Hyperemesis - should I terminate?

[glossyflower]

This is my first pregnancy and I'm finding things incredibly difficult. For the past month I've had HG with a hospital admission. I'm on cyclizine and ondansetron which suppress the vomiting somewhat, not totally.
I've moved into my parents, leaving my husband at home because he works and I'm too weak todo anything.
Although im not vomiting so much I'm struggling to eat and drink, still losing weight, still have ketones. GP said was happy to admit me to hospital again but feels I can last while longer in comfort of mum and dads.
Considering its either me or the baby, I've always secretly judged people who have had terminations but have supported friends through them, I just feel I cannot go on like this.
My husband and parents want me to have the baby (I'm 32 btw) they are very supportive but I have no strength to fight it any more. I know i do want this baby but thinking about it scares the hell out of me, I don't think I can look after a baby when at the mo I can't look after myself.
If I don't have this baby I will never have any children as this hyperemesis has put me off for life.

I had hyperemesis throughout the whole of my first pregnancy and it was dire as I started being sick at about 2 weeks and lost a twin at 12 weeks ,eventually you do just learn to live with it and the baby at the end is so worth it . It took me 6 yrs to have another baby partly due to the fact that I knew if I had a similar pregnancy I would not be able to cope with another small child at home. When I did have my second I did get hyperemesis again and was hospitalised for fluid replacement 7 times in the first 20 weeks ,however it stopped at about 27 weeks . At only 10 weeks I know it seems impossible but it probably will either improve or you'll find a coping mechanism. Are their any foods that are tolerable? With my first I eventually survived on a diet of plain jacket potatoes and packets of cheesy wotsits and it never did the baby any harm as he was a huge 10lb 4 oz when he finally arrived.

OP I was on ondansatron and metoclopramide for hyperemesis. I was still sick about once a day but the crippling nausea went. Do ask at the hospital if you could try that. I was prescribed both after my second stay in hospital.

Eat. Even if you feel awful. Ritz crackers are good and very cold dizzy drinks.

Keep us updated OP

I haven't had hyperemesis so maybe have no right to comment, but I have two friends who have had it and were hospitalised pretty regularly. Both of them would say that the baby who resulted was totally worth the rotten time whilst they were pregnant. How you feel now is not how you will feel once the baby arrives, and it sounds like you have good support from your parents and DH. This has no bearing on how you will cope as a mother.

Thank you for all your comments, it's definitely helped me stay positive.
This morning was a bad morning but this evening I ate well and almost felt normal again. It was a nice feeling.
I think I would regret a termination and I have always wanted children I just never expected pregnancy to be a bad experience.
Hopefully it will get better.

I hope you feel better soon-I had pretty horrendous nausea and vomiting til about week 16 and I had feelings like you are having now-I talked to my DH about a termonation, I was worried I wouldn't love the baby as I really resented it when I was feeling so low. However I did get better, now on week 21 and have had 5 whole weeks without an episode of vomiting and I'm so glad I never acted on my feelings. I can totally understand where you are as it seems never ending and I was so scared I would be sick through the whole of my pregancy so don't feel guilty for feeling this way. I tried cyclazine which stopped the nausea but made me so sleepy I couldn't get out bed, but metoclopramide worked well for me to reduce the amount of vomiting. The other other things that helped me were drinking lemonade or fizzy water, which helped me belch (as I was swallowing alot of air as I was hypersalivating as well), having other people make me food (going near the fridge was bad, likewise the bin) and getting a bit of fresh air-just sitting outside helped a bit (although with this whether thats probably not going to help-you might end up with pneumonia instead!) I hope you start to feel better soon.

Glad there are not-so-bad moments to give you some respite GlossyFlower.

I remember wishing for a miscarriage in 1st pg, and feeling so ashamed about it. I didn't tell anyone and I think it triggered PND. Of course when I did tell people they were "Why wouldn't you have wished to mc, you were so ill."

I also remember feeling absolutely repulsed DH. His usually pleasant man-smell turned my stomach. I didn't want to offended him by telling him.

It's great that you have RL support. But if you need to say things here that you can't in RL then it's a safe place.

You soon forget the horror of Hyperemesis. I had it till 28 weeks with DD. it took me 4 years, and a reassurance from Gynae that it was unlikely to happen again with my next pg.

They lied. I had it terribly with DS1, and was in hospital for 19 out of 40 weeks, on a drip and having stemetil suppositories.

I swore I would never have any more DC, despite always having wanted a huge family.

9 months later I fell pg with DS2. I DID seriously consider a termination that time, but stuck with it. had Hyperemesis again, though not quite as badly as with DS1 - I was prescribed metaclopramide this time, which helped far more.

I went 7 years, then accidentally fell of again. I went with it, got metaclopramide from early on, and managed a lot better.

I NEVER want to be pg again, to the point where I am getting sterilised next week!!

