How do I go about declining a health visitor?

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my first DC and was just wondering if anyone might be able to give me some advice about HVs. I'm having the baby in the private wing of a hospital that is outside of local authority and so far I haven't heard anything about a health visitor. I'll get a couple of home visits from a midwife after the birth and don't wish to have a health visitor. I have heard too many horror stories about their ignorance in very basic baby matters (the most recent being a friend of mine being told to google her baby's wind problem) and resent the idea that the government has taken such a nanny state role in parenting.

So my query is, does anyone know who assigns the HVs? Is it the local authority or the hospital? How do I opt out?

Thank you!

I hated my HV and did not like the invasion of privacy. I am surprised to hear that they are qualified nurses - I had held nurses in higher regard (with the exception of the nurse who tried to insist that my 6month old could sleep in a hospital bed rather than a cot).
I found my HV sexist, threatening and a walking encyclopaedia of bad advice. They did nothing about referrals ofer hearing. I wish I had looked into opting out. Smiling and biting your lip maybe the easier option though...

I felt the same as you when I was pregnant. Completely changed my mind when I'd actually had the baby. I have lots of friends too but they are all busy at work or looking after their own kids during the day. The first few weeks can be really lonely and I loved having someone to chat to.

Despite all the horror stories I've heard from mums I know locally, every hv I've met so far has been lovely and not offered any crap advice. They always ask if it's ok to visit/call; I can have as much involvement as I like.

I can see you've already made your mind up though, which is fine because the service is already stretched.

Don't bother opting out. Mine wasn't very helpful and said some stuff which I politely ignored, but I'd have thought opting out would prompt all sorts of questions you don't want to answer.

Dd had a food intolerance, diagnosed inspite of, not because of, HV's advice and I never told her about co-sleeping or extended breastfeeding, as it was clear these things were outside her realm. However she was nice enough and I'm clued up enough to know when to pursue a problem further and elsewhere and when to just not offer information.

If I'd needed it, she'd have helpfully told me about toddler groups, weaning and the like. I'd have used that service if I'd felt the need and it felt good to have it there, iyswim. Don't cut him/her out - you never know what might crop up and you want them on your side for if and when it does.

For what it's worth, I think it's great you're going private. One less for the NHS to pay for.

Wrt the hv, how are they meant to know that you'll cope? That you're not bringing baby into an abusive or dangerous home situation?
Do you honestly think they come just to annoy you? They are looking out for the welfare of all children.
They are human, not perfect so of course there will be some less able than others.
As far as my contact with them (which is all I can base my opinions on- my experiences) she came, did the heel prick, gave me a red book and that was about it. Havnt seen her since.

No big deal and no skin off my nose making sure she 'ticked a few boxes'.

It's a shame to refuse something that will potentially be useful to you on the basis of other peoples opinions that you read on the internet, especially when lots of other people here are saying that they really appreciated their HV. Why not give it a go and see how you feel? You'll probably spend as much time looking up how to avoid the Hv and making alternative arrangements as you'd have to spend just going ahead with the first visit from them.
I am a person who is very much grateful that I had a good Hv. For several reasons. You don't tend to hear opinions like mine on the internet much though as people are more likely to rant when they have a bad experience rather than start a post about a good experience.

I don't think the op has upset people because she's going private - it's because her attitude and tone are factually incorrect, derisive and misogynostic.

You don't have to see anyone, you can opt out of the service and nothing will happen. Just ensure you will not be missing out - in our area the newborn hearing tests are done by hv, as are all referrals to speech and language, audiology and PND support services. My first hv was a bit useless but offered us what we needed, the second was brilliant- a huge support with dd2s hospitalisations, diagnosis and treatments. She really supported us as a family, and helped is to coordinate the various professionals involved (we had a great paed but they don't do everything).

Parenting is a hard job, there is very very little support available and that is what the state is aiming to offer. Not a checking up service.

My first one was rubbish, I do understand where the stories come from - but it was still useful to have someone at the house for weighing, and then the local one now is lovely.

Part of it is also down to how fragile many of us feel after a birth - it's very easy to feel insecure and so get hurt by anyone who comments about our parenting, let alone a professional.

