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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Please don't flame me, I know what I'm doing is terrible

52 replies

itsmyfirsteek · 01/12/2012 21:41

I nned some help. I'm almost 20 weeks and I'm still smoking. I have horrendous anxiety and I've convinced myself that at my scan on monday I'm going to have lost my baby. I've tried so so hard and have gone fro 30 to 10 but I know this is still not good enough.
I had a scan at 18 weeks and all was fine but I'm so scared. What are the chances that its all over and I don't know?

OP posts:
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BluelightsAndSirens · 01/12/2012 21:43

No one can tell you all will be ok because we just don't know.

The fact that you have posted shows that you care and you have done very well to cut down by 20, could you maybe cut the 10 in half to 5 a day between now and Monday? You would be so proud of yourself.

SquirtedFrankinScentsInStable · 01/12/2012 21:44

Stop it.
Simple.
You know what it does? This isn't your health, it's a whole other person.
Please.

Svrider · 01/12/2012 21:45

Ok it's obviously best if you stop smoking, but you haven't been able to
To have cut down as much as you can
The odds are the baby will be fine
Try not to stress
Are you eating well, taking folic acid and gentle exercise?
Remember been happy and relaxed is also important
Be kind to yourself
Hundreds of perfect healthy babies are born to smokers every day
Good luck on the scan

SquirtedFrankinScentsInStable · 01/12/2012 21:45

I didn't mean the actual stopping is simple. I meant the solution. But even so.

NatashaBee · 01/12/2012 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

graciem · 01/12/2012 21:47

hi aww i feel for u. dont beat yourself up about this u have done well ditching 20 a day. i was on 20 a day have now got down to 5 a day at 23+5. the more i worried about it the more i wanted to smoke. have u seen the smoking cestation mw? i have seen 1 who breath tested me and said my levels werent high so made me feel more relaxed and not feel the urge for a cig. im sure baby really is fine.

TwitchyTail · 01/12/2012 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves · 01/12/2012 21:51

You are overwhelmingly unlikely to lose your baby because of this. Anxiety is a terrible thing, it is working against you and making you so clenched up with guilt and fear that you are going to find it even harder to give up smoking

Can your GP offer you any ongoing support with stopping? Talk to the midwife/HV? You don't have to do it on your own.

I'm not flaming you because I know what severe anxiety is like (and it isn't good for you or your baby either).

The chances are vanishingly small. They really are. BUT smoking is harmful, to both of you - losing the baby isn't the only thing you are risking - I am sure that if you are an anxiety sufferer you are already aware of all the long-term implications it has, so I won't rub it in.

Stop panicking about losing the baby (easier said than done, I know, but the anxiety is not your friend here!) and make a concrete plan for getting yourself off the fags. See it as a positive, strong thing you can do, out of love for yourself and your baby, not something shameful and impossible that terrifies you so much you need a fag...

Thanks from me x

LDNmummy · 01/12/2012 21:52

Its not too late to stop before it could really potentially harm your baby.

Get some help from your GP on Monday and maybe some Nicorette patches (don't know if they are OK while pregnant so just a suggestion).

If it is really giving you so much anxiety, you will be putting the baby under stress from that too. Try to calm down and breathe when you feel yourself becoming overcome by this anxiety.

You are taking steps in the right direction for the both of you. Maybe see if you can push yourself that one step further so you can give up completely.

I have terrible anxiety so I sympathise with the vicious cycle it can create.

Please try to stop smoking altogether ASAP.

combinearvester · 01/12/2012 21:52

I got down to 1 and then that one seemed a bit pointless...can you do that? can you lose one fag a day for the next 10 days? Alan Carr easy way to stop smoking might provide a bit of help...stop doing whatever you're doing when you have a fag e.g. I had to weirdly go in the bath straight after dinner because I used to have a fag straight after dinner.

Nicoting chewing gum or e-cigarettes might be better for the baby than cigarettes but obviously check with doctors..... I know in my old area they used to have a special stop smoking in pregnancy service where they weren't judgemental bastards who treat you like a walking incubator.

LDNmummy · 01/12/2012 21:56

When my anxiety has been at its peak in the past, I would also have someone trusted on speed dial who would help talk me through it.

I used to have panick attacks and this was a great way of stopping them in their tracks.

I would call the person and they would tell me to breathe and be calm and then engage me in normal conversation to take my mind of what was happening.

Do you have someone you can call when you are feeling exceptionally anxious? That may help.

NellyBluth · 01/12/2012 22:00

Huge sympathy. And well done for posting. I say that as someone who didn't manage to entirely quit during my pregnancy, I had maybe 4 a week for most of my pg even though I knew how terrible it was.

