Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Does yout dh/dp attend scans & appointments with you?

62 replies

Shellywelly1973 · 16/07/2013 14:30

I was at the hospital yesterday & realised i was the only women on my own. Its a consultant clinic so complicated pregnancies that sort of thing.

Today i went for my 12 week scan. Dp was meant to come but didn't end up making it. Again i was the only women on my own. At least yesterday there were a few women with friends but today it was all husband /partners.

Dp came to my scans with my previous pregnancies nothing else. I did feel disappointed he didn't come today, he knew i was really worried. My last 12 week scan showed MMC.

Im having a CVS on Thursday but Im not that bothered if he comes with me as it was today that i was worried.

Does your dh/dp attend scans and appointments?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MonstersDontCry · 16/07/2013 14:34

My DP only came to scans. He couldn't come to every appointment because he couldn't take time off work.

Why couldn't your DP make the scan? Did he let you know he wasn't going to be there?

purplemurple1 · 16/07/2013 14:35

You only get one scan overhere and he came to that and my booking appointment, he also came to my last appointment (32wks) as the midwife told me he had to attend as we were discussing labour and the hospital and my grasp of the local language isn't great so he needs to know what to do, who to speak to etc. I don't really want him there for general appointments so I'm fine with this.

Is your OH not coming because he can't get the time off work, or he doesn't realise how important it is to you that he be there?

fatfingers · 16/07/2013 14:35

Mine tried to come to scans if he could get time off work. Didn't bother me whether he was there or not though. Why didn't your dp make it?

Futterby · 16/07/2013 14:36

My DP and mum come to the scans with me, I just go to the appointments on my own. I mean, all they do is dip my pee and ask how I'm feeling, don't see the point in anyone getting time off to come with me for that.

Hope your scan went well

Lydia161290 · 16/07/2013 14:41

My DP came for all scans, I wouldn't have it any other way. I think for me they're important. But this is our first, so it may be different.

He also comes to some antenatal appointments if he isn't working. If he is, I don't mind going on my own because like a previous answer said, they don't do much. I went to my last one yesterday on my own.

EmB1715 · 16/07/2013 14:41

My DH wouldn't miss a scan (he sees it as a bonding thing as obviously he can't feel what it's like to carry a baby so enjoys being able to see her) and comes to any other app if he's not working.

Florin · 16/07/2013 14:44

My dh came to all scan and appointments bar one. He felt it was his baby too and wanted to be involved as possible and loved having the opportunity to ask the midwife questions. However he is really lucky that most of the time he can work at home or go in late so it made it easy for him to come. If he had to start taking time off work using his holiday etc than he wouldn't have come. If we are lucky enough to have a second I think he will come to less of the standard midwife appointments however I would expect him to come to the scans.

Original poster

Shellywelly1973 · 16/07/2013 14:46

Scan went well thanks. He was meant to be looking after our Ds but Ds was better today so i sent him to school.

Dp was on lates so i sent him a text- he reckons he didn't see it.

Might go to 20 wk scan bymyself too!!

I was surprised by how many men were in the 2 clinics. Dp hasn't faintest idea about labour, birth or pregnancy. Todays a rest day, he didn't book it off.

OP posts:

MrsJohnDeere · 16/07/2013 14:48

Mine didn't come to any. Wasn't practical with his job. Didn't bother me at all tbh.

chickensaladagain · 16/07/2013 14:51

Mine didn't come to any appointments for either dc

Babies are women's stuff apparently

He's now my ex as it didn't get any better than that

knittingirl · 16/07/2013 15:13

Dh came to the scans, but hasn't been to any of the other appointments due to work. Having said that, he'll be off work for the summer in a couple of weeks but I still can't imagine him coming to the regular midwife appointments - wouldn't have any objection if he wanted to but equally not fussed if he doesn't!

PumpkinPie2013 · 16/07/2013 15:17

My husband has been to both scans with me as he was excited to see baby and wanted to support me.

He doesn't generally come to routine mw appointments due to work but will probably come to my 25 week one as he is on holiday then and would like to hear the hb. It
doesn't bother me him not coming to routine mw app as they don't do/say much.

I think men should go to scans where possible (obv some genuinely can't) and try to go to things like a cvs to give support. I think scans particularly make it 'real' for men. I loved seeing my husbands face at scans when he saw our baby on screen.

