First time pregnant, if you could give me one piece of advice?!?

[NewMrsH]

Hello,

I'm 27 weeks pregnant with my first baby and wondered if you could give me one piece of advice on labour/ babies/ new borns etc what would it be??

Thanks

Xxx

Your life will change and for a while your baby will take up all of your waking and sleeping time. Don't feel bad if you need to mourn the loss of the person you were before, it is totally normal.

Look at night feeds as something to enjoy not endure, special time with just you and your lo.

Don't let your midwife or hospital staff force you into anything, it's your body and your baby.

Take as many pictures and videos as possible.

Congratulations!

Just say NO to forceps.

That's all.

Agreed with all PPs! My SIL gave birth 3 months before me. Her baby slept through the night from 3mo, was in a fixed routine and that was that. What she failed to mention was that her baby shrieked all day every day. Most miserable baby I've ever met. I was so stressed with trying to get my DS into a routine when he wasn't ready because I'd read the same shitty book as my SIL and was listening to her advice on how it 'should' be done. Once I stopped listening to her 'advice', me and my DS were so much happier. He was always a very chilled out baby, such a joy. Could hand him over to anyone, because I didn't cling on to him like a limpet when he was young. He got plenty of cuddles, from everyone. He is now a confident, happy, laid back two year old and I wouldn't change anything. Just enjoy baby. You will be sleep deprived, frustrated and stressed. When you start feeling overwhelmed, take a step back and re-evaluate. Does the washing up really need doing right now? Do you need to Hoover? Is baby asleep? Well go take a nap! The power of a nap will recharge your batteries. When people come round and ask if they can do anything to help, don't do the whole English polite thing. Send them off to make you a brew or hand them baby while you take a few mins and make the brew. When the weather is nice, pop baby in the pram and go for a nice walk. Fresh air is so rejuvenating, and also tiring for baby. There will probably be times when baby is crying/grizzly/refusing to sleep and you will be feeling a bit sorry for yourself. Pop them in the pram and walk it out. It's amazing. I spent 5 months walking around with DS in a pram haha! My DH works nights, so I was practically single parent. It seems like baby will never get into a routine and you are doing the same thing day in day out. It gets easier, but they grow up so fast. Treasure every moment.

Sorry, I've rambled on for long enough. Good luck with your lovely pudgy baby when they come. I love newborns . They always smell soooooo yummy!

Oh, one more thing! Don't buy a brand new pram straight away! Guaranteed your first one seems perfect-until you use it daily and then you really know what you need! I had 8 in the first 18months. I only stopped buying them because I moved to Canada and their all bloody crap over here lol!!!

Take your birth plan, and then be prepared to forget everything you wrote on it and put your trust the midwives. Don't think that once you get going you will be in any fit state to control anything, or that you will even care. I wrote that I didn't want anyone in the room except MW and DH. Actually, by the time I was well under way I could not have given a flying fuck if a marching band had walked through the delivery suite.

Take some nice sandwiches for afterwards. You will be STARVING.

Do your kegels.
Stop reading baby books.
Breastfeeding is hard. Do persist with it if you can but don't feel bad if it doesn't work out.
Be prepared to spend the first few weeks feeding. Get some box sets in.
It is possible for them to be hungry almost immediately after they have finished eating.
Don't take the crying personally.
This too shall pass!

It would be buy the baby whisperer book from axon about £6 and worth a million imop. Really helped me get a routine and sense of control but the best part was the statement to remember "the first 90 days are not normal" that helped me put so much in perspective and do you know what it isn't normal or it could possibly be it is normal but by then you are used to it :-) either way it helped massively. Good luck x

• Witch hazel poured on a maxi pad is utterly luverly on the lady bits after birth.

• The only thing a baby needs is milk (whether it arrives by bottle or boob), a clean nappy and a place to sleep, be that a pair of arms, a hairy chest or a drawer. Your baby won't care that you're not perfect so don't try to be.

• Listen to advice that is gifted, but ignore any that is forced. This is your baby, and you are allowed to pick and choose which advice you take.

• And (completely contradicting my last point above), if baby allows it, invest in a miracle blanket and swaddle from birth. I have 4 of the things because I didn't want to be without one. It is the reason that we never lost any sleep for the first 6 months of DS's life and even then it was only because we were weaning him out of it. If your baby likes to be swaddled, this could well be your saviour - www.miracleblanket.com I shit you not.

• It doesn't matter if your laundry doesn't get done or you eat takeaway for 5 nights running, or if you don't get out of your pyjamas. New babies are the perfect excuse not to have to worry about any of that.

• Don't be alarmed if you find it easy. For some people it is. Enjoy it and go with the flow.

• Don't be alarmed if you find it horrendous. For a lot of people it is. Please don't be afraid to ask for help, your friends and family (hopefully) will only want to help you out, not monopolise your baby.

• If you don't want visitors for 2 weeks, you don't have to have any. If you want to go out and show your baby off to the world at a day old by all means do. Your choice when and how you introduce your baby. We took DS to happy hour with 20 friends when he was 4 days old. Granted we live in a hot country which is very family oriented but it was lovely to be able to come out, have a feed, a beer, some fresh air and then home again after a couple of hours. Made me feel human.

• Try not to feel guilty. If you have to, or want to go back to work, stand by your choice or need. I went back to work when DS was 18 weeks old because that's all the time I was allowed. I don't feel guilty. I see how he has thrived at daycare and how he learns far more there than I could ever teach him at home. I work so I can provide a fantastic life for him.

• Be confident in your abilities as a parent. You (and your DH/OH) are all your baby needs, and you are perfect for your baby, exactly how you are.

