Giving birth alone

[noor265]

Hi - I am expecting my first baby in November. My husband will be working abroad at the time so wont be able to be there. I am close with my Mum but she isn't the calmest of people and I don't feel that she will help to keep me calm during the process. That said, it is my first baby and I have no idea how I am going to feel or cope with the birth. I am considering giving birth alone - any thoughts or experiences to share?

For my first I had my partner and mum there, my mum also not very calm and the painic on her face clearly showed. My waters were Meconium stained and I needed up having an emergency c section, wasn't expecting it at all.

I would of defiantly rather of had her there on her own rather than no one. But I suppose everyone's different.

Having planed csection this time and my partner will be there with me. Xx

Do you mean completely alone, as in free birthing? That's a bad idea.

If you mean without a friend or family member to help you then I think it depends where you live. I had at least one midwife with DH and me all the time. That was nice and I chatted all the way through labour, much to their amusement. But in some areas the MWs can't be with you all the time and in that case I think you should maybe think about having a calm friend or another relative. Or reconsider your Mum, she might surprise you.

You could consider a doula? I wish I'd had one last time. They are there to support you emotionally and help you through the whole process (in a non medical way). Sort of like having your partner or mum but they're not emotionally involved, so won't panic!

Thanks for all the feedback! I am not yet sure how much support the hospital can offer in terms of a midwife being with me all the time but I will check it out. I would definitely not consider free birthing it! I know that in many countries hospitals don't allow birth partners at all so I guess it just depends what you are used to. All my sisters in law have given birth on their own with just midwives and they have all been fine.
I would love it if my Mum was OK and calm, but I don't want to leave it with her as my planned partner and then have her winding me up during the birth!

You'd always have a MW with you once you're in established labour but for the first stage (however much of it you're at hospital for that is) they quite frequently leave you to it, pop in and out etc. I was in for about 8 hours before being moved to delivery in established labour and in those 8 hours I saw a couple of different midwives twice each. I'd say it could be quite overwhelming to be left alone, potentially in a lot of pain.

I posted about this yesterday. My baby's father may or may not be available and I have decided that I would rather do it alone if he isn't. I had some positive feedback yesterday. I have a daughter already and XH was useless at her birth, and tbh most of the time I don't really remember him being there.

I think I will be calmer and happier doing it alone this time personally.

I gave birth alone as I had split with the father and living far from family. It was absolutely fine for me, as I'm rather a resilient person and I valued the privacy. I'm not sure if I'd want a birth partner if I ever had another child tbh. I did have an epidural so the pain was minimal.

I would prefer to give birth alone, with my first birth I was very quiet and just wanted to be left alone, I found having another person there irritating, I felt I had to acknowledge them, make conversation etc. That said I will have my mum with me this time, DP is happy to stay at home and care for existing DC and due to the fact that I will likely require quite a medicalised birth again with possible intervention I think it is a good idea for me to have an advocate there just in case any decisions need to be made or anything goes wrong.

Would you consider a home birth? Two experienced midwives with you, plus the comfort of your own home?

I've had : 2 friends with me in hospital, one friend at home, DH at home and finally the last one on my own. Different as it was number 4 so I had a fair idea of what to expect, but I really wasn't bothered.

Is there a friend who could at least stay with you during labour, even if they weren't there for the birth?

When I had my first homebirth (BBA) it was just me and DH, and I valued his calmess in the situation. During my planned homebith it was DH and the MW, she stayed out of the way and was happy to leave me alone until I needed her and DH was great. He just let me lean on him and kept silent offering encouraging smiles. My previous two were hectic and had 3-7 staff in the hospital room - I hated the noise and fussing.

This time around, I'm in a new country and want not only DH but my MW brother there for extra supported kinda like a doula- I'd go unassisted again if I could be alas it's very difficult and technically illegal here.

I have to be in a certain mindset when I give birth; I hate being touched, I hate mindless talking, I hate noise and I hate being told what to do before I'm ready.

If it's your first time I'd suggest having someone there for extra support. Maybe a doula or a friend? Good luck and congrats! :)

Have you got a friend who could come with you.

Where are you based? North west uk by any chance?
Or could you hire a doula?