MIL wants to bring baby home from hospital..

[Elizabeth120914]

MIL has just informed me that she's booked two weeks off work to 'help' with baby and she's going to be there to bring her home.. It takes 3 apparently and she will be giving me breaks from the baby...!!!

Don't tell me it's nice she's a control freak who has already tried to stop me breast feeding and take over everything. OH is having no time off at all so il be home alone with her and she lives just down the road.

I asked her to look after the dog ffs!! She has a key now and can 'come and go'.

I have no relationship with my useless mother or family so there's no one to back her off and my friends are 40 miles away.

Because of OHs shit planning she is also going to have to bring him to the hospital the LAST place I wanted her..

My blood pressure is going thought the f'ing roof right now!!

Ps we are 32 and 35 not 18 and apparently quite intelligent so I'm sure can manage!! Arrgggghhh dim whit has just agreed and now she's over the moon someone shoot me

She's booked a holiday for us all too a 7 hour drive away and she's invited dsd without asking us first so il have new baby and stroppy 11 year old on board and to entertain for a week in the middle of nowhere.. She's a gem! She's looking for restaurants for Christmas Day and new year too my head might start spinning like a horror film soon...!!

BITTY I love it!!! She sadly doesn't want OH only girls ... !!

You just need to do it bluntly. I did, it wasn't pretty (I haven't seen them since now I come to think of it), but parents and in-laws had their chance to do things their way with their own kids. This is your kid, do it your way.

We see them all the time which is why it's so bad and OH is very close to them so it's going to have to be done carefully because she will kick off big style which will ruin our time with our baby..

She's already telling me what the routine should be etc she's no mother of the year trust me it's all because it's a girl and she had two boys. OH feels bad because she missed the first 5 years of dsd- well we all did but no or seems to see I don't owe any of them anything so it's TOUGH!!

Jeez, I was 17 when I had my first and my MiL wasn't that 'hands on'. Why does she have to bring him to the hospital? I'm fairly certain a 30 odd year old man can drive himself no?

Can you leave your key in the back of the door so she cant use hers when you are asleep? my locks work like this (and I do it to DH after a golf event just to piss him off mostly) But really have a go at him and get him to tell her. Don't let her take away your first moments with your baby.

I'm amazed you are letting her do half the things she is and give her a key. Are you mad woman?
You are more woman than me and I take my hat off to you.
Anybody trying to dictate to me after birth of ds1 would be slinging their hook.
It is a time for you, dh and your baby. Your immediate family not every tom dick and harry.

Long story short he works 60 miles away and they share the transport he would have to catch the train home and then her collect him from the station which is 10 miles away - she will be like a rat up a drain pipe!

The whole things a total nightmare I'm trying to see the funny side before I combust! Il lock her out but it's going to be bloody awkward with two barking dogs to pretend to be asleep .. Don't u just love inlaws...

She's not going to be allowed to do any of it's she's lost the battle of the pram, nursery and everything else I thought by asking her to let the dogs out when we were at hospital she would be happy to have a job ... Oh how wrong was I..!!

She completely ambushed me tonight didn't see it coming and twat just sat and agreed oh the fall out will be epic should sell seats ... Could just soooooo do without another row!

Stand your guards and just ask her to be on standby if you need her.. I was living with my inlaws from 28 weeks pregnant until DS was 4 1/2 month old..
I cried many nights because I just wanted to be with DH and DS. No one else around.
Long story short - we sold our house moved in with them as we had planned that once DS was 2-3 month old move further away (up to 20 hours drive away) well it happened that two weeks after moving in they sold their house. So we had to long for something and guess what they wanted to live with us as FIL injured his back and needed help. So we bought a house again and arranged possession date a month before they had to leave their house for the new owners. As we just wanted to be alone for 4 weeks. But without consulting us they called the owners who bought their house and said they can move in two weeks sooner.. I was mad, I cried a lot.. Then in January this year I told my DH either I'm moving out with DS or his parents had to leave.. In February his parents moved back to Germany. And since then I enjoy being a mom and wife. And now I'm pregnant again and I don't deal with depressions which I didn't notice till later on..

Please if you don't want to deal with PND then you have to talk to her.. Explain to her that she had her turn with raising kids and now it is your turn..
And I wouldn't allow her to bring baby home from hospital. It is something special between you and DH.. But that is my opinion.,

If I wasn't shy I would have opened my mouth way sooner.. It was good someone to have around to cook, clean the house but only for a short term not 7 long month..

Good luck and congrats!

I echo what everyone else said. Nip this in the bud now. After having a baby you will probably be in no fit state for arguments.

I thought I could trust dh to keep his mum at arms length after our baby was born, but he couldn't offend her. She was round every day for the first week when I was trying to establish bfing (with a tongue tie baby!) and she ruined my first week with my baby. He's three months now but I still feel bitterly sad about our first week as she wanted her fucking "cuddles" so I only got my baby for the excruciating pain of trying to feed him before she got him back again. In the end I refused to see her so stayed upstairs but still she came round while dh ferried ds between us. (not all day, only for an hour or so but it's my overriding memory)

So stand your ground now. Who cares if you offend her. She'll get over it. It's vital you bond with your baby, it's not vital for her.

