Shiny and new posifrickintivity thread for pregnancy after miscarriage.

[MrsGiraffe12]

Hand holding, fish slapping and general bat shit craziness :-)

[fedupofrainydays]

baby my thought process was very similar to yours.. I would be ok with the learning disability aspect of downs, but would really worry about the potential health issues eg heart problems etc that come with it.
Read a lovely blog about a woman who had a baby with downs and it's called 'don't be sorry' - she didn't know until
The baby was born (screening didn't pick it up) and he really looks like the loveliest little boy. Although he has had to have surgery.

I would find out - purely from knowing the potential health risks / issues. But more than likely these could be picked up at anomaly scan anyway.

cuppa I would be worried too so please don't apologise. It's a tricky situation to be in. Would the harmony be an option for you?

[Cuppachaplz]

Looking into harmony and nifty, but not sure what it changes. It costs about 600 from what I can see :0
Also worried about time; maybe I should wait for anomaly scan in 2w and think then...
I'm 17 w today by their dates, or 19 by mine ( had bfp at 4+3 by mine, so finding theirs unlikely...), and after so many mcs feel like this is my last chance as all out of reserves with things going wrong. I wanted a nice close family and DS starts high school next month, can't go through another decade like this even if I wasn't too old...
Sorry for rambling and ranting, but genuinely wish I had opted out of screening to save the stress.
Thanks everyone for all the kind words, and help xx

[AddictedToRadley]

Cuppa sorry to hear of your results but as others have said there's a much much higher chance that baby will be ok than have Down Syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities. We had the blood test with DS (NT scans were only offered then if bloods came back as high risk) but we agreed beforehand that for us we wouldn't change things if baby had Downs so would refuse the amnio if the bloods came back high risk. The only reason we had the bloods done was to 'prepare ourselves' of the possibility that our child had something wrong. We've decided pretty much the same this time around, we are having the bloods and the NT scan but again would refuse any further testing (unless we could afford the harmony test privately). For us it's not worth the tiny risk of an amnio but that's a personal choice. Just think whether you'd do anything differently if you had a definitive yes result to having a no. If you'd keep the baby and don't feel you need to be pre-prepared then perhaps the amnio isn't worth it in your situation BUT if you think having a positive result would help you come to terms with any positive diagnosis so that it wouldn't affect your bond with baby after birth or perhaps that you couldn't deal with the added challenges that may come with a Downs baby or baby with chromosomal abnormalities then I think having the amnio is the right choice for you. It's a difficult decision but one that you and DH need to consider together. I hope your decision isn't too hard to come by and you both agree with the choice. FX it's nothing and you're one of the 47 in 48.

I took DS and DP to our scan today and DS held my hand and kissed and cuddled me all the way through whilst saying 'Thank you for giving me a baby brother or sister mummy. I love you more than anyone in the universe for doing this.' And then whispered 'but please don't tell daddy, it might upset him!' I nearly cried with joy!! Bless him he's a proper boys boy but has such a caring side it's beautiful! When baby's heart started flickering on screen DS squealed with delight! I was a little worried because baby wasn't moving and I thought they were meant to be very active at 11weeks. Anyway as soon as DS leant down to my tummy and started talking to the baby s/he started doing back flips and somersaults etc!! DS then told baby that he was waving to him/her and low and behold the baby waved back!!!!!! I know that was a coincidence but the consultant said some babies can hear at 11 weeks and that's why baby reacted to DS's voice. He is delighted that he got to see baby moving. With hindsight I wish DP had filmed it on his iphone but I was do wrapped up in the minute that I didn't think about it until it was too late.

I love having scans but I find them so painful. I had an emcs with DS and it feels like they're going to rip open the scar every time I have an external scan!! It's horrendous. Does anyone else have similar problems post cs? I actually find an internal scan MUCH more comfortable!!

