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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the gender

59 replies

thezoo · 12/11/2013 16:01

Personally we have decided to find out the gender when we have our next scan on Friday IF baby co-operates will be 21+1

Have had mixed reactions when telling people we are finding out some saying it ruins the surprise

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

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headoverheels · 12/11/2013 16:03

I found out all three times. I think it makes it more exciting not less! Each to their own though.

TrueBoo · 12/11/2013 16:03

It absolutely does not ruin the surprise - for me it made it more exciting.

Regardless, it's none of your friends' business - each to our own.

Congratulations, and good luck!

Thurlow · 12/11/2013 16:31

It's a surprise whether you find out at 20w or 40w, so that's a silly argument.

I found out, but that's mainly because I am nosy and couldn't imagine not knowing something if I was able to know it!

lizziekal · 12/11/2013 16:33

I can't decide whether or not to find out. Originally we wanted to wait but here (living in Italy) everyone looks at me like I'm mad not to find out, We've already had a couple of offers from docs to tell us (at 12 weeks and 17 weeks) but have politely refused. Not sure if I'll resist at the anomaly scan.

TeaAndANatter · 12/11/2013 16:36

I found out with number 1 and 2, choosing to not find out this time. To each her own, I say. I fancy a later surprise this time!

WhisperMen · 12/11/2013 16:38

we wanted to find out but it turns out baby doesn't want us to know the stubborn little cutie. just a heads up that just coz you want to know doesn't mean you can

ChicaMomma · 12/11/2013 16:41

What's the surprise? it's either a girl or a boy!
I will definitely be finding out too, there's no way i'd be able to wait. I want to be mentally prepared for what i'm having. There are also studies (apparently!!) saying it's easier to bond with the baby in advance when you know it's gender. Just do what you think is right!

I agree with the 2 that said it makes it more exciting instead of less- you can start planning their little outfits, their room etc. What's the big surprise anyway- it's either a fanny or a willy, it's not like there are 10 options ffs!

Hotmad · 12/11/2013 16:44

I faced the same thing, when I told people I was having a girl..... But I replied, that I'm gonna be having a big suprise that day anyway... Like a human being coming out of me for the very first time! Lol. Plus I am way to impatient to wait!

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 12/11/2013 16:46

We waited with the first two. Currently debating whether to find out with no. 3 (I needed an amnio, so will have a definite result I can ask for).

I can see the benefits of both options. It's very personal.

Andcake · 12/11/2013 16:47

I didn't find out as i wanted dp to tell me that everything was good. I was more concerned with baby being healthy - I think focus on people finding out gender distracts from the proper medical reasons for the scan. I have friends who have had bad news and I on earlier scans have had bad news. the gender just seems trivial when after years of infertility I just wanted a healthy baby. the sex really didn't matter!
it was amazing to have dp tell me - it was our moment to know we finally had a healthy take home baby.

ShoeWhore · 12/11/2013 16:48

I think it's a lovely surprise whether that surprise comes at 20w or 40w, tbh. Aren't we lucky to have the choice?

Snobble · 12/11/2013 16:53

My 20 week scan is tomorrow and i will be 20+1... i REALLY want to know the gender and my husband just isn't very keen at all.

All will be revealed ... should he/she co-operate.

Personally i think you can look forward to it more when you know the gender & you can go have some fun clothes shopping :-)

mrsksays · 12/11/2013 17:00

I'm 22 weeks and did not find out.

I really want my husband to be the one to tell me what we've had on the day - I really wanted to give him that moment. For me that is more special than a sonographer telling us but it is purely horses for courses.

Plus we want to reign in on the gender stereotyping by our parents so at the moment the only newborn clothes we have are plain white vests and babygros instead of seas of pink or blue (i'm sure that will come though)

I haven't found it any less hard to bond with my baby.

Inglori0us · 12/11/2013 17:01

It's a personal decision but I can't see how it can "ruin" anything as people say. Especially with your first. I was prepared for enough surprises and challenges. Knowing the gender was one less thing to ponder about. It meant we sorted her room, got given loads of clothes by friends who'd had girls and short listed names. It made it feel very real.
I'm desperate to find out this time but still have almost 3 weeks to go! It's driving me crazy not knowing.

