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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Scan has reveiled it's sex......

52 replies

itsaboy · 13/09/2006 18:56

I have name changed for fear of people thinking bad of me....

DH & I went for our 20 week scan today. I have had thoughts that baby was a boy but DH was so sure it was a girl. Deep inside I know I wanted a girl...

The scan has reveiled baby is a boy....

I am so happy and relieved that all is ok with him but I feel slightly deflated..why.?

We already have a gorgeous dd and aftre 2 mc's prior to dd we are greatful for a baby iykwim and especially happy at the fact all is well. Please don't starts saying how wrong I am and that I am lucky as some don't even have the chance to have a baby. I thought I would have been in that situation 3 years ago.

Why do I feel so bad.? I'm a very girlie girl and love having dd and it worries me having a boy. What if I don't love him the same as dd, what if I can't interact with him like I do with dd, what if I reject him. I don't know what to do with a boy and atm my life if full of "what if's". Trivial I know. .

After my mc's I was told that maybe the cause was due to the fact I couldn't carry boys due to hormone levels etc, obviously this wasn't true. But I suppose this comment made me feel I was destined to have a housefull of girls. My dh was just as shocked BUT is content and happily thinking of our future son. I also feel that people now see him as a "man" due to son he's made and am already dreading the pressure for him to go to footie matches and to do "boys" things iykwim.
I just feel bad spoiling things for dh when he is obviously coping better than I am...

Can anyone advise me.? Have you been in the same/similar situation..??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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HuwEdwards · 13/09/2006 19:01

You will love him - he will stil be a gorgeous, chubby, sweet-smelling-head, giggling bundle of baby.

You will love him.

Ulysees · 13/09/2006 19:01

It's early days yet hun. I have 2 boys and was ecstatic to be having another boy. My dream was 2 or 3 sons.
So, although different sex I can understand how you may feel.
Don't start dreading the boys stuff just yet. DS1 is into anything but footie. Ds2 loves boy stuff. They're all unique.
A few of my mates have girls who are tomboys. A close mate had 2 sons then a longed for girl only to get the sweetest looking girl who's into rough and tumble, dinosaurs, dragons and totally refuses to wear pink!

Congratulations

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/09/2006 19:01

Did you want more than 2 children? Maybe you are thinking that DH might not want more now you have one of each?

elliepippamummy · 13/09/2006 19:03

Hi we went for our 22 week scan today and have a dd aged 2 and mc in feb wasnt going to find out sex but we have. Not revealing what we are having yet as am making people on my antenatal thread guess but I am thinking the same as you that after mc its great ti have a happy healthy baby on the way. Have to say am shocked abut pleased we found out as we can both get our heads around the sex and also get things organised so maybe its just shock that it is actually a boy for you and you'll feel completley differet once its settled in your head. I'll post later to let you know what we are having!!!

lemonaid · 13/09/2006 19:03

You are deflated because, as you say, you don't know what to do with a boy. You're a girl, you have a girl already, you know that you can be a fantastic mother to a girl, you know what you would have done with another DD. Now you've been pitched out of your comfort zone into a whole new world.

It won't take you long after your DS arrives to realise that you can handle him, you do love him, and that little boys have a host of wonderful features that you'll so enjoy discovering. I really like with DS (a very "boyish" boy) that I've managed to produce something "other", and I love seeing things through his eyes from a "boy" point of view that otherwise I'd have gone through life without experiencing. But right at the moment it's natural to be a bit freaked - especially as everyone will be assuming you're over the moon to have one of each.

mustrunmore · 13/09/2006 19:04

Not quite the same, but... I had a boy, really wanted another, was told it was bound to be a girl by the midwife and so many friends that I began to think of it as a girl... then it was a boy! I was in total shock. But because i thought it was one thing that I didnt really want, I got my head round the possibility early on, so either way, I was actually happy. hope that makes sense. Basically, i'm sure it'll boil down to giving it time to get used to the idea, then the excitement will kick in. boys are great

Original poster

itsaboy · 13/09/2006 19:05

Thing is we want more..! Ideally 5 in total BUT all depends on how this birth goes etc. Lots to take into account.

I suppose society makes you feel that girls are the ideal thing, lovely toys and clothes and the fact that imo I don't find boys or mens clothing appealing backs it up iykwim.

I hope I will love him..I said to dh that I feel bad feeling this way and in fact I have cried over it. Imagine telling ds in 20 years time "oh when we found out you were going to be a boy mum cried" Poor thing.!

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 13/09/2006 19:07

I have two boys and have never felt that society thinks girls are the "ideal" thing - bit shocked that you think that!

Boys are fab - you'll love him, I promise.

mustrunmore · 13/09/2006 19:09

But itsaboy, I've had great fun dressing my boys! Its not all shellsuits and spiderman t shirts
Ds1 has a fairly 'unique' image, so , for the novelty, I'm going for more restrained with ds2.

domestickler · 13/09/2006 19:11

Boys are the greatest thing! They are massively and unfairly underrated by some.

You will ADORE him and his boyness.

I rejoice at my sons boyness, its something special to have a son IMO

Californifrau · 13/09/2006 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

itsaboy · 13/09/2006 19:11

Yeah people asked us before ths can " so I guess you want a boy....to have one of each" DH & I said as long as all went ok we didn't have a preference." You know the type of comment you say to kind of sit on the fence. Like you said lemonaid, I think everyone assumes we wanted one of each.

