How do I go about declining a health visitor?

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my first DC and was just wondering if anyone might be able to give me some advice about HVs. I'm having the baby in the private wing of a hospital that is outside of local authority and so far I haven't heard anything about a health visitor. I'll get a couple of home visits from a midwife after the birth and don't wish to have a health visitor. I have heard too many horror stories about their ignorance in very basic baby matters (the most recent being a friend of mine being told to google her baby's wind problem) and resent the idea that the government has taken such a nanny state role in parenting.

So my query is, does anyone know who assigns the HVs? Is it the local authority or the hospital? How do I opt out?

Thank you!

I am not sure it as simple as 'opting out'. If you refuse to see them, doesn't that trigger alarm bells and further investigation- after all, there are two reasons to opt out (i) you don't feel that they will be of benefit to you or your baby; or (ii) you don't want them to find out what is going on in your household. They have no way of knowing which is which.

I never heard a HV horror story until I joined MN. Mine were all lovely and very useful when I was worried about DS's speech and potty training. Perhaps you should wait and see before "opting out" based on another's experience.

I think You can't opt out. Otoh I've had almost nothing to do with them. With DS1 she came to the house once when he was about 2 weeks old. Said to contact her or drop in at the health centre if I needed her, and gave me the times of the weighing clinic. That's all. With DS2 I had some extra help because I asked for it (prem baby, PND, DH not that supportive) but she was lovely, non judgmental and very hands off. I saw her maybe 6 times in the first 3 months, then not at all. The boys are 4.3 and 18 months now. I suspect they only get involved if they think they need to. As long as you see them once, get your gp checks at 6 weeks and go for the baby jabs I can't imagine they'd be interested. If you don't get the jabs you might get an extra visit I guess.

Hmm. Thanks Bonzo. I will, of course, have my DS vaccinated and take him to his doctors appointments. I just don't see the need for someone with no medical training to be in my house checking up on me. So you think if I just keep these appointments, I can say no thank you?

Depending on where you live your HV is normally attached to your GP but employed by the NHS trust

You can opt out, it's not compulsory and does not 'trigger' alarm bells unless there are other issues in your family which has been shared by professionals

I actually find your view quite ignorant, based on 'horror stories' and 'friends'.
Really if we all used that as a benchmark we would never use doctors, midwives, schools etc

I find the hatred towards HVs quite shocking, there are good and bad in every profession, your refusal to even meet yours before you've made your judgement is unfair

But there we go, it's your choice

It is indeed your choice. But not a very informed one.

Wow 'someone with no medical training'

All HVs are qualified nurses or midwives who have done 3 year degrees and then a further year at masters training to get where they are

Do you realise how misinformed you sound??

Health visitors are nurses with extra training to be health visitors so they do have medical training!

The don't think you can opt out but you don't see them loads anyway unless you take them to be weighed a lot at the clinic. They come and do development checks.. see how you are feeling and whatnot. Mine started the ball rolling for assessments for my youngest.

Yes there are bellends, I've had my fair share but you do get decent ones that aren't obsessed with that line.

My HV was lovely. She came to weigh our prem twins every week until there were 12 weeks as I struggled to get to baby clinic. It really was no bother. Often experience is more helpful than being medically trained when it comes to babies.

No medical training? HV are nurses or midwives with extra training on top which is a specific degree.

There are some awful HV, I saw some myself, but one in particular was lovely and really informative.

You don't sound very informed, and I say that as a children's nurse with friends who are HV.

You might actually be greatful for the support! Those first weeks with baby are quite daunting and once the midwife leaves you to it it can be quite reassuring to know the health visitor is on hand with any feeding queries or anything you wouldn't go to the gp about.

I have to say I found them helpful they were also a great link into other services as courses I could do. I did loads of courses which included free on site childcare. Made a huge difference to me in those early days. When they give duff advice just ignore it.

