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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

2boys already, so why does everyone pressume I want a girl?

24 replies

MrsHBaby3 · 08/02/2013 12:37

I have heard so many times, 'Oh I bet you'd love a girl' that it is starting to upset me. It implies I won't love a boy?? The reality is a boy would 'fit' into our family unit much easier. Plus who's to guarantee a daughter would be a girly girl?
Do I need a daughter to fulfil my life? If it is a boy will I be asked When am I trying for another (to get a girl)?
Am I just being hormonal?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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megandraper · 08/02/2013 12:40

oh, i know, it's so annoying.

i have 2 boys and a girl. when i was pregnant with DD I got this all the time - I didn't mind at all what the baby was. Then, after she was born, so many people said things about how lucky/great etc. it was to have a girl, which was a bit offensive to my DSs (usually present at the time), I thought.

They're mostly just trying to have something to say, I think. Whichever sex it is, your DC3 will be a fantastic addition to the family. Congratulations!

RoseGarden123 · 08/02/2013 12:41

i got this, we have a DS1 and when we found out baby 2 (currently pregnant) was a boy everyone assumed we would be disappointed. In truth I was thrilled, I think DS1 is such a wonderful little man having another one around couldn't be greater.
P.S. i also have the 'well you'll have to give it one more try for a girl!' My view is, touchwood this pregnancy ends well, that if I have my two healthy little boys I am beyond lucky already!

Original poster

MrsHBaby3 · 08/02/2013 13:24

I'm not bothered either way, but it does seem friends/ family and even random people think it should. Not sure if I'm missing something or they are?!

OP posts:

AmberLav · 08/02/2013 13:36

I have a little boy, am Team Yellow again this time, and got the comment from a collegue yesterday "For your sake, I hope you have a girl"!

I'll be honest, I think I'm about 55:45 in favour of having a girl next, but it's a very close run thing, and I find comments like that very insulting to my little boy!

I'm hoping to keep going to 3 DCs in total, and having a little girl this time would take away some of the inevitable pressure to have a girl next time, but I do think I'll be just as happy to have 3 boys, as to have a mix (I've already gotten over my dream of three girls like me and my sisters are!).

TwitchyTail · 08/02/2013 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneLane · 08/02/2013 14:45

I've got 3 boys and everybody asks if I'm hoping for a girl this time.

Um, no I'm hoping for a healthy baby.

Tbh I think people just say it without thinking cause they've had the same conversation hundreds of times before.

Creamtea1 · 08/02/2013 15:22

mrsH I am in the same boat and it's getting me down - I'm only 10 weeks and have only told 3 people so god knows what it will be like when it's public!
It is my absolute current pet hate. Even the ones who don't say it, you know they are thinking it or saying it behind your back.

AThingInYourLife · 08/02/2013 15:29

It's just something to say.

It's not an insult.

They don't think you wouldn't love a boy.

Nobody pities someone for having 3 children of the same gender.

Creamtea1 · 08/02/2013 15:57

Even the ones who actually say 'oh god, just imagine 3 boys - poor you!' ?

rrreow · 08/02/2013 16:44

What they are really saying is: If I had two boys and was pregnant, I'd really be hoping for a girl. They're just projecting their own feelings onto you because you happen to be pregnant.

butterflybuns · 08/02/2013 18:01

Have the same problem except it's a hat trick of girls. People say things like "poor you, 3 girls", "are you going to try for a boy next?", "what's your husband going to do?" and other not so helpful comments. I try to shrug them off and a laugh and a smile saying that the girls will be paying for their own weddings and DH will have his own man-cave in the garden. It is really anoying though, interestingly the positive comments tend to be from women who have sisters who say how lovely it is growing up with 2 sisters.

Just ignore the negative comments and make a joke of it. When your DS is here people, hopefully, will stop with their views.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 08/02/2013 19:07

I have a boy and a girl, newly pg with no three (touch wood!) and would love another boy! I adore my girl obviously, and I'm over the moon to have her, but he's so much easier and more laid back and a general little delight than she is!! Three boys will treat you like a princess

NewYearNewBoo · 08/02/2013 19:16

I could have written your op, I have 2 boys and I'm expecting #3, the comments go from would you like girl, did you try for a girl, you will be wanting a girl up to - if it is another boy I bet you end up trying again

They all get met with the same reply, yes a girl would make a nice change, but I love my boys and have had so much fun with them another one would be brilliant!