The thing is, it can be a bit of a vicious cycle. Most smokers use cigarettes as a crutch when they are stressed, anxious etc. Knowing that you are smoking when you shouldn't be makes you stressed and anxious. And, sadly, not everyone has a magic switch that makes them hate cigarettes when pg.

Firstly, please be aware that you are not the first or only woman still smoking while pg. For one reason or another, plenty of women struggle to quit when pg. So please don't think you are alone in smoking.

Secondly, focus on how much good not having just one cigarette will do your baby. If you feel like you want one, try and put it off for a while. See if over a day that helps you cut out one or two or maybe even more cigarettes.

Also, experiment with nicotine replacement. Obviously they are not ideal either, but they are better than cigarettes (though I believe the patches are not recommended). I found the spray better than the rest.

I am sure your baby will be fine, as others have said. Please try not to worry. And remember you are not alone - come back and talk, or PM me, if you want to talk to someone.

RileyTheLittleMonster · 01/12/2012 22:04

www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/antenatalhealth/quittingsmoking/safetosmokeexpert/

It increases the chance of cot death by 4 times
-Late miscarriage
-Placenta to abrupt
-Premature Labour
The website i posted tells you all, i know people who have smoke throughout pregnancy and have healthy babies.. But you really have to quit altogether, It's probably be hard but your baby is worth it.

Greensleeves · 01/12/2012 22:04

I have a feeling OP is painfully aware of the risks

BluelightsAndSirens · 01/12/2012 22:06

Ffs Riley, the op has posted and said she suffers with anxiety so you just thought pilling the pressure on may make her stop?

Sigh, it must be great being so fucking perfect and all Hmm

RileyTheLittleMonster · 01/12/2012 22:07

I was only trying to help, Plus it tells you sites to go on if you need help quitting. But whatever you decide is highly your choice no-one else. Like i said all the people i know who smoked in pregnancy have healthly children now, but theirs always a risk as everyone knows.

NellyBluth · 01/12/2012 22:08

Riley, that's not very helpful. I'm sure you mean well but anyone who is posting on here about feeling awful about smoking is undoubtedly well aware of the risks, that's why the OP is upset. Sadly, repeating the risks involved in smoking doesn't flick a switch in people's head to stop them craving nicotine.

RileyTheLittleMonster · 01/12/2012 22:08

Also the chances of your baby passing at this stage is about 1%

RileyTheLittleMonster · 01/12/2012 22:13

I'm sorry if i upset anyone, it wasn't my intention! I thought he wanted to know

Bluelights, i think every woman is different and it's there baby so they can do what they want.. I didn't want to offend anyone, im not prefect.. I drink alot of caffeine in pregnancy and im sure some woman wouldnt agree with that.

I have said sorry, and I wasn ment to upset anyone

judefawley · 01/12/2012 22:14

What do you need help with?

People can tell you that at this stage, your baby is probably OK. Does that help?

The best thing you can do is give up smoking. But assuming you're not stupid, you must know that.

I have close personal experience of neo-natal death to the baby of a smoking mother, so I am not very reasonable about this topic.

Greensleeves · 01/12/2012 22:17

sorry we jumped on you Riley, of course you were trying to help - in my case it was because I have anxiety too so reacted unreasonably to the idea of anyone causing OP more stress

but we don't know OP or what she will feel about our posts, and I was projecting Blush

RileyTheLittleMonster · 01/12/2012 22:20

You don't have to say sorry I read back on what she wrote and it didn't help at all. Plus I wouldn't want anyone to remind me of risks during my pregnancies as i'm high risk.

Sorry *itsmyfirsteek" Hope all goes well and keep us upto date Xmas Smile

NellyBluth · 01/12/2012 22:22

Sorry, Riley, I'm sure you didn't mean to upset anyone.

This is just a very emotive topic. I imagine a lot of people on this thread have personal experience one way or the other, either like mine or like jude's, and that obviously makes people react quite strongly.

OP, we really are all here for you, despite our in-fighting.

BluelightsAndSirens · 01/12/2012 22:24

Another anxiety suffer projecting, I'm sure op knows the risks but the fact that she posted means she is looking to change (in my eyes) so support to stop/cut down more would be more helpful.

KatoPotatoHoHo · 01/12/2012 22:24

You don't need anyone to tell you the dangers, I think you know you need to stop.

However I was 20weeks when I discovered I was pregnant and had been smoking right until that point. I was stunned when a scan confirmed how far gone I was and I sobbed to the doc that I'd smoked, drank and lived on lucozade!

However I did stop that very day. Just like that.