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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Don't want my in laws to stay after the baby is born.

22 replies

Dizzywhore · 24/04/2014 17:49

Not due for another 11 weeks but DH and I have been talking about it and he want them to stay. They live 8 hours drive away so need to stay somewhere but why it has to be at ours? We don't have a spear room so it would mean either my 3 yr old DD wound have to go into the baby's room on a blow up be or they sleep down stairs. I don't want my dd being unsettled anymore then she has to. And I will probably be up and down all night, I might want to site down stairs. They are lovely and we all get on well but I just isn't want someone there all the time. Mil doesn't spot talking, ever. I remember when my dd was born she did my head in! I don't want that 24/7!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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ohthegoats · 24/04/2014 17:52

Why does he want them to stay? Try and get the details of why out of him, then you can spend some time explaining why that isn't necessary.

My inlaws will be doing day visits or sleeping in a B&B until I say it's alright for them to stay here (and realistically, I'm thinking a month or more).

PenguinsLoveFishFingers · 24/04/2014 17:56

I presume you are talking about in the days/weeks after the birth (rather than meaning you never want them to stay again!).

I think you have been totally reasonable. My IL's have been firmly booked into a Travelodge. As they were with previous DC.

peeapod · 24/04/2014 18:11

with 11 weeks to go I highly recommend pointing out a good deal on a travelodge type website.. they usually have advanced deals.

point out that your house is squashed and you really think they would be better served during the day times and evenings if they were able to sleep properly in the evenings and have their own space.

Trying to angle it so it appears you are thinking about them and their needs will sound much better.

Darksideofthemoon88 · 24/04/2014 19:44

I think it's terrible that they're expecting to stay - they, having presumably produced at least your DP - should realise that you're going to need time to get to grip with things with a new baby even if you have done the 'baby stage' before. I'd second what others say and ask DP to firmly direct them to the nearest Travelodge. If they can't manage this, for monetary reasons for example, suggest they wait a wee while before visiting so you're on top of things!

Jcb77 · 24/04/2014 22:53

My dad will be staying in a b&b. my in laws have a holiday home locally. Neither will be invited to stay here. In laws have said from the outset they wouldn't dream of it and have suggested that we don't ask my family to either. Dad suggested hotel etc himself. They will have broken nights, all will be hormonal/tired/emotional/tetchy so why add to the pressure?
It gives both of you space to do your own thing in private and in your own time. And it means you don't have to feel that you should be 'looking after' them. Which I'm guessing is almost inevitable, even if it's only feeling duty bound to make cups of tea.

Say you'd love to see them but for their sakes as much as anything they need a hotel!

littlegreengloworm · 24/04/2014 22:55

You really won't want them to stay,it will cause a lot of resentment too. B&b or hotel

Doristhecamel · 24/04/2014 22:57

You need a travel lodge.
Actually Premier Inn have some rooms for 25 a night in thrur summer sale.
Book early for the good rates.

Do not have them to sray in your house. You will need zmd want spCd from ALL visitors not just in laws.
Your dh/dp needs to wise upto this.

icklekid · 25/04/2014 03:58

How can you book early when don't know when vaby will actually come? Sorry showing my ignorance as 1st timer here but say my parents wanted to come up for a week, I don't know if will be early/on time/late. ..unless having elcs how do you know when to book in advance??!

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 25/04/2014 07:32

Thanks for your replies. I'm going to talk to DH again this weekend. He just says it would be nice for them to stay because they don't get down much, 4 or 5 times a year maybe more and we go there at least 3 times. Anyway they don't see us much and our DD would enjoy it. Sorry not enough reason for me. They made a bit of a fuss when DD was born because I said no to them staying then so my mum put them up. Not that she minded. My FIL said they would feel " left out of it" if they were in a hotal!

OP posts:

PenguinsLoveFishFingers · 25/04/2014 08:09

What do you mean you don't see them much? That's laods given the distances!

squizita · 25/04/2014 11:05

Two words: TRAVEL LODGE. If you haven't the space, it will be a nightmare!

