How to tell midwives I want to bottlefeed without a lecture.

[Frecklesandspecs]

Ok please no lectures! I know its sensitive!

I'm due next week with dc 3.
I tried breast feeding both dc1 and dc2 and mixed fed for a few weeks. However I did not enjoy it and struggled. I ended up going bottle after a while and never had any issues with either.
Both did great and that suited me.
This time I just want to be realistic. I have a dc2 year old and dc 4 year old. I walk everywhere at the moment and take dc2 to nursery every afternoon.
even now I honestly feel there are too few hours in the day.
I get stessed out if I haven't got what needs to be done done and I get t sit down for the first time about 7pm as that is when the kids go to bed.

Anyway. I'm stressing out now about what everyone is going to say if I say I want to bottlefeed straight off.

what makes it worse is that Dh s family always ask me(they're Nigerian) and would be highly unimpressed if I went straight on bottle. (Dh himself just leaves it up to me!)

I'm worried about getting remarks and lectures about it at the hospital too.

should I just stand my ground or tell them I Will try to keep them off my back?

and no, I have never felt guilty about it. I just would rather do what I know I can do and cope with in the situation.

what makes it worse is that dh's family always ask me about it worse(

I was never asked how I intended to feed dc2! It sounds like you know your own mind and what will work for you so don't get stressed about having to explain yourself, they may not say anything anyway. Give homebirth some consideration if you're low risk as ime they tend to let you get on with it, I bf both of my dcs but with no input from mws on dc2.

When I had a midwife appt, the convo went almost exactly like this:

MW: How are you planning on feeding your baby?
Me: Formula
MW: ok (and wrote it in my notes)
Me: Oh! I was prepared for a battle
MW: As long as you have educated yourself and understand the benefits of both, then it's your decision. If you have any questions, just let us know

And that was it. And this is a big London teaching hospital with 95% BF rates. So they aren't all bad. I really was amazed..Just remember it is your decision.
However one thing I would say to you is that there is a new policy in some hospitals now that if you don't intend BFing then you need to bring your own formula along, otherwise your LO will go hungry.

My response to family/friends would be
"what on earth gave you the impression I wanted or would value your opinion?"
or
"Just when did you realise you know more about my body and my baby then I do?"

You just need to be clear about what you want. However it's worth thinking about breastfeeding immediately after delivery. You can go on to bottles almost immediately after the birth but if you feed the baby first off then they will get some colostrum which cannot be otherwise supplemented together with some skin to skin of course and (possibly more importantly) the act of feeding will help your uterus clamp down. I bled very heavily with my third baby. Your uterus takes longer to snap back each time it gets stretched to the max and stimulating this by a bit of feeding will help you a lot. We're literally talking about the first few hours here when not having to prepare feeds would be something of a boon too.

I ve got a box of newborn ready done ones so no, won't be preparing them as such.
I am being consultant led so it Will be a hospital birth as I'm on blood thinners. x
I would just be worried that doing a couple of breast feeds might be confusing for the baby and my breasts if I don't intend to continue?

I decided to only bf those first feeds because apparently thats the really important one with loads of good stuff in. I was ff within 24 hours both time. I didn't want the faff of bf and I felt a bit eww get off my tits it is your decision and up to you, some midwives are a bit pushy just get what your saying in your head and don't get drawn into discussions about it.

I'm just going to be upfront like you have all said and tell them straight. I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I'm always too worried about what others think.

Freckles I'm glad you're feeling more confident! It is your decision and yours only. You may well still get a lecture - just tell them you're well aware of the pros and cons and you're happy with your decision.

feels empowered!

that's what I feel like too chunderella (don't like having them touched ect) I guess its a very personal thing. I'm sure we will be fine and if I feel that I CAN after the birth I would be open to doing that again.

Exactly what wentonabearhunt says. Midwives really don't mind either way. However, they are obliged to ensure you are making an informed decision so are absolutely duty bound to discuss the benefits of breastfeeding. This is usually done antenatally however, so shouldn't be a problem on the postnatal ward. Just explain that you've tried before, really don't like it and you've made the decision to formula feed. If your midwife is any good she'll leave it at that!

spoken as an ex NHS midwife! We really don't have an agenda...we are pro women's choice. Of course you will always get a tiny exception, the same ones who are liable to extol the virtues of homeopathy, but they are the exception rather than the rule

Oh, and you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING top be ashamed about!

Ty dropyour. ;-)

It's good you are so resolute about your choice. All you need say is, "I will be bottle feeding" & nothing more.
Having said that though, I think baby having at least one suckle & the colostrum is important for baby.

Your tits, your choice.

Agree with not entering into a discussion with anybody over it, else they'll think you want helpful solutions to any previous BF problems.

My two DSs were mixed bottle/breastfed from birth until 8 weeks and neither of them had any problem going in between the two.

Has anyone noticed the infuriating interesting HV attitudes on that by the way?

'Oh no, you must not introduce a bottle until after 6 weeks or baby simply won't breastfeed.'

'Oh no, the baby is over 6 weeks old and so used to breastfeeding that you simply won't be able to make her take a bottle. Best to keep BFing, don't you think? Yes, I'm sure you must be exhausted. NEXT!'

I agree with everything that has been said. Have courage in your convictions and you will be assertive.

Family can be trickier I guess, but always be positive - ff was so successful with dc1&2, formula is an excellent alternative to bm, I am happy with my decision, would you like to give baby a bottle, feeding is going so well...

I bf dc1&2 but really struggled with dc3, as I was so tired and had so much to do. I gave up quite quickly. Even dc2 seemed to feed more at night, I guess to make up for lack of attention during the day! To be honest no one really asked about dc3, I think they realise by then that you can be trusted to make your own decisions.

Enjoy your new baby

Chunderella - the advice I offered came from the POV of having had a third child and experiencing bleeding that was heavier than before and which I believe breastfeeding helped my body to address. This is the OP's third child, it's a situation she hasn't faced before and thus I did not assume that she was aware of that.
The milk coming in is a response to delivery. Continued feeding will stimulate the supply but the milk will come in whether you feed or not. If the baby is fed for only a brief period there should be no issue moving to bottles and there are undoubted benefits in that for both parent and baby.

I agree with throughthelongnight, you might be able to win over any family who want to question it by asking if they want to feed the baby. It certainly silenced any questions my DM and MIL had

Yes was wondering too about the health visitors....in fact they may be harder to convince! maybe it was them more so than the midwives tbh as you don't see much of the mudwives after the first week.
I heard also that the afterpains are worse with each one? I don't really recall them too much from last time. I wonder how that relates.

I didn't notice afterpains with either of them, and DS2 got far more boob milk than DS1 did. So maybe some people get them badly and others don't. If you can't remember them from last time then that's encouraging!

I was the only one at the parent classes before having ds who said she was going to bottle feed. From the look on the woman in charge's face you would have thought I had said I was going to eat ds, not bottle feed him!
I stuck to my guns. I had my reasons for not wanting to breast feed, none of them physical but all of them real to me, and that was that. Ds is 18 now, tall, handsome and clever and there isn't a stronger bond anywhere than the one between me and him.
It's entirely up to you how you decide to feed your baby, just be polite, smile and IGNORE anyone trying to tell you otherwise.