Pregnant (IVF) Worriers (part two)

[Shazzamattazzerly]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others! We have filled our first thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1721178-Pregnant-IVF-Worriers) but there is more worrying to do so here we are.

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

I've just lost a post too. Bah.

Three days can be an eternity vall. Fingers crossed.

shazza, if you love George use it regardless.

fairy, dd1's really good with the baby, loves choosing her clothes, applying cream, helping bath her. It's general discipline I struggle with. She can be very stroppy.

dildals, I am one of those people who's babies didn't like Moses baskets. I wouldn't bother again and used the bouncy chair far more. I use hand towels for the baby as they're fine to wrap her in and easy to wash and dry. I hate drying bath towels when I can hang them on the line.

I've lost interest in the royal baby now. I do think it will be ghastly for Kate to have everyone watching her leave hospital. I think I was wearing maternity yoga trousers and a large baggy tshirt.

Crisps, God when you put it like that maybe it just seems like such an prodigous effort that the reality of being pregnant is actually quite mundane (hopefully!) IYSWIM?

The book is the cheesily titled 'How to talk so kids listen, how to listen so kids talk.' It's very American but it's messages are sound enough. 'Threenager' is a term I shall steal. Do you get doors slammed at you too?

mariana oh yes, she is 99% adorable and delightful but tonight she was super tired after having no sleep (thunderstorms woke her up!) and told me to 'stop talking please mummy. Stop telling me that, I'm trying to play'. Luckily for her I found that quite amusing...less so the stomping up the stairs and refusing to go to bed! Usually able to deal with it but today's migraine and sleep deprivation got the better of me! Hoping for a better day tomorrow, we are going into town on the tram and for a girlie lunch if the little madam behaves

I've heard about that book, must find it on kindle. I think you're right, the whole journey makes actual pregnancy a bit of an anticlimax. I want to gee myself up and start planning things now as am just about 17weeks which is probably halfway for me but am not sure where to start!

Kate looked amazeballs. Caught a bit of the footage and they both looked as though they were overwhelmed and about to cry with all the cheering, bless.

Mr crisps has just got home from a ten hour shift of saving lives, driving through floods for an hour and a bit to get here, wrestled dd1 into bed and is now making me beans on toast. I bloody love my husband!

Threenager! I love it! DS is five but he does seem about 14 at times. He is much more mouthy than I remember being to my parents.

crisps I also have not felt as excited as I thought I would having won the IVF lottery. I have moments were I do but in general I have mostly been so distracted by other parts of my life like effing WORK or DS or DH that I don't think about it that often. I certainly was more caught up in the wonder of it all when I was pg w DS but I had a lot more time to myself then. I also find it very hard to imagine what this baby will be like but I think that's in part because my mind keeps inserting DS whenever I contemplate another child and when I try to think of someone different from DS (and yet similar) my mind goes blank.

fairy I was worried because I couldn't let myself imagine Trenchlet and the midwives said if I couldn't I would increase my risk of not bonding with her and of getting PND. As it is I bonded with her in several stages over her first few weeks and have not had a glimmer of PND. So don't worry about it!

Crisps I had exactly the same here with her being overtired due to thunder waking her early. Awful this evening. MrC sounds heroic. DH put the bins out, that will have to do!

I've just watched Kate. I can only assume she had a team of people helping her look that good (that's mostly her job though innit?) I am actually pleased that her stomach is on show and she still has a bump. There's so much nonsense about people getting back to a size zero three days later.

Oh and the 'How to talk' book has stopped me shouting at DH. (We still row but through gritted teeth.)

