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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

bfp today! not sure what to do?

74 replies

me23 · 04/05/2006 15:35

i had a scare last month i was 2 weeks late did loads of tests then bleed on 2 weeks past due date for 3 days so thought it was period this month am still two weeks late again so did a test this afternoon not really thinking anything and it was positive straight away.
I dont think boyf is pleased we've beeen going through a very bad time.
I have also just got a new job, so what do i do now?
oh and to top it off im on ad's, and dont know if they've harmed the baby, im going to start another thread on that.
any advice appreciated.

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Original poster
me23 · 04/05/2006 15:38

forgot to mention my dd is only 11 months old. so how will i cope?

OP posts:
Wisp · 04/05/2006 15:53

Congratulations! :)
Wow a bit of a shock then!
I found out I was expecting ds2 when dd was only 6 months ! Took some getting used to, but I coped ( I had a 3 year old too). I've found out close together is great fun and alot easier in many ways. Any questions ask ! :-)
Any ideas how many weeks you are ?

Original poster
me23 · 04/05/2006 15:54

please someone! i feel really anxious! also because i was 2 weeks late last month i dont know if ive actually been pregnant all along so im either 6 or 12 weeks pregnant!
i think my boyf would prefer me to have an abortion, i dont think i could go through with that. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
me23 · 04/05/2006 15:56

sorry wisp you post only appeared afer i posted that.
do you have a dp/dh how did they react?
my dd isnt boyfs. but i have been with him since i was 7 months pregnant

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jabberwocky · 04/05/2006 16:00

First of all, you should go in to check on whether you should change to a different type of AD medication. I am pregnant and on Zoloft which is fine, but you need to look into it. It also sounds like you need to do some soul searching as to whether you can handle two babies under 2 alone in case bf is less than supportive. Do you have family nearby who can help out? That kind of thing means a lot in situations like this.

FirstNikki · 04/05/2006 16:01

Me23 I would go to the drs and explain your situation and ask for a scan ASAP, if you are 12 weeks time is pushing on. The scan will then be able to tell you how many weeks you are, in the meantime only you can decide if you want to remain pg or not you have to weigh up all the arguments for and against and how you truly feel and go with your decision and not look back. Talk to your dp and explain your side of things too, after all its also your body going through this and you sound as though you do want to have the baby just worried with regards to age difference....but really the age thing won't be too bad.

Best of luck and congratulations by the way.

OhhhMyGOD · 04/05/2006 16:01

BFP today and in shock.

snap!

you and me both.

Wisp · 04/05/2006 16:03

Well it was an accident, and I was the one crying and saying "it won't be fair on dd, she'll only be 15 months".
DH was very calm and I think he was really chuffed as He'd always wanted 3.
It took me a good few weeks to get used to the idea, and when I look at him now ( He's 1 next month) I absolutely know it was the right thing to happen, and although it was hard work with 3 little ones, I got through it, and I'm so glad I did :)
Just break the news gently to your BF and tell him that your scared/worried too. Alot of ADS are fine in pregnancy, so Id book the Drs to find out if they are OK and arrange a dating scan so you know the dates, it does sound as if the bleeding you had last month could have been implantation bleeding which is common when your first pregnant.
(hugs) Hope it all goes alright.

Original poster
me23 · 04/05/2006 16:04

yeah you are right jabberwocky, I dont have hardly any family or friends around i think thats what contributed to the pnd in the 1st placei only sought help a month go and was starting to feel positive and got a new job was looking forward to making friends.
If boyf was happy about it, it would make it so much easier obv!
I'm not sure if i can/want to cope on my own if he leaves.

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jabberwocky · 04/05/2006 16:09

I don't know if this is any help to you or not, but I will share with you that I terminated a pregnancy many years ago. It wasn't easy and I was quite emotional about it afterwards but I have always known that it was the right thing for me to do at the time. I'm not trying to say what you should or shouldn't do, that is a very personal decision.

Original poster
me23 · 04/05/2006 16:17

congratualtions omg!
Thankyou for sharing that with me jabberwocky, I dont have a clue what to do, I dont have a problem with abortion per se.
I just dont know if it is something i could do, i dont know if i want to do it, Im just waiting for boyf to comeback from work I told him on his lunchbreak. He wasnt happy, I know he would prefer not to have it.

OP posts:
jabberwocky · 04/05/2006 16:20

You're right, you probably won't feel comfortable coming to a decision until you talk to him. I would go in for a scan no matter what to see how far along you are. That is going to play a big factor, imo, in what you decide and what your options are.

Wisp · 04/05/2006 16:27

Yes I agree, have a scan, and take it from there. Please dont do anything you dont want to because of your BF.
Must be a really tough time for you especially with all the crazy hormones too.
(hugs)

Original poster
me23 · 04/05/2006 16:46

thanks, I do need to get the scan done asap, i hope i can get a doctors appoinment tomorrow.

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FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 09:53

Me23 how did you get on talking to dp?

Original poster
me23 · 05/05/2006 10:11

hi, he feels it isnt the right time for him or for us, and I feel the same I dont know how I'll cope, with 2 so young it's been hard enough coping with dd, I'm scared I won't be able to cope I have no support.
I couldn't get an appointment with the doctor so I'm not even sure how pregnant I am it's either 12 or 6 weeks.
I wish I wasn't pregnant but at the same time I'm so scared that if I terminated that I would be full of guilt.
Any one have any advice, words! I'm scared.

