Hyperemesis - should I terminate?

[glossyflower]

This is my first pregnancy and I'm finding things incredibly difficult. For the past month I've had HG with a hospital admission. I'm on cyclizine and ondansetron which suppress the vomiting somewhat, not totally.
I've moved into my parents, leaving my husband at home because he works and I'm too weak todo anything.
Although im not vomiting so much I'm struggling to eat and drink, still losing weight, still have ketones. GP said was happy to admit me to hospital again but feels I can last while longer in comfort of mum and dads.
Considering its either me or the baby, I've always secretly judged people who have had terminations but have supported friends through them, I just feel I cannot go on like this.
My husband and parents want me to have the baby (I'm 32 btw) they are very supportive but I have no strength to fight it any more. I know i do want this baby but thinking about it scares the hell out of me, I don't think I can look after a baby when at the mo I can't look after myself.
If I don't have this baby I will never have any children as this hyperemesis has put me off for life.

I am 10 weeks and don't want to leave termination too late

Oh you poor thing. How many weeks gone are you? Have they said if there's any chance of it subsiding?

Fwiw I felt like crap for the first 14ish weeks then I suddenly felt a lot better. Although I know some people say they feel ill all the way. Tough call. I guess only you can make the decision. Can't say I know what it's like as I just got nasty nausea and wasn't actually sick much, but I imagine it's horrid.

Glossy huge hugs to you, it really does get better. I didn't have to be admitted to hospital but I was very ill for the first few months. My twin girls are now 2 and are such a joy, have you talked to your DH about everything?

I think you should re visit your GP and talk through your feelings.

I'm sure some wiser mumsnetters will advise more

Only you can decide. 9 months is a long time to be ill for and no one should judge you for whatever choice you make. The only thing I can say is when the baby is here it really does make it seem worthwhile. Cheesy I know but it's true. A friend of mine suffered terribly with the same thing but had a 2nd child as the first made her realise, however bad it was, it was worth it eventually. HOWEVER, it is YOUR choice and your choice alone. You will have to go through the next 30 weeks possibly feeling just as bad and not even your DP can stop that. I really wish you all the best whichever road you choose and I hope you get the right support either way x

It does end. I promise. And you'll get a beautiful baby at the end of it.

I had HG until week 27(ish) with weeks in and out of hospital and I spent weeks curled up in a ball just wanting to die. I have the same attitude to abortion but I considered it everyday.

Only you can make this decision, but I would have regretted it if I had done it.

It doesn't help that people that having gone through it really don't understand how crippling and depressing it is :(

www.facebook.com/PregnancySicknessSupport This facebook group is quite helpful for talking through some of your problems and there might be a local group nearby that can support you

Its something you need to decide, but you are already 1/4 of the way through, and hopefully on the upward path.

I too have a friend who suffered for the first half of her first pregnancy, including several hospitalisations, and went on to have a second baby, knowing full well she may suffer again (and she did). But again by half way, she could keep down food, and has 2 beautiful boys because of it.

You ahve suffered this far - can you manage a little longer if its a pregnancy you want?

I too have hyperemesis and am 10 weeks +4. I have been in hospital twice. I am taking cyclazine only, have tried other drugs that didn't help. I have lost over a stone in 5 weeks. My mum comes over every weekday to help out. This is also my first pregnancy.

About a week ago I started taking high protein/ high calorie shakes called ensure plus. I am now feeling a bit stronger and most importantly better able to cope.

A week ago I was feeling like you .. I can't go on like this. Now I am getting stronger. Please tell your dr how you feel and remember many people start to feel better from 12 weeks. I don't think you should terminate, you just need more help, remember no one is pregnant for ever. I am just like you... I can't see myself ever wanting to be pregnant again ... Although many people say when you have the baby in your arms you'll realise it was well worth it.

I felt like this too.

I was ill till 28 weeks. I dont know how I coped but I did.

Then I forgot about it and went on to have 2 more children.

Poor you. I know how horrendous it is and no one seems to understand how bad it is or how bad you feel. Whatever you decide will be right for you but it does get better. I was also terribly ill and didn't think I could cope. I just took it a day at a time and kept telling myself it would be worth it. I'm now 15 weeks and feeling much better. I still get some nausea but it's totally manageable and I'm slowly getting my energy back. I noticed it start to get better about 12 weeks so if you can hang on just a couple more weeks you might find the same. You've already made it through the worst bit. Good luck whatever you decide.

