Shock, stress and pregnancy.

[magpiegin]

I am 20 weeks pregnant (scan is coming up this Friday) and I have had a huge shock today (sudden traumatic death of a close family member). I obviously don't know how I am feeling yet but wondered if anyone has any experience or expertise of how to deal with this.

Obviously if not pregnant I would just deal with the weeks (or months) of not sleeping or eating properly but obviously need to try and keep the baby heathy.

Any help/ words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

I am sorry for your loss

I haven't really got much advice beyond take care of yourself, plenty of rest and try to eat as well as you can.

be kind to yourself. allow others to help you, don't be afraid to ask for help. Its ok to fall apart for a bit.

If you think food might be an issue, get some ready meals in, make sure you have lots of fruit and healthy things, but just be gentle on yourself.

I call it survival mode, just do what you need to to get through. Recognise that your hormones will be making it harder to cope in general but also remember that your body will put your baby first and make sure they are healthy.

You really have my sympathies - the same thing happened to me when I was 6 months pregnant and it is bloody hard. The good news is that that pregnancy is now a happy, healthy 1yo, so the stress, lost sleep, disrupted routine etc obviously didn't affect her. So try not to worry too much about your baby and concentrate on looking after yourself.

Practical advice I can offer includes :

• eat well and often, even if you don't feel hungry
• if you're struggling to sleep at night, try naps during the day
• take time off work if you need to - you won't win any prizes for soldiering on!
• keep a supply of water, snacks, tissues etc handy in your bag at all times
• sit down at every opportunity - taking the weight off your feet will really help you relax
• don't be afraid of your emotions - it won't harm the baby for you to grieve and be upset
• take every offer of help and support that you're offered
• if you're struggling, don't be afraid to see your doctor or midwife

In short, look after yourself

Thank you for the advice. After a very restless night I think things are beginning to sink in. Midwife has a clinic today so am going to see if I can get booked in to have a check up of bp etc, especially as I will be travelling a long way to visit family.

Hope it goes ok today magpie. Was thinking about you last night and realised I forgot to mention travel.

Getting your bp checked is a very good idea as the travelling does not help matters. If you can, try to have frequent breaks en route, stretch your legs and move around a bit whenever you can, and put your feet up for a while when you get to your destination (if you can).

It may also be a good idea to chat to your mw about what you should do if you have problems when you're in a different area - I had two weeks away from home to deal with funeral, sorting family matters etc, but went armed with phone numbers etc for the hospital and local mw service so I could easily access mw care if I needed it.

Hope you're bearing up ok - sending you un-mumsnetty hugs.