Fantastic, fabulous 40+ Mums-to-be! Part 3

[eagleray]

We've run out of space so here's a new thread so we can support each other and talk about the trials, tribulations and utter joy at being pregnant at 40+

All new members welcome

chairman a haunted due date . Yes indeed almost due date buddies - how was your labour with your first if you don't mind me asking? I had a relatively straightforward albeit a bit too quick for my liking first labour - I'm starting to feel nervous about the whole event again - and I certainly don't want it to be any quicker.....I do not want to be one of those ladies who gives birth in a lay-by (that said surely you get vouchers for John Lewis if you manage to give birth in one of their stores wouldn't you?) On a different note - another lady moving in their 3rd trimester?? Hope it all goes well. Make sure that on the day the most strenous duty for you will be putting the kettle on and breaking open a packet of biscuits please.

PS Sex once a year? At the moment, we're definitely in a drought situation chez knickyknocks with any night time shennanigans. The thought of doing anything remotely sexy leaves me cold. Pass me a packet of maltesers and a nice drama to watch and that'll be just lovely thank you.

somewhere thanks for adding the awaiting update - I didn't know what to do about the ladies who are currently MIA.

I also meant to say in my other post iclaudius thank you for reminding us that a newborn is far easier than dealing with a pg - no SPD and with others to help out, you are right that things are easier on the other side as it were.

Waves to scarecrow, bbd, cycle, gracie.

My labour last time was a 36 hour epic, topped off with three and a half hours of pushing. An absolute joy from start to finish! Actually the bit where I was off my tits on diamorphine was an absolute joy . I walked and walked and walked to keep my labour going, my contractions were very irregular. Am really hoping for a quick 'un this time - i'd even settle for 24 hours! I'm a bit nervous too. I've got PGP so I can't walk much, which limits active labour somewhat. I've got a PGP birthing class soon though.

My other half is being amazing re the move. I will be doing nothing at all. He's a total star and has taken the brunt of everything while I've been suffering with my ailments. I still can't quite muster the motivation to actually shag him though. I keep giving him cake 'n' cuddles instead. He's not said owt!

Welcome everyone - chairman, I feel your pain and will pretty definitely get them to tie things off if I end up with a CS... 5 weeks on Thursday for me- induction booked for 21 March. Seems quite near... Also, am now 46 for next update- am cherishing my Methusalah status. Ta ta, love from Grandma.

Hi Blueeyes I am also 42 and expecting my first (surprisingly - due to failed vasectomy!) and only. I found out that I was pregnant the week after finishing my job and am just temping for the moment, going to think about new jobs once the sneaky baby arrives. My temp boss last week started her job when she was pregnant with twins, so it can be done. As I thought it was either ME or the menopause, I didn't find out that I was pregnant till 16 weeks, so I missed all the worrying and most of the tests!

By the way, anyone who updates the due dates list, I'm due 14th June, not July/August.

Waves to Knicky and everyone.

somewhere Boo to the SPD! Hope you're feeling a bit better xxx

ChairmanWow Waves to another northerner, am guessing by the Manchester comment... We all pollute the thread with our abject moaning misery, especially me, so feel free to join in!

Somewhere It would be nice if the crap life events left us alone whilst we're already feeling crap!

CharimanWow I wouldn't call that overkill on the contraceptive front!

BBD I'm just going to be too old and decrepit to procreate further...I'm pushing my luck already now!

ChairmanWow Argh, BabyCentre was full of young people singing the praises of pregnancy!

BBD Have goiven up my stupidly high goth shoes for the duration!

Sparkly Thanks! So, they are ignoring the advice about going to full-term over 40 then?

Sorry to hear that the DH is still not doing too well on the communication front.... to agree in advance then drop back into distance must make it feel worse. Maybe not Relate, but do you have a close friend or family member that would sort-of mediate?

Somewhere Branded baby goods? Really, utterly can't be arsed with all of that. Mind you, I can't be bothered with all of that for me either...

I'm rapidly heading towards the edge of knocker reason too... am wondering if they making nursing bras in 'bugger me that's massive' size...

and I'm only 5'2''....

ChairmanWow Scared of the yogurt-knitting incantation brigade....there's lots of them around here. I just hope my hospital don't believe in all of that, because they are crap enough as it is...I was considering hanging around in Manchester waiting to give birth to avoid them....

Knicky Way behind you yet I'm whinging about pain already!

ChairmanWow A spooky birth sounds cool...a friend of mine chose purposely to be induced on Hallowe'en!

Me.... off to the hospital tomorrow to see Diabetes Consultant, Dietician, Diabetes Nurse, Mental Health Midwife (yes, they're insisting) and Obstetrician... They are convinced they'll fit all of this in! (I'm not)...

