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Original poster

I am utterly petrified...... is there anything I can do?

60 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 16/05/2006 09:02

(I've copied and pasted this for out Due in Jan thread. I just want to ask the masses...)

I'm pretty sure none of you will have an answer for this but how can I stop feeling so anxious?

I'm am absolutey petrified that something bad is going to happen with this pregnancy. Really really scared.
Yes, I was nervous about things when I was PG before but nothing like this. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning my mind is racing and I'm constantly feeling worried/paranoid/scared that ever little niggle is a bad sign.

I'm not quite 6 weeks yet...if I go on worrying like this I'll drive myself mad.

There isn't anything I can do though, is there?

Magnolia pin pointed the feeling perfectly....I've had 3 happy healthy pregancies and now feel that my luck has run out and that something bad will happen no matter what.
Sad

I can't go on feeling such negative and sad thoughts, it can't be abit healthy.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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nickiey · 16/05/2006 09:11

listen to music, read books go for walks or do the housework. There is nothing anyone can do at this stage. baby just has to get on and do it alone for now.
Perhaps you should keep a pregnancy diary for baby when he/she is born if you write all what you are feeling down it might get the worries out of your system.
other than that i dont know, i am a bag of worries myself but I know until i I get to a viable baby stage thats just how im going to be. As for luck running out my sister had 5 babies one after the other fine in 8 years no problems. luck/fate/godswill/ has nothing to do with it (imo)just suck it an see.

Enid · 16/05/2006 09:11

oh darling

I felt exactly like this in fact posted on mumsnet about it under a fake name (before anyone knew I was pg)

beety rumbled me however Wink

you know you could ring your EPU and ask for an early scan (I did - I lied Blush and said that I had had a bit of bleeding BlushBlush)

I think it is totally normal and natural to feel like this at the beginning

if its any consolation to you the first 12 weeks were shite then I really enjoyed the last bit - felt really relaxed and happy

MerlinsBeard · 16/05/2006 09:16

only about 6 weeks until u get to have alook at your baby LTH. will be there with you (altho poss on dec 06 thread by then). Baby just has to grow for now, sorry not to be better help xxx

MerlinsBeard · 16/05/2006 09:16

only about 6 weeks until u get to have alook at your baby LTH. will be there with you (altho poss on dec 06 thread by then). Baby just has to grow for now, sorry not to be better help xxx

Original poster
LadyTophamHatt · 16/05/2006 09:19

I will go to an EPU....however I need to actually find out where the hospitals are in this part of the world first!!!!

Went to the Doc's last week to make it all offical and now waiting for info on whether I'll be under an Eastbourne or Brighton hospital.

Wasn't going to add this bit as I've already moaned about him on the Jan07 thread) but I have to just say that DH is being an absolute arse. I told him how I was feeling and how scared I was about a MC and all he said was "Ohh..and how do you feel about that happening??" and then something about it happening early compared to at 20 weeks or something.

WTF!!!!

That made me feel really greatAngrySad

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 16/05/2006 09:24

LTH, I felt like this with DD because it was my last, never-to-be-repeated pregnancy. If it all went wrong, that would be it - no more. Made it all so much more precious and scarey.

Remember - men are ar$es. It's their natural state of being.

Enid · 16/05/2006 09:25

LTH - my dh was like that when I actually DID have a m/c

they just cannot cannot cope with it

talk to a girl friend instead

Gemmitygem · 16/05/2006 09:27

Thinking of you Lady TH,

I bled a lot at 5 weeks and then was in state of complete panic until scan with heartbeat at 8w, and then still panic till 15 week scan.

I found ticking off the days on the calendar helped a bit, and trying to make sure eating and exercising well to take my mind off, but I appreciate it's impossible to think of anything else.

Sometimes it seems as if you're 'due' for something bad to happen because everything's gone so well, but I think this is just a natural feeling because you hear all the horror stories.

