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Original poster

Bridesmaid at wedding 2.5 months after EDD-help!

19 replies

WelshDragon80 · 01/08/2013 08:13

Hi all,
I am a going to be a bridesmaid at a wedding 2.5 months after my EDD next Feb and am stressing out about what to do about accommodation. The wedding is around 3 hours from our house so we'll have to go for the weekend. It's a "no children" wedding so my lovely mother-in-law has said she'll come with us. However the church is an hour away from the reception venue! Would it be better to find cottage near the venue on basis we'll be there for the bigger part of the day? How often is my little Bean likely to need feeding at that point? Will I have to ask my MIL to come with us to church and stay outside with baby? Am I going to spend the entire reception going back and forth to cottage?! It's our first baby so I have no idea :) Any advice/suggestions would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

maja00 · 01/08/2013 08:22

If breastfeeding, then 1-3 hours (likely to be less than 3 at that age) and bear in mind that your breasts will be sore and leaky if you skip a feed at that age.

I don't think a "no children" wedding is reasonable when you'll have a 2 month old - surely the bride isn't applying this rule to babes in arms?

Have your MIL wait outside the church with the baby during the ceremony, then bring the baby with you to the reception.

Bearwantsmore · 01/08/2013 08:24

Agree, I've been to lots of child-free weddings and there was always an exception made for tiny babies. I'd talk to the bride.

NickyNackyNooNoo · 01/08/2013 08:26

I agree with the previous posters 2.5 months is still tinky tiny. I'd speak to the bride about the child free status, as you're her BM you must be a close friend & I'm sure she'd understand the situation

Rockchick1984 · 01/08/2013 08:28

Definitely talk to the bride, there's no way you will realistically want to do this with such a small baby. I had a child free wedding but would have made an exception for a tiny baby (as long as the parents were clear that I would want the baby taking out if crying).

Christelle2207 · 01/08/2013 10:40

Reading with interest as am invited to wedding in October but baby isn't - he/she is due any day. Our plan is to speak to the couple and hope they are OK for baby to come to. We had a no children wedding but made exceptions for two very small guests who were no trouble at all.

ajandjjmum · 01/08/2013 10:44

We only invited close children to our wedding, but one friend who had just had a baby replied to say that would be coming, and that she assumed her baby was also invited.

I was not impressed with the tone, but genuinely didn't realise the problems that 'no baby' would have caused. I've since had DC!

Original poster

WelshDragon80 · 01/08/2013 11:22

Thank you all for the helpful posts. I spoke to the bride this morning and she is fine with babies but apparently groom has totally put his foot down, so will have to find some way around it. At worst I guess I can go to the wedding and then an hour here and there for the reception. Better something than nothing! Thanks again for the advice x

OP posts:

April13 · 01/08/2013 11:45

could you express some milk so MIL has some to hand to save you going backwards and forwards?

CheeseFondueRocks · 01/08/2013 11:50

Well, the bride needs to put her foot down to her future husband if she wants you as a bridesmaid. It's very simple.

Rockchick1984 · 01/08/2013 12:16

I wouldn't be going personally - what if the baby won't settle or needs a feed and you're an hour's drive away? If she wants you as a bridesmaid she should be putting her foot down with the fiancé! The problem is that you can't know until the baby is here (and probably until the week of the wedding) how and when baby is likely to be, if they will take a bottle, if they will be due a feed right in the middle of the service etc. I would be apologising and telling your friend that you will pull out now rather than risking pulling out the day of the wedding.

TarkaTheOtter · 01/08/2013 12:30

I wouldn't go if you can't take the baby. At 2.5months if you try to stretch out feeds you'll be horribly engorged and leaky. The baby could be feeding every 3hrs but probably more likely it'll be feeding every 2hrs or less. The feeds could take 15mins each, but a lot of babies still take very long feeds at that stage. So at best you'll be nipping out every couple of hours for 30mins or so. At worst you'll hardly be there at all.
Presumably the bride is a very good friend so you can explain the situation. Maybe you could ask Mil to take baby for the ceremony and speeches but keep it with you the rest of the time.

maja00 · 01/08/2013 12:30

April - not sure expressing (even if the OP can express - lots of women can't) would be very practical with a 2 month old. The OP would risk being very uncomfortable and leaky if she skipped a feed anyway/

WelshDragon - I assume the bride and groom don't have children yet? I think you need to explain to them that it won't be possible to go to the reception leaving the baby an hour away. Either the baby needs to be with you for the reception or you will only be able to attend the ceremony.