Right, giving the technology another chance ;-)

gin, dildals hope you got a bit more sleep last night. I'm not pregnant enough to be kept awake by being pregnant but the heat on its own makes sleeping difficult enough. London was an oven yesterday, I was so pleased to escape home where it feels a degree or two cooler. shazz yMr Shazz should be standing over you fanning you himself and fetching iced drinks and cool packs on demand, as penance for breaking a fan on the hottest day. Thank goodness the temperature is dropping a little now. How exciting to have diarised your mat leave, though scary too I imagine - having a departure date must focus the mind on the length of your to do list like nothing else!

dildals any baby of mine will in principle be kitted out frugally as far as possible too. Though I fear DH and I are going to be that couple who out of superstitious paranoia keep putting off buying anything, and DH will have to make a frantic shopping expedition for car seat, babygro and nappies once its born, before he can bust us out of hospital. Lovely website for window shopping though :-) Mariana your comments about bonding were very reassuring.

vall I know that feeling of wishing the time away till the next scan but at thee same time being afraid of the day arriving One day at a time. For me ignorance was bliss while waiting for the 7 week scan but we are all different and you know best if another HCG before the scan is going to help you, in which case go for it I say!

maybe, that must seem like forever right now. I had 13 eggs, I don't think there's anything wrong with the number 13.

crisps brilliant news on your scan.

shazz would it be OK for me to join you on the 3rd? Not sure yet if I can make that day but i'd like to if possible. Are you meeting in central London or south London? As a Hick from the sticks commuter I only know the central area so will need idiot proof directions if anywhere else :-)

Hi to everyone else too who I've missed out.

I'm feeling oddly detached about Kate and William's baby and have kept away from the media coverage. I think my mind is doing the habitual protective thing of shielding itself from pregnancy and baby news. Even though I'm pregnant now I guess being infertile stays a part of you for a while. I will admit to being nosey curious about the name, though.

ceara, I did that shielding myself in that I struggled to read a book or watch a TV programme if there was a pregnancy storyline. It's horrible, I felt like it was everywhere taunting me even though I was pregnant myself. I felt envious of those people on the TV with their normal enjoyable pregnancies and there was I worried half to death.

Good idea re. punishment for MrShazza. My DH filled my flask for my early morning tea last night so he's doing the opposite. (The 6am cup of tea in bed remains the calmest time in my day at the moment.) I'm sorry for you Londoners in this heat, it's uncomfortable enough out here in the sticks without all those buildings throwing heat back at you.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Morning all! Phew, is it me or is this kind of heat a bit more bearable?
Firstly - fab news that so many of us will get together on the 3rd! Look forward to meeting you :)
Shazz my friend had her baby last summer at the Lindo Wing. I'm not sure what mod cons she had but I do know that for her C-section she had an epidural AND a spinal block and never felt the remotest bit of pain before or after. Sounded like a bit of a health spa trip with a baby at the end of it :). Sorry to hear about your fan. Our crappy Argos number is the only thing that's kept me sane at night this past week or two. My inlaws came to stay at the weekend and I kindly (foolishly) put it in their room, then spent all weekend grumbling about it. Your official mat leave starts the same date as mine :) although sadly I don't have as much leave accrued as you so will be at work until 2nd November. Oh, and I wouldn't put too much faith in the Chinese gender predictor - my friend at work had her 20 wk scan last Fri and it's a boy (when the predictor said it would be a boy) - I'm predicted a boy and am now convinced I'm having a girl because our pregnancies look totally different (although I'm aware that's a load of old bollocks as well), Oh well, only one week to wait until I find out :)
Dildals the East Dulwich Forum is great isn't it! Well done on acquiring such a good stash.
Thought it was interesting that Kate and Wills went for a Britax car seat instead of the usual MaxiCosi - but then it is British made isn't it! Wonder whether the rumours they've got a new Bugaboo Buffalo are true?
Fairy sorry re the flouro bikini from Asos! I got a lovely one from there - navy and pink polka dots - but reckon I'll be too big for it at the end (have already started to wonder what I might wear to splash around in the birthing pool!)
Val I don't blame you at all for booking that private scan. Three days is an eternity when you're waiting for news!
Crisps good news on the scan! Don't beat yourself up for not feeling like a certain way. It's precisely because it took 8 years, £30K and 4 ops that you probably don't feel excited yet - I think your self-protection mechanism is well and truly up. I'm sure it will come in time.
Mariana - agree re Kate! She looked great but it's no coincidence that her stylist and hairdresser arrived at the Lindo Wing yesterday morning :). I remember my friend meticulously planning her 'leaving hospital' outfit then in the event wearing joggers and a nightie :)

Have a good day everyone x

Morning everyone

Am much happier today . Mr S and I have made up following fangate and last night my back felt ok so we went dancing. That always makes me feel better. Shazlett seemed to like the foxtrot. I've decided I'm going to get loads of musical theatre and old fashioned CDs so that I can sing and dance with when she comes.