Zara8 · 25/04/2014 11:15

OP it is not reasonable for your husband to expect them to stay in your house when there is not room and it will upset your DDs sleeping arrangements (she's already going to be having upheaval!).

My DMIL stayed with us for a month when DS was born, we had a spare room at the time so it was fine. Now DC2 is on the way, both DMIL and DFIL want to come and stay for 6 weeks to 2 months to help us (they live literally on the other side of the world, hence the long visit). We are currently looking to move anyway, but we want somewhere that comfortably has space for them to stay too. If we can't find somewhere we like, we won't be moving before the birth. This means they won't be able to come and visit, end of story. They haven't seen us in 18 months too! So it'll be a pity but guess what, too bad, our needs have to come first!

Zara8 · 25/04/2014 11:16

And you do see them quite a lot already!!

RedToothBrush · 25/04/2014 12:09

My FIL said they would feel " left out of it"

Why isn't he considering and respecting YOUR feelings?
Why are their more important?

liquidstatehasrisenagain · 25/04/2014 19:00

I wish I saw my DM 4 or 5 times a year!

They have to stay in a hotel. We are expecting our PFB in early July and live in a 3 bed house but my parents will still be staying at the local travel lodge.

SuzanneSays · 25/04/2014 22:01

Not to hijack your thread- but I have a similar problem - my MIL and SIL BOTH want to come and stay for about a week 10 days after the PFB is born- we live abroad so they will def be staying in our house. I think it is really inconsiderate of them to be honest, but can't really say that to DH! Don't know what to suggest you do Dizzy- maybe point out again that there just isn't room?

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 27/04/2014 08:10

Thanks all. Your right they can't stay end of! Now to tell DH that. They will have to just get on with it.
Suzanne- just because your abroad it's not different you must have a b&b or hotel near by? Just tell them to stay there. Good luck xx

OP posts:

MummytoMog · 27/04/2014 10:45

I think most people would get a bit stabby with their in laws in a small house, just after having a baby! I shoved mine out the front door an hour after I got back from the hospital (they were looking after DD) and we did have a spare room! I'm half tempted not to tell them when the baby is born this time ;) your OH will just have to talk to them. You have 11 weeks to work it out so don't panic!

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 29/04/2014 08:01

I have now been told they are coming to stay for DD's birthday 9 days before my due date and just weeks after we move in! Plus FIL is coming to stay for 2 nights a few weeks before we move, not to help but to see friends in London! Helpful!!

OP posts:

nirishma · 29/04/2014 08:10

Dizzy whore what kind of husband do you have that makes arrangements without your consultation? Either tell them no or walk around the house naked in full beached whale glory. When your fil spots you you can say you sleepwalk and it happens every night. It's your home for flips sake you're not a fucking b&b, especially at 9 months pregnant! ! Sorry but you just don't need the stress right now. Say no. 9 days before dd? Not on tell him to head on down to london. He's a big boy he'll cope.

There won't be a fallout because they can all reassure themselves that it's just your hormones talking

Original poster

Dizzywhore · 29/04/2014 08:41

I wasn't told by DH it was the IL's!! Cheeky gits! I think DH feels bad but he feels like he can't say no to them for some reason! His family are very easy going and always just turn up at each other's and stay over on sofas or on the floor and think I should be like that, but I'm just not. I always put up with it but I feel crap this pregnancy and with the big move coming up I just can't be bothered with it all. I do feel like I just need to put up with it for my DH!

OP posts:

lazypepper · 29/04/2014 08:47

Say no. If you don't you could rsk ruining this special time with your new baby.

Just say that you feel that you will want your own space to be able to bf or air your stitches - whatever.

I hear what you say about them being the type to happily bunk down on sofas in family's houses. Personally I prefer the privacy and space of a hotel.

perhaps research some nearby hotels/b&b for them and pass on the details. Then you will appear to be being helpful - not obstructive. (not that you are being obstructive).

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