Welcome Gracie, Chairman and Blueeyes. All wonderful stories and great additions. Chairman I guffawed in street at comment on sex - parents were reeling in children for safety.

Great lists. I have some running amendments to list I will check against what's been posted but looks good. Especially as I am finally (scarily) surfacing to the top half (god edit Somewhere )

Hello all, i've been rubbish at keeping up with you all here, but I understand there's been at least one birth. Congratulations x

I hardly feel pregnant at all, DH is still getting over the shock of it all and would like a termination. We're weighing up whether me giving him a child he doesn't want is a better or worse outcome than him talking me into an abortion I don't want We've had a counselling session and have even managed to talk about it on our own. His health isn't great which complicates things. I'd convinced myself he was quite open to the idea of another DC but now I see otherwise . I, however, find it very hard to let go of the idea.

Anyway, I had an early scan at FMC a few weeks ago just to check that there was at least an actual heartbeat for us to be going through all this anguish over, and there is (or at least was?). I also booked up for the harmony test, due to go in for that in a couple of weeks time, a week before the NHS NT scan.

I'm actually wondering if one of you guys can tell me what happens at FMC when you go in for that. Do they just take blood or will they also do a quick scan? And what happens when you go info the results two weeks later?

Remnant, I've just been thinking about you, and wondering if you're having an easier time of it than me, but obviously not - I'm really sorry, it's so hard isn't it? Did you have counselling through Relate or with somebody private, and do you think it helped? I'm not sure if it would help us, but it might help me. DH is still barely speaking to me, but what hurts most is the physical rejection, no touching, no cuddles in bed, no kiss goodnight. I've spent a lot of today in tears. I really hope you can work out which is best - at the moment I'm feeling that having this baby might destroy my marriage, and I'll never forgive myself if I deprive DD of her dad, but I'm going to fight to keep him if I have to.

MissM, You're going to busy seeing all those people tomorrow, but at least you're being properly looked after now, even if they are insisting on the mental health midwife.

I will probably talk to my DB sometime soon, and maybe DH would as well as they're good mates as well as being BILs but DB is very protective of me so I don't know. But I don't want to talk to people in RL in case I get a positive Down's result, in which case I'll probably terminate (sorry if this offends anyone, I just think that would be the best thing for my existing family) and so don't want to have to explain that to people, especially the potential uncle. My standard risk (I'm sure some of you know this) is apparently 1 in 30, so I'm trying to look at it that it's much more likely the baby will be fine than not. I've got my 12 week scan on Friday, I'm impressed by the speed at which things have moved along, and I'll be seeing a consultant (age-related) so I'll ask him about going full term. Also because DD was big (nearly 10lbs), they'll be testing me for GD later on, although there was no suggestion of that last time, so I'm hoping to avoid it.

Sorry about the me, me, me post, maybe things will be better tomorrow.

Welcome blueeyes, I like your positive attitude, very sensible despite the job situation

Hi sparkly, thanks!
I've been thinking about you too, don't know how you cope with DH just shutting down like that. My DH is being warm as ever mostly (when he's in denial which is most of the time), and when he's not he's no longer insisting that we split if there's no termination. He just says he'll be angry forever for me giving him a child he doesn't want and, understandably, he can't say what implications there may be in the future. Likewise, I'm not sure what toll the resentment about an unwanted abortion might have. We had counselling session at local hospital, I asked GP for a referral but I could have self referred. There'd have been no way I'd have got him anywhere near it if it wasn't presented as a preliminary to a termination. He knows that that's not necessarily going to happen though. It was useful for us to get a lot of things aired, both during and after the session. I really don't know what's fairest to do for myself, him and DS
Grim eh? For both of us. Good luck

Apologies to everyone else for bringing the tone of the thread down

Sparkly, Remnant, I am so so so sorry.... This is utterly unfair. A child is a blessing. A child needs 2 parents. Big hugs to both of you, special big hugs. Waves to everyone else.

sparkly, remnant, I can't bear it for you. How awful. Puts my issues with DH into perspective.
I wish I could think of something helpful to say. The most important thing is you keep talking, talking, talking.
Sparkly having a DC already makes it more complicated perhaps. Certainly at worst with DH recently a friend asked why I put up with his behaviour and all I could say was that I owe it to my daughter. But my parents stayed together for us and if you can't get on with each other, if there is too much bitterness, then that is painful too for children.
Remnant I can only imagine that the chance to have your one and only DC makes things more painful too. I don't dare say what I would do.
I hope so so much that you will both find ways through.

