When did you/will you tell work? (non physical jobs)

[minipie]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and the tiredness and sickness has kicked in. (Also have an active and non sleeping toddler)

At the same time my boss is heaping work on me. I'm a lawyer and my hours are already pretty long and stressful. I just can't get through the work while feeling like this.

The usual convention in my office is not to tell until post 12 weeks, I think. But I'm wondering if I should.

I know there are some jobs where you really have to tell them early eg if you do anything physical or potentially toxic etc. But what if you're not in that category but are still struggling to do your job (or do it fully) while pg?

When did you/will you tell your work?

[minipie]

Greengrow I'm not sure what you mean by not really ill and most pregnant women aren't really ill.

I am not running to the loo every 5 minutes or on bed rest, so I'm not "must take time off work" ill. However I do feel extremely tired and nauseous and this undoubtedly does affect my work performance and how many hours I can do. If I don't say I am pregnant then I run the risk that my colleagues/bosses just think I am underperforming. I'd rather my boss knows there is a reason, and can allocate work accordingly. I don't think this is making a big song and dance or using it to get attention, it's just sensible management IMO.

If early pregnancy didn't affect your work performance then hooray for you. It does for me, and for most women I know.

Quitting this debate now.

Thanks everyone for your input.

[Greengrow]

I am not sure what pretending not to be pregnant means.
I detest those women who aren't really ill but make a great song and dance of it, continuously sigh, rub their tummies, want everyone to run around them just because they are pregnant who use it as some kind of pretext to get attention and be pathetic. They shoot themselves in the foot as they end up losing their careers and income and that is a great result. It will stop them making such a fuss of it.

Of course if they are really genuinely ill as a few pregnant women are (not most) that is entirely different.

However continuing to work and with your normal life when pregnant is not being like a man. It is being like a normal pregnant woman.

[amandapanda01]

Oh I had to tell mine right away to be able to claim maternity leave! Haha! I told them when I was 4 months in (didn't know i was pregnant until my 3rd month!) I think telling people early is better so they know you aren't exactly at optimum working condition and not just slacking off.

[minipie]

Oh I didn't mean being stoical was acting like a man (women WAY more stoical in my limited experience ). I meant pretending not to be pregnant is acting like a man.

[sianihedgehog]

engineer. told my boss at 8 weeks as he mentioned that they were about to hire another person in our team, and when my colleague had gone on maternity leave he'd dicked about and not managed to get a temp replacement until she was already gone, making my life hell. i hoped telling him would mean that my going on maternity would not be utter hell for my colleague! he's been very nice about it.

[Greengrow]

Yes, we all differ. I just like both schools of thought to be out there (and it can be very much acting as a woman to stoically carry on whatever - that is the nature of a great many women -that is not necessarily just a male attribute - we all differ as humans not just by gender).

[minipie]

Well, decision made, I've now told my boss. Another big issue exploded on my case and it looked like that was going to land on my desk as well as everything else and I can barely manage to function at the moment what with nausea tiredness and toddler waking teething all night. So I told him I was early stages of pg and feeling awful and just couldn't manage the extra. He was fine about it and very nice (he is relatively modern for a male law firm partner ).

I'm not up for promotion anyway (I went 4 days a week after DD and that effectively took promotion off the table - whether that is right or wrong is a different matter but that's how it is). Chances of me being made redundant or pushed out right at the moment are miniscule given workloads. So I figured nothing to lose really.

Redling I agree.

Greengrow I'm sorry to hear that was so recent. I still think that hiding pregnancy and trying to push on through and taking very brief maternity leaves is not the way forward for most women. That's the old school "you have to act like a man/play by their rules if you want to get anywhere" school of thought which I don't subscribe to. However that's a debate I've already had with you (under your various previous usernames) on other threads anyway.

[StoneBaby]

Told my supervisor after 7 days of POAS as I needed a wee every 10mn and had to walk past his office.

[Greengrow]

Redling, yes most of us would agree but that is the reality. Any woman who wants to be a litigant or fight should think about the consequences for them personally. Also the NUT has been publicising the issues of women in the menopause and their need to keep cool etc which is another area where women might want adjustments at work and where sadly the very few women that age who haven't been shunted into pin money jobs or housewifery find it hard to ask for accommodations which male colleagues their age can although I suppose at least most 50 something senior partner female lawyers will have the money and power to organise a fan for themselves if they need it. The sooner 80% of equity partners are female in the biggest law firms the better.

[Redling]

It's a shame that the OP is being advised to hide her pregnancy to get on at work and to avoid being sacked/passed over, when it is against employment law to do that and it's the employers who would be in the wrong. It might be the way things are in some workplaces but why should a pregnant woman struggle on, wearing herself out when she doesn't have to? Sickness in early pregnancy is common but it doesn't make it any less debilitating and just having a manager know can be so helpful when you are vomiting all day. It's not weak to need support. This isn't a go at any of the posters who have advised this or gone through it, I just think it's a shitty situation when being pregnant is viewed as such an inconvenience. And any large company should have a system in place where they have to support pregnancy.

