How to tell midwives I want to bottlefeed without a lecture.

[Frecklesandspecs]

Ok please no lectures! I know its sensitive!

I'm due next week with dc 3.
I tried breast feeding both dc1 and dc2 and mixed fed for a few weeks. However I did not enjoy it and struggled. I ended up going bottle after a while and never had any issues with either.
Both did great and that suited me.
This time I just want to be realistic. I have a dc2 year old and dc 4 year old. I walk everywhere at the moment and take dc2 to nursery every afternoon.
even now I honestly feel there are too few hours in the day.
I get stessed out if I haven't got what needs to be done done and I get t sit down for the first time about 7pm as that is when the kids go to bed.

Anyway. I'm stressing out now about what everyone is going to say if I say I want to bottlefeed straight off.

what makes it worse is that Dh s family always ask me(they're Nigerian) and would be highly unimpressed if I went straight on bottle. (Dh himself just leaves it up to me!)

I'm worried about getting remarks and lectures about it at the hospital too.

should I just stand my ground or tell them I Will try to keep them off my back?

and no, I have never felt guilty about it. I just would rather do what I know I can do and cope with in the situation.

what makes it worse is that dh's family always ask me about it worse(

My friend did exactly the same, actually she had very minimal discussion about it as she was very clear 'I've tried breastfeeding before, this baby will be bottlefeed from birth'. I think the the key was not offering an explanation that could be refuted, e.g 'I found it difficult' A:'all babies are different..'

Though I can't resist adding. I took three babies to get the hang of breastfeeding then LOVED it, so so so much easier for me. Particularly for a winter baby in the night in a cold house. Never felt the need to rush and feed her on the spot everywhere and anywhere because it came out of a boob, she fed every 3/4 hours after the first week or two just like the bottle fed ones.

How about
I am not going to be breastfeeding this baby
Or
The baby is going to be bottle fed

Repeat and keep repeating. Do not explain and do not get into any discussion. Get the doctor/nurse to write it on your notes. There is no reason this should be a problem for you. If any of the family asks you could tell a white lie if it is easier for you. You could say that the Doctors have advised you to bottlefeed. I usually gate white lies but in this case maybe it would be easier for you.

Ps Congrats

Yes. must be firm then.
This could be totally absurd and it only struck me a while ago but in my childhood there was some sexual molestation. I was wondering if possibly this could be contributing to me not feeling at ease or being able to do it naturally.
I've never discussed it with anyone obviously and it probably seems bonkers!

Its not even the pain ( I had mastitis? with no 1) its just the feeling that it is not natural for me iyswim?

Ty ihavea

I told the midwives that I just didn't love her enough

its your child op i would firmly say to the mw i intend to bottle feed that is my choice and theirs nothing else to say they have no right to make you feel pressured into doing anything gl with the impending arrival

I had to fight to BF when we were in hospital (DS was preemie and they wanted to know exactly how much he had taken but wouldn't let me express). I told them that regardless of what they told me about giving him formula, I would be BFing and/or giving expressed BM when we got home. They weren't happy about it and wouldn't give me any help, told me "what you do at home is up to you".

You just ignore and do it your way, stand your ground and say that you have made your decision and you don't wish to discuss it any further. However, IME they were very happy to leave FF Mothers alone to do as they wished and a cart with bottles of formula came round the wards a few times a day. I have no idea if this is just the city I live in though?

Or just do the same as Tethersend. :o

tethers! ;-)
well I have got a relatively clean house with 3 bedrooms and I keep the bleach on a high shelf where the kuds can't reach it so I might pass the health visitor test if I'm lucky!

I ll be having my baby in Lewisham. I am certainly not expecting any free milk ! :-*
I ll be lucky if I get a bed to labour on !!

I'm sure it occasionally happens, but I have never seen a MW lecture a woman about breastfeeding or try to dissuade a woman who was adamant that she was bottle feeding. Not ever. You are much more likely to get grief from family and friends tbh.

There is no way I'm being forced to do something, and as for the DP, he can shove it up his arse if he thinks he can bully me :)

freckles regarding your history from childhood, I don't think it's bonkers at all to see a connection, it's very normal indeed - and another very good reason why your decision should be your decision based on what feels right for you. Which you absolutely don't need to explain or justify, to anyone.