Thanks blueblackdye, and scarecrow. Actually, like sparkly I do actually have another child, thank god. I love him so much I just wanted another. Even DH says he's the best thing he's ever done. Which is one of the reasons I just couldn't understand his reluctance to have another. Anyway, he had come round to accept that the pregnancy was going ahead with or without him, and seemed prepared to make the best of it (in between bouts of sulking and anger). I'm sorry to say though that I had another scan today that showed a MMC. Not sure what to do about it yet, I just wanted to come home. I've had no bleeding whatsoever, maybe it will come, I'm not ready yet to hurry it just yet. Anyway, I'll bow out, wishing you all the very best x

Oh remnant, I'm so sorry about the mmc. All that anguish and now this, I know it means no decisions have to be made, but I know you wanted this baby, please be kind to yourself.

Knicky, is it your last day at work tomorrow or today? You must be so relieved you can stop.

MissM, I hope all your appointments went ok today

Thank you too blueblack & scarecrow. DH finally felt ready to talk last night - his best case is an m/c, and he's no close to accepting the pregnancy. He doesn't want to leave but can't rule it out. It's so hard. He's absolutely refused to even consider any type of counselling so we'll just have to try and figure it out between us.

Happy Valentine's day to you all, I hope everyone has special treats from their DPs (we don't do it as DH thinks it's all far too commercial).

Remnant, I know this feeling of loving a child so much that you want a sibling for this child, this is one of the reason we had our second baby. Strangely enough, although the second baby was desired by both f us, our relationship is very cold now. I am giving myself moretime but I have given up talking and fighting to make things better. I am so sorry re mmc. Come back to let us jnow how you are doing. Thinking of you. Take care of you and DS.
Sparkly, why is he so reluctant ? I know, the first 3 years are hard, but then until kidsbecome teenagers they bring so much joy and give our life a meaning, don't they ? Can you see someone on your own who could help you find the right words to persuade your DH ?
Scarecrow, I m sorry you have issue too. Pg should be surrounded by happiness
Lots pf hugs to all of you

Remnant, if you look in, I'm so sorry for you. Sorry to have missed you have a DC: thank goodness. Hope you heal in all senses as time goes on and can enjoy your family as it is. Good luck.

Remnant I'm so sorry to hear how this has ended. What a horrible time you must have been having. I hope your partner is able to support you through this despite his misgivings.

Sparkly I hope your OH sees sense. Surely your relationship is worth more.

Sparkly I can sympathise with you over the being completely ignored by DH... I left my ex after he kept that up for 2 1/2 years with no explanation. This is also coming at a time when you need reassurance, not rejection.... Can no-one mediate to get him to talk rather than sulk?

I don't mean an outside agency, but someone from the family, or a firend, just to act as referee?

Remnant I am so, so, sorry to hear what has happened. It was so unfair of your DH to ask you to make a choice like that, and now even that choice isn't there...many hugs, and I hope he at least supports you through this xxx

Yetsreday's appointment...not much use. The only point in sending me to see mental health midwife was to talk me out of ELCS, as far as I could tell.... literally.
'You wouldn't want a caesarean'
Yes I would'
'It's a big thing'
'So was nearly dying last time on the table'
But you don't really want one...'
'Yes I do'....

They are even insisting I obtain records from Paris of last birth, even though they can't read them.... as if I was making up what I told them.

Even doubted I had a hole in my heart...
'Are you sure?'
'Well, my mother told me'
'Are you sure'
'Well, it should be in my medical records, shouldn't it?'
'Are you sure?'
'Well, I was in hospital for 6 months after I was born....look, this happened in England, shouldn't you know?'

Why would I be making any of this up as they could check on all of this easily...grrrrrr. They are trying every way possible to get out of me having an ELCS....

Remnant I am so so sorry xx

Remnant So sorry to hear that.

BadMissM That sounds rubbish - is there anyone else you can see? It doesn't sound as though that was the person you need. I suppose at least if you have the French records, they can get them translated and see what the problems were last time, from a medical point of view. There is probably at least one person in the area with fluent french. I hope things get better for you.

Hi ladies,a quick update to say that from my 12 week scan, Downs risk has dropped to 1 in 400, hoping bloods will agree. I'm on my phone so can't name check, have a lovely weekend everyone.

Sparkly great news about the scan. Have a nice weekend.

hi cycle good to see your still around. how are you?

cyclecamper They are so mean, (and we live somewhere so stupid), they'll probably have to get me to translate them, which kind of defeats the point. They won't waste money on having them translated!

Sparkly Brilliant news! Yay!

Great news Sparkly, just lovely reassurance.

BadMiss, you couldn't make up such a litany of poor care. Sounds worth getting French records though.

Knicky -think your last day at work, or in an odd bit of my brain maybe first day of mat leave? Hurrah! At last.

scarecrow Rang the French hospital yesterday, they were amazingly sympathtic, and are finding everything they can to support my case...and sending it to me free of charge (wish I could go back there!).

I'd even been reading about how to be really assertive in a pregnancy book just before I went in, so used all the pointers, decisive statements 'I really need and want an ELCS' etc.... ARGH!