Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Finding out the sex?

34 replies

flipflump · 10/04/2013 09:43

Apologies if this has been done a million times before, but I'm so undecided and need opinions. How many of you found out the sex? For what reason? To build excitement? Don't like surprises? Once you knew did it make the next 20 weeks more exciting? Easier to name baby? Or like there wasn't such great excitement once you knew - having typed that I can see how ridiculous it is, there will be a baby, doesn't get more exciting!!

I'd love to know, I'm very nosy but don't want everyone else (apart from DH) to know too. Is that strange? I'd still buy neutral clothes as there's nothing cuter than a newborn in a white baby grow, also we'd like to have more than one, hopefully. My only concern is during labour I'd need some incentive to keep pushing and I've left myself without a surprise.

Please tell me I'm not the only 18 week-er unable to make any decisions - major or minor?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

flipflump · 10/04/2013 09:44

Just to add, DH is very keen to find out.

OP posts:

roofio87 · 10/04/2013 09:50

I can't wait to find out,but just because I'm really impatient!! I also have a baby nephew and a baby niece so it will be easier to know which baby I want to steal all the clothes from!!!

Bejeena · 10/04/2013 09:53

I am 21 weeks and we have found out in fact the doctor blurted it out when doing a scan at about 16 weeks. It makes no difference to us whether we know or not but is handy to know what colours to think about. Also we wouldn't care less if we discovered we were having a girl instead of a boy we just want a healthy, happy child.

However if you find out and decide to keep it to yourselves then just tell people you don't know. There is nothing worse than people saying 'we know but we're not saying'

iamnowawhaticallmother · 10/04/2013 09:55

We found out.. because I am incredibly impatient and I also found pregnancy very hard so it helped to have a milestone to look forward to at each stage. We never regretted finding out. It was very exciting.

Ellypoo · 10/04/2013 09:55

We didn't find out and I'm so glad we didn't - baby will be delivered by ELCS today and we just can't wait to find out what we are having!! It adds to the excitement I think, however I can understand why people find out to help planning.

Wishfulmakeupping · 10/04/2013 09:56

I didn't want to find out I wanted a surprise all along So did DP (
-or so he said! As a few days before scan he told me he was desperate to know at this Point I was totally fed up of neutral clothes/nursery designs so we found out we were expecting a little dd!
I loved finding out and didn't regret it for a moment I can't believe anyone who tells me it would have been more exciting having a surprise at the end! I felt like after finding out we were having a girl and choosing her name that everything felt more real Iyswim.
I would want to find out in the future too

TryingtobelessChunkyChick · 10/04/2013 09:58

I didn't find out with either of mine, just personal preference, but trust me, whether they were a boy, girl or puppy had NOTHING to do with "keeping pushing"!! Part of it is just wanting the baby out, and part of it is your body does what its meant to. I wouldn't worry you won't have motivation if you know the sex...

And yy to keeping quiet if you know and don't want others to.

MissEverdeen · 10/04/2013 09:58

I'm exactly the same as you flip I've got my detailed scan next Thursday and I can't wait for my and DH to find out despite having already bought an entire neutral wardrobe but don't want the whole world to know, it will be nice to be able to refer to bump as he/she instead of it. I hate people saying it!!
I think personally that a baby is incentive enough to push and seeing who they look like, if they've got hair or not. HTH

Original poster

flipflump · 10/04/2013 10:00

Good point Bejeena, will not tell anyone we're finding out, if we choose to.

The reason I'm undecided comes down to the excitement factor, we have spent 14 weeks being very excited about baby. Would finding out mean we're not as excited from 20 weeks onwards?!

We will be over the moon whatever they tell us. Most importantly I'll be going to the 20 week scan to know baby is healthy, that's the priority, knowing the sex will be a bonus.

OP posts:

sjupes · 10/04/2013 10:05

I didn't find out with dd1 (awkward positioning) and i hated it - i like to know what's growing in my belly! They are in there for such a short space of time it was sad not knowing :(

With ds we found out and i blubbed like a baby i was so happy

We are expecting dd2 in the summer and as this pregnancy was unplanned and is still a bit of a dodgy subject at times in our house finding out the sex is really helping dp and i 'bond' to the baby.

WhatAGoat · 10/04/2013 10:06

I found out to 'save money' on clothes and decorating that's my excuse not that an impatient cow

Kneedeepinshittynappies · 10/04/2013 10:11

You still have something to be excited about, meeting your dd or ds! I found out with both of mine and loved knowing, have me a real boost to find out (not that I was bothered what sex was, just excited). Dh and I decided to keep it a secret and within 10 seconds of leaving hospital were just so excited we agreed we couldn't possibly keep quiet! I get the surprise element at birth would be fun but I think it would have just made me grumpier and more impatient when I reached full term, not sure if that's possible mind you. Also I know people that had really tough labour and the 'it's a girl/boy' was totally lost on them. Good luck whatever you decide, lovely seeing you healthy baby no matter what sex!

Original poster

flipflump · 10/04/2013 10:14

Love hearing all replies and opinions. Definitely helping

I'm so excited that we're soon to be a little family. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter but good to know if we choose finding out is the right thing for us then none of you regret doing the same thing.