Even if you and the baby do go to the reception you are going to be sleep deprived and still physically recovering from the birth (consider if the baby is 2 weeks late and born by c-section - you might still have a wound to worry about too) and it's likely to be more of a show your face for a couple of hours type event than partying all night anyway.

Bearwantsmore · 01/08/2013 13:14

Definitely agree with everyone else and cheesefondue words it particularly well - the bride needs to put her foot down!

No baby, no bridesmaid.

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 01/08/2013 13:55

I know she's your friend, and it's the groom being unreasonable difficult, but could you point out that if you can't bring your baby (who is now ALWAYS going to be part of your life!) you can't come? Even if you are meant to be a bridesmaid? I mean, seriously?! You're not asking to bring a boyfriend of two weeks' standing, but your child FFS.

Are they getting married in the CofE, out of interest? We did, and doesn't the service usually say 'marriage is for the procreation of children'. You might want to warn her groom that he may wish to look at a civil ceremony if he feels this anti-children.

momb · 01/08/2013 14:03

Honestly, given that you have no idea how you'll be feeling, how the baby will be feeding, and the logistics of the whole thing, I'd have a word with the bride and resign as bridesmaid.
If you aren't part of the wedding party and required for support duties, photos etc then you can still attend the wedding and be more flexible with regards popping in and out. As bridesmaid there is more of an expectation that you'll be available for all the formal stuff.
As a bridesmaid, sitting at top table, there is no way you could subtly feed a baby, whereas if you are a guest without duties you can wear a more suitable top and disappear as required.
btw How lovely is your Mum to help out like this! I wish mine had been so obliging when I had newborns.

cravingcake · 01/08/2013 14:11

Just to put a different idea in.... a good friend of mine went to our other friends wedding (an hour away from home) 6 weeks after giving birth and left the baby at home with her parents. She was unable to breastfeed so baby was on formula and she was confident in her parents ability to watch a newborn for the day and evening.

My one suggestion would be that if you do take the baby and MIL to at least leave some form of milk with your MIL so she can attempt to calm the baby until you can find an appropriate moment & place to feed.

You wont really know how you will feel until once the baby has arrived.

If you do decide its best not to be bridesmaid you could always still be a special part of their day by doing a reading during the ceremony, or being one of their witnesses.

Bue · 01/08/2013 15:49

The groomzilla is being massively unreasonable. He won't even notice the baby is there unless it cries in the middle of the ceremony, and if it did I would expect your husband to take it out. I would have another word with your friend and explain the impracticalities of being a bridesmaid if you can't bring the baby.

Original poster

WelshDragon80 · 01/08/2013 19:05

Thanks so much for all the advice! He's not a groomzilla bless him; I think before you contemplate managing this kind of situation with a baby it's quite easy to tell yourself that the parents will be grateful for some grown up time - to be perfectly honest, we asked for no kids at our wedding (although none of our close friends had children which made it much easier!). I'll talk to them and see if there's leeway and if not will be bearing all the ideas suggested in mind :) wish me luck!!

OP posts:

laeiou · 01/08/2013 19:15

Honestly, even if your baby is guest of honour I'd suggest resigning as bridesmaid. You don't need the stress and bridesmaids are expected to be available or fittings, general social stuff, maybe hair and nails trials all in the first weeks of your baby arriving. And the wedding itself- surely there's a rehearsal the day before, social event the night before with all bridesmaids in the hotel, and you would be expected to be on hand all day during the wedding. And that's without any mishaps that the bridesmaids are expected to deal with. You dont need the stress or responsibility. Even as a guest you should have the option of confirming or declining after the birth.

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