Pregnant (IVF) Worriers (part two)

[Shazzamattazzerly]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others! We have filled our first thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1721178-Pregnant-IVF-Worriers) but there is more worrying to do so here we are.

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

Crisps, I agree, there are risks regardless and I don't think you'd be significantly less worried if there were only one in there.

Dildals - you're the opposite of me. I have never felt less sexy than during pregnancy / breastfeeding. It's like it's just switched off. Poor old DH.

I am a mine of often entirely useless information. I could probably have achieved greatness if my head wasn't full of rubbish!

Every pregnancy is a risk. At least, crisps, they know there is a risk so you'll be getting the extra care you need. Don't let it put a downer on it all. It's still exciting - you're having TWINS!! Gymkhanas bring back happy memories of my childhood. I'd love to live somewhere like that. I've started to feel lots of movement when I go to bed so I hope it's not true that they start to estabish their sleeping patterns at this stage!!

Shazza, my excema is no way near as bad as your hives and I don't have any at the moment. I had it badly when I was younger especially when stressed but I've learnt to never scratch, be careful with dairy and splurge a huge amount on creams.

crisps I had 2 put back as well but only one stuck. I never had any bleeding early on so I imagine the other stopped developing very very soon after ET. I don't think it's irresponsible of you at all given the odds of IVF succeeding. I think I remember you said that losing your twin before at that stage was very very rare so is having twins again really increasing a real risk? Or just increasing an incredibly low risk? Say the risk of the first loss was .001%, even if you are doubling your risk the second time round it still is only .002%. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I just don't want you to get too worried because your consultant was being 'realistic'.

I totally get it fairy. At this stage risk is 3%, dropping to 1% next week...so even if I am double the risk which the consultant says I am not, it would only be6% dropping to 2%. Good point well made!

expat and buzzy and mariana the oracle you are so right.

Thanks so much ladies. You always know what to say. Wish I had talked to y'all first now instead of having a shitty week . Think I will always wonder what if we had only put one back, but we had no more money for more cycles and if it hadn't been successful we would have wished that we had put two back.

I still make myself add a name to my baby names list when I stress out...so it is a now a very long list!

Hello Everyone

Crisps I'm sorry that you are feeling bad and worried. It's natural to be extra worried after all you have been through. I agree with the rest of the girls, you are having twins and that is so exciting. For what it is worth I would definitely have put back at least 2 embies had I got that far. I don't think you are irresponsible, I think that you are thinking of your littles ones and making sure that you get the care that you need. Also it is a shame that someone has gossiped at work and you feel pressure there. A Gymkhana sounds like fun. I head the clip clop of a horse down our street the other day. We live in Streatham, there are no horses. And when I went to look it was the rag and bone man!

Expat Its good that you didn't scratch. I try so hard not to but it is almost impossible. They thought that mine was caused by the stress of TTC but unfortunately that doesn't seem to have been the case. I was reading today that the babies are active when we relax and are still because when we are moving around during the day they are lulled to sleep. So cute.

Mariana I'm afraid that I'm with you re sex. It is getting better but I still don't feel like I did before and that makes me really sad.

Buzzy Your colleague is trying to help and probably doesn't know what to say but unfortunately she is trying abit to hard. I didn't start any exercise until a few weeks ago so don't worry about that. During the first few months there was just too much going on to worry about that as well.

Dildals Great news about the Harmony test. have you met the genius Professor yet :-) I reckon I'm going to go and check out the Nearly new sale on the 29th, thanks for the tip off. Where are you going on holiday? What is your due date? I guess September is too close to risk waiting?

Gin I laughed at the possibility of you taking your pants off at the dentist!

MrsH oh my goodness at your shock! I would have freaked out. But I fear that the way my insides are going during this pregnancy, I could very much end up with a similar experience. Has the bleeding stopped now? I'm unsure about the cream cure. I assume that you wipe it on the outside? Or are we back to bum bullets?

Huge hello and night night to everyone. x

crisps and others with twins - people don't understand the risks, choices and decisions we have to make when we do ivf. You made the best choice on the evidence you had. And twins! It's exciting!! Congratulations on a good ten week scan - you get safer every day.

Omg Mrs that sounds both scary and horrible, poor you...

