Breast Feeding Views.

[Blondebrunette1]

I tried to breastfeed my first baby and only managed a week after i got an infection & found he was far happier on bottles. My second I had such a swift labour I was shaking and weak after and could barely hold him so we decided to bottle feed. This time I don't want to try, I have happy, healthy children that have always slept well and all were bottle fed, also I was bottle fed and am in better health than lots of my breast fed friends so I don't feel they have been deprived. My friend couldn't do it and was devastated, then after hearing professionals at a weaning class call bottles "artificial feeding" she was really upset. I just don't see it that way at all, I am not anti breast feeding it just hasn't worked for me and I don't want to try again as I'd rather bottle feed. I don't get the guilt, my kids are perfect and I've seen no correlation between good health and breast fed kids at all, In some cases completely the opposite. I would never tell anyone bottle is best and don't expect anyone to say breast is to me as my other friend experienced it being rammed down her throat at a class and now has her husband saying he wants her to do it when she's unsure. My husband doesn't mind either way but prefers being able to give them a bottle as he has with our other two. Am I the only one who is not deeply saddened it isn't for me?

[livingzuid]

Sorry apologies, missed your post about the survey. Doesn't alter the fact that there's some very superior attitudes by women who bf/were bf and even with a ff combo get very sniffy towards women who exclusively ff. As you say, ridiculous. It's not a blinking competition!

[MrsRV]

can I just say that I FF DD1 after about 24 hours of trying to breast feed. No need to go into my reasoning. with DD2 I will be FF'ing. Again, no need to justify my reasons. I was petrified of telling the midwife 1st time round about my decision.... I have no idea why, think I'd heard about a few that must have been all preachy about it. This time, my MW hasn't even mentioned feeding or asked but just gave me a list of BF'ing support groups. So, all in all I think my point is, I don't feel guilty nor have I felt pressured or made to feel guilty. All new mums & health care professionals I've spoken to have been really good at offering advice for BF'ing or FF'ing... whichever I've needed.

[PeaceEagle]

jess03 that is such bad practice and so sad that that still happens. Probably puts many mothers off who might otherwise have had a good experience of bf.

[Jess03]

Yes it's one of my least treasured memories and that included a major PPH and I'd just got through it and they were pulling my boobs around and telling me I had a flat nipple (I didn't, it was fine in the end). I wish I'd kicked that bf nurse out. With dc2 they will be told to take a hike and we'll access whatever help is needed later. I've heard it a lot too, on bf threads about people having the same experience.

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Jess 03 i wasnt aware that was abnormal (despite it being very uncomfortable!) i had the same , after traumatic birth and haemorrage i had hvs grabbing my boob all through the night as dd kept waking for milk (she clearly wasn't getting) I was severely aneamic with an drip in and a cathater and still I was up every hour tryin to feed my baby. Not once did a nurse offer formula to let me rest after not Sleeping for days and having a horrific labour ending in a haemorrage to top it off! I was totally out of it. I really was not happy with the experience. The hvs and midwives were sighing as I kept buzzing them an girl across from me was tutting. When I went home it just got worse. I dread giving birth at this hosp again :(

[MyriadOfMiracles]

They knew I was behindnin milk due to haemorrage and thyroid issues too... They could have even offered to pump some of my milk and feed my baby, instead of all the huffing and puffing trying to help me get er to latch. The more i write about this the more livid i feel. I may make a complaint. Complete lack of care (other things occured too - like leaving a tampon in me and I was so out of it i didnt even know it was in me! I only knew when I felt it in the shower) really cold behaviour towards me. Shocking this is what we pay taxes for! Sorry for the rant and I know friends have had superb experiences, but mine really wasn't, esspecially on the feeding front!

[Jess03]

that is a shocking story, a complete lack of compassion, it's like the birth isn't their concern and they are trying to get baby to latch so they can tick boxes. You can reconcile all the medical interventions but when human kindness lets you down it is hard to forget. It does recede over time though...I really feel it's unnecessary and they should spend money on bf support once you're at home.

[Lottystar]

I think breast feeding is a wonderful, natural thing - if you can do it.

I am sorry but there is much more support for bfing when you're a new Mum, I felt that there was no alternative and had weeks of crying, anguish and self-loathing that I couldn't bf my first ds. He lost over 10% of his body weight and the hv / mws were still telling me to continue despite clearly seeing that I was a tired, emotional wreck and my son was losing too much weight and pretty miserable. The pressure is immense and I think it's frightening that health professionals are so keen they lose sight sometimes of the greater health and well being of baby and Mum.