• Try and enjoy every second.

Best of luck OP and merry Christmas.

I only just realised you asked for one piece of advice.

I wrote a novel. Sorry

Much like everyone else. Be open minded in labour and accept that sometimes it won't go how you planned.
Remember BFing is hard but adopt the mantra 'it will get better' am 9 weeks in and it's starting to now!
If baby cries put boob in!
Enjoy your baby. Don't worry about routines or spoiling it- they will just want you. It's a great feeling!

Ignore all advice especially from Hvs

Pack nice chocolate in your hospital bag - just had Ds2 & needed antibiotics my dm brought me some lovely hotel chocolat when she visited which I used as a treat after swallowing the horrid things!
Spread visitors out and say no if you want. Remember that when they visit after work it will be babies cranky hr and you will be tired so don't expect the baby to lie contentedly on whoever turns up
Especially be careful of having loads of visitors about day 3-5 when ur milk comes in. With Ds1 my dad turned up with a random mate I wasn't dressed, exhausted, sore and he bought fish & chips for him to eat not me and Dh!! - not a good visitor! My dm was horrified with him!
Ask visitors to bring anything you need - noone ever minds picking up more milk, bread, look roll or nappies etc especially if it makes life easier.
Don't plan anything! And this comes from one of the most organised planners!
Most of all enjoy your beautiful baby - they are so tiny for such a short amount of time
Congratulations and good luck :)

Yes believe it or not my advice is enjoy it and ignore the scaremongers!

What I wish I'd known 10 weeks ago:

• what matters is that the you and the baby get through the birth as safely as possible and are as healthy as possible at the end. It really doesn't matter whether it is c- section, assisted or totally unassisted.
• breastfeeding can be really really hard (not say it will be for you)! I wish I had been a bit better informed - it might not have made things easier, but I would have been better positioned versus some ill informed midwives and probably reassured that I was normal and that I would get through it (with support from a lovely hv and mnetters)
• two days can seem like two weeks at the beginning when things may be difficult.
• but bizarrely, time seems to go so fast. At ten weeks, I can't work out where my tiny newborn has gone.
• I know that bonding isn't necessarily immediate in all cases, but I was just overwhelmed by the strength of the love I felt for him the moment I saw him. It's just continued getting stronger - I love him so much my heart could break!

Many women do find breastfeeding hard, but you're not a freak if you don't. I loved it from day one.

I wish someone told me my boobs would hurt.a lot. For what felt like weeks afterwoods. Cold flannels/frozen peas anything cold is a lifesaver.
If you need to be cut or tear, when you pee pour warm water over your bits at the same time... Stops the burn.
It's not all negative tho. Labour is amazing, having a baby is amazing Infact I totally forgot about the above two bad points but being pregnant with dc2 I've suddenly remembered the not so glorious parts :)
I wish I'd took my phone charger too, when battery dies and your on your own in hospital with a newborn, conversations and the Internet help!

Have the number of your local breastfeeding counsellors written down in a handy place before your baby is born, and don't hesitate to call them.

Get a copy of What Mothers Do (even when it looks like nothing) by Naomi Stadlen. It doesn't tell you what to you, but will make you feel proud of yourself and confident.

In labour and with a new baby, trust your instincts.

Go out for nice meals, to the cinema etc & have lazy lie ins as much as you can over the next few weeks and, when you're at home, relish the peace & quiet and the sense of just being able to do what you want.

When baby wakes in the night, lie down with it and BF it till you both fall asleep.

Seriously, you'll both get much more sleep that way. Following safe co-sleeping guidelines obvs.

If in doubt, go out. A pp said about walks and fresh air: these are wonderful things. And if you can meet a friend or two at the end of it, so much the better (I realised early in my Penelope Leach "babymoon" I was not cut out for two weeks in bed feeding).

Meeting new mums is easy, yes antenatal classes are one way, but going to (free) children's centre groups, Buggyfit, baby yoga or nct coffee mornings and brightly saying "anyone fancy a coffee?" or "anyone fancy meeting tomorrow, say 11ish?" at the end is a way of making links. People who fancy socialising, will, and whilst not all of them will end up long term friends its a great way to start. (maternity leave is almost like starting a new job, in that respect).

Www.kellymom.com and mumsnet will get you through the wee hours

In the very early days, if you are in ANY doubt whether the baby is wetting a nappy enough [if ebf], then they are not getting enough food/not feeding well. Get help before they lose too much weight!

1. Go private
2. If you're baby is losing weight it is not sabotage to say "use formula" - people just don't want you to starve your baby. No amount in the world of reading kellymom will stop your baby starving. Don't be a dick in the name of principle.

If something is making your life easier, do it without guilt until it stops working and makes your life harder. At that point, try something else.

This can be applied to e.g. letting the baby sleep on you, giving the baby a dummy, carrying the baby in a sling - everything really. Lots of people will be ready to tell you you are making a rod for your own back. Ignore them and as long as it makes life easier, carry on. Then change when it stops working.

Take as much time off work as you can afford. Return p/t if you can.

No one has written a book about you and your baby.

Do not fit a white kitchen the week before you get a bfp. if you accidentally do, then baby wipes are very good at cleaning kitchens.

More seriously, if you instinctively feel that something is wrong during pg/childbirth, then say something! I had an undiagnosed breech first baby and a uterine rupture second time, because I let v bossy mws convince me that they knew my body better than me.

Learn to smile and nod and ignore people.

Remember the phrase "this too shall pass".
Enjoy having a wee and a poo in peace because it's the last time you will for about the next four years unless you have someone babysitting.