Mummy politics - ahh now feel a bitch to add to all my hormonal woes

[CareerGirl01]

Where I live we've got a Facebook page someone set up for local mummies. A few weeks back I posted that I was pregnant and looking to meet up with other mums to be at same stage. Wanted to meet other second time/third time mums without our older DCs around! Just so we could talk babies and concentrate on the new LOs. Well other mums are now inviting themselves along, with their DCs. In two weeks time I'll be in babyland (38 weeks pregnant today) with a 4 year old DD, and just wanted to meet other mums at my stage. I have got lots of other mummy friends and non-mummy friends who in live in London and a bit further away. Really wanted to meet other mums to be as am feeling lonely - not being able to get into town. With the best will in the world it's not the same meeting up with mums who've got toddlers or pre-schoolers.

BTW I've got NCT friends but none of them are pregnant and most of my friends have completed their families; I'm 42 and a 43-year-olkd friend and my 40-year old SIL are trying for babies - but they are all having on-going fertility issues. So am on my own...

I think you are lucky to have lots of potential new friends! Or stop seeing them. or say 'you with the pre-schoolers, do one'. I'd go with lucky :)

It's a bit of a tall order asking second or third time mums to meet up without their other dc. I can understand you're feeling a bit miffed but it's nice to have so many potential friends to meet. You'll probably enjoy it at the time.

Careergirl - reading this - I don't think its the other mums you mind, since you could make a great new friend from the new inclusions - it's the kids too, since you just wanted a few hours 'off' before your next one joins the world - as far as I can see? I live in germany and we have just organised a nice girls afternoon here - sans kids, and a night out too - all the ladies are excited and want a bit of time off for their sanity. We have organised this on a sunday afternoon (partners or parents to look after the other kids), and a sat night (childcare arrangements as before).

If I were you I would go for this afternoon thing with the group, but also organise another event minus kids, this week - perhaps sunday afternoon, or during school time/nursery time? Choose somewhere that isn't massively kids friendly - make a joke of it. This is what the lady who organised our one did. She said something like 'as much as I love the kids, I fancy an afternoon scoffing cakes and drinking tea without sticky fingers (unless they are mine from all the cake!), so who is up for a girls afternoon, sans kids' - and it went from there. You also could chip in '2 weeks to go until number two - just fancy a few hours with some other mums without our little treasures before I do it all over again - anyone fancy a few hours gossiping over cakes and coffee, adults only time? What about a sunday pm or during nursery time? Happy to arrange location and create an event depending on who can make!' and see what you get. Failing that you may strike up with a few mums at the group event, and see if they are up for meeting with you on your own before number two comes, without the little ones.

Good luck with number two - I am sure you will make some great chums either way.
x

p.s. I wouldn't restrict other mums to specifically at the same stage - you may find a terrific friend who only has one, or three, or whatever, and miss out on finding a great friend, since you say you are feeling a bit on your own. I made a really lovely friend recently meeting other Mums, she has a little one, and not pg with number two yet. I am pregnant with number one - but really this is just semantics - we are both at similar life 'stages' I guess so it works.

Thanks Tea this is my point. Babies (very small ones) are less demanding than toddlers! And I wanted to make a group of friends I could go out for a few drinks with after our DCs are born. I didn't mention in my original post but we've all met up a couple of times and there's one lady who turns up whose youngest DC is 7; she's not really interested in talking about babies and is a bit dismissive of the other ladies -and it's her friends who are now wanting to meet up as well. x

I really think thats perfectly reasonable - a nice group of girls to have a few drinks with to save your sanity! I would suggest an adult only meet - you could even to a closed invite if you don't like this woman (nothing wrong with that!) and see where you get to. Though she may have some ok friends - could just be her - so I guess having the two meets gives you the opportunity to scout things out? I live in germany and have gone along to various events to seek out other like minded people similar age and stage in life - it does take a bit of time and energy to find some good chums so I can sympathise.

I need to be a bit more open minded - I think my crappy pregnancy has made me grumpy and not just hormonal. I'll probably feel like being friends with the world and his wife in 15 days time. I will be that relieved!