Breast Feeding Views.

[Blondebrunette1]

I tried to breastfeed my first baby and only managed a week after i got an infection & found he was far happier on bottles. My second I had such a swift labour I was shaking and weak after and could barely hold him so we decided to bottle feed. This time I don't want to try, I have happy, healthy children that have always slept well and all were bottle fed, also I was bottle fed and am in better health than lots of my breast fed friends so I don't feel they have been deprived. My friend couldn't do it and was devastated, then after hearing professionals at a weaning class call bottles "artificial feeding" she was really upset. I just don't see it that way at all, I am not anti breast feeding it just hasn't worked for me and I don't want to try again as I'd rather bottle feed. I don't get the guilt, my kids are perfect and I've seen no correlation between good health and breast fed kids at all, In some cases completely the opposite. I would never tell anyone bottle is best and don't expect anyone to say breast is to me as my other friend experienced it being rammed down her throat at a class and now has her husband saying he wants her to do it when she's unsure. My husband doesn't mind either way but prefers being able to give them a bottle as he has with our other two. Am I the only one who is not deeply saddened it isn't for me?

Yes I am well aware it is often not a choice. Thank goodness formula milk is now available in these situations.

However I was responding to the OP who has made a personal choice not to breastfeed this time around. And she has the right to choose that she simply doesn't want to try this time. The experience of people who have had difficulty breastfeeding is totally irrelevant to her post.

Ok fair enough

blonde, I suspect their is going to be a huge back lash in the anti formula brigade.

While it has been proven "breast is best" their really isn't anything wrong with formula.

Its really an individual thing, I cant stand that women are being told what to do with their bodies and using love for their child as blackmail.

What a lot don't realise is that BF can cause PND. Its made into such a huge pressure that is causes mental health issues.

I bf my first. My attitude pre-birth was I'll give it a go, if it works great, if not, I tried. However I didn't figure in the pressure from the MW's, my DH, the baby groups, the sneering, the competition mums. I didn't factor in not being able to produce enough milk, resulting in feeding all day and all night and the screaming when baby was not attached and how the lack of sleep and decline of self worth and destruction of PND.

Was it worth it.....no fucking way. I bf and my ds still has asthma, skin issues, always the first to pick up the first cough, always tired.

No way will I do it again and I will not be bullied into it. I've found a huge lack of information available to mums wishing to bottle feed, and no mw wants to discuss it either. Its gone so far the other way now...and its a back lash waiting to happen.

How many mums have you read about in the news who have killed themselves dues to PND....because they felt they HAD to BF or they were failing their child/themselves. Because they had issues with bf...I had no help with bf, in fact a nurse at the hospital grabbed my boob and shoved it in my babies mouth...er yeah I know where it goes but we all know its not that straight forward. I was left with a huge bruise, shocked and in tears, I spent three months in tears actually. (the nurse didn't speak English!)

Whiteblossom, sorry to hear about your experience, I agree there is basically bullying rather than support going on in some places and it does make me angry on your behalf. Kindness should always be first for any hc professional.

And some of us have no choice but to use formula. Please don't forget that there are some of us mums and mums to be who are on medication that would be harmful to the baby if we breastfed. I feel very envious of those who have the choice. And if formula is the way you choose either before or after birth then that is your choice and no one should be critical of it or pressure you to do something you don't want to do.

It's a very personal decision and I've never understood the hysteria in Western countries (although have an issue with it in developing countries). There must be millions and millions of people who were formula fed and are absolutely fine. If it was that big a deal in terms of outcomes for my child then my doctors would take me off my medication and get me to breast feed but I was categorically told no.

Bf would be lovely but formula it is for me.

Ok we get it, you didn't like bfing but it's a bit irresponsible to claim bfing leads to PND.

The ego drive to appear alpha mother may make some women neurotic but this has very little to do with the loving act of bfing.

DD2 due in 11 weeks... not even contemplating it this time & I don't feel guilty at all. Happy Mummy = Happy Baby I say. I KNOW each baby is different but I really don't want to try. Decision made.

vchill 'loving act of breastfeeding'? Really??? I watched friends wince in pain for hours on end breastfeeding with tears down their cheeks and who couldn't wait to wean their babies. There was no loving act involved whatsoever, it was one of necessity.

