What's wrong with me, I don't want this baby :(

[honeymoonmum]

Pregnant with DC 3. Desperately wanted another (or at least I thought I did). I've been in hospital twice with hyperemesis and still feel shocking. My life has disappeared and DH not great with the children. I just feel I can't cope with another child and being so ill. What the hell is wrong with me. No one in RL I can admit this to. I feel so guilty. I'm a horrible person :(

OP you're not a horrible person!

I'm also pregnant with much wanted DC2 and some days still think "dear lord, what am I doing?" It's the hormones and the thought of life changing all over again.

What are the problems with your DH?

He is impatient and does not enjoy the children at all. I know it's bloody hard work, I am virtually single parent due to his work hours do realise its a shock for him having to take over but he is so critical and says things like they are like animals, they have no respect, what the hell is wrong with them? Etc all day long. Just finding it so hard to hear him bring constantly angry with them. He is quite a selfish person and doesn't like the disruption to his life. It's tough for him but makes me think why on earth are we having another?

Not excusing his behaviour at all but it sounds like he could be under stress - working long hours and doing childcare he's not accustomed to. But like I said - no excuse, he needs to step up.

Why don't you post in the relationship section, there are some very wise people over there who will be able to help.

Thank you.

I am not suprised u feel this way being so sick is horrible
I am sure in the end everything will qork out

I feel like this, and I'm not ill. I don't feel like it all the time, but significant and regular moments of thinking "make it stop, I don't want another child, I can't do it again, I don't have enough love (or sanity/patience/time) to go round, I can't COPE". Trust it will all work out in the end, and find someone lovely and non-judgemental to talk to - my childless mates have been great because they don't project any of their feelings about having DCs, they just listen.

Your feelings are genuine, however minor or hormone related they are. I find giving them vent rather than constantly nagging myself not to feel like that is the best way to get past it. And you are not horrible, you are very normal, and very honest. Big hugs.

I don't know if this will help, I hope it will. When I first fell pregnant I went into full on shock (one condom split and i have fertility problems so VERY unexpected!) and really felt I could not do this, could not cope with a child and felt so trapped by all my negative feelings and anxiety. I became very angry at myself for feeling like that and my own judgements on how I was feeling caused it all to get much worse (eg what is wrong with me?/ its evil to feel like this etc). I had to get to a place where I accepted that it was ok for me to have negative feelings about it all, but that I actually could not predict the future and cannot know for certain that the hopeless picture I was painting would come true. I was also suffering badly with morning sickness and was constantly weak and tired. I feel that I couldn't see how I could ever cope because it felt like I would feel that ill forever. If you decided before you were pregnant that you wanted another child the chances are once you are back to feeling well that you will cope fine. I really feel you need to give yourself time to work through the feelings you are having at the moment without being so hard on yourself for feeling how you do. I felt very strongly that i couldn't cope with my baby and now after giving myself time to work through it I am so excited and couldn't feel more differently. Hope that helps in some way.

Thank you all so much for your positive words of encouragement . It makes me feel better just to know I'm not the only one who when faced with the realities of pregnancy feels a bit negative about it . Will have a chat with my friend who has three and is very honest about how hard she initially found the idea .

Poor you with feeling crappo all the time! Must be awful with dh working all hours! Try to take each day as it comes. My dh flipped when he heard we were having a 3 rd due to how much debt we were in ra RA RA. Having 3 is easier than 2. Might not seem so right now but older kids really keep dc3 entertained!!!!! Not sure if u can take something? Can u put kids into crèche or get a child minder to help u over this first trimester. Not sure about ur dh. Maybe all ok when u r well. Am lucky to have a dh that is v hands on but I am main breadwinner! Works for us. He shd be helping tho!! Hope it all works out ok!