To anyone that has used a Doula...isn't it weird to have someone at your birth that you don't really know?

[katierocket]

I kind of fancy the idea of a doula for this (long awaited) baby due in Jan. For two reasons: firstly I had such a hideous time with no1 and the midwives were so rubbish that I think it would be good to have another experienced person there. Secondly I'm not sure we'll definitely have anyone to look after DS so DP may not be able to be there (at least for not all of it anyway).
I like the idea of a doula but worried that it will seem odd to have a woman present who I will only really have met a couple of times before.

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Well I didn't know many of the seemingly thousands people present for both my electives katie...at least you will know for a fact that the doula is rooting for you as a mum, something you cannot be confident about with regards to arrogant men in scrubs

Yes that's true.

Kaitie, i have used a Doula for the last three pregs and births. my 1st 2 babes were sections and without my Doula i think the last three would have been as well. I can't sing their praises enough. it's not like having a stanger at the birth because you will ahve chosen a doula that you really click with. they become like really close friends, people you can rely on and trust implicitly. they have advantages over friends though;

1. you have paid them and signed a two way contract so you know they are not going to let you down 2)You can call on them, moan to them, bore them to death with your worries and niggles and you know that they are not going to get the hump. that is what they are trained to do.

they also take some of the strain off your dp
( if that is you birth partner), especially during labour. They can also be a huge emotional support to your birth partner during labour when they might be anxious for you.
Doulas are also your voice during labour. they do not get in a tizzy and can make sure your requests are heard and that your birth plan is known and kept to.
As you can tell, I think they are wonderful people.

Well, birth is weird. FWIW I found having two women there that I'd never met before but were supportive and incredible (the two midwives - I was lucky) was totally fab at the birth of DD2. I honestly didn't find it odd.

Not used a doula, but had wonderful support at both my children's births from a woman whom I had not met at all before going into labour with ds, and had only met twice before going into lagour with dd. The same midwife helped deliver both chidlren, and she did give me wonderful support. So the fact that you don't know someone well isn't really an issue.

Yes I suppose you don't usually know your midwife do you. Thanks Kitty that's really helpful.

I agree with Kittywits - I too had a doula with dd1 and it was one of my first priorities when I found out I was pg with baby #2. I think they should be available for ALL births - we (dh & I) had such fantastic support that I got the birth that I wanted. Of course it can't always be guaranteed, but I felt that someone knew what I wanted. She also made me consider other things (placenta delivery, cutting of cord) that I hadn't considered or had been covered in antenatal classes.
If anyone asked me the best £500 I'd ever spent - I'd say it was on my doula. Since giving birth, she's been really supportive esp as I had lots of problems bf'ing but with her support I managed to exclusively express for a year. Go for it!

Sorry, no advice on a doula but just wanted to say "Congratulations" on your pregnancy, Katierocket......!!! I remember you from the clomid threads (ionaming), so I know how long & hard the wait was for you. Was so chuffed reading your post..... big grin on my face when I read the bit where you say "baby due in Jan" I'm due in Jan too.....still hasn't sunk in yet! Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes like a dream!

Iona x

You will probably know her more than the medics & she'll know all your wishes & plans & support you.

Congrats & best wishes xxx

I agree shivs. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they were either on the NHS or at least subsidised so that mothers of all income brackets could benefit from them?
It has been shown btw that women who use doulas are much more likely to have non traumatic and medicalized births. I think it really is to do with how supported and encouraged the woman feels during labour.
OF COURSE this does not mean that a doula guarantees a 'good' labour or that if you had a bad labour it was because you were not relaxed. They just help and I'm all for help!

thanks ionaming and dino - I really am chuffed, it's taken so long to get here but I've been so nervous that I haven't wanted to 'announce' it. Very kind of you to remember. And congrats to you ionaming.

Spoke to one doula last night, she's going to visit in a few weeks for a chat.

oh and dino I got your CAT and I've replied

KatieR, I'd echo what people have said here. I had one for my second and it was worth every penny ten times over. I think what happened was that she kept me so calm during the early stages that it all felt much more gradual, and also got me doing the breathing stuff so well that I swear all that stuff about the hormones helping you if you let them was true. I NEVER believed I could have gone without drugs - I'm seriously not that person, but I had a forceps delivery in the end and barely had more than gas and air. I'm sure if it hasn't been for the doula, it would have been terrifying, just like the first time. Best of luck, ducks.
Oh and it's not exactly private anyway, so I wouldn't worry about that. By the time she would see anything intimate you'd be beyond caring.