Me and I'm sure all other mumsnetters are thinking of you, just think that in another few weeks your mind will be at rest and try to take your mind off it..

pickle100 · 16/05/2006 09:28

Bless you - I felt the same last time and was a bit consoled to read that 96% of women have serious worries during pregnancy - most people just hide it well . Completely agree re early scan - if it reassures you then for the best as stress not nice when feeling rubbish anyway. A friend of mine insisted on one at 8 wks during her last pregnancy and felt a lot better afterwards. Smile

Original poster
LadyTophamHatt · 16/05/2006 09:30

Thats it too Soupy.
Yes I'd been broody for ages and really wanted No4 but never ever in a million years did I think it would happen.

I'd accepted that Ds3 was my last, that I was going it be a mum of 3. I've savoured every second of his babyhood and toddledom, enjoyed every single second with him (possibly at the expence of the older 2 a bit...I'm embarrassed to admit)

Now I'm Pg again, totally and utterly shocked by it and it feels like it......OMG....I really don't want to say this..... shouldn't be happening.....SadSad

Christ almighty that is shite.
I really need to sort my head out.

OP posts:
Tutter · 16/05/2006 09:30

Sympathies to you LTH. I was (and probably will be again) just like this - my first pregnancy was ectopic, so I am cursed to fear for all other pregnancies.

I know it is indeed norty but if you are in such a state then yes, get yourself to an EPU and mention bleeding and/or pain - they will scan you, and at 6 weeks you should see a heartbeat, or at least a sac.

Good luck
x

Enid · 16/05/2006 09:31

yes it is shite!

but don't worry, what your head is thinking is NOT going to effect what your body is planning!

Original poster
LadyTophamHatt · 16/05/2006 09:34

am on phone now making appt to see doc.

OP posts:
bootsmonkey · 16/05/2006 09:36

LTH - I really feel for you - this was something that was/is at the forefront of my mind when we were contemplating a second (let alone 4th - belated congratulations BTW) and one of the reasons why I called a halt to it all, if I am honest. I think it is a natural worry and reaction, although that dosn't help in any way, shape or form. I feel VERY, VERY lucky that I had such a healthy, textbook pregnancy and birth and a healthy, happy little girl at the end of it. I can't believe that I could be so lucky twice. It is an irrational, but but very real fear nonetheless. Chances are you will be absolutely fine. Try, try, try to relax. At least give yourself a break until your dating scan - there really is nothing you can do till then, and it is therefore pointless to worry. When you find out everything is absolutely fine, all that worry and negative energy will have been for nothing... Don't listen to your DH - they really don't get it on any level. Take Enids advice and talk to the girls! Sorry for the ramble, but I hope you find a way to relax and enjoy your pregnancy!

Gem13 · 16/05/2006 09:37

I know my SIL felt like this with her unplanned 4th pregnancy. I was expecting my first at the time and so I didn't really understand.

Now expecting my third I think of it in terms of stats. I can't believe that I've got 2 fantastic healthy children and therefore my luck must run out soon. But I look around at friends with 3 and 4 healthy children and realise that it doesn't work like that.

I'm trying not to fret and just enjoy it - easier said than done I know (especially when feeling sick!).

BTW - everyone badmouths Brighton, check out Eastbourne first. Plus if you've had easy labours, check out Crowborough Birthing Centre. Like a homebirth - no epidurals - but lots of midwives and birthing pools.

tortoiseshell · 16/05/2006 09:38

I think it's natural to worry a bit, but it sounds like you're worrying a lot - definitely try and get an early scan. I was CONVINCED my 2nd pg would miscarry - no apparent reason, I just KNEW I would. Started bleeding at 8 weeks, went to GP, had scan, baby was fine. No reason for bleed. Baby is now my incredibly healthy 2 and a half year old dd! But the scan did put my mind at rest - because the heart was beating the chance of miscarrying became much smaller.

