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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

bfp today! not sure what to do?

74 replies

me23 · 04/05/2006 15:35

i had a scare last month i was 2 weeks late did loads of tests then bleed on 2 weeks past due date for 3 days so thought it was period this month am still two weeks late again so did a test this afternoon not really thinking anything and it was positive straight away.
I dont think boyf is pleased we've beeen going through a very bad time.
I have also just got a new job, so what do i do now?
oh and to top it off im on ad's, and dont know if they've harmed the baby, im going to start another thread on that.
any advice appreciated.

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Original poster

me23 · 05/05/2006 16:54

thank you all for your advice and kind words, Unfortunately I couldn't do anything aboutit today as it is my dads birthday and i took him out to lunch. so i will have to wait until monday to try and get appoinment with doc if i cant im just going to walk in to the pregnancy unit and the hospital and tell them situaton so they can scan me, because even if i decide to keep it i might be too late for the nuchal scan now, and i need to get the other tests done.
but most of all i need to know so i can make a proper decision if i am 13 weeks it will be harder for me to decide to abort.
part of me want to get totally into the pregnancy and go on antenatal boards etc.. then the other part thinks whe baby is actually here how will i cope will 2 kids so close in age.
also if boyf was totally into it it would be better.
i dont want him to feel forced into going along with the pregnancy or staying with me because he might feel trapped.
Secur you asked about how bad i would feel after well ive alwayd been prone to feeling down and anxiety and when i wasnyounger io was always scared of getting pregnant because i felt that i couldntcope with an abortion and that i would feel so gulity and full of regret afterwards that it would really effect me, thats always been bulit up in my head so i dont know if i would definately feel like that but ive told myself that i would feel that way for so many years that i'm scared iyswim.

OP posts:

secur · 05/05/2006 17:00

I do see what you mean, to be truthful it is often the thought that is more scary than the reality IYSWIM.

Are you going to be able to talk to your partner over the weekend about it? It seems awful that you can't move forward at all before then, but amybe if you could get that intial convesation over with you may be getting somewhere clearer by the time you get to the docs on Monday.

Is it possible for you to try to get some councilling for "low self esteem" or whatever - I assume this is what you mean? IME when the situation is real it is easier to cope with than you think it will be - but that is me and I cannot speak for you.

Do you think you would be more positive about it if you could find an understanding pre/post natal group - ie your gp midwife and health visitor, could you ask your doctor if you could meet the health visitor and talk through things with her?

I have no answers for you and am just trying to throw up ideas hoping that somehting you will find useful.

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:02

me23 enjoy your weekend in the meantime as best you can. You say you have been scared about pg and aborting for years I think, as someone else has mentioned, that you could maybe seek counselling to address those worries. Counselling is nothing to be worrying about it really can help and pull you through and see the otherside and end result being a positive change in your life.

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:08

sorry secur your post was posted before pressed post - good ideas you give

secur · 05/05/2006 17:10

That's ok nikki, I was actually going to say well posted - councilling can be great, really helpful as long as you don't get caught by that "stigma" feeling. (and you can spell it right )

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:13

yes I agree although I think the stigma is getting less now. Society is getting more acceptable to talking through worries and problems to get you in a state of emotional happiness. I think MN is great source for this too especially when you don't have that support in RL.

secur · 05/05/2006 17:15

Yes, thank goodness for that, it is ok to come here and say "help I am in a mess" or go to your GP and say "I need support - make it happen" and whilst it may not fix all your problems, it does at least mean you can start off on the right foot.

Original poster

me23 · 05/05/2006 17:17

hi, i think counselling is a good idea, my boyf suggested it too and said he would like to get counselling about the pregnancy too. but i dont know where to go? i cant afford to pay anything.

OP posts:

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:18

me23 thats perfect and great dp is willing to go too, this is a positive move

secur · 05/05/2006 17:20

Hmm, well if BF is up for councilling then I would say that is an excellent sign (ie not coping out, adding pressure etc etc but meeting the situation head on)

I know the GP service is not charged for, however I do not know if this is available for couples (it may be I jsut don't know) Maybe it would be an idea to start a thread asking for organisations who provide conciling for couples with unplanned pregnancies as I have no idea at all on that score?

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:20

I would probably say one of two things your dr should be able to help you and in your situation you should be able to get some help. There are also counselling services I believe which are voluntary. Have a look in local newspapers, yell.com for your local area and see if there are any free or assisted suppport, even local support groups.