God I am so sorry for you. I've had two pregnancies and am on my third - I've felt absolutely dire with all of them. This time I had some better meds but it was still crippling. I wasn't even throwing up - I knew if I started I wouldn't stop! So every waking moment was a fight.

I am now 25 weeks with #3 and even though I have moments when I feel off still, nearly all the time it is much better. It got a lot better at about 18-20 weeks I think. It was also much better by that point in my other two.

What I wanted to say to you is that HCG, which is thought to cause this, peaks at about where you are now and then it DECLINES so this is likely to be your worst point. And from now on it will begin to improve...maybe not immediately disappearing - though for some people with HG it does - but it will get better, much better than it is now. And you will forget how awful it was, in a while.

I know it was awful each time, but only rationally - I don't feel it, I can't remember the actual feeling, your mind blocks it out. I have 4 and 5 year gaps and that really helped - but I shan't do it again.

Just please keep in mind the science behind it, the fact that even if you still feel a bit ropey for the whole pregnancy, it is VERY likely that from about now, things will start to improve for you - you have done the worst already.

Much love - honestly, loads of sympathy xxx

I was on cyclizine too with my second and for what it's worth, ten weeks was my lowest point. Had a toddler running around too and could not do anything at all. Was so depressed.
But by 14 weeks it was definitely lifting and by 20 I was feeling pretty human again. The first trimester was awful though and I felt no one understood how hideous it was - just had all these chirpy comments: "oh yes the morning sickness is AWFUL! Ha haha tralala!" etc.
My advice:

• talk to MW/GP about how you feel - looking back I'm sure I had antenatal depression (unsurprisingly)
• eat little and often. Biscuits by the bed.
• distract yourself. I had a wedding to go to in the early months and was dreading it, but surprisingly really enjoyed it; the adrenalin got me through ( and the cyclizine!)
• fizzy drinks are surprisingly steadying for the tummy
• iron supplements made me worse so I stopped taking them
• don't wait for hunger or sickness before eating. I didn't feel hungry for my whole pregnancy. Then, a few hours after having my daughter, I felt this weird sensation.... Hunger!!!! Strangest thing.

You have my utmost sympathy. It is so awful, but in my experience you are at the worst point of it, fingers crossed it will start to improve soon.

Btw I also considered termination, each time, just to stop feeling so ill. Somehow I didn't go through with it.

I think you have stronger resources than you imagine. Once you've survived it once, you know it won't kill you - it is unlikely to do you or the baby any serious harm. The first time is probably the scariest as you don't know you can survive it xx

(EdMc sounds like we had identical pregnancies!)

indeed!

I know how you feel. I had hyperemesis with my first pregnancy and vowed I would never go through it again. When I found out I was pregnant by accident again 6 years later I was filled with dread. Everyone said it would be better second time round but the hyperemesis was worse. I also had to deal with the guilt of not being there for my first DS. They tried various drugs but none seemed to have much effect. After days and days of sickness lying in hospital I remember thinking that a termination would be best. I remember telling myself that if I did have a termination I would never feel guilty because at the time it was about self preservation.

In the end, I told the midwife how I felt and she got the consultant and they tried a different drug which eventually got me through the next four months. In the last trimester I felt a lot better. My son is now 11 and he is just such a great kid and yes he was worth it but it has taken a long time for the memory of it to fade and for me to say that. What I am trying to say is that time will move on - you will get through it - even hour by hour. When it was really bad I found that lying on my back motionless seemed to lengthen the time between sickness episodes. No one can tell you how long it will last but it generally does improve. It will have an ending and hopefully a happy one. If you can hang on and focus on just surviving you will get through it.

It is just such an awful thing to go through - I was very very sick with hyp in my twin pregnancy and then single one too. I was extremely low and felt like I did not care for the baby. I took all sorts of medication I should not have taken in pregnancy, I just did not care. Now I have 3 beautiful children and the thought of having damaged them or terminated them is a very sad one. The choice is yours... but it really will be worth it if you keep going. Every second it is getting closer to you feeling better and most people see a significant improvement around 13-14 weeks - you are nearly there (although I know that every hour is long when you feel so bad).

If you go back into hospital on a drip, do you think you will feel better? I found a drip a relief and it really improved the sickness.
This is so awful for you and you have suffered for so long now, but it really will come to an end.

Oh you poor thing. Unmumsnetty hugs from me.