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secur · 05/05/2006 10:20

Me23, I can't really help here but I just wanted to say that, whatever decision you make in the need you need to make it wholeheartedly and not allow yourself to look back and regret.

To have or not to have is the hardest choice a woman can face and I really feel for you, I have been in the situation of making that choice in the past and choose to go ahead with the pregnancy - because I was too scared to have an abortion - like you I was scared about what it would do to me later, I didn't allow myself to think about what having a child would do to me later.

Now they are here I would never be without them and love being a parent beyond anything I can imagine but given hindsight I have realised that it was more fear than any great moral high that made my choice for me. Please try not to let fear govern you, either way make a cold hard choice and steele your mind to the fallout.
Thinking of you Me23 Smile

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 10:31

Me23 - I can't offer any experience in this but I am thinking of you as this must be such a hard decision to make. Be true to yourself and make the right decision for you x

Original poster
me23 · 05/05/2006 10:38

Thank you secur that post basically echoed how I feel, it is fear that is governing me! I scared of what will hapeen if i do and what will happen if i dont have the baby.
according to the marie stopes website I'm either 7 or 13 weeks pregnant.
even though i bleed last month and had bfn's i fear i may have been pregnant as i had all the symptoms plus im never late.
also its the practical issues that are worring me, ive just got a job i am so looking forward to starting, will they still let me work there if they know.
i was so happy to be coming off benefits, also i live in a one bedroom council flat, dont have space wont be able to fit double buggy through the door or on buses i dont have car, i know these arent reason to have terminationbut im just weighing up everything sorry to go on but i have no-one to talk to about this.

OP posts:
Wisp · 05/05/2006 10:41

Hi again,
Thinking of you too.
Found out today I'm pregnant with no 4.
Its no easy thing going through pregnancy and looking after a toddler, If you are going through a rocky relationship too it will be even harder.We are shell shocked, as our youngest is 10 months, so it's going to be hard for me and DH and I really will need each others support for a few more years!
I can't help anymore, but just do lots of talking, thinking and do whats best for YOU
(hugs)

wuzzlefraggle · 05/05/2006 10:48

me23, i remember your pregnancy scare thread last month. i hope that you manage to decide whats best for you to do. have you and your dp spoken about the situation? i hope that you are ok

Original poster
me23 · 05/05/2006 11:09

sorry still going on! wanted to mention that after the first 9 months im starting to really enjoy my dd much more than when she was a baby, sorry if that sounds mean but i think i dont really like the baby stage! i find it easier when they get older. shes fun most of the time.

OP posts:
FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 11:10

If you decide to go ahead with the pg then don't worry about housing etc as I am sure the council will relocate you. With regard to the job well you don't have to tell them yet I forget now how many weeks before due date you do need to tell them but its a way yet and they can't dismiss you for being pg.

You are doing right looking at all the pro's and con's so to speak because you need to and also with dp not ready yet and if he wouldn't stay around if pg continues its whether you can cope. What ever decision you come to my sweet please try not to dwell either way and be happy in what you do.

Best wishes x

secur · 05/05/2006 11:18

IME babies are easier as they grow, everyone is different on this stuff.

I know it is hard when you had just started to get yourself together to now be faced with another life changing situation. The problem with fear is it stops us doing anything at all - and that can be dangerous. If you are really examinging all of your options and it is possible you are 13 weeks then you need to get back on to your doctor and get an appointment as soon as possible. Soom doctors wont deal with possible termination so you may need to see another doctor before you can even get to councilling.

The next thing I would suggest is that you do go to this stage - the councilling is worth having, sometimes saying the words to someone crystalises what you are feeling and thinking so that it is easier to make a decision, even walking into a building can bring teh feeling of - this is right or what the heck anm I doing here?

When you say you worry about how you would feel afterwards, is that in the same way that you would feel about tripping someone up at school - you know it was "wrong" and you feel bad, but you are not going to change your life to go and find that person and appologise, or at the level where you feel it would contribute to your depression, make your relationships more difficult etc?

This is a tough time as you need to be strong enough to stop yourself being scared and look really hard at the realities that you are left with - and, with all due respect, decide how helpful your bf is going to be in this process - the last thing you need is added pressure in terms of arguments etc

Asur · 05/05/2006 13:39

I have to agree with everyone who has already posted- you really need to speak to someone and try to find out how many weeks you are. You said you can't get a doctor's appointment for today, do you have a family planning clinic or anything in your area? They usually have drop in clinics so you wouldn't need an appointment. Might be best to go there today otherwise you'll have a the whole weekend to agonise over it without really knowing anything.
If you found out that you were 13weeks rather than just 6weeks then that would change your options quite a lot.
It's a really tough decision to make and I don't envy you. I'm due any day now but when I first got BFP, I went through a tough time deciding if I wanted to keep it or not (definately not planned!) DH was very supportive of any decision I was going to make though which was a huge help.
You said that your DP doesn't feel it's the right time but do you really think he would leave you if you kept it? You said that your DD isn't his but he still stayed with you, think that says a lot about him. Surely he would be even more likely to stay if it's his own child?
It's a lot to think about/consider but I really do think you need to talk to someone about this and really need to find out what stage your at so that you can then know your options. Once you know the options, it might make it easier for you to make a decision. Like I said, you'd be best to get the info today rather than leave yourself in the unknown all weekend.
Good luck.

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