Would it be possible for you to book a private scan to go to together? I know they can be quite expensive in some places but if you are able to afford it you could get an app in the evening/weekend so your dp can come?

BrianButterfield · 16/07/2013 15:17

DH came to scans but only comes to appointments if he's free - never went to any with DS. I don't see why he would have needed to be there; I was always surprised to see how many partners were trailing along and wondered if they'd all booked time off work to go! They never said or did anything he needed to be a part of, except that he would have liked to have heard the heartbeat more often.

Chickpea1983 · 16/07/2013 15:18

My DH only comes to scans. I book my appts around my work schedule, so unfair to ask him to drop everything according to my schedule! We did discuss though beforehand about what he really really wanted to be there for, and what was just 'nice-to-have' in case he was free. I have a consultant appt on Friday and my DH will not be there, but this is related to me rather than baby. He hasnt been to any MW or physio or dr appts.

Pizdets · 16/07/2013 15:19

I've had a LOT of scans and appointments (previous loss, cerclage in this pregnancy) and it's not sensible for him to come to all the scans and appointments but he's been there for the 'big' scans and wouldn't have missed the 12 week one. I'm sorry your DH has been rubbish, if you had an MMC at the last one you'd think he'd want to be there to support you. Can you tell him how you feel?

Wishfulmakeupping · 16/07/2013 15:23

I think it would be good to have him with you for cvs.
Mine attended all important app but I had to have a lot of other app due to my own health condition so went alone to them

Kelly1814 · 16/07/2013 15:24

I went to last appt alone, it turned into a nightmare when they discovered that the baby was engaged at just 26 weeks and was about to go into labour. Huge drama, very stressful, and I wish I had someone with me to remember everything that was happening.

From now in DH coming to all appointments, including 28 week one tomorrow :)

Longfufu · 16/07/2013 15:26

My DH went to both scan appointments and attends appointments when I see the consultant. He doesn't come to the basic midwife appointments. This has been the same for both my pregnancies.

Original poster

Shellywelly1973 · 16/07/2013 15:30

Im really not stressed about the CVS. One of the dc gets summer holidays today so he can look after him so at least i won't have to organise babysitters. Yes i thought he would have been a bit more considerate about this scan & the days leading upto it. Nothing, nothing at all.
He dosnt understand, didn't when i lost the baby& dosnt now.

I've never thought about dp attending appointments other then scans but seeing so many men today so& yesterday got me thinking.

Dp would have a heart attack at the idea of a private scan-let alone the actual cost!

OP posts:

Gerty1002 · 16/07/2013 15:36

DP wouldn't miss a scan, partly cos he loves seeing baby, but also because scans are to check if everything is ok with baby and he would hate not to be there if there was any bad news.

As other posters have said, he doesn't generally come to midwife appointments, though he did come to two as he happened to be off worm and wanted to be off work. He also came with me when I had to go in for monitoring due to reduced fetal movement.

Again though, this is our first so is a special but worrying time as neither of us have done this before. However I don't think he'd ever miss a scan with any future children unless it really was unavoidable. My DP is a major worrier though.

welshfirsttimemummy · 16/07/2013 15:37

My DH came to all scans and any appointments I felt concerned about.

He didn't come to the usual midwife appointments though.

Knittingnovice · 16/07/2013 15:40

With DC1, DH came to all 3 scans and some consultant & midwife appointments, same with DC2.
With DC3 he had changed jobs and came to the 12 week scan and my appointment with the supervisor of midwives ( and my multiple trips to the delivery suite over Easter) but none else as he couldn't fit them in.

FraggleRock77 · 16/07/2013 16:06

DH came/comes to everything xxx

JRmumma · 16/07/2013 16:17

DH comes to scans (ive had 4 so far as there were a couple of concerns) but only 1 mw appt but that was only because he was off work that day anyway. Don't think partners need to attend routinne mw appts tbh.

As a side note, i also don't see why some people tend to bring an entire entourage to their appointments with them, but many do! Mum's, friends, aunties......as if its a big day out.

JoJoManon · 16/07/2013 16:23

My husband has come to every scan and midwife appointment. However I have a perinatal appointment tomorrow (which they make you have if you are pushing for an ELCS) and I have told him he doesn't need to come to that.
Not only would I not have it any other way, but neither would he.

Flip

1 2 3