Nicky1306 · 08/02/2013 19:39

It's sooooo annoying! DP has two DD's from a previous relationship and I have one DD again previous relationship. If I had a pound for everyone that has said to us oohhhhh bet dp would love a boy this time/ are you hoping for a boy? No we are hoping for a happy healthy baby! OP you have my sympathy we genuinely don't mind pink or blue......if we were that bothered surely we would have found out at the 20 week scan?! X

elliejjtiny · 08/02/2013 20:16

I have 3 boys and currently pg with #4. We've had a lot of those kind of comments and someone even offered me condolences when DS3 was born . I don't care what we have this time and I'm also wondering why everyone else seems to.

Springforward · 08/02/2013 21:08

I've only got one boy and apparently this one's a girl, I have been surprised at some of the comments I've had since letting it slip, as I would have been really happy with another DS. It seems that having the "full set" matters to some people.

mrsmon · 08/02/2013 21:25

I have 3ds and hated the faces and reactions people would have when i informed them it was another boy ! Some people just dont think what they are saying ! all i get now is 'are you going to try for a girl' arrgghh ! cant win ! x

Creamtea1 · 09/02/2013 12:06

I hate it when people say 'are you going to try for a girl' - Like it's so easy to just do that....one time I have said 'yes actually I'm just going to pop over to America with my £15k just like Victoria beckham, and get my girl baby sorted'... and on the really persistent ones (ie the poor you if you had 3 boys ones) I was really on the verge of 'yes, of course we will try for a girl, and when we find out at the scan it's a boy what do you suggest I do?'

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 09/02/2013 13:15

Our friend said to me the other day 'we really want you to have a girl then it will be perfect, but if its a boy don't worry it'll still be loved' I was so cross! As if a boy is less than perfect!

We're not bothered either way, both ds' want another boy though and we have a definate boys name, still deciding for a girl but would be happy either way.

funkky · 09/02/2013 16:05

Try not to be too sensitive to everything people! No one thinks you will love any gender less, it's just seen as nice to be able to experience bringing up children of both sexes. Of course, if you don't, I don't think they'll really care that much

harryhausen · 09/02/2013 17:55

I totally get how you feel. I have a dd and a ds. I was told I was 'clever' for having one of each. As if it had anything to do with me! When feeling hormonal it used to upset me that so many people would have seemed to have thought it disappointing for me to have had my non-existent dd2

I was told when ds was born "how amazing for your H to now have 'his boy' to be close to. I mean wtf? H never expressed anything of the kind - and in reality he found it harder to bond with ds than dd (I'm certain because of no gender reason. All is great now).

On the flipside I was told "it's a shame your dcs won't be able to play together" and also, it's a shame you didn't have your ds first so he could 'protect' dd.

Its all utter bollocks.

My dd as it happens is a very unconventional 'girl'. She shuns all pink, prefers werewolves to fairies etc.

I know a fair few school mums who have 2 ds's and then a dd. It used to get my goat a little that they used to say they couldn't wait to do all the pink frilly stuff. What if they get a dd like mine who is the total opposite? The poor girl.

My dsis had 3 dd's. She had soooo much bullshit about not having 'the boy'. The eldest is 18 now - her H's family members ^still^ hark on about it.

Midori1999 · 09/02/2013 18:12

It awful. I have three boys and have had three girls, although only have one surviving girl. People constantly say 'ooh, a girl after three boys, you must be so pleased'

My no wex MIL used to constantly go on about finally getting her girl after three boys and I always felt it was very hurtful to her sons to say that, as if they weren't what she really wanted. I wonder if my sons feel the same when they hear people's stupid comments. Hopefully they realise I don't feel like that.

I love my DD with all my heart, but lets face it, she has three older brothers, plus, I am not really girly, so I doubt she'll fit any steroetypes. Now I'm having another, so goodness knows what people will make of that...

mrsmon · 09/02/2013 23:51

imagine if u had the option to to pay for a gender? i wouldnt even consider it ! if i had another boy i would be well over the moon! and would tell eveyone who had a negative comment to fuck off nicely ! if i had a girl she probs wouldnt be very girly either! im not the most girliest person lol x

cakesonatrain · 10/02/2013 16:06

I was actually really hoping for a second boy when I got pregnant with dc2, and was briefly mildly disappointed to discover she's going to be a girl. I like to tell this to people who are so pleased for me that we'll have the 'perfect ' one of each.

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