Scan has reveiled it's sex......

[itsaboy]

I have name changed for fear of people thinking bad of me....

DH & I went for our 20 week scan today. I have had thoughts that baby was a boy but DH was so sure it was a girl. Deep inside I know I wanted a girl...

The scan has reveiled baby is a boy....

I am so happy and relieved that all is ok with him but I feel slightly deflated..why.?

We already have a gorgeous dd and aftre 2 mc's prior to dd we are greatful for a baby iykwim and especially happy at the fact all is well. Please don't starts saying how wrong I am and that I am lucky as some don't even have the chance to have a baby. I thought I would have been in that situation 3 years ago.

Why do I feel so bad.? I'm a very girlie girl and love having dd and it worries me having a boy. What if I don't love him the same as dd, what if I can't interact with him like I do with dd, what if I reject him. I don't know what to do with a boy and atm my life if full of "what if's". Trivial I know. .

After my mc's I was told that maybe the cause was due to the fact I couldn't carry boys due to hormone levels etc, obviously this wasn't true. But I suppose this comment made me feel I was destined to have a housefull of girls. My dh was just as shocked BUT is content and happily thinking of our future son. I also feel that people now see him as a "man" due to son he's made and am already dreading the pressure for him to go to footie matches and to do "boys" things iykwim.
I just feel bad spoiling things for dh when he is obviously coping better than I am...

Can anyone advise me.? Have you been in the same/similar situation..??

comeovenerr, god I don't think I have that problem. More like me trying to stop dh wanting more..!!

Thanks for the congratulations everyone and thatnks for the clothing tips. I suppose being a the type of women I am I head straight for the pinks and rightly or wrongly I have done the same for dd. Maybe she will change once she can tell me what she wants to wear!

I told mum today that under no circumstances are awful clothes to be bought..Told her it's "nice" boys colours all the way...pinks and lemons .!!! God I really have to get used to all of this..good job I have around 20 weeks.

Thanks again everyone, you have made me realise that I suppose my thoughts, feeling and fears are all kind of normal (ish). xx

MrsDoolittle , your post has made me cry.... with joy (I think)..!

itsaboy - it doesn't sound mad. LTH said exactly the same thing when she found out her current pg is a boy (she's on the same antenatal thread that elliepippamummy's holding out on telling her scan result to ). I remember clearly her writing that she was grieving for the girl she would never have. I remember that wording because it struck a strong chord with me - I have one ds, am pg with ?sex, but I have always imagined myself having a dd. There hasn't been one in dh's family for generations and I don't think my chances are good. I don't love ds any less or any differently, and I feel so guilty when I think about the people who would love to be pg at all, but secretly still if I never had a dd I would always miss that chance. I think I'm stupid - there's nothing I can do to change things, and as I say I love ds and you will love yours, but hell, yes, I know where you're coming from xx

The grieving for a girl doesn't sound mad at all. I genuinely thought I was having a girl second time round simply because that is what I had and that is what my body could "make", so I actually never thought we could have a boy.

At the end of the day he is part of you (an dh) and you will absolutely adore him.

You'll love him. By the time he arrives you will be aching to meet him, and it will be as if you've known him all your life.

I have a girl and have never been made to feel that society thinks it's the ideal ... in fact, many people think that I must have been mortified not to have a boy, because in the words of my MIL "You don't know what real love is until you've had a son". Yes, it's total rubbish - and so is the idea that society values girls more than boys.

WRT not knowing what to do ... I don't know about you, but when my dd was born I hadn't got a clue how to look after her or what to do with her. You soon learn though, and you will learn to deal with your boy.

You don't need to have a houseful of girls. A houseful of children you love will do just as well - once you've got used to the idea. Just give yourself time to come to terms with it - even grieve for the girl you think you've lost. No-one would think it was wrong to do that. And don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, either.

I just worry that this is not a phase and that I will still feel the same in 4 months time .

Like I would retun to hospital demanding " well I was sure I was having a dd, it seems someone has given me the wrong baby".

BUT it's actually nice to hear and reasurring that others have felt and feel the same.

thisd is why I don't think people should be able to find out what sex their baby is going to be

It will be fine - boys are great too. It will open open totally new worlds that you didn't know existed

I went through similiar feelings the other week when I found out I'm having another boy....a 4th boy

I wanted a girl for lots of differnet reasons....mostly because she was going to be differnet to my boys. A quiet, cute danty little girl who would always listen and behave and never want to jump off the sofas or throw herself onto the piles of clean washing that I'm trying to put away, never kick the 101 balls we have in the garden over the fence, and talk at a reasonable level rather than shout every single word at 794 decibels, I'd even be able to learn how to do one of those fancy plaits because she'd have long hair ...Ohhh I could go on and on

Pah!

Who wants quiet and danty anyway

Boys are noisy and boistous and all sorts of thing that girls aren't(and many which they are I imagine) but you'll love him to bits, just like you do your DD.

At least you have got a few months to come to terms with the fact that you're having a boy - which has to be a good thing. At least it was for my friend, and she was about as anti-boy as it was possible to get!

