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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Found out it's twin girls and people's reactions are making me upset

95 replies

Evie2014 · 06/02/2014 08:57

We just found out that the 20-week babies I'm expecting are both girls. I've only told a few people so far but now I don't want to tell anyone else in case the reactions hurt me more. So far I've had two people say: "Oh, what a pity one of them isn't a boy." One person even said (in presumably what she thought was a comforting way), "Don't worry, they do make mistakes- maybe one of them will turn out to be a boy."

I have a feeling this is going to get worse the more people we tell. We are expats living in a country where boys are valued more than girls. I know people are stupid but I can't help being really upset and angry. I am beginning to dread people commenting on my bump now, in case they ask the gender and then I have to deal with the "commiserations".

I'm probably over reacting here. Any nice comforting words?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Grokette · 07/02/2014 10:32

Congratulations! and

I have identical twin girls and got the same comments from a few people. I actually got the "They can make mistakes" thing word for word as you've said from MIL. DH is from a culture which also really devalues girls, plus he is one of three boys so MIL was just an absolute mare about us having girls.

Mine are two and BLOODY HELL they are hard work right now! So it's lovely to read all these comments reminding me how lovely they are.

curiousgeorgie · 07/02/2014 10:41

I have 2 girls (not twins though) and it is amazing!

I wished for a second girl because my best friend and her sister are so close (share a house, have worked together, such brilliant support, share clothes etc) that I wanted that for my girls having only had brothers as it seems like such a brilliant dynamic.

(And on a side note, all the little boys I know are fabulous, but they seem like much harder work as toddlers than the girls I know! )

Congratulations!!!

ZingSweetApple · 07/02/2014 11:13

congrats, how lovely!

and regarding rude people - fuck'em. shitty nasty bastards

MrsCosmopilite · 07/02/2014 11:17

See I am mean. When I took my DD out at a few months old, dressed in blue, someone made a rather pointed comment along the lines of "Oh, I didn't know it was a girl, as it's dressed in blue". My response was "Yeah, well we're dressing her in blue in the hope that she'll be a lesbian when she grows up." Silence.

Congratulations, Evie. How wonderful that you're growing two healthy girls.

imip · 07/02/2014 11:29

I have 4 dds, born within five years of each other. People constantly make insensitive and rude comments, often within earshot of my lovely dds.

It drives me nuts. Try and think of some good one-liners to come back with.

Sadly my first dd, also a girl, was stillborn. If people are rude about my dds, I tell them about my first daughter and how lucky I have been to have four healthy baby girls. It does usually shut them up!

Congratulations, and the very best of luck

ZingSweetApple · 07/02/2014 11:31

and I had the opposite when DS4 was born " another boy, oh what a shame!"

fuck off

Mandy21 · 07/02/2014 11:42

I am a twin, have a twin sister. She is definitely my other half. I know what she is thinking just by looking at her. We are immensely close, she is my best friend, we have so many shared experiences that even my H or her H can't quite compete with. I feel completely and utterly blessed to have her.

I then had twins myself we didn't find out what they were, I just wanted 2 the same whether that be boys or girls. I wanted them to share the bond that my sister and I had. I thought (and still think) that it is so special. As it turned out, I got one of each and now I wouldn't change it at all, I think the twin bond is there no matter what.

But I still think 2 girls is awesome . Congratulations!!

littlemrssleepy · 07/02/2014 11:49

I think I would have to respond with "you know you said that out loud?"

Congratulations!

poorincashrichinlove · 07/02/2014 12:01

Twin girls, how lovely. Wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy

zipzap · 07/02/2014 12:01

COngratulations, that's great news am secretly very envious, would have loved twin dds!

Agree that this is a perfect opportunity to use the 'did you mean to be so rude?' line. Or if you're in a bad mood or really hacked off with the way people are talking to you - I'd go with the stronger 'what a horrible thing to say. We are really thrilled to be having girls, why on earth would you think otherwise...' and put them on the spot.

And next time you get asked - tell them that you're having kittens. Or puppies, lambs, baby elephants, easter chicks, etc as you feel in the mood for. actually ignore the baby elephants, elephants have a ridiculously long gestational period.

Catsize · 07/02/2014 12:02

Poor you. You could always ask 'why do you say that?'. They will be hard pushed to come up with a logical answer.
I have a 2yr old boy and everyone thinks therefore that I want this next one to be a girl. People are funny beings...

theborrower · 07/02/2014 22:59

MrsCosmo that made me laugh, I'm sure I had a few comments like that because we didn't dress DD in lots of pink.

OP - people say lots of stupid things, please don't let them upset you. It bugs me so much that people think yiu need to have one of each (I have a DD and am expecting DC2, MIL said "but what if it's another girl??" When I said we were stopping at 2). Huge congratulations on your twin babies.

I do like "Did you mean to be so rude?" Or "Fuck off " as retorts, but I don't know if I'd be brave enough.

MrsCosmopilite · 07/02/2014 23:03

Glad I raised a smile, borrower. I put my bitchiness forthrightness down to being an older mum. Off topic but as an example, today I took DD to the library. We took the pushchair as it's a two mile walk. On the way back, I moved aside to let an elderly lady past. She didn't acknowlde or thank us. DD said, "Look mummy, that lady's got lipstick on". My reply? "Obviously so much it weighs her mouth shut so she can't say thankyou".

Iwillorderthefood · 07/02/2014 23:14

Love it mrscosmopolite

I am having daft comments made to me at the minute, am pg with 3rd DD and so many people have looked sad for me, as if I am bereft for not having a boy. This is utter nonsense, I am really happy it's another girl.

22honey · 08/02/2014 00:27

Hi, I just want to say congratulations on your fantastic news! I'm actually jealous, I'd LOVE twin girls! I'm pregnant with my first (single baby and dont know sex yet) and I'd love to have a girl, nevermind two!

Other cultures can be different and family systems are often different (not sure where it is you live), so I wouldnt take any comments to heart. Also many cultures can also be very blatant with their comments and rather tactless, my gran is from hong kong and couldnt care less about telling you in a matter of fact way you have spots/look fat/your new hairdo is bad (shes done all 3 between me and my mother!), its just the way many other cultures are and preferring boys is also a huge Asian thing. Lots of people also think most folk would prefer one of each gender with twins but thats definately not the case, as I said fantastic news and I'd love to be in your position :D

Me and OH both said when getting all excited about the pregnancy how amazing twin girls would be (I miscarried twins early due to one being tubal and often release two eggs (I can feel it) so hoped for the possibility to arise), but a healthy baby is the most important thing and its odd these tactless folk can't see that, lol :D

As said by other posters just tell people outright its two girls and you are both ecstatic and over the moon, but that the most important thing was that both babies were healthy. That should shut them right up!

Once again congratulations on your lovely pregnancy :) xxxx

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 08/02/2014 06:18

Ooh exciting! Can they tell if they are identical or fraternal yet? Congrats and ignore people, if you were in the UK and having sons people woudl be giving you commiserations too! People are stupid sometimes....

Mumof3xx · 08/02/2014 06:20

Some people feel they always have to comment

Twin girls sounds lovely to me!

neversleepagain · 08/02/2014 08:55

vegetarians if OP had the possibility of a B/G combination then she will be having fraternal twins.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 08/02/2014 11:00

The op didn't say it was a possibility just that people made comments on the sex, but maybe you are right and family knew that.

outtolunchagain · 08/02/2014 11:16

I don't have twins but I do have three boys , you should have heard the comments then , the worst was in the checkout queue at Tesco when ds3 was about a week old , the lady next to me was admiring him and asked if he was my first, when I replied that he had two older brothers she said " oh I'm so sorry , you poor thing"!

I love my boys and they couldn't be more different in personality if than if they were different sexes, one of my best friends has twin girls , now 21 and they are wonderful !

Many congratulations and Best of luck.

ImBrian · 08/02/2014 13:51

I have 4 dds and ive had some right shitty comments about how I must have wanted a boy, be disappointed etc. Im trying for dc5 and im sure itll be the same. Tell them not to be so bloody rude! Twin girls will be lovely :) congratulations.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 08/02/2014 15:30

Looking back on it isn't that quite funny outto ? - such inappropriate commiserations!
I dare say they've been a handful at times? - but really!

Original poster

Evie2014 · 08/02/2014 15:41

Oh everyone, thank you again. It's really, really nice to read all the lovely messages. They lift my heart!

To answer, apparently they are fraternal, DCDA - two sacs two placentas. I don't think they can tell for sure unless they do a DNA test but the separate sacs make it likely they are fraternal.

I just want them to be the best people they can be and not be held back by people's expectations of their gender...

OP posts:

pinkbear82 · 08/02/2014 15:51

Congratulations! People really are silly with comments to pregnant ladies. My DP has 3 girls already, from previous relationship. While I was pregnant, everyone kept saying how nice it would be if it was a boy, for DP, because he must be bored with girls. I pointed out that this was my first baby and I would be more than happy with whichever.

Dd is 8 months 2 days and currently chatting away to the cat. I love her to bits.

Enjoy your girls, and roll your eyes at the silly people and tell them you'll make one dress in boys clothes to save the 'disappointment' everyone seems to have. Girls are fab

AmethystMoon · 08/02/2014 15:56

Congratulations! I have one DD, two will be awesome
Other people's opinions only matter if you care.....after they are their opinions, not yours. So ignore, ignore, ignore and enjoy preparing for two beautiful babies.
How sad for them they are too stupid to see what fantastic news you have!

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