I have to say, though, metaclopramide DOES help.

Seriously, metaclopramide was a lifesaver for me with Hyperemesis. They don't like prescribing it, but they CAN.

Hang in there. I had a couple of moments of real despair early in my second pregnancy when trying to look after a toddler as well. Fingers crossed you will start to feel a bit better soon. I felt sick throughout that pregnancy but it was bearable after 14 weeks. I ditto the ginger items gross :( The problem is most people have a 'bit' of nausea so just dont understand. I was lucky to have a GP who had HG herself.

With DS1 I had HG for the first 19 weeks, so you have my sympathies. DS1 is now 18mo and I can honestly say I'd go through all that pain and agony again to have him :) He was 100% worth it.

I am now 39+2 weeks pregnant with DC2 and did not get HG this time round (although I did have some morning sickness).

I have no advice. I just feel so sad for you. I had morning sickness which was bad enough and there were certainly moments when I would think "please just let it all be over" - the idea of a beautiful baby at the end of it seems so abstract when day-to-day you feel desperate.

At 10 weeks your hormones are at their highest. Perhaps this is the worst it's going to feel?

I do absolutely sympathise - I think pregnancy sickness can be very traumatic and underestimated.

Get well soon.

Oh I really feel for you as I had really bad hyperemesis too and just spent 4 months in and out of hospital (on a drip for 3 days, home for 3 days, and so on). It was awful and I lost about 2 stone. Then one day the sickness just stopped! The rest of my pregnancy went along trouble free, I looked like every other heavily pregnant person by the end of it and had a healthy baby.

He's 8 next week and unsurprisingly he's an only. My mum had hyperemesis and had 3 dcs. I just can't imagine caring for another child while being so ill. I don't know how she managed.

I would say carry on with your pregnancy, accept you will be ill and doing very little for a while, and focus on the positive end result. I hope you feel better soon. Hug from someone who has been there!

Also: I have seen a hyperemesis thread kicking about - may be worth a look as it will be all people who have been there or are going through it.

I suspect OP has already tried metaclopromide. It's much cheaper than ondansetron, which she's on, so usually prescribed first. If not, then ask and give it
a try GlossyFlower.

FWIW, metaclopromide didn't help me
at all. Cyclizine was terrible - I had a huge allergic reaction. Ondansetron was my life saver, but at very high doses, at least 24mg a day and 32 at it's worst.

Something else that helped me was phenergan. It basically made me sleepy, and I didn't vomit in my sleep!

You poor thing. My DW had this with one of ours. She wasn't hospitalised but wad on cyclozine and was incredibly ill and had one kid to look after. Only you can make the decision. I think out it's likely that it will not last the duration of the pregnancy. Our DD is an utter delight and DW days sheis worth it.

I am so sorry to hear this. Do come and join the hyperemesis support thread. Also do feel free to send me a message if you'd like to talk off-thread.

I am now 31 weeks and I was hospitalised three times - the last two times for the best part of a week, I still had maximum ketones after days on a drip. I spent three months (weeks 4-16) entirely unable to get out of bed and nearly five months on the maximum doses of four drugs all at once: cyclizine, metoclopramide, ondansetron and ranitidine. Even the ondansetron wasn't a magic bullet for me and I kept on vomiting despite all these but it makes a huge difference for lots of women so do ask to try it. In general lots of women are better on combinations of drugs than just one. Make sure they are giving you vits too, especially B vitamins and thiamine.

I would also say:

• don't fight going back into hospital. If you have persistent ketones you will feel better in hospital, because the ketosis itself makes you nauseous and vomit. The drip alone does help. Also it is a bit less lonely in hospital than being on your own in bed all day feeling like you are dying (though I felt sorry for everyone else on my ward, since I would throw up in front of them every time they brought a meal round!).

• someone upthread mentioned Ensure food replacement drinks. They are a bit revolting, and I vomited them like everything else, but all the same they made a huge difference to me. (Actually I am back on them now as struggling with my appetite.) At 8 weeks pregnant I had literally eaten and retained nothing for three whole weeks and I was in a state of starvation. I really felt that they were letting me die! No matter how much they hydrated me I still had max ketones because of the starvation. When they finally gave me the food drinks I felt a bit more human and using them managed to keep me out of hospital after my third admission (though I couldn't get out of bed and I was still vomiting).

• it really will get better. Only a very very few women don't experience some improvement towards the beginning of the second trimester - for me around the 15-16 week mark I started feeling a bit better - still in bed most of the time but able to, e.g., get up and sit on the sofa to watch TV for a bit. I'll be honest, I threw up every day to about week 24, I am still chronically nauseous at 31 weeks, and I reckon the vomiting is going to return for the final stretch. But it is still nothing compared to how I felt at your stage. It really will improve.

