Things not to say to a woman who is over 41 weeks pregnant

[mynameisnotmichaelcaine]

"Have you tried sex/curry/pineapple?" Oh! No! I've never heard of those things! I can't read you see, so haven't actually bothered to look up online if there are any natural ways of inducing labour, because I really enjoy looking and feeling like an elephant with weight issues.

"Are you still here?" Erm, evidently yes.

"Haven't you had that baby yet?" Evidently not.

Also do not to a comedy double take when you see that the bump is still in place.

Luckily dh did both school runs today, or I may have been tempted to commit murder.

Acceptable things to say include "would you like a cup of tea?" and "Good morning!" You know, like you would say to a normal human being, rather than a bump on legs.

I think we should just go with making the gestation period 42 weeks, then most people would be early and no-one would have to suffer this (and the pure deep never-otherwise-experienced hell of frustration that is going overdue anyway). Would work for me!

Have you had it yet? Asked on the morning school run, then the afternoon school run.
You are massive.
Is it twins?
Was it planned?
Are you still having sex?
Your poor vagina, when that baby squeezes out.
How many more babies are you going to have?
You look like crap, really tired
You are not one of those beautiful pregnant women are you?
You look so MASSIVE, the biggest I have seen any pregnant woman

All said to

Grrrr pregnant fingers pressed too soon!

All said to me in the last week.
I. May. Kill. Them. All.

I am currently getting a stream of text messages asking for baby news. I really want to txt back I'll let you know when I have news so just piss off

Makehay,YES that needs to be done.

'Not long now' used to piss me off. It's not the worst thing to say to a very overdue lady by any means but it was the fact that EVERYONE said it and I heard it dozens of times every day. I know people were just trying to be nice but when you wanted your baby to be born two weeks ago, 'not long now' is just rage inducing.

"Oh, you're still here then" - err, yes, and I plan to still be here after the baby's born too.

Just tell them to go to haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com

Brilliant ThreetoFour!

Have you had it yet?

Why, oh why, do people still fucking ask you this FACE TO FACE? Do I not look house sized anymore? Do I have a pram with me? No, thought not. The next fucker that asks is going to get told "Yes, but I ate it, which is why I'm still so fat!"

Meter Reading Man today: When are you due, love?

Me: A week ago.

Man:

an hour later

Pregnant Checkout girl: Ooh, when are you due?

Me: A week ago.

Girl:

an hour after that

Woman in Mothercare: Excuse me, when is your due date?

Me: (trying not to laugh) A week ago.

Woman: Oh! Oh! Do you need to sit down?!

I'm actually having some fun with this now. Might start panting or deep breathing next time someone asks lol

I'm sorry. This has made me laugh so much.

In 10 weeks time when I am 42 weeks and nothing has even hinted at happening you can all smugly point and laugh at me.

'Oh I bet you are dying to get it over with? Yes? Well I wouldn't be, your going to be in fucking agony soon! I'd be shitting myself!!!'

Would not be a nice thing to say.

Jeez, that's a terrible thing to say Looking!

Belle I had a similar thing at the hairdressers yesterday! People look at you like they are about to get drenched in waters - at this point, if only!

I never said it.

Overheard from one workmate to another.

I was

Oh I thought someone said it to you! Even so - is so mean!

My pregnancy app just alerted me with this week's update

"Congratulations! Your baby has arrived!"

Fuck. Off. Aargh!! ;)

Belle you're too funny and I'm too sore to laugh. Also 41weeks.

At hairdresser year.. She cut my hair and i was looking forward to nice blow dry... Maybe with the rollers etc... Nope... Quick as a flash....

Ha ha

"Congratulations! Your baby has arrived!"

I vividly remember the same thing happening when I was overdue last time. I think I actually screamed and stamped my foot like a child.

So have you had it yet??? [hides under bed before you throw the pillow]

Very bad jokes aside I feel your pain. When I was pregnant with DC3, I was expecting him to be early as his jbrother had been (37 weeks). We had many many false labour and at 41 + 3 I was still there. Went to pick up my DD at school and one of the mums I didn't know that well said to me "have you not had it yet? You have been pregnant like forever". I was so fed up that day (false labour the night before) that I just replied "oh no actually I had him a week ago. I so love having a bump that I left him at home with a babysitter and I am just putting a cushion under my top".

I usually never ever come back with that sort of replies. Luckily the mum didn't hold it against me afterwards!!

No, no I haven't.

I just remembered another one! Someone sent me a text 'have you had the baby yet? Are you just going overdue for attention?'

The rage I felt probably caused me to go into labour the next day.