Hope your doctor is helpful!

compo · 16/05/2006 09:38

I never stop worrying that something might go wrong until I actually hold the baby at the end. Mostly cos a family member had a still birth at term. I don't think men understand the worry, they just assume everything will be okay (well my dh certainly does). Get as much rest as you possibly can in the first trimester

SoupDragon · 16/05/2006 09:39

LTH, we tried for 2 years for DD, I'd given up in my mind and moved on and then immediately fell pregnant so yes, it was very much a "Shouldn't be happening" kind of feeling for me too. I'm pretty sure I worried throughout the whole pregnancy and I think I still worry about her more than I did the boys because she still seems too good to be true.

Original poster
LadyTophamHatt · 16/05/2006 09:41

Have an appt at Doc's at 11:50.
I know they won't actually be able to do anything other than reassure me but will be able to tell me which hospital and EPU to go to.

better get dressed and put my happy and I'm not worried face on for the out side world.

OP posts:
Chloe55 · 16/05/2006 09:43

Just a little word of advice re the early scan. I was bleeding at 6wks and got booked in for an early scan, thankfully everything was ok and my mind was put to rest. However, I was then refused my 12wk scan as this is apparantly just a dating scan and I had already been given my date from the earlier scan so I had to wait until 20wks for another which was hell. This may not be the case in your part of the country and I believe that some places don't do the 12wk scan full stop but I just felt like it was such a long time to wait 14wks to see whether my baby was growing healthily.

I know what you mean about the total paranoia and I don't think it gets better either. I wasn't sure whether I could conceive due to severe endometriosis a few years before and all I kept thinking every week was that my uterus wouldn't be strong enough to carry a baby. It was though and I wish I could have chilled out about it and tried to enjoy the pg a bit more but I know how hard it is.

And don't feel guilty about your feelings of this baby not really being meant to be. She/he is here so therefore she/he is meant to be. Sometimes men can be very insensitive but I'm sure he didn't mean to be, at the end of the day he has no idea just how hard pg can play on your emotions.

sniff · 16/05/2006 09:45

oh I felt exactly like that with this pregnancy convinced it couldnt be happy I still am if truth be told especially when they told me it was a girl as I have two boys I keep expecting everything to go wrong that I wont ever hold her or bring her home!!

I know its odd maybe I feel the same as you 2 healthy boys can my luck really hold out maybe we are paranoid I hope this feeling gets better for you

controlfreaky · 16/05/2006 09:46

would you consider homeopathy? if so find a good practioner in your area and see them asap... it can be really helpful with this sort of thing and a good paractioner will make you feel cared for and supported. was really good for me with real fears about second birth. good luck!

hunkermunker · 16/05/2006 09:47

Oh, LTH Sad

Do you know this very morning one of my first thoughts was "I wonder how LTH is getting on?".

Very much doubt that'll make you feel any better, but it's what i thought, all the same!

I hope the doctor can offer you some reassurance. FWIW, when I was pg with DS2, I felt it wasn't possible - I'd needed medical assistance to get pg with DS1 and fell pg immediately with DS2 without intervention, so in a weird way, my body had let me down by working properly - it was SO unexpected. It took me ages to believe I really was pregnant and that my body really could produce a healthy baby when I'd had so many problems in the past.

Thinking of you - email me if you need to rant x x x

rickman · 16/05/2006 09:48

I felt exactly the same LTH, more so because exp had been told my a spiritualist or someone that he would have 3 children. I felt that something would go wrong with the pregnancy or something would happen to one of the others.

My last pregnancy was probably one of the most stressful periods of my life and I cannot tell you the relief I felt when ds was born.

At the time I was emailing Pupuce and I told her on several occasions that I felt that something would go wrong and that I had tempted fate.

So I would say that it is quite normal and just take the best care of yourself that you can now, there isn't much else you can do. Try not to worry and enjoy things as much as you can. xx

MissChief · 16/05/2006 09:50

cherish yourself as much as possible - indulgent DVDs snuggled up on the sofa, good books, get dh to spoil you..
also, some kind of very gentle exercise - relaxing walks, swims etc to take your mind of it all.
take care.

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