I also live in quite a middle class yummy mummy area and formula feeding is seriously frowned upon. They give you almost a pitying look that only enhances that feeling of failure. I just women would be nicer to one another. Few women chose ff due up laziness, it's usually necessity.

The whole experience honestly darkened the early weeks of my son's life for me. Thankfully he is now a healthy, happy 3 year old song seems no different to those who were bf.

[MyriadOfMiracles]

I think there seems to be a misconception that if you do not bf you are lazy/ careless/ uneducated etc etc - definately a class hierarchy involved too.
What these ignoraniouses forget is many women for many years before formula, couldnt bf- hence wet nurses etc. before formula, other women would bf babies whose mothers couldnt. It was a common occurance. Nowadays women dont do these things (family are not living so close together etc) so we have to use formula (or pay mega bucks and go to the hassle of finding a stranger to donate their milk)
The point i am making is ff isnt someone new phenomenon generated out of laziness etc. its part of the evolvement of our human race-it's the new substitute for mothers who have struggles with bf. Just as bf problems arent some new age manufactured idea by lazy mothers; its something that has gone on for a loooong time! So i find it shocking that people cannot seem to grasp there are mothers out their who cannot bf- not choosing to do so! Many mothers infact...

[MyriadOfMiracles]

... Yet we seem to all get tarred with the same brush if we do not. Sad times.

[vichill]

Wet nurses were hired by the upper classes The vast majority of people could not afford to hire a woman to nurse their babies every few hours. Working class women would have their babies bought to them in the field/factory etc. I don't think formula feeding mums are lazy but just want some kind of structure to the day and to delegate if need be. I wouldn't go as far to say it's an "evolvement". Formula was designed to make motherhood easier, get women back to work and their milkless boobs back in the marital bed.

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Vic hill, I know wet nurses were for the upper class :) working class women were forced to let other family members etc feed their babies if they could not (i know this for a fact as my own family did so)
As for 'evolvement' i use that term loosely. Yes, formula was brought in for all the things you stated- you did leave out te positive thing though- to help mums feed their babies who could not breastfeed.

[Seff]

So, from what I can gather from this thread, the 99% of mothers who FF feel judged, as do the 1% of mothers who BF.

So, even though we're all actually feeding our babies rather than just leaving them to starve, we're all being judged.

There will always be something for women to be judged on, that's the way our society works. How bloody lovely.

On a personal note, I've been breastfeeding my DD for nearly 4 years. Since she was literally days old, I've been asked when I was putting her on a bottle. That only a few days was enough. And it's only got worse as time has on. And that's from my own FAMILY, let alone the media and the sheeple telling me I'm disgusting for feeding my child with the boobs that nature gave me for the purpose.

I don't care how you feed your baby, what I do care about is health professionals who tell mums they don't have enough milk when they do. And the ones who tell mums there are no problems when there are. How about we stop judging each other and focus the anger on the system that's not helpful to most people.

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Seff i have focused my anger on the system. When other mothers judge me and accuse me of bein irresponsible for getting pnd I will retaliate though :)
Those same health professionals who apparantly tell mums they do not have enough milk etc , also literally bully new mothers into breastfeeding to the point it affected their mental health and their baby got hungry (ie ME)
Works both ways.

[Seff]

That's the point I'm trying to make, it's all one extreme or the other. It's left to volunteers to actually try and find out what the problems are and effectively solve them. Sometimes the solution is formula, sometimes it isn't. But the system is incredibly fucked if we spend so much money antenatally pushing breastfeeding and then not being able to give decent support afterwards. MWs on the postnatal wards don't have time to do so effectively, and by the time you're home it could be too late.

I do also believe that stress can affect breastfeeding, babies seem to pick up on when mum is anxious and it makes them anxious, and everybody gets upset. Baby then feeds less, which decreases supply, and it can be a downward spiral for both of them. BUT that doesn't necessarily mean that formula should be the first option, as some health professionals seem to think.

That's not me trying to say that you brought it all on yourself, by the way, far from it. But there does seem to be a massive lack of middle ground, and actual helpful support rather than either "give them a bottle" or "just keep trying, you'll get there in the end".

[Seff]

Disclaimer: Not very articulate this morning!

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Yeh i have to say once it came to dd not bf at all and getting very hungry they informed me to put her on bottle right away. The lack of genuine, actual support re: bf/feeding issues is lax though.
With my next one I shall do everything in my power to bf again. I am even goin to request a caeserean in order to decrease risk of induced labour, assisted delivery and haemorraging. I am taking matters into my own hands as the system arent something to rely on where bf is concerned.

[MyriadOfMiracles]

I am not very articulate today either ^^ (or ever, lol)