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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the gender

59 replies

thezoo · 12/11/2013 16:01

Personally we have decided to find out the gender when we have our next scan on Friday IF baby co-operates will be 21+1

Have had mixed reactions when telling people we are finding out some saying it ruins the surprise

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

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Trinpy · 12/11/2013 18:44

We're finding out. I really don't have a preference I just want to know. It will all seem a lot more real if we can give him/her a name .

My sil is also pregnant and chose not to find out. She came out with the 'finding out at the 20 week scan takes the focus off the real reasons for the scan' line. Bit rude when she knew my choice to find out. I think all parents worry about there being a problem with their baby, finding out the sex doesn't stop that worrying unfortunately!

wispaxmas · 12/11/2013 18:58

I can't wait Like thurlow says, it's a surprise no matter when you find out. I feel like I'll better be able to bond with baby knowing whether it's our son or daughter. We plan to keep it a secret from everyone else, though.

Keden1stTimeBFP · 12/11/2013 19:39

I'm only 5wks so loads of time to go still, but I don't want to find out. I've said for years I wouldn't want to know and now that I am actually pregnant, I still feel the same.

No big mystery to it...I just don't think it matters! I'm not a parent but I imagine the difference between a baby boy and a baby girl up until the age of say 2yrs are negligible anyway!

p.s. WriterWannaBe83 you are 16wks already?!? Wow. I remember you from several threads over on the Conception boards. You are the queen of the pee sticks! Congrats on your baby boy again!

Writerwannabe83 · 12/11/2013 20:12

Keden - I'm almost 21 weeks now!!!
Nice to know I'm remembered for my obsessive peeing, haha. You are right though, I did have issues

CPtart · 12/11/2013 20:47

I found out both times.
Would have hated to have found out all groggy and disorientated and after DH and all the medical staff if a general anaesthetic was needed for a CS.

grizzabellia · 12/11/2013 20:52

I find it very strange that people persist in referring to finding out the 'gender' at the 20 week scan - you will not find out the gender until the child develops its own sense of gender identity! Why do people not just say finding out the sex, which is more accurate?

Personally, we did not find out for our first 2 dc, neither of us wanted to and I strongly felt it would ruin the surprise. Also, announcing the sex seems to give the man an important role in the process! Am expecting dc 3 now and I am actually swithering about finding out, partly as would enable us to sort out the massive cupboard full of boy and girl clothes we possess in ages 0 to 5. Think we probably won't though, I do worry I might regret it. I think it makes the birth process so much more exciting when you don't know, but each to their own. (Really do not understand these people who not only find out but tell everyone the name months in advance - what's left to announce when it's born??)

TKKW · 12/11/2013 20:59

I want to know so badly, will be finding out after amnio. My husband isn't so keen but will know when I do.

headoverheels · 12/11/2013 21:06

Grizzabellia, I think the point of telling people the name is that they don't name their own DC that. My friend did this and 'stole' our name for DS1 even though her baby was born 2 months after him!

fl0b0t · 12/11/2013 21:24

Agree fobbly- I have bonded wonderfully with my gorgeous son who was of course a surprise! I think it is unfair to suggest that either is better. We had our reasons for not finding out, mostly linked to a deep seated hatred of gender stereotyping. People Told me I "should"find out so they knew what to buy as a pressie. Which made me sad because each person who said that made me feel that they were hung up on gender stereotypes and also made me think they didn't know me very well. We didn't prepare Any differently to how we would have if we had known girl or boy. I certainly wasn't painting the nursery pink or buying buying 'daddy's littke man' tshirts but instead was looking for great funky bright or neutral things in red Green yellow purple Brown Black orange and yes some pink sh nd Blue bits! Revolutionary. ....

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 12/11/2013 21:35

I can kind of see the bonding thing TBH.

With DD1 & 2, I felt very 'bonded' to my baby without knowing the sex. I wouldn't have understood people who made commetns about wanting to know the sex in order to bond.

This pregnancy was a shock, and has been a bit of a rough ride health wise. As a result, it still doesn't feel very real that it is happening. It all feels quite distant and unreal. I can see how knowing the sex of the baby would help me- just little things like planning a name, imagining which of our existing clothes we could reuse (the newborn stuff is unisex, but past that), imagining which siblings will share a bedroom in years to come.

Still undecided. Can find out for absolute certain in a couple of weeks when the amnio full results come through, but don't know yet if we will.

flame04 · 12/11/2013 21:38

We decided both times not to find out .... Nothing in my mind was sweeter than my own husband telling me what we had xxx very blessed as we had a boy followed by a girl xx

BlackholesAndRevelations · 12/11/2013 22:30

We wanted to know first time. Second time didn't, but saw his boy bits! This time i really wanted to know so I could imagine my family and plan which boxes of stuff to get rid of (we have a boy and a girl already). Sod what anyone else thinks! Our baby, not theirs!

