PLEASE HELP cant afford this baby :(

[danixx]

This is going to be very long winded (sorry) but i really need some help,
im 21 single and pregnant,
I spent the last three - four years having unprotected sex with my ex and because i never fell pregnant i assumed and so did he, that i struggled in that department. He doesnt, he has four children aging from 5 years all the way to 16.
However that relationship ended and i had a few flings nothing majour then my last fling happened, and to my suprise i found out i was pregnant
we only slept together twice really good friends and known eachother for years so the sexual side of it wasnt the biggest thing we just really got along.
my first initial thought was, im keeping the baby, i had an early scan due to come spotting and baby measured small but was too early to tell if the pregnancy was viable or not so 2 weeks later had to go for a follow up scan, it was a scary two weeks but was happy to see baby was fine.

however i then decide to tell my family the news, and it all became so real to me, im a student and havent got a penny to my name, i would receive 1200 a month in bennefits and a flat in my area is about 750 minimum unfurnished and before bills, then plus car food baby supplies etc, id be scraping by at best i would really struggle, iv never imagined bringing a baby into this world not being able to support him/her. and not in a relationship. I'm also only 21 i dont want to feel like im giving up my youth too early there so much i want to do, get a job finish college, travel etc..
all this sounds so selfish and foolish i know but im completely heartbroken. i know having an abortion will kill me inside and i will be so depressed for a long time, im not sure i'll ever get over it

i know the best thing for me would be to have an abortion, but im so scared that what if i cant concieve in the future what if there is actaully something wrong with me and i do struggle in that department, Im scared this may be my only chance.. im also scared that it would be foolish to attempt to raise a child when i know i cant give him/her the comfortable life they deserve..

i know i've been stupid and should have use contraception so please refrain from posting judgemental comments or anti abortion comments.

i myself never imagained i would EVER concider abortion, i'v always been against the idea but I suppose you never know what you would do until your in the situation and you feel how i feel right now.

Op if you come back to this- I totally second the going for impartial counselling idea. This is a big decision and you have time to carefully work through what feels best for you.
I was in a similar position at a similar age. The only thing I regret is not giving myself time to think through what I was doing. I panicked and made a choice with very little information and without talking to anyone.
It sounds like your family are there for you. No matter what your decision, you will manage. Make your peace with your decision and that will help you when ever you have doubts. X

Hey dani, I know a couple of younger girls who live near me and they are both single mums to little boys and they rent a house between them so share the rent and bills, help each other with childcare so they can both work past time and it's nice for the little ones too. Why don't you have a think about that???? X

Hi Danni, I hope you find the best solution for you. If you were to have an abortion I, and many many others would not judge you if it was right for you. Neither does an abortion have to impact on your future fertility.

If you wanted to keep the baby, it is going to be tough, there will be times when it's a real struggle and you may find that you are forced to sacrifice some of your goals. However it can be a wonderful and enriching experience.

If your family and the father aren't particularly supportive you do have to plan how you will do this, but I wish you luck

Hello

We wish you all the best danixx and hope all goes well for you.

As our regulars will know, we post up the following statement on threads that have been reported to us because it's possible that posters may be thinking about donating items or money to another poster:

"We do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare."

^ haha what's that?!

Thank you for all your replies feels good to have all your support,
I know abortion is a hard subject for some women so thank you for no judgmental comments!
I have a counseling session tomorrow so hopefully that will help.. So stuck on what to do One day I'm dead set on one option the next day it's the next!

Another big worry is landlords just don't accept housing benefits so if be virtually homeless. Xx

Hey dani, I think that's a good idea, hope the session goes well for you x

Thank you xxxx

And remember, they are going to judge you or form an opinion, their role is to help and advise you and then point you in the right direction of any necessary support you need. I work with young people and it's amazing what type of support is available but it's not always advertised or made public bit you are taking the hardest step just going for the session xxxxx