It's probably easier just to have the first visit (they turn up, give you your "red book" which the nurses will want to see when doing vaccinations etc., tell you about HV services and baby clinics locally, then leave) and then not see them again than to actively opt out (which is a lot more hassle, especially trying to get a red book without seeing a HV).

I've only ever had a HV in my house once with each DC. I used to take DC1 to baby clinic to get weighed, but with DC2 I only saw HV once more for 8 month development check and with DC3 I never saw them again.

If you've never met any or had any dealings with hv's yet, how can you form an opinion about them? That's quite an ignorant way of thinking.
If you just go with the flow and it doesn't work for you, then don't see them anymore.

Some are lovely.

Even the one whose mere memory gives me the rage was probably more helpful than harmful TBH.

The last one I had had never had a baby herself but she was full of experience, extremely kind and I have very fond memories of her. She was like I'd hoped my Mum would be but wasn't IYSWIM. (Someone else pulled a face when I mentioned her name though!)

They are trained. They vary a lot - you hear about the horror stories, but they can be very useful, tbh, and much warmer and friendlier than many GPs. Also, they specialise in the 0s to 5s, so they are very familiar with this age range, while GPs cover everyone.

They normally only come to your house once. If you want to see them as little as possible, then see them then, and see them for check ups, but otherwise avoid them.

And tbh, suggesting you google something is wiser than giving you and old wives' tale.

I love my health visitor. I had some concerning results back on one of my baby's screening tests and she was fantastic. Very supportive, informed and helpful. I really value knowing there is someone I can call with any worries I have about him.

My previous hv was also lovely but as my first baby was so straightforward, I hardly saw her. Ime they don't interfere.

Also, I liked having someone come round to weigh baby so I didn't have to get to the clinic in the early days. It's very convenient to have home visits at the start!

I recently had a prenatal visit from my local health visitor. Although you don't want contact from them, might it be worth contacting the service and seeing if you could get them to visit you before the baby is born, just to get the feel for what they're like?

The one who visited me told me that they have 'no right of entry' - you don't have to let them in your home. However, he also let me know that if you point blank refuse, they may start to have concerns.

My understanding is that unless you specifically ask for help or to use particular services they offer, they're fairly hands off and just do the basic checks. For me, it's comforting to know this service is there not just for myself but for all children.

Let the HV come and just ignore anything that you disagree with.

I was struggling to breast feed and a lovely HV came and showed me how to do it without it hurting. She spent an hour after her work finished to do this as I had burst into tears at a breast feeding support group she was amazing.

Oh, and to add to my post - a specialist nurse I'd never met before had to come to give me the worrying result of the blood screening. The value of having my hv - someone familiar and comforting - accompanying her to give me this news was not to be underestimated.

If something goes wrong, the more support you have the better. Don't write off a potential source of support before even meeting them. It's not about the nanny state, it's about helping women in potentially vulnerable situations. Having a baby can be very hard and it's important to make sure new mothers are not left isolated and unsure.

I'm 37+5 and my HV came for the antenatal visit a couple of weeks ago. Tbh, before she came, I felt a bit like you do: I didn't see the need for her, I felt she was intruding, and I'd heard a lot of horror stories on here. I was fully prepared to hate her - but actually I didn't, at all. She was very nice and kind, very concerned to ensure that I didn't feel that was interfering or judging, and my DP and I actually got on very well with her. By the end, I was pretty comfortable with her and I'm glad she came as now I know who will visit after DD is born and I know that I'm ok with her. I'd suggest giving it a go. Hopefully you'll also have a positive experience.

My HV has been an absolute godsend over the last 5 years. She is a nurse and midwife of over 20 years experience, turned HV with now around 15 years experience. Her help advice has been spot on and her knowledge up to date and exemplary. She is not at all "in yer face". The services that her team provide through the GP and Surestart are extremely valuable and well received.

I think you might need to approach parenting with a slightly more open mind OP.