I have excema on my hand, would usually just put on some steroid cream and it'd be gone in two days, hut its being a bugger. shaz poor you on the hives. I'm still trying with the cushion for sleeping, am maybe a little better, but still usually on my tummy. Sometimes I have no bump whatsoever, others its quite big, so I think its just good.

expat I think you've passed 28 weeks? Yay! Well done you.

dildals what a shock for your friend. How are the twins? That is v small. But unusual to be born that early, right? I thought I heard 36 weeks ac for twins. One week at a time...

To weigh in, I'm with dildals on pregnancy sex. Awesome. will we be disappointed with non preggo sex now..

I just looked at some mat clothes, but they're made for big bumps, hey! Not for me yet. I did tear up, and linger, in the baby clothes but though, but we've not bought anything yet...

I love baby clothes. I've already had to pack away some newborn stuff as the ever increasing Trenchlet has outgrown it.

Shaz, all I can say about the sex is it does get back to normal after pregnancy / breastfeeding which I know seems like a long time for it to be not optimal, but in the whole scheme of things isn't that long. You might not be as bad as me either, you might just be having an off few weeks.

If 90% of people have completely problem free experiences of pregnancy, it's no wonder those of us that don't get all these comments, judgements and misunderstandings. One just has to learn to grit one's teeth.

Keep 50% of twins are before wk 37. The hospital tends to induce in wk 38. This is all for DCDA twins. The other, more high risk ones, are delivered earlier.

Hi keep have you looked at under the bump or half bump jeans/trousers? I also didn't fill the full on bump ones but the Jo Jo maman bebe ones that I'm sporting as I type are so comfy and I've got plenty of room for growth.

Actually ladies I need abit of advice please. I had abit of a thing with my mum last night after she said that my brother and i should should stop reading books and just get on with it. She said that in her day they got pregnant, had a baby and got on with it. I can see that she has a point and I know I'm worrying alot but I think that it is important to be informed don't you? Also the older generation bang on about their day but things have changed so much. I tried to kindly tell my mum that there is loads of research and information now and that we are trying to learn and do the best we can. I bit my tongue and refrained from pointing out that they may well have got on with it but I spent 10 years on anti depressants and another 10 in therapy and I'd like to try to learn from their 'getting on with it'. Now I'm worried that when the baby comes she and I are going up come to blows. She is great and very supportive but highly strung and extremely easily offended. Anyone got any experience of dealing with 'advice' from mothers or worse MILs?

Thanks. Shazza xx

Oh shaz I bet she fretted too, just doesn't remember it... Why not just keep your research and worrying a bit more under wraps, none of her beeswax what you do anyway. Am slightly worried I'll have issues with mil (she has no daughters) once baby's born, but so far so good. We do live several 000 miles away though...

I've not seen any of those types here, and international postage is expensive. I think I'll manage with my skirts and the Luke for six weeks.

When's your scan shaz? Eek.

Regarding mothers, mine is generally great (these days) but we do have differing opinions over child rearing. I tend to just say 'Well it's all different now as they've done a lot more research in the last 40 years'. Luckily I have worked in child health (and even specifically in parenting) so she does accept I do have some knowledge. Also I get on far better with my mum since becoming a mum myself, you might find that happens too shaz. I'm much more forgiving of what I might once have considered her failings, but still try to learn from them myself.

My 93 year old grandma is a different matter. She doesn't believe in breast feeding and makes comments about it at any opportunity. I just let these go, I'm not fighting with her!

Thanks Mariana and keep. I think im just feeling a bit low today so am more sensitive than usual

Keep my 20 Weeker is 4 July. What about you? I'm trying to ward off a major fret about it. I was thinking that it would be fun to see the baby and was looking forward to it and totally hadn't considered that there would be more checking and the possibility of bad news if something is wrong.

Half hour ago someone else at work said my bump is tiny for 18 weeks. I think she meant it as a compliment strangely but of course I'm now worried that shazlett hasn't developed. There I was thinking that my bump was bigger today. Maybe it was the rice I had for tea last night.

How is everyone else today? Is it only buzzy with a scan this week? How are you doing Buzz?

Here I am with my stats again but it's useful to know. The 20 week scan is a scan for anomalies so it is bound to be potentially nerve wracking. However, 90% of scans show the baby to be ok. Of the ten percent that aren't about half of these anomalies are caused by the more common chromosomal disorders like Down Syndrome (which you've already tested for). So, the chances of any anomoly being detected, even a minor one, are about 5%. Or looking at it the other way it is 95% likely that everything will be fine. That's better than your odds for the Harmony so the chances everything will be ok are very good indeed. (This is what my consultant told me.) Take heart!

