Help who may the dad be

[leigh1991]

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and i made a stupid mistake drunk and had a 1 night stand early hours on the 27 th march this year i found out this month april 11th i was 3+ weeks pregnant so am not sure hu the dad is if i was pregnant to the one night stand shouldn't the test say 2 weeks as 27 th to the 11 april is not more than 3 weeks plus i did take the morning after pill the day after i had a one night stand on the 28 th of march , but i still not 100 percent its just crazy how all year av been with my fella and march i get pregnant and had a one night stand , i calculated my last period which was the 4 th march so i used a due date calculator and it showed days where i was fertile and he day i may of conceived and it showed dates before the 27 th (one night stand) It said i conceived around the 18 th so i may already of been pregnant before the 27 th i am so scares and worried but when i took the clear blue the test said i was to far gone for it to have been the 27 th march ?????

I totally agree ihearsounds

Each of my scans has given a different estimated date of conception ( had several early on due to complications). As our conception was planned, I was recording when we had sex and according to dates, I conceived 7 days after last having sex- meaning at the limit of sperm viability and also meaning I ovulated v late in my cycle.

It really isn't possible to be accurate to the day as there are so many factors so you cannot rely on dates alone to make this decision.

hi leigh,

the best thing to do is get in touch with ur gp and organise meeting with a midwife, i was in the same situation n had an early scan to find out how far gone i was x

I would see what the dating scan says and ask the ons to provide a DNA sample after the birth. I think you can actually get a DNA test during pregnancy but it carries a small risk of miscarriage.

If you look at the clear blue link above it says that if y get a 3-4 weeks result, that you actually conceived 1-2 weeks ago. Pregnancy is never dated from conception but from last period.

If op got a 3-4 week result on the 11th then according to clearblue, she conceived between 27march and 4 April which puts the ons firmly in the picture.

You must tell both. Sperm lives for several days so its really could be either.

Sorry misread that.

Still no scan will be 100% accurate so do tell.

i cant believe some of you think she shouldnt say anything to her bloke
its just wrong!

OP as much as you don't want to,you HAVE to tell your bf! No amount of tests or scans will tell you who the father of your baby is,only a DNA test can do that! Scans will probably give you a different due date everytime you have one anyway and either way,the dates given still won't tell you exactly when you concieved. Morning after pill or not,one night stand or not,you still had unprotected sex with 2 men around the time of conception. Like it or not,there's a 50/50 chance the baby is not your bfs.

If you would terminate if you knew the other guy was the dad or you were on your own then perhaps that's the best option for you? My concern is that you've said you wouldn't want the baby if it wasn't your bfs...well what if you gave birth and a dna test proved he isn't the babies dad? How would you feel then,more importantly,how do you think your bf would feel after being led to believe for 9months that the baby was his when you knew all along there was a chance it wasn't? Its not fair to keep your bf or your future child in the dark over paternity.

If your bf loves you he will stick by you,may even say he'll bring up the child regardless of whether its his or not. Or of course he may leave you and I'm guessing if he did that you would terminate? Which ever way you look at it,your bf has the right to know and the right to make a decision about whether or not he wants to stay with you and possibly bring up a child that isn't his.

When all is said I done,I think this whole situation comes down to whether or not you want this baby or not and if you want to risk it not being your bfs,if either answer to those questions is no then I honestly think a termination is the best option for you given the situation.

You simply cannot continue to lie to your bf and "hope" he's the dad but do nothing about finding out the truth through a dna test. Scans will not tell you who your babies dad is so don't go on thinking you can work it out from the dates of those-they carry the title of estimated for a reason....they are not exact. They do not give precise answers to conception dates and certainly don't tell you who is daddy is! They're just a rough guess of when you'll give birth based on your babies size. For example I'm 15wks preg and both my early scan and 12wk scan estimated due dates would mean that I concieved while I was on my period despite the fact I didn't have sex until a few days after I came off! Just saying this so you have an idea of how unreliable scan dates are and why you simply can't rely them to try and work when you actually fell pregnant or who your babies dad is!