[Alb1]

addicted that's lovely scan news

baby I didn't have any of the screening tests done, partly as I new I wouldn't have an amino anyway if it came back high risk, and partly as I was misinformed about what they actually test for by my mw. After I turned it down I did have a wobble at about 16 weeks regretting my decision and inspecting my 12 week scan, googling high nt pictures to compare to my pic, but it didn't last long and at 34+5 I still don't regret not having the tests done, I was a little worried it'd drive me mad not knowing either way but it hasn't done. It's an incredibly personal choice tho, and luckily I havnt had any complications so far in this pregnancy, if their had have been any problems i may have felt differently about my choice not to have the tests done. I realise this isn't helpful at all but just thought I'd give you another point of view.

So... When your breast feeding, the breast ur not feeding with leaks the whole time your feeding? I never new that... I should really start looking into this breast feeding stuff sometime soon... I plan to breast feed as it's obviously the best thing for the baby, but I don't no anyone else who's breast fed, and the whole thing reallllly does not appeal to me at all, I'm pretty sure il hate it I'm a terrible future mother I no, the midwife looked at me like I was crazy when I said it to her too doing my best to keep an open mind about it tho, hoping some motherly instinct will kick in once the baby's here and il love breast feeding, should probably start doing some reading and preparing myself for it tho...

[InternetFOREVER]

cuppa good luck whatever you decide to do re: amnio... it feels so unfair that the dramas aren't over. Surely after everything we've all been through we deserve lovely stress-free 2nd/3rd trimesters!

addicted lovely to hear your DSs reaction - my DS (4) has just started asking for a sibling (more accurately, has started talking about his sister all the time, as if she exists! I've heard of imaginary friends but never imaginary family!) and I think that's making me feel the pressure even more. He was just turned 3 when I had my first MC and was totally oblivious of the whole sibling thing, but since then 3 of my friends have had second DCs so he sees his friends with their little brothers/sisters.

Well I was a total idiot and did a clearblue digi yesterday, got 2-3 weeks which is where all my last pregnancies stalled. In floods all evening absolutely convinced that this was it. Did another one this morning and its 3+ (I'm 5wks4 today) so the jury is still out! I don't know why I even bothered though as my blood HCG got up to 5000 last time so I know it means nothing! Argh, another day of obsessing...

Hope you all have a lovely day, fingers crossed it will be a bit cooler! I'm off work for the first time since DS broke up from school, so planning a chilling out day!

[fedupofrainydays]

internet you need to put down the digis they only mess with your brain. And you need to do them with fmu anyway to have any accuracy with the indicator. Which you did today and got 3 +. Promise me you will leave them now???

radley that was just so lovely to read about your sons reaction. When I had my mcs, everyone around me was giving their children siblings and it was breaking my heart as I was so desperate to do the same. I felt immense pain as I looked at my son and how he loves playing with others and was really hoping he wouldn't be an only child. It's what I actually struggled most with during mcs. It wasn't really for me, it was for him. Knowing my luck he will probably hate his sibling now!!!!

I also second the lanisoh breast pads as the best. Quite often 3 for 2 in places and by far the best in my opinion for absorbency. Catching the milk coming out the other boobs is a great idea if you want to use the bm for DH to do a feed later in the day. I did that along with breast pump. I wanted him to get involved and he wanted to be involved, plus it let me sleep from 8 to 12 or 1 as DH gave him a bottle around 10 pm. Worked for us and meant I could sustain bf for 9 months.

[Cuppachaplz]

radley lovely reaction! What a gorgeous moment x
My DS has asked me for a sibling ever since he could talk. He asks Santa every year, which is horrible. Was starting to hope that this year he might get it... Was planning to take him at 20 weeks, but after yesterday's bombshell, so worried that they'll pick up something wrong.
I was talking to friend last night, who pointed out that 1 in 48 is a higher probably than that of having 15 mcs in a row. I bit back the vile remarks and silently choked on acid as she proceeded to list all the trials of having 4 children under 6 moaning about how hard it was for her, but I don't think I'll be chatting to her anytime soon...