There is an interesting article about breastfeeding for rape or abuse survivors at www.pandys.org/articles/breastfeeding.html which might be helpful.

that's the spirit sammI!

I don't think its as much the lecturing as the disapproving looks or comments. I had 1st dd at 29. this is my third at 33 and I just don't like being patronised. I m sure I would feel the same or worse if I was younger. I just think that such ' in your face ' approaches are counterproductive as I would if theyii promoted anything else natural like this.

ceara. thanks so much. I Will have a read x

I agree with holidaysarenice just say that you intend to bottle feed. you nay still get lectured or they may try to convince you otherwise still.

I too have Nigerian (ex)in-laws but they are the opposite and told me not to breastfeed etc

I had my first child just under two weeks ago. I gave it a good go to breastfeed and just couldn't...tried every two hours or so and baby didnt feed until she was 27 hours old due to me wanting to keep trying and the hospital hammering home to me that they are a breastfeeding hospital and I would only get one small bottle of formal and would then have to supply my own ( which is not an issue had I been told this previously) I had to really throw a strop as I was so worried that my baby hadnt fed...they were more concerned about breastfeeding than the fact that my baby hadnt fed!

Every midwife I have come across since birth has been pretty rude to me even tho I have told them that I have tried with one even telling me I wasnt protecting my baby due to formula feeding.

at first I was getting incredibly upset to the rude horrible comments but now I just tell them straight im bottle feeding, no further conversation needed, it is what it is and my baby is happy, healthy and safe. I just will not enter into the conversation anymore I just cut them off.

I really don't think any midwives really give two hoots about how you feed YOUR baby. Of course, they have a responsibility to inform people of the benefits - as they are with anything, but after that its your choice! I would never 'lecture' someone who had clearly made up their mind - and neither would any of the midwives I know. Happy mum, happy baby - thats my motto :)

Im bf my 4th but ff the others, well i expressed for a while with the 3rd who was prem. I never had any lectures or disapproving looks and hopefully neither will you. If you do just be firm.

Ive had more negative comments about bf from family and friends, I tend to just ignore.

Hi Freckles
I'm with previous posters about just being direct with the midwives, but I think if you mention problems with 2 previous children this should get anyone off your back.
However I'm gonna have to say I think for the in laws would a nice quick lie not be less stressful?? This probably sounds bad, but why take the chance that they won't continue pestering ( I'm lucky with my in laws but have friends who have to deal with difficult mother in laws).
You've made your decision - is there no lil problem you could have had that would make breastfeeding unlikely/impossible?? ( I'm no help with specifics as a 1st time 1st trimester).
You say your not very assertive and you will have enough on your plate. I say go for an easy excuse

Congratulations on your impending baby! You've had loads of good advice already but I just wanted to add my moral support. FF is a perfectly valid option, you are an eperienced and loving Mum and as such have every right to make the decisions that will suit you and your new baby and anyone who questions those decisions should be shown the door!
Enjoy your baby and ignore anyone who offers unwanted advice.

I tried to bfeed ds1 and had such a bad experience that by the time I had ds2 I was certain that I would not even give it a try and somehow didn't feel bad about saying that I will bottlefeed and mws never questioned it. about to have dc3 and desperate to try once more maybe because I didn't even try with ds2 and he is poorly a lot and keep thinking that it might be because of me so a bit of a guilt but not going to stress about it and if it doesn't happen i'll get the bottles out again.
Don't worry about it I don't think they personally judge us I think when they say pro bfeed things it's only because they feel they have to let people know about it.
good luck x

Do whatever you feel is right for you I bf my ds and ended up bottle feeding my dd and I have to say I loved the control I had with bottle feeding, seeing exactly what she had drank and knowing she was full was very satisfying and she slept beautifully whereas my ds barely slept till he was 6 months old when....coincidently I switched to mixed feeds. I did love bf and was upset when it didn't work out but she got the colostrum and bottles were just easier for us.
You are a grown woman who has had two children already and you know what works for you it's as simple as that.