Plus I've watched enough episodes of Jeremy Kyle to know that in situations like yours the baby does usually end up being fathered by the one night stand regardless of scan dates and the fact it was only once verus the 100s of times with the bf...

I hope you can reach a decision about what to do soon but please,please do not keep lying to your bf about potential paternity of your baby! You were silly to get yourself into this mess by drinking too much and not using protection (not that I completely blame you-it takes 2 to tango!),we all make mistakes,but at the end of the day,you have no choice,you have to be grown up and mature and deal with any repercussions your actions have caused. The sooner you tell your bf,and the other guy!,the better,even if the news does break your bfs heart...xx

I have had three pregnancies, and about twenty scans. All of them have given a different date of conception, and I know some folk whose marriages have been put on the line as their dh's have believed a scan which notes the date of conception as a day when the dh wasn't even in the country, but whose wives have been completely faithful (which you haven't).

You are a complete idiot if you are planning on relying a scan to work out who the father is.

living a lie will eat you up.

What if you go on to have another baby and dp can't produce sperm or has a genetic condition, it would all come out then!

leigh1991 I'm going to disagree with a lot of the posters here.

I'll admit my bias here - I had an abortion when I was much younger and I have always regretted it.

Now you can have a look on the forum and see comments from people with all kinds of experiences - some with regret, some struggling to deal with their decision and some not regretting it at all. But abortion is a HUGE deal. It shouldn't be based on any relationship you're in right now, because only one person has to deal with this decision for the rest of their life - is you!

This isn't about your boyfriend or the guy you slept with - this is a decision as to whether to bring your future son/daughter's into this world. Now I could lay it on thick by saying you should look at the conception forums for people struggling to conceive or give anything for having a baby. But all I want you to understand that this is a huge, life changing decision whatever you decide.

You seem to be so wrapped up in your relationship problems that the focus should be on the baby - whether you are ready to be a mum, whether you are ready to be a single mother if needs be, whether you are willing to forgive yourself for the mistake you made and be strong enough to deal with the consequences.

Your current boyfriend - this relationship may or may not work out. If your name has anything to do with your DOB, then you are still very young and have plenty of time to find the right person. I'm sure there are lots of private and personal reasons why you cheated on your boyfriend - but ultimately I don't think committed and happy people cheat on each other. Surely there must be a reason why this happened?

I agree with some of the other posters that you do need to tell your boyfriend what has happened. If he doesn't hear from you, he could find out from someone else. He could cheat on your or decide to end this relationship anyway - in a few months, years down the line. Again there are loads of threads on the forums about people who have had affairs and whether to admit it or not admit it. I am of the opinion that a good relationship is based on trust, respect and faithfulness. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you don't have trust and respect?

On top of that, you are putting his health at risk by continuing to have a sexual relationship with him after having unprotected sex with someone else. Both of you need an STD check, not just for his sake but also for health of your child as well.

Whatever you decide OP, I wish you the best of luck. If you don't feel you can continue the pregnancy, make sure you get as much support from your family, counselling and that you have all the information and resources needed to deal with the emotions that come with it. If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, work out a plan of action of how you will bring up your son/daughter with AND without your current relationship. That way you know you will be able to deal with whatever comes your way!

Sorry but you are so naive and even after listening to all these comments you sound like you are still going to ignore them and lie to your boyfriend. That's beyond disgraceful.

You can't determine who it is at all from your dates and definitely won't by the scan. If you can't face telling your bf then I would seriously consider an abortion. If it comes out in the future its not just him who will be upset but his entire family etc, your mutual friends etc. youre 22, you made a mistake but you need to grow up now and listen to the facts which people are explaining to you. Replying on a best friend who tells you want you want is hardly good. You are understandably clutching at straws but this needs sorting.