She was desperate for a girl because it was all she ever wanted and she thought she couldn't know how to cope with a boy. Her hospital wouldn't tell her the gender so she paid privately for scans and blood tests because she genuinely felt she wouldn't be able to cope if she found out when the baby was born that it wasn't a girl. She really believed that she would reject him, and actually said that if she was having a boy and she didn't find out until the baby was born, she thought she would have him adopted. Sounds barking but it's how she felt at the time - she had only ever seen herself with girls.

It was a boy, and she was gutted initially. She also felt she needed to grieve for the little girl that she wasn't having, but once she got over the initial disappointment and sadness, she had plenty of time to get used to the idea, and by the time her ds arrived she loved and bonded with him straightaway, something she felt she wouldn't have been able to do if she hadn't found out the sex. She did exactly the same thing when she was pregnant for the second time but her second baby was a girl.

I hope you can take some comfort from other people who have been through the same thing.

I haven't managed to read all this thread but just wanted to jump aboard and say I felt so similar.

After my DD I clearly remember feeling like I so wanted another girl. Eventually I managed to tell my DP and my mum this and they said all the right things and I felt better for getting it out. At my 20 week scan I discovered it was twins and I worried again that if it was 2 boys I might not love them.

We found out the sex of our babies but they could only be sure that one was a boy and couldn't say for sure about the other. I felt confused. I knew he'd be my son but I had no idea how I would relate to him.

We ended up with boy girl twins who couldn't be more different and still so similar in other ways.

In the first few days I had no idea even how to change his nappy (where should I put the cream). I had 2 fantastic girls on the ward with me - one who, like me, had only put cream on girls bits and the other who had only done boys. We had a good old laugh about it as we struggled to work out how to handle these new little people.

It very very quickly became totally normal and I love my little boy exactly the same as I love my 2 little girls. I really wondered, like you, if it would be ok. It is. My gran always said babies bring their own love and my mum and I used to laugh - but it is true. Boys are different but thats the point, you don't want them all the same. The differences in their little personalities is fascinating and rewarding and the very fact you are worrying about it shows that you are a lovely mum.

LTH - I have one girl who is fairly dainty and girly and the other is equally dainty and girly but neither are calm and quiet and both jump on the cushions and the laundry! As I said on another thread yesterday, its the same recipe, different cake, but tastes just as good! Congrats by the way!

Frumpy, I'm sure if this one was a girl she would have been just a unruley as her big brothers anyway...I mean I'm pretty sure they would have taught her a trick or two when it comes to sofa jumping and such like

It was just the little fantasy girl in my mind that would look at them in horror as they're jumping, bouncing, screaming and shouting...I doubt there's a little girl with 3 brothers like that anywhere in the world

Yeah, I bet they would! I have 2 brothers and I'm afraid it was probably me that turned into the boss and came up with the grand plans. I too fantasise about the fantasy child who coos up to you when you are reading the bedtime story with nothing but delicate lighting around, touches your face gently (def no stray hairs around the chin area in my fantasy) and beams. In that fantasy I never bawl "DON'T YOU DARE, I never say "will you put that damn Tamagotchi down" and I never, ever, ever give them Chuppa Chup lollies on a flight to Spain.

Sorry, I hijacked, I can't do one-liners.

I suppose this thread goes to show that each child is an individual and my impressions of a ds are similar to what others see life with a dd like.! I suppose even ay 16 months she is a little madam with the rest of them.!

Frumpygrumpy
" the very fact you are worrying about it shows that you are a lovely mum."
That was a lovely comment and one I will remember over the next few months. Thanks

Yes, www it is comforting about otehrs who have been feeling the same. I have also just read back on a thread from (spindamama..i think ) who went through similar experiences.

TBH, I honestly didn't expect myself to feel like this and I don't feel the issue of the sex should not be told at a scan due to the likes of this thread...What about those who get pregnant and post threads on the fact that they don't want the baby etc..? Its only the same thing..should they not have had sex.?
I'm just glad that there are others out there like me and it's nice to have the support of such lovely mner's.Thanks xx

thanks x.

I've never told anyone, but I was massively disappointed that my first was a boy. I burst into tears over a TV ad that showed a mum & teenage daughter having a girlie day, thinking "I may never do that". I think it lasted about a week, until I realised how totally I loved my DS and that there was no way I would change him.
Incidentally, I now have a teenage DD, and I know that having a girlie day together is only possible if we go somewhere where no-one who knows her will EVER see her with her Mum...

Hi

five weeks ago I was exactly where you are now. my "dd2b" turned out to be a boy! he's due on xmas day and I grieved for the little person I had already started to bond with in my head.
You will LOVE him. And probably way before he actually arrives. I am totally besotted and I've got 13weeks(if I can convince him to be a bit early!) before I meet him.
I realsied I wanted a differant child to the one I've got(whose perfectBTW ) and I will get a differant child. The fact that they share a gender is only one of the many things that will mark them out as my sons!

Oh by the way was it my thread you read. It's all there if it was! But update , I'm now thinking that boys are THE best thing and while if I have a number three someday I won't reject a girl, part of me wonders whether I'll be just as "gutted" (wrong word) that I'm not adding to my boy collection!

