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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Keeping pregnancy a secret for as long as I can.....

16 replies

poppyXsmile · 13/09/2013 11:10

Hi there

I am planning on keeping my pregnancy a secret for as long as I can, and hiding it for as long as I can! I am currently 10 weeks pregnant, and only me and my husband know.

The only person I would have told early on would have been my mum, however she sadly passed away in January. I had a miscarriage last year, and an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year.

If I can, I would like to hide my pregnancy until 16 or even 20 weeks....... thankfully we are coming into cosy cardigans and big colourful scarves season! I just feel that I don't want people (as nice as they may mean to be) asking me questions, fussing over me, comparing their bumps etc. I can be quite a private person.

Does anyone else feel similar to me, or do you have experience of keeping your pregnancy quiet?

xxxx

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goforthejobular · 13/09/2013 11:14

I know someone who did until about 25 weeks. Good luck

Helspopje · 13/09/2013 11:14

I did because I had a late miscarriage earlier in the year.

Husband's family categorically did not understand and so

Have not phoned/visited us at all in the 4 months since DS born
Have sent no welcome to the world card/gift
Have refused to even assent receipt of an invitation to the christening never mind state whether they wish to come
Had a go at me about it all by text when I was a few weeks post natal

Mind you, they've never attempted to comfort us in any way about the loss of our daughter so that should've told me that they were a bit odd tbh.

It's all well and good keeping things to oneself, but some (stupidly selfish imho) people seem to view it as a personal slight and they aren't afraid to have a go at you about it.

insanityscratching · 13/09/2013 11:17

I kept my last pregnancy a secret because it was a shock and it took me a long while to accept it. I told no one apart from dh until I was 26 weeks. Dh told our children then and his df because I couldn't say the words without crying. I told my friends and dsis a week or two later. I didn't mention it then to anyone else and the first time I was asked if I was pregnant was the day after I was due. I did have loads of people ask whose baby she was though when they saw me pushing a pram.

HormonalHousewife · 13/09/2013 11:20

I only told family after 18 weeks when the results of an amnio came in.

This is a great time of year to dress to hide the growing bump so you should be fine. I totally get you reasons and hope it all goes well for you.

Helspopje your inlaws are vile. Is there more to it than you describe ?
I cant understand why they would hurt you so much. Congratulations on your new DS!

Sarahmains40 · 13/09/2013 11:21

Hi firstly I'm so sorry about your mum

I've been a bit silly and told loads of people this is my first and I just couldn't keep it in I've told people who mean a lot to me. And the rest will wait untill my scan at 12 weeks I'm about 9 now. I did want to keep it quite but excitement and sickness have give it away lol.

My friend is a little a head of me about 14 weeks and she's not telling work till 20 weeks.

My friend last year got a promotion at work so she didnt tell my one apart from her mum untill 5 months. Under your circumstances have a mc and and eptopic pg I think your right to keep it quite. I think it's completely your and hubby's choice,

Congratulations and wish you all the luck in the world. Xx

Original poster

poppyXsmile · 13/09/2013 11:22

Thanks goforthejobular

Helspopje - I am sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Also congratulations on your baby boy. Unforunately since my mum earlier this year passed my mum's side of the family no longer speak to us any way. I think my husband's side of the family would understand, and my two friends who are currently pregnant would probably understand in the end.

Sometimes people just make things all about them eh! Surely they should respect the fact that you and your husband are dealing with things the best way you can, and they should be happy for you now having your baby boy.

xxxx

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Original poster

poppyXsmile · 13/09/2013 11:26

Thank insanityscratching, it sounds like it was a hard time for you at first.

Hormonalhousewife, 18 weeks sounds like a good length of tine to keep things quiet, well done!

Thanks Sarah, I have two friends who are pregnant who told people at 8 weeks and then 9 and a half weeks. Everyone is different. Congrats on your pregnancy.

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EeyoreIsh · 13/09/2013 11:51

congratulations poppy. Sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and previous pregnancies.

The first time I told my family immediately, but we lost that baby.

With this pregnancy we waited until after our 12 week scan. I told my mum earlier because I had bleeding and wanted her support.

I didn't tell work colleagues until 17 weeks. I'm now 19 weeks and people still aren't guessing (and I've been in maternity dresses the last week). So you may get away with it longer.

Original poster

poppyXsmile · 13/09/2013 11:55

Hi EeyoreIsh

Sorry for your loss and congrats on your pregnancy. Well done for hiding it so well so late on!

OP posts:

Peacenquiet2 · 13/09/2013 13:59

Hi poppy, im now 14 weeks and keeping my pg on the downlow for now and doing pretty well. Noone has guessed and ile eady be able to keep it up another few weeks. This is dc3 as well so id expected it to be more obvious but with the clothes im wearing even i forget sometimes.

Sorry about your loss and i hope all goes well this time x

EeyoreIsh · 13/09/2013 14:02

poppy I'm not really trying to hide it anymore! I just have a small bump/everyone thinks it's just podge... I'm sure my bump will truly pop out in a few weeks, in the meantime I just worry about why I've got a tiny bump

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 13/09/2013 14:04

I was 17 weeks before I found our, so I even managed to hide it from myself :)

Kelly1814 · 13/09/2013 14:45

Yes, I did this! Told work at 25/6 weeks, had hardly any bump, no one had a clue.

I kept it quiet for a number of reasons which I have mentioned on MN. I am a very private person, had a high risk pregnancy with surgery and lots of complications, and I just didn't want to become public property.

Very glad have done it the way I did. Good luck.

Chosenbyyou · 13/09/2013 14:59

Hello,

I'm pleased there is someone who is thinking along the same lines as me cuz I was starting to wonder if it is normal to keep things so quiet!!

I am 12+4 and only dh and I know which I much prefer (scan next wk). I am not looking forward to telling people as I'm worried that will be the only topic of conversation from now on and I really prefer just having normal chats lol!

Also I have very few symptoms and am carrying on exactly as normal so a most people will be shocked, esp my boss to casually said this week 'well if you decide to have a family in five years ...' Ummm lol!

I'm sorry to hear about your mum and your losses, do you think you may be keeping it quiet so as not to get your hopes up sub- consciously? I think I have a bit of that as have nothing confirmed by scan etc.

Have you had any scans yet? How is it going so far, xx

CrispyFB · 13/09/2013 15:02

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum

I kept my last pregnancy secret from most people until the birth. We were waiting it out after a screen positive for Down Syndrome, and if baby did turn out to have it (he did not as it happened) we wanted to announce the two things together and not make it about the condition.

I end up hermitting in pregnancy anyway due to SPD, and I was a SAHM at the time plus I was also pregnant over the winter so it did make it easier.

As has been mentioned, some people do take it badly if you don't tell them.. but usually they are the sort of people you don't want in your life anyway, who can't empathise even slightly. 99% of people were genuinely pleased and thought it was a jolly good surprise, but there were one or two or marred it a bit with their entitled attitudes and one of them stopped speaking to me for a long time shortly afterwards. I wasn't even close to him, he hadn't spoken to me in those 9 months so goodness only knows what his problem was!

It is quite fun having the secret even if the reasons for it aren't always nice ones!

MrsDibble · 13/09/2013 16:05

So sorry to hear about your loss of your Mum and your earlier miscarriage.

I have just told my work at 16 + weeks. I did this because I was waiting for further test. I could easily have kept it secret longer though because I'm still not really showing. If you are like me I reckon you could go on til 20 weeks.

Some sense in waiting til 20 weeks for the scan?

Only thing is that is means you don't get the understanding from other people that you might otherwise get if you feel sick/tired etc.

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