I breastfed DS until 12m, despite heavy pressure to stp at 12 w because I was so underweight. Another vote for lasinoh pads if using disposable, however, I used mainly washable. You can get some lovely soft bamboo ans fleecy ones now, far more absorbent. I used to catch milk while I fed, as the other side could hit walls 2 yards away, but leaked constantly from and hour before he needed feeding, and always at night. You couldn't get the shield things back then, but I dont think they would have been big enough! I used to catch about 150ml in a bottle with each feed, then express ready for back to work and to avoid the lop sided ness
Leaky boobs now from just thinking and writing about this... :/

internet we've all benn there! but please preserve your hair and step away from the sticks! Hugs x

[InternetFOREVER]

Haha Fedup and Cuppa yes I promise that's it now! Am not wasting any more money and have got a result I like so will stick with that. All will be revealed on Monday at the scan anyway...
Not sure what to do with DS on Monday - could leave him with mum but then would have to tell her whats going on, and tbh I just don't want to talk about it. But he's old enough now that if we take him with us he'll probably just tell everyone anyway!

Impressive breastfeeding tales both of you... I don't think I have the coordination to multitask feeding and catching milk from the other side!

[fedupofrainydays]

Agh cuppa makes me so angry when people whinge about "how hard it is with 2,3,4 kids" particularly when they know what you are going through. That 'friend' sounds like a right dick. I disagree with what she said as more likely to have 15 mcs if there is something medical causing them (if you know what I mean).

I had that when ttc # 2.... "Oh fedup, it's so hard with two, are you sure you really want another one?"
I know it will be hard but I want to do it so badly and have the opportunity to try so please just FUCK OFF!!!!

[Babytinx11]

alb1 actually it is helpful I'm not going for testing for one it seems to cause more worry than it answers especially as I wouldn't have amino so the chances are I wouldn't actually know either way so for me I think the best answer is to not have it and just see what happens the problems I had in my pregnancy with DS were with me not him other than the scare about his heart which they resolved very quickly :) re: breastfeeding I tried with DS and dh's words were I looked like I was being tortured really not for me not
Going to try this time simply because of
The reactions I got when I stopped but hats off to anyone who does :)

cuppa I really hope things are sorted for you soon so you can relax what ever you decide to do

[Babytinx11]

radley beautiful reaction from your son had tears in my eyes reading that :) so glad all went well for you :)

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

alb there is a breast and bottle feeding board on MN if you want to know more. I'm not surprised you would find it unappealing when you don't know anyone doing it. Supposedly in many communities in the UK breast feeding is so rare that it is met with hostility. The rate has only gone up since a big campaign from the 90s so mothers themselves would have been bottle fed too. We have a much lower rate than similar countries like Australia, for example.

[MrsGiraffe12]

radley lovely scan news :-) kids can be so beautiful with their reactions to becoming siblings :-)

Random question, but if I posted a photo of me in 2 new dresses (without a face on obviously for security) will you ladies honestly tell me if my bum is too fat/sticky out for it an if the love handles make it look gross? Maybe just self consciousness but yeah, tiny bit paranoid about them lol. DH says they are lovely and mum in law says they are nice but maybe they are just being kind x

[MrsGiraffe12]

And cuppa urgh, that reaction makes me sick. I had the same after my mc. Especially when we would give anything to be a mother to more than one, especially as our other children grown up without someone to play with. A "friend" was crying as she had been trying for 3 months and it was taking "so long", where as it took me an DH to get pregnant then to miscarry. Then when she told me she was pregnant a month later I cried and she told me to "fuck off out her house and stop making it all about me". Safe to say we no longer speak, but I did see her in the supermarket when I was about 22 weeks pregnant, and all she said when I made small tak was "let's hope you don't loose this one too". Some people are so awful!

[MrsGiraffe12]

That should say took me and DH 2 years to get pregnant and then miscarry x

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

Cuppa your friend is vile. And she's wrong about it's less chance of having 15 MCs in a row vs a 1 in 48 chance of downs. I assume she meant there's more chance of your baby to be that 1 in 48 then having that many MCs in a row. Clearly, if there's no underlying issues, then 15 MCs in a row is very very rare. And that she's probably right if you are that very unlucky one. However, it's much more likely that you do have an underlying cause of all the MCs. It could be undiagnosed but still there is probably an underlying cause.