Sorry if I sound harsh but this has Jeremy Kyle written all over it. (To be hopes the two men look alike if you do go ahead and lie).

Can you really live with lying to your boyfriend for the rest of his life, and to the child for his whole life?
Can you honestly say that in a few months/years when things aren't going great you aren't going to throw "we'll it might not even be yours" at him?

If you we're my friend I would suggest that maybe a termination would be best.
Either that or tell the truth and face the consequences.
I can't think of anything worse than binging a child into the world based on lies.

plinky I disagree. The vogue on MN for encouraging women in unstable situations to proceed with a pregnancy purely based on their own desire to become a mother is utterly irresponsible IMO.

I am really shocked that people are saying they wouldn't tell their BF. How could anyone live with such a level of deceit?

Alibabaandthe40nappies - all I was trying to do is stress to the OP that having an/not an abortion isn't a lifestyle choice. She's made the decision to have sex, pregnancy is always a 'risk' and one she was willing to take. Abortion is not a risk free medical procedure. That said, pregnancy and motherhood has its own risks and challenges too. It's a big decision that needs to be taken seriously and has the potential to shape someone's life for the better or for the worse.

I don't think people post encouraging for a pregnancy to continue based on their own desire for children :/ Everyone has their own opinion, and there is no need to generalise or label other people's opinions as irresponsible just because you disagree with them.

Leigh, you need to see your gp.

You have had unprotected sex - you need testing for sti's.

You have taken the MAP possibly while pregnant - you need to know what effect that could have on the baby.

other considerations:
do you really want to stay with your bf? you had so little love and respect for him that you cheated on him and are considering tricking into (possibly) brining up somebody elses's child. should you really still be with him? would you still be with him if you weren't pregnant?

do you want this baby? are you concerned about potential repercussions if you decide to terminate?

Were you trying for a baby with your boyfriend?

If your test was positive 3.days after your ONS then its most likely your boyfriends.. 3 days would not show on a test. I do feel for you and im not going to lecture you. Personally i would tell him. But given it was just a one off and it definately wont happen again, keep it to yourself and put it down to experience.. Only if i read correctly that you tested at 3 days though... I wouldnt worry too much about it... Dont stress yourself out as it is not good for baby.. Good luck hun xx

Ons 27 march, pregnancy test 11 April.

I would tell the truth. Would you like to be deceived about such a major thing in your life?

Leigh, sorry you are in this situation.

I think you need to be clear with yourself about whether you want a baby, whose ever it may be, and how you feel about your relationship, irrespective of your pg.

What was behind your ONS? Was it any lack of committment or boredom with your DP? How did you feel afterwards? Before you knew you were pg?

A baby is not a magical fantasy fix for a relationship so if you were feeling off with your DP. A baby will not make things better.

The huge probability is that this is your Dp's baby. Only you can decide how to best support your relationship with him. Would it help to talk to a counsellor rather than your best friend? Does Brook still offer counseling to young women?

Good luck, I hope everything works out well for all.

I think for peace of mind and in fairness and respect for your boyfriend, your baby and yourself, you will need to be honest with him. I'm 24 weeks pregnant and had 6 scans from 8-16 wks due to previous complications and all of them gave different due dates, so wouldn't say that's an accurate measure.

Another thing I would consider, you say you know the guy you had a one night stand with, what is the likelihood of him wondering and asking questions when he finds out you are pregnant?

I'm not judging you or lecturing you, but need to say in all honesty, this can end up very messy if you aren't honest from the start. I have a friend who was in the position of your BF and when his little girl was 6 years old, the truth came out. It was a messy, painful and very sad situation for everybody involved. Especially that little girl. You are potentially playing with a lot of lives and hearts here. I know we all make stupid mistakes and that's life, but you have the choice now to avoid making it worse.

Good luck, be strong and take care of yourself.

Not to mention the ons wife and family? You are giving those children a sibling and if he does find out he may well want access!