Thanks all seems a bit less daunting this morning I've had a terrible night with rib and back pain and now I'm raging!

I'm going to steal the key back today when she's at work she won't notice till she needs it and I expect FIL will get the blame for loosing it as usual..

Il have to hide like a kid in the house if she comes till she gets the bloody message what a joke. Since this pregnancy began she's tried to choose or buy everything at 12 weeks which caused a riot and OH had to sort it out then she's tried to take over the child care and retire and then choose the scheme for the nursery it's been so uncomfortable all the way through it's untrue I thought it was finally sorted out..
Everything has to be done as a family from Christmas to birthdays and even pancake day.. She's had cancer twice and so it's always I'm lucky to be here and because she makes generous gestures I look like a bitch saying no and have OH telling me it's because she loves me and wants the best.. Best part is she's bought nothing for the baby in the end because she took the huff! All she has is clothes at her house which she won't give us because she thinks she will use them there...!! NO

I think she's shut up until now thinking she will just take over when she's born but I'm not having it. I've had quotes from child minders so I can have a break- that is how strongly I feel about her she's got a good heart but she's lazy and physically incapable of looking after a baby as I said before she can't even put her own shoes on and won't put fuel in her car. FIL is lovely but u can see from his face he's taken a right battering over it all too which makes me sad.

Why do these women do it??? I can't believe they really think they are helping trying to hijack a new born from it's mother ?

What is it with people ??? Why do
They think that they can just take over ?!
My mil has to reined in and I will do so ( have already started )
Appparently she is another one who has saved all her bloody holiday up for when MY baby is born and if ' 5 weeks in i find I need a break then she will have baby '
Er, nooooo why would I need a break ?!
Piss off !!! I did give her a quizical look and she said 'i
Wont take it anywhere' well, thats good then !!!!!
How about you have a little think about how you would have felt !
Stand your ground and change ur locks :)))

She sounds a nightmare but your biggest problem is your DH who isn't supporting you. He needs to grow a pair.

She sounds scary. Please don't deprive her completely of the opportunity to see her grandchild though. She will have to get used to the idea that she can see her on your terms.

And why is your husband not taking leave straight after the baby is born? He should be eligible for paternity leave. It doesn't come under annual leave.

Why cant he come to the hospital on his own to take you home? Does he really plan to go straight back to work the minute your baby pops out? If you have a straightforward delivery you might not be in hospital for long anyway.

Once you are back on your feet you can always take your baby for long walks. Fresh air is good for babies (and adults). I can't see your MIL wanting to join you.

Not sure if it is your first baby Lisa but believe me there will come a point when you need a break. The first few weeks with a new baby are lovely but incredibly tiring. I think OH should take control but not burn her bridges with MIL who is probably just so excited about the new baby and wanting to be involved.

I agree he's stuck between two very strong personalities the thing with OH is that he doesn't deal in future problems just present so at the time when I'm kicking off he will tell her begrudgingly but by then she will be in full flow. He's not heard any of it you can tell.. I'm just trying to deal with it in a calm way as sleep deprived I'm going to explode then end up in a horrible row here! As right now I'm the only stressed and angry person for a change..

She's admitted she didn't let anyone else have hers and stayed off work till they were at school but doesn't see this as the same no matter how much she is told even her friends have told her when I've been there that it's mum and baby time.

I think because I don't see my mother she thinks she can take over if there was family from my side in the mix too I don't know how they would ever get ten minutes it's just too much .... :(

Psyco!!!

Yes, you definitely need to sort this out now.

I second the advice to make a list of jobs for her to do. Vacuuming, washing up, making dinner, laundry etc. Write it up now, give it to her and say how glad you are that she's making time to help out after the baby is born, because with all the breastfeeding and sleeping and bonding you and the baby are going to be doing, you won't have time for much housework. A traditional lying-in period, that's what you're having.

It will either set her straight and frighten her off (possibly with some air-clearing tantrums first), or she'll actually dig in and help, and you'll have someone to pop in and bring you cups of tea while you get on with lying-in; clean the house and make dinner while you gentle pootle around the neighbourhood with baby in sling to walk the dog; or perhaps hold the baby while you have a shower (and then give it back when you're ready).

He can't take time off because he is self employed and won't get paid so between that and me on SMP we just can't afford to loose the money. It's sad but the way it is unfortunately.

I'm not setting a precedent if I need time off il drive to my sisters can always have a rest there I'm not letting her take the baby out as she has done this with dsd and not been back for hours I would flip she does as she wants.

No ones locking her out I'd never manage it and she may be excited but she's ruining my excitement causing a row in my home and stressing me out. Her feelings always come first in the family not this time I'm afraid. She can come round when OH is here for a reasonable amount of time not everyday and she can phone first i don't think that's too mean

Well her dh can presumably do all that!

'Lying - in' love that saying il put it on the list!!

And why is your husband not taking leave straight after the baby is born? He should be eligible for paternity leave. It doesn't come under annual leave.

This. He needs to be there at first, not your MIL.

Oops x post.

Sorry x post so your dh won't be off work

Lol no sadly not it will be hormonal crazy norther vs monster in law he's lucky but will probably hear it from
Work!!