There are two numbers for that 1 in 48 chance. Firstly, unless you are an older mum or have a family history for trisomy abnormalities, then you are plain unlucky to have hit the jackpot for having a screening outcome below the amnio threshold, which is 1 in 150. The following NHS page gives the probability for different age groups

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Downs-syndrome/Pages/Causes.aspx

I'm 39 and for a 40 year old mum the chance is 1 in 100. Which is actually below the threshold of 1 in 150. So therefore my chances of getting a risk below the threshold would be much higher, and I think you are relatively young isn't it?


Secondly, even at a risk of 1 in 48, you are 98% likely to be carrying a perfectly normal child.

Is your friend a scientist? I don't think she understands statistics at all.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

mrsg can't believe you have friends like that too.

[MrsGiraffe12]

onetoddler I think we all have some friends secretly like that, even if they don't speak it out loud :-(

[fedupofrainydays]

at what some people say.

With me I knew there was a lot of "at least you have one child, it shouldn't matter if you have any more or not" as though I wasn't appreciate of my lovely son. Some people just don't get it do they :(

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

fedup I can accept those ones. I think they just don't know what to say, and was trying to be nice. That's what I keep telling myself when we were TTCing. It's a way of coping with the reality that I might not be able to 'complete' my family.

[Babytinx11]

mrsg & cuppa I can't believe the people were so vile to you both cuppa sounds like your friend is in real need of a slap :(

I had a friend not a friend now but just after mc before DS she insisted on coming to my house and sorting baby clothes in my living room as she was still pregnant and I should be excited for her thinking back now how I politely kept her topped up with cups of tea and snacks while she did it I don't know but I haven't spoken to her since! Some people are just either plan nasty or hugely insensitive

[MrsGiraffe12]

They are! But on the flip side, unless you've been in our position, you can maybe imagine how it would feel but can't actually realise how consuming the grief and need for a baby is either x

[Babytinx11]

mrsg you have a point but surely a bit of common sense would say that certain behavior isn't ok I don't know some people just really confuse me

[SeaSaltMill]

I'm really struggling people.

9+5 today and I feel like my symptoms are going, which apparently is quite normal for around 10 weeks? I felt so ill between weeks 7 and 9 but suddenly im ok nausea wise, gagged a few times this morning but not really felt sick, my boobs hurt soooo much and now they don't really, bit tender but that's all.

I've had 2 scans and they were perfect, the last one was only last week, so why cant I relax?

I'm so scared of something going wrong, but the risk of MC has dropped a lot now hasn't it?

I've never even had a heartbeat in my previous 3 pregnancies, so seeing an actual baby wriggling about was amazing and should help. But I just cant seem to relax. :(

[squizita]

Cuppa I hate people bringing up stupid non scientific % and medical 'opinion'. How upsetting!! I think it's the norm now, what with google and 1000 TV channels, everyone things they're flipping Stephen Hawkin and say all this ignorant stuff. Ugh.

Personally I don't have an issue with people moaning about having loads of kids though. Not at all. Honestly from work I've seen people with too many who are depressed and ill ... it isn't as simple as because I struggle to have them, other people are always lucky to have lots. Very kind, loving women can end up with more kids (or wayward kids) than they can handle.
I actually got more angry with a woman on the miscarriage association facebook page - she kept basically posting about her hatred of pregnant women (she wanted to punch them if they touched their bumps especially after MC as they should know better), how unplanned teen mums should get no counselling because it 'wasn't fair' and how they should hide the nappy aisles in Tesco to avoid upsetting her, but she would not accept she was in an angry stage of grief and was thinking of 'campaigning'. She couldn't understand that most of the women there with her very, very much hoped to be pregnant then using those nappy aisles as soon as they could!
I almost want to find her and shake her and say "you know why we touch our bumps??? Because WE'RE FUCKING TERRIFIED THE BABY HAS STOPPED MOVING!!"

Alb My mum and several of my mates BFed some of their kids but not others for various reasons... their kids are all equally loved. It's up to you ignore the judgey MW she has targets. The breastfeeding board here is very good - also there are some good websites/helpline type sites listed here: www.imperial.nhs.uk/maternity/useful-websites/index.htm . Also the NCT may have classes and so forth in your area.