnancy is common but it doesn't make it any less debilitating and just having a manager know can be so helpful when you are vomiting all day. It's not weak to need support. This isn't a go at any of the posters who have advised this or gone through it, I just think it's a shitty situation when being pregnant is viewed as such an inconvenience. And any large company should have a system in place where they have to support pregnancy.

[Greengrow]

Redling, yes most of us would agree but that is the reality. Any woman who wants to be a litigant or fight should think about the consequences for them personally. Also the NUT has been publicising the issues of women in the menopause and their need to keep cool etc which is another area where women might want adjustments at work and where sadly the very few women that age who haven't been shunted into pin money jobs or housewifery find it hard to ask for accommodations which male colleagues their age can although I suppose at least most 50 something senior partner female lawyers will have the money and power to organise a fan for themselves if they need it. The sooner 80% of equity partners are female in the biggest law firms the better.