Advice sought: we don't know how pregnant we are!

[2ndtimedad]

Hi, I'm looking for some advice on a bit of a weird problem. My fiance and I have a 7 month old daughter, and are now expecting our second child. As we got pregnant again straight after our first without a break, we have no way of knowing when the baby was conceived, it could be 4 weeks, it could be 20! It's more likely 4, but mum thinks she has been getting symptoms from further along (flutters). The doctor told us the midwife should arrange a dating scan ASAP, but the midwife's won't do this until after we've booked in, and they can't fit us in until 15th April, so the dating/12 week scan won't be before 22nd April at the earliest. We were told that we could go private for either a reassurance scan or a full dating scan, but both of these cost nearly £100 and aren't guaranteed to help (both are only valid after 7 weeks, I think).

I'm wondering if anyone has been in the same situation and could offer some advice? Are we worrying about nothing? Are the private scans worthwhile? Should our doctors/midwife's be doing something more for us?

Thanks in advance for your help!

It's so hard to wait. If you know it's either 4 weeks or 20 weeks then I'd go back to the gp and ask for an HCG level. It's not very accurate for dating pregnancy, but will definitely tell you if you're 4 or 20 weeks. You could try a dating pg test but they're not that accurate.

Also, if your DP is 20 weeks then any doctor/midwife worth they're job should be able to out a hand on the abdomen and feel the uterus. Should be up at the umbilicus by 20 weeks, non-palpable at 4. And heart beat will be easy to find with a Doppler. Of course none if this helps if she could be anything from 4-20 weeks.

Tbh I wouldn't go for a private scan at this stage. If she's only 4 weeks you won't see anything. If 20 weeks, there's little benefit over waiting a couple of weeks.

I'd try a tearful conversation with mw and ask for just a quick visit to determine gestation, with proper booking in later. The booking appt takes ages but a 5 min appt could be booked in I'm sure, to settle an anxious mum. If that fails, go back to the GP and ask for examination/HCG blood test.

Good luck and congratulations!

I had this with DC2, no periods because I was still bf DC1 - had to wait for the scan. At the point I realised I was pregnant, I could have been anything from 4 weeks to 8.5 months! Turned out it was 4 weeks - I recognised the symptoms pretty quickly. That might be true for you too?

It is frustrating not knowing - but will it make a difference to anything if you don't know for a month? I was a bit worried about missing the opportunity for a Down's test, but I guess you have either missed that by now anyway or not, so perhaps it doesn't matter?

If its any help, I had those 'flutterings' for a long time after dd was born so it might be that she's feeling those but thinking its the new baby?

Similar position, my periods aren't fully back due to having twins 6 months ago, luckily we only stopped using condoms at the end of February so we could track and stop us getting pregnant too early. As crazy as it sounds, I wrote down the days we had sex, so if I did get pregnant - i am - then we could narrow down dates.

My GP is great. He guesstimated me around 4 weeks so he could book me in as early as possible, and used previous twin pregnancy as leverage, so I'm booked in a dating scan at 11 weeks 2 days so in 7 weeks, I think.

I'd go with the April date, you may be able to guess your weeks by your bump size when the scan date arrives. Good luck!

Thanks for the replies, they're really helpful! I didn't know about the HCG test, OH has booked an appointment with the GP for an examination and if that's no good, will try the midwife. I take the point that it probably doesn't make that much difference how far along we are (and it's probably not as far as 20 weeks), but it is driving her crazy not knowing! Glad to know that we're not the only ones to have gone through this as well!

"We" are not pregnant, any more than "We" were in labour with the last one. Your fiancée is pregnant, YOU are not. You are the father of the unborn child.

Oh colditz - leave the poor bugger alone, would you rather he wasn't bothered or interested like some partners??

Yes

Look, I know I'm being a knob about this, but it rattles my cage! My ex used to say "We are pregnant" and it made me want to scream "I am pregnant, and YOU are a bastardwanker!"

So yes, sorry op, I'm sure you're lovely, but unless you're going to give birth to something the size of a cat, you're not pregnant.

Lol sorry, I really am.

Wow colditz!!!

I personally love it when my partner says we are pregnant!

totally agree with colditz. but op, I'd probably say you need to be seen sooner in case you need to make any decision regarding the pregnancy. If someone wanted a termination did personl reasons would they make them wait so long first a scan? also you may be early enough to still have ever triple test and don't want to miss the window there.

I really speak English very well, when not posting on my phone

Can she feel her uterus? If she can feel a hard tennis ball shape very low down then she would be further along, if not then only a few weeks.

Are you me?! Exactly the same situation here I'm seeing midwife tomorrow, hopefully she'll allow an early scan. If she doesn't I'll go private. Some private places offer a rescan for free if you are a bit too early- babybond I think it is if you have one of those near you.

Could you try one of those clear blue tests that say how far on your dw is? Good luck, exciting times ahead!

Banana that won't necessarily work because they only tell you 1-2 weeks, 2-3 weeks or 3+weeks.

I used one trying to find out how far gone I was and then realised it wasn't going to help me apart from confirm that yes I was 3+ weeks!

Oh didn't realise! That's worth knowing!

Yep, wish I'd known before I spent £13 on one! Ha!

Same thing happened to me with my second. Breastfeeding, no periods, positive test when dd was 12 months and no way of knowing how far along I was.

I went to the antenatal bookings desk and had a bit of a hormonal hissy fit at them and they pushed my scan forward by two weeks... I was dated ay that scan as 19 weeks which was a a bit behind my guesstimate and sure enough he turned up at '38' weeks looking slightly overcooked

I'd get the private scan in a couple of weeks if you can afford it... It drove me mad towards the end of my pregnancy not being sure of dates as I was huge and was constantly on edge expecting to go into labour as I felt full term for weeks before he came.

Goodness! Hadn't even realised I'd used the plural. Point taken, I checked with OH and she is fine with it, so hopefully no offence taken. Thanks for the other suggestions, esp. about babybond.

We had the same situation and were told we had to have a dating scan in the early pregnancy unit in order to have the nuchal scan at the right timepoint. Their rationale was that the nuchal scan had to be completed between 10-14 weeks, after this it was not reliable for downs syndrome markers etc. my GP wasn't at all bothered that I didn't know my dates but the scanning dept were and booked me an appt for the following day.

Thanks Gooders79, that's what I was expecting to happen, but the GP and midwife have been quite blase so far. If you don't mind me asking, who arranged your dating scan?

We tried to rearrange our Michael scan as dh was going to be out of the country, when I went to rearrange it the scanning dept wouldn't let me until I knew dates and referred me to epu.

Sorry not Michael... Nuchal b**y iphone