OP posts:

Dolallytats · 10/04/2013 10:27

I found out a few weeks ago that DC3 is a girl. I found out because not only am I very impatient, but I really don't like neutral things. I wanted to be able to get everything organised and knowing what I was having let me be specific in what I wanted.

harleyd · 10/04/2013 10:32

my 20 week scan is coming up and im desperate to find out for sure what im having this time. but dp doesnt want to know, and doesnt want me finding out either. im not sure what to do atm

CrackleMauve · 10/04/2013 10:36

I didn't find out with either of mine, but if I had I don't think it would have been any less exciting. You've got the excitement of when the baby will arrive, what they'll look like, how big, all the buying of stuff you can do. Whether they are a girl or boy is just a tiny thing.

I didn't want to find out for a whole host of reasons, but excitement wasn't really one of them. I did like not knowing, but also hated it at times. With my second, they passed him through my legs as soon as he was born (was kneeling on bed) and so I got to find out all by myself with nobody announcing. It was absolutely the best thing ever and just the way I wanted to discover if I had a boy or girl. For me the wait was worth it, but everyone is different.

Withalittlesparkle · 10/04/2013 10:41

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns about this post and so we've agreed to take it down.

BraveLilBear · 10/04/2013 10:43

I'm 25 weeks now and we chose not to find out... Tho OH is convinced he saw something at the scan (I had been turned away from screen for positioning dammit). I like playing the guessing games along with everyone else, and like telling people we're having a 'Team Green' baby when they ask.

Occasionally I really really want to know, but I like having something to look forward to - we're lucky that we don't have any other young children we need to 'prepare' for a baby. Plus there is the fact that sometimes they don't always get it right!

I sometimes refer to bump as she, sometimes it comes out as he - OH thinks it's a boy, I think it's a girl - but we're both just excited about having a healthy happy baby.

There's a chance that I might need to have a later scan due to low-lying placenta so will see if I/we cave then, but having got this far, would like to have the guts to go all the way - one of the things I like to think about is OH telling me what it is on the day, it'd be a nice moment where he gets to break exciting news for once!

Oh and as for names.... we were struggling for either sex for ages but one of the names now on the shortlist could be used for either a boy or a girl

cakebaby · 10/04/2013 10:48

Hi flip my 20 wk scan is on Friday, we are going to find out if we can. DH is really keen to know as I think he has a preference and I would like him to be able to adjust to the result!
No flaming please but I think it will also help me bump bond as this is a much wanted baby but it's all so surreal that day to day I'm not feeling very maternal yet, though I know this will come! Doesn't stop me grinning in the dark when I feel the wriggling when I'm trying to get to sleep! If we can't find out then l won't be that disappointed, just need to know that all is well in there!
Purchasing & decorating decisions are not swayed by the sex as far as I am concerned, but I can understand why it is important to others.

MightBeMad · 10/04/2013 10:52

We found out and I'm so glad I did. It added to the excitement and helped me get through the discomforts of the second half of pregnancy. also, without wanting to scare you, I had a tough delivery and there wasn't any of that happy, celebrating baby's arrival and finding out the sex type moment after delivery. I was exhausted, vomiting, hemorraghing and in agony. I wasn't really compus mentis enough to even hold the baby for about 8 hours and I would have been even more sad to miss out on what I expected from the post delivery period if I had been looking forward to finding out the sex at that point too.

HazleNutt · 10/04/2013 10:52

We found out, I didn't see a reason to wait. Must be too impatient. Also, I did have a preference, so wanted to find out so in case it's the other sex, we would have time to imagine it and get excited about that. Although some people have said that this is exactly the reason they didn't find out - that once the baby is there, it is your baby and the sex does not matter any more, so this is probably not hugely helpful.

Oh and even though I hate gender stereotyping, shopping is certainly easier now, it's such a pain to find gender-neutral things.

dexterpat · 10/04/2013 10:58

We have always found out this is no 3 - with ds1 he was a surprise we only found out at 17weeks I was pregnant and I was v shocked do finding out really helped me bond with him - ds2 we found out to prepare ds1 that he was having a brother and to prepare him - with this one we will find out to prepare the boys again ds1 is SO excited to have another baby but is desperate for it to be a girl ( I'm sure I saw a willy on my last scan) we will find out so he is used to the idea when he/she arrives

Original poster

flipflump · 10/04/2013 11:25

Thank you all, so many great replies. I agree with you all, we'll be so happy and overwhelmed that the sex won't play a huge part in the labour. Think my minds made up, DH will be delighted!! If the sonographer is unable to see, we'll leave it at that, we'd rather they focused on development rather than sex.

Can't wait to meet this little person and we will be over the moon whatever they are.

OP posts:

louby86 · 10/04/2013 11:35

We found out with our first, they said it was a girl and they were wrong! It was only because I had an extra scan around 28 weeks that we found out it was definitely a boy, before having the surprise at the birth! This led to much running around exchanging clothes/redecorating nursery etc! I'm pregnant now and think we're going to leave this one as a surprise

breatheslowly · 10/04/2013 11:51

We din't find out because we were too indecisive to make up our minds about finding out, so not became a default position. I was put off as I know someone who found out she was having a DD, but they got it wrong and she has a boy. Apparently it was quite disturbing. I wouldn't want my DS to be told that they though he was going to be a girl. Despite not knowing, I was convinced we were having a boy and was very surprised when DD turned up.

Flip

1 2