One of my pregnancies was like this, it was bloody awful. I too went to stay with my parents, taking my toddler, and just lay on their sofa for months. It was so, so miserable - I didn't even tell anyone that I was pregnant until about 22 weeks (other than family who obviously had to know!), by which point many of my friends had all but given up on me for being so anti-social and suddenly disappearing. It was almost as if I was angry with the baby, and didn't want to acknowledge it . It certainly wasn't something I wanted to tell people to have them congratulate me.

Anyway, I was "lucky" in that I was feeling pretty well by about 22/23 weeks. And in contrast to my first pregnancy (which was sicky but not on the same scale) the last bit was a breeze - I'd lost weight, and was just so delighted at feeling well, so the "beached whale" bit didn't really happen.

I can absolutely see how you would consider termination, but I'm going to stick my neck out here and say that it would very possibly be something that you'd really regret. You've come quite far - in my "teen" weeks I had spells (short, but there!) of feeling a bit better. I even managed to take DC1 to soft play when I was about 15 weeks. You might find that you start to pick up a bit soon. It is really, really miserable (I have not forgotten - don't believe anyone who says you will - and I'm definitely not having any more children!) but then you get a baby at the end of it, and it's just magical.

The only thing that properly helped me was cyclizine injections in hospital (the pills aren't nearly as good). Dairy Milk and coca cola were good too for just taking the edge off the nausea.

I had it with ds1 right till the end. Was in hospital lots. You will get there, I know it's dire and you feel like you are going to die.

I wanted to stab the next person to brim ginger related crap to my house. In the end my dr admitted me twice a week for an Iv. I really had to fight for it, but just getting some fluids in really helped.

Stillwaiting Dairy milk and coke! I thought I was the only one :D

It's awful isn't it? Friend had hg with her first and only baby, she was horribly ill for the first 16 weeks and was in and out of hospital.she seemed to get better after that, in that she wasn't hospitalised again until 38 weeks for high bp, but she did vomit at least once a day all the way through and felt sick a lot of the time. Personally I wouldn't terminate for hg, but that's easy for me to say, I've never had morning sickness that bad I needed to be hospitalised. Yes I felt sick all day every day and I was sick a lot until 15 weeks, and I still feel sick some days now, but I've always managed to keep something down through the day and drinks.

I've had terrible HG and sympathise. Honestly though, it is likely that you will improve a lot in the next few weeks. Week 11 has always been my peak, and it improves quite quickly after that.

How you are when pregnant is not how you are will be as a Mother. You can't control this, but you will regain control of you body, your diet, your life.

It will be worth it when you meet your baby, it really will. As evidence as I present my 5 children, aged between 1 and 10! My HG with the first 3 was truly awful including lots of hospital admissions. It eased off with babies 4 and 5 thankfully, was sick every day but it didn't continue all day.

Practical things - hyperemesis.org has great resources and talk boards.

Good to hear you're on Ondansetron. Many women never get it, and it is the best (works by suppressing the vomiting centre in the brain). You can take up to 32 mg a day, how much are you on at the moment?

Have you had a scan yet? I ask as I've found it easier to put up with rubbish pregnancies once I had seen the baby and it seemed "real" to me.
I wasn't hospitalised so obviously not as bad as you, but I can honestly say throughout the 6 pregnancies I have had (two children) I did not feel well for a single day. The healthiest I felt was after each of my miscarriages, once I was no longer pregnant. And despite feeling healthy again I would have given anything in the world to still be feeling sick, and still be pregnant.
Did you want the baby yourself initially? I only ask as you talk about your family and DH wanting it, but not yourself.

You poor thing. There are so many people here who can empathise with you.

My first pregnancy I sailed through (a boy) and when I got pregnant last year (a girl) I expected the same. Eight weeks in and the sickness hit me like a ten ton truck. I spent the whole of July and August in the toilets at work when i could make it in and the rest of the time in bed. I have never felt so ill in all my life.

My GP put me on various meds and in the end, after vomiting without any warning in the middle of Tesco's, I collapsed in tears and begged her to do something to help me. She put me on Cyclazine, which helped and at 13 weeks the sickness and crippling tiredness disappeared (and didn't come back).

I can honestly say that if my first pregnancy had been like my last I wouldn't have had any more children.

I don't think anyone who hasn't suffered it can understand just how totally catastrophically awful pregnancy sickness can be.

At the end of the day it's totally your decision but if you can just get the next four weeks over and done with you may feel better (easier said than done I know).