Take care.

LTH - I have to agree with that. I have one dd and she is the biggest tomboy around - hardly surprising with my four boys is it?!!

I'm pg with 1st and don't know the sex, but I sooooo desperately wanted a girl that the thought of having a boy really really upset me. My Mum died when I was 12 and I think that some part of me yearned desperately to have the mother daughter relationship from one side, even if never from the daughter side IYKWIM. It took me until about 22 - 24 weeks when I spent an afternoon with my Godson to remind myself of how much fun, how loving (and what FAB clothes!) a boy could be and, over time, it just became much less of an issue. I'd still LOVE a girl, but I know that I will love him/her whatever (I've also been calling the bump 'him' which made it all a bit easier to get used to and become more comfortable) and that each child is unique.

BTW, whenever I look at clothes now, I only like the boys' ones, can't bear most of the girls' ones -some lovely catalogues to have a look through.

I think you just need some time and I'm sure it won't take 20 weeks

Hi I posted last night as we were in the same situation although we have found out we are having another girl (got dd Who has just turned 2) i am pleased as I thought it was a girl all along and I have an older brother who I adore but when I was growing up I always wanted a sister.

DH looked a bit dissapointed when they said it looked like a girl but think thats just a man thing and he is quite a manly man likes going for a drink watching footie etc and of all of our friends who have kids they either have one of each or 2 or more boys so think he was just a bit upset that he'll never get to do those things with his son. On the upside he said this mornig that if his girls are as close to him as I am to my dad that would be great and I reminded him girls are always daddy girls. We are definatley not having any more children so 2 daughters it is for us (just praying that his one isnt a boy now and its willy was tucked away somewere) Glad we found out as gives DH time to bond with the baby and 'grieve' for the little boy he wanted so badly. I am soooo excited that I can get all the pink stuff out of the loft and sort it!!

Jako have some lovely boys clothes. It's a german company I think but they do online clothes.

would seen jako do sports stuff now?

I'll admit it - I have dd and now ds, but I wanted ds to be a dd! But - I look at him and he's not just a boy (though he is of course) but he's TOM. I didn't find out when pregnant but kind of knew. And I am so pleased now that I have him because he's fantastic and because he's as different to dd as can be.
The things that worried me:
nappy changes and willies (now can't believe how worried I was as it's a breeze)
love dd so much couldn't imagine loving any baby let alone a boy as much (you can, it's amazing)
And the thing that annoyed me more than anything was when people would say "you've got one of each" or "the full set" as if there's nothing more to having children than aiming for a a full set. And that you wouldn't want more now you've got both. Firstly that's insulting to people who have 2 or more of the same sex, as if the only reason they've carried on having babies is in the effort to come up trumps next time. And also it turns MY babies into "a boy" or "a girl" without taking into account that they are people made up of so much more than just their sex.

geez thanks everyone for the even more kinder words...

DH told me this morning to catch up on my thread as he told me loads more of you had posted. Just taken me till now to sit down and try and catch up.

Well last night was bad...After reading all of your wonderful tips and comments I felt really down. I suffered with pnd since having dd and now it's antenatel depression and the news from yesterday was like a kick iykwim. I just felt like I was back in that black hole again. Just when I felt like the top had been reached. DH tired talking to me and reasurring me but tbh I think even he gave up at one stage. I honestly felt like I would need sectioning . But dh made me think when he added "if I had been like this when we found out dd was a girl what would have thought"..Yeah I see his point but then part of me feels "well yeah but he's got something he's always wanted". I suppose its selfish of me to expect dh to only have dd's and no ds's. Surley he would love the chance to do manly things..!!

TBH whats also (among other things) making things hard for me is the fact that it seems like there is so much praise on dh for "producing" a boy and like he's a man iykwim. In our group of friends we are the only ones with a dd which I have secretly liked although we have at times been outcasted as they talked about the wonders of a boy. I just feel now like I have "given" into their childishness by carrying a boy, stupid I know. As though they will now welcome us to their club. A club I couldn't give a toss about. I just love having a dd and all the joys etc it brings.
I suppose theres alot of factors behind my concerns and I need to get my head around this fact.

Our friends are abroard with another set of our friends and they text last night. "The suspense is killing them" as they told me when asking after baby's sex..I just saw them as sitting around waiting for my response and wondering what their response would be. "Welcome to the club" or would it be like pooka said "oh so you have one of each..why on earth would you possibly want more". In fact one of the guys (when told of my pregnancy) commented " another one..are you mad.? I am desperate for the snip aftre having my son" . Yeah thanks for the kind words..!

Well, I know I'm ramberling now and most of you probably now think I'm mad..! Thanks again for the clothing info, I will check out those websites.

Congrats EPM, I'm sure your dd to be will be adorable. Also thanks to spinamama, yes it was your thread which made me feel slightly normal..I just hope I can look back on this moment and laugh in a few months time.!!

BTW, I have been online with next and have ordered some boys clothing. A cute bear outdoor all in one type thing and a cute tshirt. One step at a time. I have had moments of feeling positive today and moments of the opposite but like you have all said, it will take time.