Not everyone gets to experience the Disney version of breastfeeding. Your language seems designed to guilt trip which isn't helpful for new mums struggling.

Good for you MrsRV !

I got crap off people when i BF

I got crap off people when i FF

I might feed dc2 behind a magicians curtain and get people to guess which i've opted for. And give out stuffed animals and stickers to the winners.

ithoughtofitfirst

I really hate how people who are passionate about breastfeeding are made to feel like crap about it. Just as people respect the choice to formula feed - a passion for breast feeding should also be respected

I struggled to bf my dd, I have pcos, we had a traumatic birth and dd stopped breathing while on the breast just after birth, she recovered and we continued to try to bf but it just wasent working. I began to mix feed which eventually led to giving up with bf at about 2 weeks. (Tbh I think the bf in that 2 weeks was more comfort sucking than actual feeding).

If I was to have another I don't think i would try to bf again, it was just too stressful and upsetting for me. And I've found ff so easy and fits in with our lifestyle perfectly. I did feel guilty for a while but know I made the right decision.

VICHILL, I have experienced it first hand and Ive read about it/seen it on the news. Struggling to BF/problems/infection/lack of support/pressure can and sometimes does lead to PND. Couple that with no sleep...its not hard to see why.

Snapple of course there is passionate & respectful. But its those that then ram their passionate opinions at those that don't/cant bf, the implication being they are shit mothers and they are earth mothers who can do no wrong. (then go on about tandem feeding their newborn and 20 year old) Of course a passion for bf is respected which is part of the reason why FF is frown upon. I have no problem what so ever with BF, I just don't want to told what to do with my body and bullied into what someone else considers best for me and my baby.

If you log on to any Formula website, in order to read about a product you have to read a very long page all about BF and how's its best. Click accept you have read it THEN you can continue reading about the product. To me that's ramming BF down my throat when Im on a formula website.

and that's my lost post on the subject!

I didn't see anyone calling anyone a shit mother here. Just because someone posts something positive about breastfeeding does not mean they are inferring that mothers who can't or won't are shit. Often these so-called implications are imagined by people, for whatever reason. There is nothing wrong with healthcare professionals telling people about the advantages of breastfeeding. If you don't want to nobody is going to force you into it, and given that by 8 weeks most babies in this country are formula fed, most other mothers won't give a shiny shit about it either.

Yeah I had a week where I winced with pain as a baby latched on to the wounds that were my nipples but like billions of women before me I put up with it. Fast forward 8 months and I'm having Disney/Earth mother moments daily.

vichill you sound like your implying that every mother should put up with any BFeeding struggles they may have,??

no not any problem, that was in reponse to pp comment that they had seen friends wince in pain when bfing which presumably was nipple damage. ofcourse some problems are insurmountable.

Ahh the Breast Feeding Brigade will be out in full force ... Yawn.
If the Pros of BF are not rammed down our throat by docs/midwives/nurses etc its celebrities barking on about it. Its all over tv, magazines... It is all we hear. This is why non Bf mothers may seem a tad defensive... Funnily enough!!
I could not BF due to haemorraging at birth / thyroid issues/ subsequent anemia - this lovely concoction resulted in no milk and a very hungry and sad baby - and an exhausted and traumatised me. Despite ALL of this I still had midwives trying to push for BF despite knowing i had hardly any milk and my baby was bloody starving!
I perservered with the bf because I was under so much pressure , much to the detriment of my own child. Finally a midwife visited, realised my dd was very very hungry and was told to get dd on formula at once -and she was totally fine after a nice big ole bottle of (albeit) formula milk !
I ended up with pnd. It is of no doubt in my mind that part of my pnd was down to the trauma of having no milk/ my daughter getting hungry/ feeling like an absolute failure thanks to the pressure everywhere to Bf and the constant implications of being bad if you do not.
Anyone who has a choice should consider themselves lucky. I was forced into FF and still have to listen to the middle class mafia harp on about breast is best , when they seem to forget some women literally cannot! Consider our feelings too! Where is the support for us? There is support everywhere to Bf!!

Only each individual woman can know when enough is enough for her. It'll be different for each of us and might depend in part on how important bfing is to us, and on whatever else is going on in our lives, minds and relationships at the time.