Thanks though for the kind comments so far...It sounds so trivial and OTT but I suppose hormones are getting the better of me.

Elliepippamummy, I look forward to see what your bump is going to be...

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 13/09/2006 19:12

Did the sonographer tell you that the baby is a boy, or did you see it for yourself. Dh and I both were convinced that we had seen boys' bits very clearly at the 20w scan, but hadn't asked the sonographer because we didn't really want to know. But even the sonographer can sometimes get it wrong.

But I went through a sort of guilty grieving too. We already had a ds, and felt so sad that I wouldn't get to do girly things with a daughter. But I also felt so bad at not appreciating what I was going to have. Eventually my feelings swung the other way, and I thought "what an adventure, to have two boys".

Then I gave birth to a girl! We were so shocked - delighted, but shocked. Almost a year later dh revealed that he had secretly wanted a girl all along, but it took me a long time to come to terms with having a girl instead of a boy. It was nearly two months before I even admitted to myself that I was disappointed not to have had another boy.

So first I was disappointed not to have the opportunity to do girly things, and then I was disappointed to get that opportunity. So who says emotions are rational?

But I love my children both deeply and equally, and value them both as individuals.

It's fine to feel this way. Our hopes and dreams aren't totally elastic - of course they can change, and we can change them ourselves, but you can't be expected just to swing completely from one extreme to another, some things take time.

Whatever you have, boy or girl, you will develop that marvelous bond with them and a time will come when you won't be able to imagine life any other way. Just wait until you're holding the new LO in your arms...

ComeOVeneer · 13/09/2006 19:17

I was pretty thrown when ds arrived (didin't now until the birth). Having only had dd (and coming from a family where siblings and cousins were all girls) I wondered what on earth do you do with a boy. Initially it is exactly the same irespective of gender. DS is approaching 2 now and is a real little boy and is utterly fabulous. I adore having one of each, a girly girl into pink and dolls etc and a boisterous boy who loves his cars. (PS you can get some lovely boys clothes too)

sugarfree · 13/09/2006 19:17

You know if you think about it in practical terms ,a newborn baby is kind of genderless,they don't come out looking for Barbie or Power Rangers.It's a gradual thing you will have plenty of time to get geared up for boys' stuff.
It's like the whole parenting thing in a way,if you were suddenly handed a pre-schooler or a teenager you would freak,but the whole process is gradual,you kind of slip from one phase to the next.(Hope this is making some sense)
Also,as others have said,their gender doesn't always predict their interests....DS3 has a passion for Dora atm and DS2 is very in touch with his feminine side.
You'll be fine,honest.

Californifrau · 13/09/2006 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibaldi · 13/09/2006 19:18

As another mother of two darling boys would like to say don't worry and congratulations all in the same breathe. I have two wonderful cuddly little human beings and although both and becoming true little boys with their football, running they still come and hug and kiss mummy and are extremely affectionate. I can understand your emotions I'm sure many of us went through the same thing. Just remember you have the rest of your pregnancy to get used to the idea that it's probably a boy and I second what PrettyCandles says just wait to you have your new lo in your arms there's nothing quite like it

Original poster

itsaboy · 13/09/2006 19:18

Hunker didn't mean to shock you...the comment mrm made about spiderman tshirts was probably more to the point..

Been shopping to get myself in the mood and all I can see is "blue, brown and greys". Obviously this is seen through crazy pregnancy hormones..!

OP posts:

Alibaldi · 13/09/2006 19:20

My boys wear lots of yellow,orange, red and turquoise. Try Gymboree they have other colours than blue and black and have great sales.

Californifrau · 13/09/2006 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkchampagne · 13/09/2006 19:24

I have two boys & love them to bits! They are both really affectionate & are constantly telling me they love me.
I love buying clothes for my boys too. They do not wear drab colours. You need to shop around sometimes, but places like vertbaudet, Gap, Debenhams & Monsoon all do lovely boys clothes.
Congratulations on your DS. You will enjoy him, I promise!

ComeOVeneer · 13/09/2006 19:25

Talking about clothes I have bought ds bright orange/green etc from vertbaudet this season and he had some great multi coloured hawaiann (sp) shirts for the summer. Decent boys clothes are out there I promise. My only concern with having one of each is it fuels dh's argument not to have any more (I want 3 he is happy to stick with 2).

Original poster

itsaboy · 13/09/2006 19:27

I think it may be due to fact that I feel like I am grieving for the dd I thought I was going to had..Does that sound mad..??

Prettycandles, the sonographer was brill and it was only at the end of the csan when we asked if her knew the sex. He said he didn't know as he hadn't looked but wuld look for us...Straight away he found his "bits". DH& I were oblivious to the fact he's a boy and couldn't make out his "bits" but the sonographer seemed quite sure.

LOL Californifrau, I will let you off .

OP posts:

alex8 · 13/09/2006 19:29

look at the french catalogues like la redoute and that one beginning eith v. Loads of orange purple and reds for boys. (Ignore the very cute girls outfits) Hennes also has a lot of colours.

MrsDoolittle · 13/09/2006 19:31

You will love him, honestly you will.
I worried about having a boy. I had a beautiful little girl that I love so much I was afraid I didn't have enough love for another one.

Then ds bounced into the world, absolutely beautiful. He has taken my heart into his chubby little hands and it aches with the joy of it.

You will be the same. Don't worry.

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