• during my third hospital admission my DP and I discussed termination and a bit of me hoped to miscarry until really quite late, because I knew (from a couple of very early miscarriages before) that if you do lose the baby you feel better almost immediately. It is absolutely normal and rational to think about termination in this situation. My hospital had a women's counseling service attached to the obs and gynae dept, and I saw someone from that when I was in hospital, and in fact I am seeing her again now to work through some of my quite negative feelings about the pregnancy. There are one or two women who post on the hyperemesis support thread who have terminated in the past, and my DP and I have already agreed that if (god forbid!) I accidentally got pregnant soon after birth we would arrange an early termination. We are not ruling out another baby eventually but we couldn't go through that again soon.

• the thing that stopped me terminating was that I do want a child and I was sure that it would happen again with another pregnancy (I was very unwell already even with v. v. early losses and my mother and sister, although they were a bit less severely ill than I was, were about equally ill with each pregnancy). If I had seriously thought that a fresh pregnancy might be different I think I would have jumped ship.

I really feel for you and do send me a message if you'd like to chat more. No-one who hasn't been there has any idea. I have severe SPD now, am in quite bad pain all the time, on crutches and even with the crutches can only walk a very little. But this level of pain and disability is honestly nothing compared to the horror of the HG at its worst.

Advice-

Don't take any shit from medical staff- I found some of them to be very rude and don't understand how physical it can be

There are medications they CAN prescribe you and if they don't work they CAN prescribe you alternatives

Don't feel bad if you can't eat healthily or if you can't eat at all- drinking is the most important thing you can do

Rest

Accept help if offered- don't feel bad about accepting help

Wet foods like jelly, ice, custard and soup are great at 'tricking' your body into taking fluids

While you don't feel well have a little shop for baby stuff :D it'll keep you looking forward

Oh and also, if you decide to go ahead, get your parents to get you a cheap wall calendar and a big black pen and tick off every day that you get through. Even every hour/half day if necessary. My DP bought me one that I used for a month or two in the worst bit and although I can't even bear to look at it now, it did make me feel a tiny bit better at the time.

Hello everyone.
Just a little update, I'm slowly getting there. Felt more unwell past few days with bowel problems, constipation and diarrhoea.
Still feeling very weak, having a shower and washing my hair without assistance still does me in but yesterday I had my first proper meal in weeks! I had a really yummy roast chicken dinner with pudding. I didn't manage to keep it down but I enjoyed it while it lasted.
I've not put on any weight that I've lost yet but at least I'm not losing.
With all your encouragement I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Thank you x

Glossyflower this experience is realy showing you how strong you can be!
Wonder is there truth in the idea that a bad pregnancy equals a very good baby? It worked for me anyway!

I know what your going through - am on my 3rd pregnancy and had hypermisis with my 1st baby - it started at 6 weeks and lifted at about 20 weeks, i still went on to have another and now on my 3rd.
The 2nd pregnancy i didn't have it, but this pregnancy has been the worst by far. The sickness started at 8 weeks and i was hospitalized 2 times - in 2 weeks. They gave me cyclazine which didn't work, i spent every day curled up in bed not being able to move or anything, throwing up everything i tried feelijg like i was going to die. I missed my daughters birthday and lots of other stuff and had to give up work. It is grim, however it is not forever and the baby at the end is very worth it. My sickness passed around 17 weeks and i just had MS for an hour when i woke, now at 28 weeks the sickness is a distant memory.
Hang on in there, it will be worth it in the end xxxxx
There are lots of support groups on the internet for hyperemisis sufferers, and just because your suffering from hyperemisis in this pregnancy doesnt mean you will suffer in the next one too.

Just a quick update for you all.
Firstly thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement. It really did help to know I wasn't alone.
I'm still vomiting daily but on a good day it's only twice, the nausea has eased off a bit too.
I'm at home with my husband now so doing more for myself and getting stronger. Hubby's been really good, taking care of the housework, dogs and before he goes to work he gets me food made for throughout the day so I don't have to prepare it.
I'm almost 14 weeks now and I'm becoming more attached to my baby. Even a couple of weeks ago at the 12 week scan I only cried because I saw my baby moving and I didn't want to see anything nice. I felt a little resentful towards the baby, not that it's the baby's fault but I saw it moving and it made my heart melt.
I don't think I could ever have gone through with a termination, although I wished for it to end. After reading some of your posts I realised I'd already suffered so far and it would be such a shame to end it then rather than see it through. And one thing I hear from everyone is that having that baby in your arms is worth all the heartache.
However I can categorically say, this will be an only child!
Thank you all. I'm glad I didn't go ahead and have a termination. Xxx

I'm so glad it's starting to ease off and you're feeling more positive. I know what you mean about not going through it again! Although it really is true that you start to forget about just how bad it was once you start feeling normal again. The further along I get the more I forget about the horrific first trimester! I hope you'll soon feel like your old self and you can get really excited about your baby!

So glad to hear that, very best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy.