Birth plan for my illegitimate baby :)

[Charingcrossbun]

Just had a thought: I'm going to write a birth plan (even though I realise these things can't be planned). It just occurred to me though as we're not married do I need to put something about DP being the dad, my next of kin and having the right to make decisions should it all go wrong & I not be able to (worst case scenario I know). Am I being silly? I don't suppose husbands are asked to bring marriage certificates along but just thought I'd check.

As a midwife it wouldn't make any difference to me whether or not you're married. I don't believe anyone whether married or a partner can make decisions on someone else's behalf. So he couldn't make decisions on your behalf.

I have known mums be unconscious in ICU and the (unmarried) dad was left holding the baby. The case I'm thinking of he took the baby home while mum was still in ICU and it would never cross anyone's mind that he couldn't. I suppose technically as there isn't yet a birth certificate he had no parental responsibility but I think health care professional's use common sense. He was allowed to give consent for stuff like Vit K and which brand of formula.

Very insightful thread I had no idea of the complications my then partner/now husband would've faced should I have died when giving birth to our children prior to our marriage. I am glad I didn't know as i'd have been worrying and having to take alternative action.

As for the sub-debate on the OPs title, it's a little unnecessary to make such a fuss over the use of a word that was not written with any unkind intentions. I think reporting it and making an issue of it is only drawing attention to the term you want to eradicate and it was used in a very light hearted way. It's also socially irrelevant today, as being born to unmarried parents means nothing to the vast majority of us so I think most people wouldn't even consider the term 'illegitimate' to be offensive, hence why the OP thought nothing of using it in the title. There's PC & then there's OTT.

Shellywelly, I hope your Ex spends a very lonely old age regretting his nasty little choices. What a horrible man. It's safe to say, sad though it is, that your DC are much better off without him in their lives.

As a midwife I am very aware of the lack of parental responsibility the father has immediately after the birth. I would be very cautious about seeking legal advice if a tragic situation occurred.

While personally I have happily co-habited for a decade, i recently got married to ensure my husbands rights post birth (if we are blessed with children). Good for you for looking into your options op. This is such an important issue that many people are not aware of. Congratulations!