Crisps I'm so glad your scan was ok. Did you find out the flavours or is that still a secret? I love the term 'threenager' and I don't even have one (yet). Re being excited. After the whopping journey you have had I think it is natural to be slightly underwhelmed. Being pregnant is lovely don't get me wrong but when something is so bigged up in your mind its normal for the reality to be different. I feel a pressure to enjoy this special time and worry that I'm not making the most of it or not marking it enough. I've been photographing my growing belly since the beginning and then the other day we happened upon a you tube video that a couple had made. Stop animation of her growing tummy it was much more fancy and organised and better shot than my snaps in my bedroom and for a moment I felt inadequate and regretful that I hadn't done it properly and good enough. But that's my insecurities coming out and I gave myself a talking to. This is your experience and that's ok. You don't have to force yourself to feel or do anything. It will happen naturally for you.

That said I also found mariana's comments re bonding comforting. My yoga video talks about breathing and bonding with my baby and I just can't do it. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with a burst of love for shazlett and mrS but other times, like fairy, this baby is an abstract concept and I simply can't imagine what it will look like or be like to hold. What if I don't like it? So thank you Mariana for saying that bonding is gradual over time

Ceara my to do list at work is long! i really need to get started on the handover manual. mind you im not a brain surgeon so its not difficult. fantastic if you can come on the 3rd. We will meet in central London. Thinking a Central Park location. I'll PM everyone tonight to get the ball rolling. There will be loads of us. It will be great. We'll all have to make name badges

Have a good day everyone. Xx

Sorry - re the Chinese predictor story and my friend - the predictor said it would be a GIRL and she's due a BOY. I.e, it was wrong :)

Morning ladies! I am fed up with the heat too and still struggling to get a proper night's sleep. shazz boo to mr s breaking your fan. I think he should scour the Argoses of souf London to find you one

I didn't go to the yoga class in the end . With the lack of sleep and heat I just wanted to go home. But I WILL go next week, prob to the Weds one.

mrshy the Chinese predictor told me I was having a boy too! Must be its default... Maybe cos it's Chinese and the whole 1 child policy?! I too noted k-middy's hairdresser arriving at the Lindo and she was plastered in makeup, but I would be too if I knew the world's press were waiting for me!

ceara hope you can make the 3rd! Am intrigued as to where you live - we want to move somewhere nice but commutable to the big smoke.

mariana lovely to hear how you bonded with trenchlet. I think for me it is partly a self preservation thing at the moment, not wanting to get too attached in case something goes wrong and I too feel envious of all those excited pregnant ladies, who just get on and enjoy it. Having said that, one glance at the scan pic and I'm hopelessly in love! crisps I think your reaction is very understandable. We have all been through so much to get here that we are going to have different reactions. People can't understand how strict I'm being with all the preggo food/ booze advice, but they haven't spent years and lots of ££s trying for their kids.

I am so pleased the scan went well though! And I'm sure it will sink in when we have our babies in our arms

vall good idea to bring the scan forward. Time just moves so slowly in the first weeks/months.

didals I'm still super impressed at your haul. I wish we had something local like the dulwich forum. I've tried free cycle a few times, but always seem to miss out on stuff.

Waves to everyone I've missed.

TMI alert...
I had a fairy like incident yesterday... When I went for a wee there was some bright red blood when I wiped. On further investigations I discovered a fissure and that it was only my bum bleeding! Or at least that's what I'm hoping. However it's made me massively anxious and I'm on constant knicker watch. It was just such a shock to see blood! Anyway I'll keep an eye on it and call the midwife if I have any more from an uncertain origin (and hunt down some delightfully named anusol!)

Like some of you have said, I just want to enjoy this pregnancy and make the most of it, esp as we're v unlikely to have another, but it's so bloody (no pun intended!) hard!