Writerwannabe83 · 12/11/2013 17:08

Me and hubby found out when baby was 16 weeks. Hearing we were having a little boy was the most magical moment of my life - I started crying straight away and my husband had tears in his eyes too. It made everything seem so much more real!! I was in two minds about finding out but I'm so, so glad we did, I absolutely love knowing I don't just have a baby inside me, but I have my son

curiousgeorgie · 12/11/2013 17:09

I wanted to find out so badly that I had a gender scab at 15 weeks both times.

It helped me to bond with the baby, calling them 'her' instead of it.

Being able to shop, decorate the baby room, pick out names etc is completely worth it!

I have three pregnant friends at the moment and all have chosen not to find out, so it seems to be a popular thing.

My sister in law didn't want to know for the whole DH telling her thing, but she ended up under general anaesthetic for a c section and he called everyone and put the gender on Facebook before she even woke up!!

(And despite buying lots of neutral, she dressed the baby in dedicate boy clothes as soon as they were gifted to her.)

Strokethefurrywall · 12/11/2013 17:13

MrsKsays that's exactly the reason we didn't find out the first time (or this time!) as well. I figured that DH had so little to actually "do" through the entire pregnancy, that his job was to tell me what we had been blessed with and cut the umbilical cord.

I will never forget the look on his face when he said "oh my god babe, it's a boy!" - he of course would have looked exactly the same if we'd had a girl but I wanted him to be the one to tell me, not our OBGYN.

It's much harder not to find out with this one now (am 20w) as I'm desperate to know but our OBGYN won't tell us unless we're both in agreement 100% about finding out. DH doesn't mind if we find out or not, I think he wants to so that I don't pester him about baby names but I told him even if we knew, I'd still be be pestering him! And of course, I want to see that look on his face the second time around too when he sees the baby for the first time.

Each to their own, I think it's magic no matter when you find out but I've had no issue bonding with my baby without knowing the sex.

SicknSpan · 12/11/2013 17:16

We chose not to find out with our first 2 dc. The moment in the delivery room when DH said "we have a boy!" was amazing. And it was the next time when he said the same when I gave birth to ds2. Ds3 is due in June 2014 and this time we don't have a choice as our chosen hospital (the only local one out here in the sticks) has stopped offering to check if they are able at 20 wk anomaly scan. DH quite fancied finding out this time too. It's a baby, and for me whether it is a boy or a girl is really unimportant in the grand scheme- but I am particularly laid back! Lots of friends (esp. those known to like control of their lives have found out. Like everyone else says, each to their own- I really don't think it's something worth judging people on. Good luck!

mrsksays · 12/11/2013 17:23

4 of my best friends are pregnant and all have found out apart from me - which I love, as s they are all desperate to know what we're having to complete the set.

I wouldn't be averse to knowing at 20 weeks for DC2 but since we will have a mountain of unisex newborn clothes we may wait to birth to find out again.

It's completely a personal choice I don't think one way is any better than another.

muddylettuce · 12/11/2013 17:25

It's still exciting, it's just exciting on the day of the scan ASWELL as at the birth!

jimijack · 12/11/2013 17:27

We didn't want to know with ds 1 but clearly saw his tackle on the screen at the 20 week scan!

Did not find out with ds 2, so found out at his birth.

Reason being ds 2 should never have been here. An almighty amazing shock. So we wanted to make it last to the very end, and it was. Lovely lovely wonderful surprise.

Londongirl84 · 12/11/2013 17:45

Couldn't recommend more!

whereisthewitch · 12/11/2013 17:54

We didn't find out with DD and we won't with this one either. Personally getting to look between her legs aftera hhorrible labour is the sweetest moment in my memory. I want to have that again.

But I understand why people do too.

FobblyWoof · 12/11/2013 18:38

I don't think it ruins it at all if you find out. However, I do treasure the memory of dp telling me we'd had a girl when dd was born. It was a very special moment for us (though I'm sure it would have been anyway!).

Each to their own. I understand why people find out but it just wasn't for us and I liked playing the guessing game.

I do find it very annoying when people say that it creates a stronger bond with your unborn baby if you find out. I felt a very strong connection to dd while carrying her despite not knowing and I feel the same this time around. But again, it may have helped some people feel more bonded

SweetPea86 · 12/11/2013 18:41

I think its a totally personal thing no harm in finding out and no harm in not in my opinion,

I'm finding out I've felt so crappy the last 4 months it's the only thing getting me through lol.

Does my head in when people ask if I want to know the gender then when I say yes they preach at me and say don't.

No ones choice but you and your partner,

Knowing my luck baby will have legs crossed or back to me so I can't see any thing. Lol

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