I had a difficult start to bfing my DC2 (DC1 had been quite straightforward). I was in a lot of pain for quite a long time. Every feed was agony and I was in tears a lot. But I was extremely stubborn about it, and had a supportive husband, so carried on and eventually reached a point where bf was wonderful and rewarding. I am glad I persevered to that point, but I don't suggest that every woman do the same, because their circumstances, and state of mind, may be different to my own.

And besides, some women can have a relatively easy time of bfing and yet never reach a point where they enjoy bfing. That's very different to my experience, so I can't say I understand it, but I don't need to understand it- I only need to accept that they're doing things in the way that works best for them as an individual.

I never really understood this whole pressure-to-breastfeed claim, our entire country and way of life is pushing formula and 99% of babies are on some amount of formula by 6 months. I hardly see you can be ostracised if 99% of the population are with you. Health care professionals (postnatally) seem to suggest formula at the drop of a hat. It's on TV, bottles are everywhere, a friend of mine bought me bottles before I had a baby assuming it was just something I'd need because I was having a baby. (I said thank you!)

Acting like formula-feeding mums are an oppressed minority is just ridiculous. Like when white-male-middle-class-men do it.

I don't think anyone should be made to feel guilty about how they feed their baby and I tell every new mum I know what a wonderful job she is doing. I don't think anyone is trying to make people feel guilty really, but it's a vulnerable time and mums feel guilty about all sorts of things they shouldn't. I feel guilty about going to work every day.

But this doesn't mean it's not a huge public health problem and could potentially save the NHS vast sums of money and improve many children and adults' health. That's not new mums' fault - our society is not set up for it as detailed by loads of comments above about how hard it was and how unsupported people were. Our society is so breastfeeding-unfriendly, it probably is a better option for lots of mums, rather than making their lives so difficult. So it's a problem with health care provision and formula company advertising and our society. It is not the burden of tired, emotional, fragile new mums. But it is a problem.

Great post weebairn. Totally agree with everything you've said.

Weebairn i sorta see where your coming from ... But not in the UK, surely !? We must live in very very different towns/ cities because here I do feel like the minority - and all the healthcare professionals i have seen have totally been pushy on BF ... Not to mention it is often on the tv - maybe not adverts. , but tv interviews of celebs harping on about how BF is a must and silly old celebrity male docs to boot! FF mothers may not be the minority, but women who HAVE to ff ARE!! And please tell me, where is our nhs funded support groups/praise / help? Anyone...? Yep, thought not.

I am certainly not been ridiculous in suggesting women who FF are publicly ostracized by docs in the mvarious media outlets. Even the whole breast is best campaign can seem so passively aggresive when snooty adverts hijack buses etc dont you think us ff mothers already know rhis! But surely it is not best when the mother has no milk!? Its border line ludicrous.

Oh right nipple pain is the only pain you get Lucky you to only have had it for a week.

One friend had deep searing pain from well inside her breasts and persevered for six long months. The other was struggling to produce enough milk which was also causing her agony. Both were totally unsupported by the medical community and both felt such pressure to bf and nothing else.

There are many stories of women struggling along with bf and not bonding with their child. To assume all mothers find it a loving experience is not accurate.

And how fortunate for you to not experience any judgements from people about formula weebairn my experience has been the complete opposite. If people weren't so judgemental then why are so many of us going the formula route feeling that we have to explain our rationale? I don't notice anyone dishing out scare stories or advice to mums who bf yet if you choose formula there is a queue of people to tell you why not.

I don't disagree with much of your post. But to say to a new mum, or in my case one filled with pregnant hormones and who's already finding the judgy judgy comments annoying, that they're not experiencing pressure that wouldn't exist if they whipped out a boob is wrong and demoralising.

I don't see anyone complaining about being ostracised or saying they are in an oppressed minority. But many saying how fed up they are at the criticism and pressure which is basically veiling the fact that tthat they are calling you a shit mum for not choosing to bf. It's pretty frustrating.

Some people may be interested in a charity called Best Beginnings which ran a huge campaign to provide information on dvd to new mums on how to breastfeed. It was a few years ago. Worth a look if you want more info as they campaign for better support and advice which just isn't there.

Each to their own on this. Woman's choice with what she is comfortable with.