The whole bonding thing is something I think people are pressurised by and if they don't feel an instant rush of overwhelming love at first sight then they fear something's wrong. With DD1 I initially felt a huge sense of 'Shit, I have to keep you alive somehow. I'm not old enough! They can't possibly let me take this baby home!' (I was 36). With DD2 it was the most enormous relief that she was ok and I was no longer pregnant. I'm sure it's all very individual but that everyone gets to the same place in the end.

Blimey, lots of posts to catch up on.

Looking fwd to our meetup on the 3rd and yes ceara everyone is welcome! Come along, it'll be fun! On buying things - we only started buying things after week 20 and oddly it was DH who was most keen on waiting till week 20.

I have been sleeping a bit better, thank you! As soon as my ribs start hurting and wake me up I sit up straight immediately (which is a bit of a startle for DH) and somehow gravity then pulls it in to 'OK mode'. Then I can do another couple of hrs of sleep again.

mariana can babies sleep in a bouncer? I thought they weren't supposed to be in a c shape for too long? Although my bouncer reclines fairly flattish I think.

I thought the same re Kate's bump. Good to have it on show. I was waiting for her breasts to start leaking thru her dress though. If I were to walk out of King's looking like that I would look like a right tit! All the other people there are wearing joggers and are sat outside smoking while holding their IV drip stand! :-)

fairy crisps is it maybe also because it is your second pregnancy? I am still amazed by all the things that are happening to my body (that no one ever told you about). I feel like a science project in action sometimes. And both of you have other children to attend to too!

Re bonding, agree, it's so personal, there's no right or wrong way. DH and I were having this conversation the other day though and I was talking about 'the babies' and DH went 'well they will grow up you know and move out of the house at one point', and I found myself saying (almost with slammed fist on table) THEY WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABIES! I have a feeling DH will not even get a look in the first three years, and I am pretty much 'least likely person to be a mum' of the year. :-) oh dear

Gin I could have had shares in Anusol last pregnancy....it's all the progesterone support, slows down your bowels. A real delight. I made DH get the first several tubes and then I lost all embarrassment around it!

London is insanely hot still. Just had a weekend away so I think I confused my internal thermostat with a lovely air conditioned room. DS is not loving the heat and has been a little git really fussy to get to bed. Can't blame him though. He keeps coming out with "Ot mummy, ot", which sort of forgives him anything!

Not feeling sick or boob achy so of course I am having a panic

Dildals, you're right, they're not supposed to sleep longer than half an hour in a bouncy chair or car seat, but mine would only sleep on me anyway in the early months so that was largely irrelevant. It has only been the occasional nap in the bouncy chair for DD2. It's obviously going to be different with twins though. I suspect because you can't attend to them immediately then they might learn to self settle quicker. Hopefully!

[http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/5/4/what-you-need-to-know-about-newborns.html]]

I reckon this will be my approach to surviving the first months of motherhood!

mariana glad to hear that you had no difficulty bonding w Trenchlet or any PND. I am not worried about bonding because I know I will fall in love with the little mite the moment she's out but I just find it a bit hard to feel terribly thrilled at the moment. As you say dildals I think this is because it is my second.

gin should I say congratulations or commiserations about the fissure? :-) I tried anusol but found it didn't work, the GP prescribed something for me that did help, I can't remember the name but can check if your problem doesn't clear up.

mrs Your friend with the posh C-section may have found that although she had no pain at the time, a CS is painful for a long time afterward. And you have a large scar for life, granted in a rather inconspicuous location but still, I'm not so keen on mine. Glad you got a nice swimming costume from ASOS though. Are you going to try for a water birth? So am I but because we are going to try it at home we need to hire a pool. Haven't even thought about appropriate garb, I think with DS I wore a crop top and tshirt over it but it's a bit of a blur.

dildals I was also v pleased Kate didn't try to hide the residual baby bump. I hope she doesn't lose her pregnancy weight because she looks great rather than stick like. As for possessiveness, when DS was a day old DH held him up for me to give him a kiss and he made a joke about it being his first kiss from a beautiful woman (charmer!) and I blurted out without thinking, "I'm the only woman who will ever really love him!" Erm, calling Dr Freud!