JollySeriousGiant · 12/11/2013 22:36

Here they don't tell you at NHS scans. You need to pay for a private scan to find out. We figured there were more important things to be spending our money on so didn't find out either time.

Vikki88 · 12/11/2013 22:55

I didn't find out either time and am glad I didn't! It might be more practical but it feels you're cheating a little bit and it would spoil the surprise. Of course you are desperate to know, but I think it's worth showing restraint and waiting for the big day!

Sammi1986 · 12/11/2013 23:04

I've always said I didn't want to know, but I'm really struggling to bond with bean. I can't seem to make sense in my head that there is a little person inside me so we are going to find out to see if that helps. And to be honest it already has, I'm so excited to find out. 3 weeks on Friday!!!

MarjorieChardem · 12/11/2013 23:55

I found out yesterday that I am having a baby girl!! Which is just as well as I've been calling it she for ages in my head!

I found out with both my others too, helped me loads with bonding with them and knowing whether I had a son or daughter in there. With DS I had a ridiculous wobble when I found out he was a boy (always imagined girls and was a bit scared of boys...) knowing at 20 weeks gave me the time to realise how silly I was being and by the time he arrived I was as happy as anything and loved the bones of him immediately.

DitsyDonkey · 13/11/2013 09:32

I want to find out with this little bean. What is the earliest they can tell with a decent level of accuracy? I'm thinking if getting a private scan specifically to find out!

Writerwannabe83 · 13/11/2013 09:35

16 weeks ditsy - I had a private scan for the exact same reason and they told me to wait until this point.

SaucyJack · 13/11/2013 10:40

I've found out the sex all three times, and it's only ever added to the excitement.

We already refer to "bump" by her name, and it makes it all more real.

Also, on a practical level, it makes shopping easier too as I'm not a fan of creams/Winnie-The-Bloody-Pooh, and that's all I ever seem to find in the gender neutral sections.

CrispyFB · 13/11/2013 13:13

I have found out all four times.. however I am the sort of person who needs to know absolutely everything around a month before it is possible!! It helps me feel more in control, and it definitely definitely helps me bond with the baby better. I also figure you get the whole surprise and excitement of meeting baby on the day anyway, and finding out the sex just passes a bit of excitement back in time to keep things more interesting throughout the pregnancy. But - everybody is different, this is just my personality.

I found at at 12 weeks this time as I had the Harmony blood test. I asked the doctor to write the sex on a bit of paper as DH could not be there. I took it home and gave it to DC1 (7) to open and read to us that evening And of course I could video their reactions then too to send to the grandparents.. and that was their way of finding out the sex - seeing the video of DC1 telling us!

JRmumma · 13/11/2013 13:20

I found out. It was what made it real for me as i could start imagining the baby as a little person.

My mum was weird about me finding out as 'you never knew in her day' but in not sure what the actual problem is for some people. If you would rather wait then fine, and i can understand that the anticipation is different when you don't know, but why do some people get so weird about it!?

greentshirt · 13/11/2013 13:29

I found out at 16 weeks. My DH and I are the sorts of people who like to have as much info as possible about whatever we are doing so we were both in agreement. It has also reduced naming arguments by 50%!

I don't like it when people say it takes away from the real purpose of the anomaly scan, it's not like they say 'we can check the heart or tell you the sex, it's up to you' is it?!

mumbaisapphire · 13/11/2013 14:43

We didn't find out and it was the most amazing surprise on the day she was born. The anticipation for us and all our friends and family was fantastic. Knowing for the purpose of shopping wasn't really something we cared about, sometimes I did look at blue/pink things and think they were cute and wished I could have bought them, but in actual fact I think we saved an awful lot of money because we didn't know the sex. It wasn't a problem bonding wise either. We would do the same again if we are lucky to have another.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 13/11/2013 19:00

Yeah I don't understand why people like to express their strong opinions against finding out, when you've already told them you know, eg "oh you shouldn't have found out, you've spoiled the surprise!" again- our baby, not yours!

jenv14 · 14/11/2013 17:10

I'm 15 weeks and at the moment I'm completely on the fence. I can appreciate both sides of the argument and haven't decided yet what I'm going to do, but luckily my husband is happy to go along with whatever I decide.

However!....At our 12 week scan the doctor offered to make a guess. Surely, surely this means they saw something and we're having a boy? Do doctors offer to guess if they can't see anything?

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