Ignore what people say about bump size. It's meaningless, in an hour someone else (with equally as little expertise) will probably tell you how massive you are!

I'm currently feeding Trenchlet in the back seat of my car in a retail park as she won't stop crying while I'm trying to buy Fathers Day cards, birthday presents etc. Now wishing I'd held off until a cafe as she's taking forever and I could at least be eating cake.

Thanks Mariana I love your stats! 95% is good odds and everything had been on so far so fingers crossed it will be ok. I looked at the photo of the girl in my book at 18 weeks and her bump seems to be the same as mine (ish).

I hope trenchlet enjoyed her snack! X

shaz don't worry about the 20 wk scan, they do check all sorts, but it is fascinating to see the different heart chambers (I got a running narrative by the consultant because he was training someone up), Shazlett's little upper lip, and, the highlight, little feet.

One of my friends told me to stop reading too. But I have the type of personality where I feel much more relaxed if I feel informed. If you are also that type then carry on reading! Having said that, as I mentioned yesterday, I did get overwhelmed with all the information out there. It is easy to feel snowed under with all the reading you 'need to do' before Shazlett arrives. If this happens, I suggest to step away from the books/internet!

On bumps - it is so incredibly personal on how bumps develop. Some people hardly show, some people immediately clap out. Some develop hips and bum to match the bump, some people only grow out. There's really no telling. The lady that I inherited the Asos jeans from has a bit of an eating disorder, it sometimes seems she only eats green apples ... she didn't grow much of a bump and did Military Fitness to quite far in to pregnancy (she went to the gym the morning of her ELCS!) and she delivered a healthy weight baby girl. So I wouldn't be too worried Shazz!

The skin and muscles around my bump feels so tight sometimes, like it is really stretching out. Makes me wonder how in heaven's name it will stretch back to normal again.

I went to see physio today. Turns out I have a bit of a locked SI joint. Something that was an issue prior to pregnancy. Because all the other bits are relaxing this joint was causing an issue with not joining in on the fun. Luckily it seems to be fairly easy to resolve. Pfew. She was absolutely mesmerised by my belly, she kept staring at it!

On another, money saving, note - I managed to stumble across someone who is selling their Out n About twin buggy. They've only used it a couple of times and are selling it because it doesn't fit in their car. So I am going to check it out and potentially pick it up for £150. Also buying a double breast pump (sterilised) for £45. To buy one costs about £120 and to rent is about £30 a month. So makes sense.

Mine's the 13th shaz... Am trying not to think about it and just enjoy the moment.

buzzy huge luck for tomorrow.

Great bargain hunting skills dildals! I'm glad your problem is easy to resolve. That's funny about your physio staring at your bump are rukas and chaos visibly jumping around now?

I can't believe your friends extreme fitness regime. It is amazing how every bump is different isn't it?

Keep you are only a few days behind me. Budge up, I will join you on the staying positive bus. I'm going to try to limit my appts with dr google.

Good luck for tomorrow buzz. I'll be tuning in for news. X

shazza you just need to remind her that this is y'our baby' in 'your tim' and this is how things are in 'these day' I'd also say that right now you just need to know that you are supported. Its your life and your baby, nothing wrong with being informed :)

I am lucky that
A/ my mother lives on the other side of the world
B/ that we haven't spoken for years, I would struggle to keep quiet about her poor parenting skills

dildals your are the bargain queen you shall inspire me to find things cheaper when/if it get to that stage

thanks my scan is in the morning, I'm struggling with the sickness, its lasts from around 7.30 in the morning until about now, its worse during work hours i'm seeing my GP tomorrow, last time she gave me buccastem but they made feel worse

Just popping in quickly to say good luck tomoz buzz - will be thinking of you.

Waves to everyone else

Good luck buzzy, will be thinking of you.

GUESS who I just bought my double breast pump from!? The author of Bumpology, Linda Geddes ! I have a celebrity breast pump! :-)

The buggy I bought from a girl that I thought was one of the daughters when she opened the door ... nah, she was a mum of two ... serves me right! She was a bit worried I was going to bargain her down, but couldn't bring myself to take money from such a young 'un!

Haha at your celebrity breast pump! How did you find out? Did you tell her you liked her work and had been recommending it to others?

thank you gin and mariana I will hopefully feel reassured at the end of it

Good luck tomorrow buzzy. Really hope everything goes well...give yourself the afternoon off stressing to celebrate!

dildals I don't know if that is brilliant or slightly disgusting?! Awesome though.