They're there to support you and your baby. It's so hard to know how you will feel until the baby arrives. You may well find you appreciate the convenience, or even the company or hands on advice. If you don't, then there's no need for a second visit and at least you have the weighing done and a red book to hand.

Not all HV are great but I think they are a great safety net for mums and baby. I am glad I live in a society with them - I may not have had PND or be harming a baby but others do and I think they need someone their for them. I would prefer a million checks to save one baby P for example or to help a struggling mum by asking the right questions.

Having a baby is such a live changing experience that you can't know what you will need or not need until you are going through it. Sometimes the people you think can help aren't as helpful and wise words can come form anywhere.

Not all things to do with baby are worthy of a paed but need a discussion with some one. You can opt in or opt out but please don't dismiss it on the words of others until you have tried it yourself.

And actually my ds 1 year check with a HV was great - it helped reassure me - let me know I was doing fine and let me talk to someone about worries without thinking I was boring them.

I 'opted out' simply by slowly disengaging. Saw them a couple of times after having my daughter, dragged myself to baby clinic to have her weighed, then simply stopped bothering. A house move also meant that we fell off the radar -- though it would have been easy enough to get back in touch with them if we'd needed or wanted to. I found our HV benign but mostly useless. As PP's have said, if you tick the 'educated, middle-class, two parent family' sort of boxes you are unlikely to see much of them anyway.

The only thing I took umbrage at with your post was the assertion that 'HVs are medically unqualified'. Some may well seem that way but other posters have put you straight on that. They are all qualified nurses and midwives with extra training on top. If you're going to decide to opt-ot of something, be a little more informed first, otherwise you just show up here frothing and look rather silly.

Just decline, after my third I only saw the HV twice, once at 6 weeks and once for the 12 months check. Which DD slept through so we sat and had a brew. She checked I was up to speed with the latest guidelines then left. Haven't seen her since! I assume she has more women on her caseload who are in actual need of her help than me.
A word of warning though. This is your PFB right? Don't assume you will breeze through the early months even with the safety net of private healthcare (which is great btw, the assumption that we're all inverted snobs is silly). I'm a qualified experienced nursery nurse, had dealt with children from the age of 3 months and upwards with a variety of needs. I still had PND after my first although I didn't realise it at the time. My HV did though and was invaluable, an absolute rock at a bad time.
You don't know how you will feel afterwards. Yes there are some who shouldn't be let near women at all but there are some gems out there. Keep an open mind.

I see that some posters even feel the need to warn you that your baby may be at risk because you are giving birth privately

No-one said that. But it's true that your baby will get taken to the nearest NHS facility, if your private hospital doesn't have one. What do you think happens?

I couldn't care less if the OP goes private, it's her money/insurance. I don't like the attitude about a whole profession she knows nothing about and has never had contact with. She's not even had the baby yet.

My HV visited a couple of times - I went to the clinics for weighing, etc till about 9 months then back to work and never saw them again. Didnt find it remotely invasive and the advise was there if needed but wasnt pushed down my throat.
The NHS are a good bunch really, I wouldn't go reading too much into anything on the forums until you have had a baby then make your own mind up.

After the initial check after he was born by the HV, the only time I saw one was when I took him to be weighed. There was nothing to opt out of.

You're not likely to see her often. As far as I could work out, mine (who was perfectly nice) was just visiting to check that I wasn't depressed and that DH hadn't suddenly taken to beating me up. Saw her three times in total, mainly for weighing DD (which meant I didn't have to schlep all the way to the Childrens Centre in the rain), and have never seen her since.

She was quite informative (recognising DD's birthmark at the point we where still at the 'WTF is that?' stage) and non-judgmental.

I did wonder if I should consider it intrusive by the government, but I decided that it would be better for someone to be scheduled to see me and hopefully to spot things if they went 'off' rather than it being left to my very busy family doctor who apart from the 6 week check would have no contact with me unless I initiated it.

My HV came once when DS1 was born. She was very unhelpful and if I'd been in the mood to listen to her advice, I would have been very distressed by her.

She came for a combined DS1 1 year check and DS2 birth, and was much more pleasant but I got nothing useful out of it.