[ShovettyMcShovetty]

I told a member of our HR Team a bit earlier as I was finding some of my work a bit too much with morning sickness (early morning long commute on a train to a satellite office to carry out assessments etc). The HR advisor was able to speak to my line manager for me about that. I think it worked for me as, the HR Advisor could speak to my line manager about limiting certain expectations without actually explaining why.

I told my manager and everyone else after the 12 week scan.

[Greengrow]

I am afraid about 3 months ago. I found the lady a good employment lawyer but I am not sure what has happened because they cleverly picked others for "redundancy" too. I don't want the firm or her to be identified so I will not say any more details.
It certainly surprised me because you would have thought a law firm would ensure the opposite but I suspect there are lots of confidential pay offs and we never hear about them. I cannot remember more details of the others. Just about all will have signed confidentiality undertakings so details will not get out.

[minipie]

Greengrow things have changed a fair bit recently. When were the sackings that you're talking about - I am guessing a few years ago?

Nobody's asking about keeping in touch or length of maternity leave but fwiw I haven't found either to make a difference.

[Greengrow]

They may well be seeking to promote women but I am afraid I know women lawyers sacked whilst off on maternity leave by law firms,. I don't think anyone shoudl be in any doubt that there is a lot of sexism out there and however wrong it is if you aren't around and don't keep in touch there may well be consequences however wrong that might be (and given that it's easier to sit at a desk than mind a small baby I certainly do consider just how long it will be in everyone's best interests for you to be off after too - it is not a straight forward decision)

[SeaSaltMill]

I've just officially told HR and a couple of friends at work today, I'm 12+3. I told my line manager at about 6 weeks, because I'd had 3 mc previously and was having extra scans etc and needed time off. She kept it to herself thankfully.

Regarding wider team, I wont be necessarily telling people as a big announcement, just letting it spread naturally as things do in an office!

I'm a PA. Not particularly strenuous but there are times I need to carry things etc.

[minipie]

Thanks everyone! Hmm a real mix then.

I think I will try to hold off for now... I have a holiday coming up in a couple of weeks so just need to try to make it through to then... but if the workload does get bigger I will reconsider.

lawyeredout82 I have to say in your position, at 14 weeks, I would tell them. I would think that in the current climate they may actually be more likely to promote you if they know you are pg as there is such a big drive at the moment amongst city law firms to look more female friendly/retain and promote women - and they may be nervous about looking discriminatory if they don't promote you knowing you are pregnant. But you know your firm's culture better than I do of course!

[Greengrow]

lawyer, I think you should wait. Better to suffer a few weeks of working late and feeling ill than to lose the partnership which they will decide in the next few months. Also most people feel so much better after 3 months so any sickness goes and if you can just hold on in silence until then so much the better. HOwever I am quite a private person anyway so telling people late may just be my personality.
Once you have one child already and are expecting the second I am not sure it is easier going home earlier to a screaming toddler and the like than working late in a relatively luxurious office.

[PotteringAlong]

Teacher here - told the head at 6 weeks both times, told the people in my dept at 12 weeks.

[lawyeredout82]

I am also a lawyer in a magic circle firm and haven't told work yet. I am 14 weeks and undecided when to tell the partners as it could affect my promotion prospects over the next couple of months. My hours are also long and in some ways it may have been easier to tell them why I was in hospital at 6 weeks. Instead, I am now tied up in a series of white lies about why I've not been in (or been late in) on such and such date. I don't know if your firm will help with the hours once you tell them the news - one of my best friends at a similar firm told me it didn't make any difference and she was still working up to 2/3am on deals in the week before she went on maternity. So I'm not sure there's a right answer!!!

[LightTripper]

I told at about 8 weeks due to nausea. My boss was supportive, though it felt v weird telling her before family...

[Spotsonmydots]

After 1st scan. I have a lot of sympathy. I was leading a corporate transaction and I remember sitting in the offices of a magic circle law firm visualising what it be like if I was sick in the room!

[katiegee]

I told my boss and one colleague,who I'd consider a friend, when I was about 8 or 9 weeks. Like you, tiredness and nausea hit pretty hard, I'm an anaesthetist and just couldn't cope with long stretches in theatres. Both were fabulous, my boss in particular made sure I was only scheduled to cover shorter surgeries and my friend was great at swapping with me if I was having a particularly bad day.

[beanandspud]

As a manager I am always very grateful when members of the team let me know as early as they feel comfortable.

It means that I can support them, keep an eye on their workload/travel and also begin to plan maternity cover which can take months to organise in a specialist role. If, sadly, things go wrong or it is a difficult early pregnancy a manger is more likely to be understanding than if they have someone taking (seemingly) random time off with (seemingly) no reason.

I completely understand why people wait until 12 weeks but if I'm told before that I will always keep it confidential.

[HaveTeaWillSurvive]

Told my immediate boss at 6 weeks - horrendous morning sickness - everyone else at 20weeks. Although I'm sure a lot of people had guessed by then - was grey and constantly eating crackers for months!