Hi fairy, I'm sure you're right re the CS- my friend is very stoical so probably did a good job of hiding her post-op discomfort! Yes I'm also going to have a water birth all being well- also at home! Are you going to hire one of the pools that can sit there with water in already, heated up, or one that you'll fill at the time? X

MrsH & Fairy I have been tossing up the pros and cons of c-section vs VB. And I must say I am leaning towards c-section. The main reason being that the EMCS rate in King's for twins is 40%. The recovery from 24hrs labour plus an EMCS must be worse than for a planned c-section! There is a recov period with CS of course, but it seems to differ quite a lot per person as to how long. Some people are out of action for months and others are back to driving in three weeks. One of my friends had a VB but ended up with haemorhhoids (never know how to spell that) and double digit stitches. She was in so much pain and the MW didn't want to give her anything more than just ibuprofen/paracetamol. With a CS at least you get sent home with adequate pain relief. Also, she had trouble walking up the stairs for ages, so it is just a bit of a lottery really ...

Although I will be sad to miss out on the 'rite of passage' of giving birth, I quite like the idea that you will go in to hospital well rested, no waiting around for 'it' to start, and get cracking with those twins without having to have done a labour marathon first. (This is my first of course, so quite a bit of chance of labour not progressing and all that lark.)

And, as a side note, the next person that tells me that I will 'pop right back in to shape' because [fill in blank] I am so fit/havent' put on 5 stone etc, will get slapped. Muscles is one story. Skin popping back .. largely down to genetics I reckon. If this bump gets any bigger (and let's face it ... it will) it will require it's own flipping postcode.

Fairy and Mrs I will be very interested in hearing about your birth pool hiring experiences. I had a water birth with DS in a MLU. If everything goes well then I am hoping to have a home birth this time round.

The water birth was great. DS's birth was very quick but I had no stitches or tearing (or pain relief other than TENS) - which must in part have been due to the water. I am smug about this but not nearly as smug as the fact I had no bump after giving birth. No idea how I lucked out on that front. I was careful about eating and exercising in pregnancy but for a healthy birth/baby oh, and a bit of vanity. My stomach did however resemble that slime you used to play with as a kid, you know the stuff that when you stick your finger in it the finger indentation remains there for the next few minutes . Was not prepared for that!

Chances of stretch marks seem to be odd too - at risk of being stoned off this thread I avoid them too, despite getting awful stretch marks on my hips and boobs during puberty. My rack is distincly below average so I feel quite cheated

I did have an incredibly unwanted PG side effect in that for all of my second trimester my hair fell out . Kept expecting various HCPs and my hairdresser to tell me it was normal, but apparently it isn't. It stopped for the next 6 months and then fell out again for another three months when DS was 3-6 months old. Thankfully if it happens this time I know it eventually grows back!

Sorry, my post sounds very up my own arse . I wasn't meant to. I was just trying to say that (a) it doesn't all have to be horrendous and (b) you can luck out sometimes.

Morning all. Lots to read and catch up on.
I didn't find my CS too painful at all. It was sore to move for about 4 days perhaps but I was only taking painkillers for 2 days. I really regret having it though and wish the surgeon had explained to me the complications I could have in subsequent pregnancies. To be fair, maybe he did and I didn't hear - was in a fair amount of shock.

Am hating the heat and being a really miserable grumpy old bag. It's a really busy week and also my maternity replacement started yesterday. I couldn't care less about my job at the moment and am having to muster enthusiasm to explain what I do.

Hello lovely pregnant ladies

Just a very quick request. I will make some nice homemade cakes for the meet-up. Does anyone have any specific requests/allergies/intolerances which I need to bear in mind ? If you do, can you let me know ?

Ta muchly

P.s. I have bought nothing for the nipper. I got slightly panicked the other day when I realised that I am 17+5 and haven't even looked at a list, or read a book about what to do when the nipper arrives. So, I will be plugging all of you for information and tips on what the feck to buy and where to get it. Here's how it works.....I will ask you for information and sources etc. The quality and usefulness of that information will determine how big your slice of cake is. It's a fun game and the rules are very simple. We shall have such fun.