We just moved and the local HV came out to see us. She copied notes out of their red books, smiled benignly as the DC ran wild through the house and went on her way. I expect not to see her again.

My DC have speech delay. I got a referral to speech therapy and audiology by going to the GP. It never occurred to me to go to the HV. You don't need them. A good HV is probably fantastic. My friends, in a different borough, liked theirs.

Maybe let them come. If they are helpful and friendly, great. If not, they have a lot on and are probably too busy to chase you for more visits. I don't think my first HV would have come for DS1 if DS2 hadn't just been born.

I had no hv. Had my baby at a birth centre, midwife came to my house afterwards for about 4-6 weeks.
GP came and checked baby over on the first day, that must have been normal as the birth was classed as home birth.
I took baby to get immunised at the relevant times.

I never got asked if I wanted a hv visit. Maybe they were miffed about the private birth centre, who knows. I was under GP midwife care until 30 weeks when the midwife sent me home to come back in 4 weeks after she measured high blood pressure, swollen feet and I tested positive for protein. Having had pre eclampsia with my ds I was not ignoring it and went private.

I know plenty of incompetent hv stories, one from my sister. Her hv gave wrong advice and scared her terribly regarding the health of her firstborn.

So from my experience you don't have to have a hv. I haven't had the primary school reception weigh in and hearing/sight test either, because I strongly objected even to the questionaire it came with.

If I have concerns about my dc's health I will go and get it checked out. They have their vision tested regularly and all their immunisations are up to date.

I've just realised that I've never taken DD2 to be weighed at all!! I would imagine that if any flagging up was being done I would have had a knock on the door by now

Pobble what I think, sorry know, happens if you are at a private hospital and your baby needs more care is that they arrange it for you. For me, this meant a transfer to the Portland hospital which has great special care facilities. It's not an nhs facility by the way.

Which is fine if you live in London, and the Portland have a bed. And if your health insurance covers you or you have the money.

I do know of one person who wasn't covered for the emergency section she ended up having.

Oh and you can still be private and treated by an NHS hospital. Happens a lot with children when there is no private children's ward. I've looked after plenty of private children on an NHS ward.

There are some spectacularly bad HVs around but there are also some really good ones.

By all means opt out if there is a way for you to do so. I suspect that the health visitor will be delighted that she doesn't have to deal with an individual who shows so little respect for their (well-qualified) profession.

If your as rude to the poor hv as you sound on here I doubt they will be beating down your door to invite you to post natal groups of weaning sessions!

It always suprises me how arrogant some people are about what they will want and need before they have even given birth... Slow down op you may feel differently when you have your baby. Also if things didn't go as smoothly as we all hope they do with our births and babies the hv may end up being invaluable support and put you in touch with others.

My twins were premature and under pediatrician care for 9 months after they were born. When I asked the pediatrician about weaning he looked at me blankly. My HV was quite helpful.

Pediatricians are there for illness/medical issues not the general stuff that new mums worry about. My HV had her own children and knew exactly how it felt to have a tiny new baby and feel raw with nerves. Our pediatrician did not, he had no idea!

I'd rather have a system where a mum with plenty of support has to have a HV visit a few times because they are almost compulsory (I say almost, I know they are not) and feel like they were 'wasting' that mum's time, if it means a chance that babies who are at risk also get that visit and the risk is noted and dealt with.

FWIW, I had one visit at home for the better part of an hour where we talked a lot about the local groups and support available, and then the rest were drop-in sessions at health clinics. I went regularly for the first few months and then stopped going as I had no concerns or questions.

You do sound as if you have plenty of 'medical' support, but don't knock back the recommendations of peer support that a HV can give you.

My HV was pointless - she had clearly decided in advance that I didn't fit the criteria for extra support so she couldn't get out of my house fast enough though I had real worries about DS's weight and feeding (he lost 11% by day 5). Entire HV team couldn't give a shit about DS's horrible reflux (screaming 6 minutes into each and every feed, every 2 hours, agony for him and a killer for me) because he was following his centile for weight.

Obviously people have different experiences as they become evangelical about them. However if have a second I think I'll decline the initial visit, just to save having to get dressed and brush my hair.