This is such a relief to hear you are talking and dp wants to seek help too.

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:21

! Secur - yeah family planning unit may help with support and counselling too

Asur · 05/05/2006 17:21

It's a real shame that you haven't been able to see anyone about this today but I agree with secur - you need to speak it all out properly with partner. At least if you know your home situation (whatever you decide) then it'll make it easier when you see doctor on monday. At the moment, it sounds like you don't really know what might happen. Not that anyone can really know what's going to happen in the future but at least if you've talked it all out with partner, you'll have more of an idea.

Remember to look at some positives as well as negatives though. If you have another child now, then at least you'll have most of the stuff you need (cot, clothes, toys etc). You said that you don't know how you'd cope with 2 children so close in age but remember that you WILL cope. Especially with support and if you tell doctor/midwife etc now about your doubts then at least they would know in advance so they can provide the support you might need.

But, at the same time, if you really feel that you won't/can't cope at this time, don't feel guilty about any decision you make. You have to do what's right for you, making a decision out of fear/guilt just causes regrets and you shouldn't regret any decision that is ultimately right for you. Only you can make that decision though, would be good if someone else could make it for you but they can't - speak to your partner, doctor, counsellor and once you've talked it out, you'll know what you should do.

I don't know if any of this is any help to you but I really wish you well. No matter what happens, you will get through this and you will do what's right for you. take care!

secur · 05/05/2006 17:23

nikki

Yes I hadn't thought of the family planning clinic - also aren't they open some weekends too? MAybe that would be a really good place to start - if nothing else they may be able to tell the difference between 6 and 13 weeks by examination (I think by 13 weeks the womb is just above the pelvic bone and so can be detected??)

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:25

yes I think they can judge by examination.

Asur · 05/05/2006 17:25

Sorry, my post might not make sense.. I got distracted so took about 20mins to post it and therefore missed a few of the others that were added since...

Think if you call your health centre, or any clinic,they should be able to give details of local counselling that's free. I think Brook have a helpline number which gives local details too - might be worth checking their website.

FirstNikki · 05/05/2006 17:28

I did that too Asur.

Well I bid you ladies good evening

Me23 best of luck with the counselling, drs etc I will keep checking to see how you are getting on. hope we have helped in some way x

secur · 05/05/2006 17:35

I am off now too, for the weekend sadly, I hope you have a good weekend Me23 and do remember that whatever you decide, you are doing the right thing - you have already put so much thought into this that no-one could accuse you of anything other than being a caring considerate person, who wants the best for everyone involved.

Secur xxx

Original poster

me23 · 05/05/2006 17:41

thankyou very much for advising me firstnikki and secur speak to you after the weekend.
azur thankyou your post did make sense i will have a good talk with boyf this weekend and weigh up our feelings the practicalities etc..
im having a look now for family planning cliics./

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Original poster

me23 · 08/05/2006 09:07

Hi, I've mangaged to get a doctors appointment for this afternoon, so hopefully my medication will be changed and I will be sent for a scan.
I felt so ill yesterday and tired was really hard trying to look after dd luckily boyf was here to help.
we still havent decided what to do, although during the weekend we find ourselves taking about having to move! and boyf saying he wants a boy! so we have been getting a bit carried away, I seem to be leaning more towards continuing the pregnancy at the moment. but later ill probably be in doubt again.

OP posts:

Wisp · 08/05/2006 09:17

Great news you have an appt. Its amazing how after a few days you get more used to the idea!
Take things easy and all the best xx

FirstNikki · 08/05/2006 09:21

Me23 Good Morning, good luck at drs and it does sound as though dp is coming round to the idea and the best part is you have been talking and you are working through things.

Original poster

me23 · 08/05/2006 09:41

thanks, the idea isnt filling me with as much dread as before.
i just realisedi missed wisps post on friday about her bfp sorry! im sure if i carryon with the pregnancyi will have a lot to ask you, when are you due?
also wuzzlefraggle i missed your post too! how arwe you getting on? i said we'd bump into each other again didnt i! when are you due?

OP posts:

Wisp · 08/05/2006 09:53

Hi again.
Sadly it wasn't meant to be with me, I'm miscarrying and have a scan tomorrow.
But any questions please ask ! I have 3 under the age of 5, with my youngest two being 14 months apart. Good luck at the GPs !

FirstNikki · 08/05/2006 10:09

So sorry Wisp about what you are going through thinking of you and look after yourself. If you need a chat anytime just ask xx

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