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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Smoking

60 replies

xmasevebundle · 14/09/2012 15:47

I know this is quite shocking and i still dont believe im doing this thread.

I started smoking when i was 16 after a break up with my first boyfriend, ever since, its the ONLY thing to make me calm and not get angry.

I have been anger managment a few times due to a family death

So when i found out i was pregnant i gave up cold turkey, im now 25+4.

I have a shit pregnancy, spilt stomach muscles, endless stress with the babys father,threats, my mum and dad been in a horiffic car crash which has left me shaken and im doing everything around the house.

I went to the shop and got a packet of 10 and felt a lot better, but i went again today to get baccy this time.

I dont smoke millions and millions, but its such a stress relief for me.

Im thinking do i stop and carry on being stressed through out or have a fag here and there when i get pissed off.

Has anyone else been in this situation??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 14/09/2012 15:58

Sorry xmaseve I've always hated the smell of fags when pregnant so even when I had been smoking previously I didn't want 1.

I didn't want this thread to be unanswered though.

Have you tried speaking to your mw/doc about it?

SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2012 16:03

I hope you have a hard hat OP. You will probably get flamed for this.

I have been in this situation though, and did have a few occasionally. Maybe try an electric cigarette.

JanuaryMommy · 14/09/2012 16:04

I used to smoke but stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant (now 21 weeks). So I know how hard it is and how smoking when stressed somehow makes everything better. I keep having moments all the time when the natural reaction is to go out and buy a packet. But I think we both know it is just not good for the baby. Fine if you ve slipped once. But i think you should really make baby your helper and try and think of it and nice things to do with it when stressed and get it to help you and not fags. Ultimately, you really do not have that long to go now without them but it is long time in terms of baby's development! and you ve done so well to last till now, don't undo all the hard work so far!!

plus thinking in terms of lesser harm, I've not been able to give up coffee, so just have that as a "vice" when stressed...maybe u hv smth like that too which is fine for baby in moderatation anyway...

Rosduk · 14/09/2012 16:04

I havn't been in your situation, it sounds awful but is there anything else you could replace smoking with? Something you enjoy?
You must know the risks - how would you feel if something was to happen to the baby as a result smoking?

Laura1037 · 14/09/2012 16:04

Hi, I'm 8 weeks today and I'm struggling to stop. I'm ashamed and embarrassed and although I have cut down dramatically I'm still finding it so hard. I thought it would be the easiest thing in the world given the reason but its hard. Got a mw appt in 2 weeks so will have a chat with her then xx

crazyhead · 14/09/2012 16:05

My friend smoked a bit, she had a terrible physical experience of pregnancy, like you, and crashing antenatal depression.

People are very sanctimonious about women smoking in pregnancy, but of course giving up something horribly addictive at a particularly stressful time is just far harder than they can imagine.

Rather than feeling guilty, I'd be inclined to get as much support as possible. My friend's kid has some health problems that might theoretically be linked to the smoking and that's hard to live with. Think how you'd feel if that happened.

AlanMoore · 14/09/2012 16:07

Alan Carr book! And cigs worse for baby than stress. It's hard but you can do it (I did so I know). Good luck!

Laura1037 · 14/09/2012 16:11

What's this alan carr book please? I'm desperate for help :(

puds11 · 14/09/2012 16:21

I smoked for 10 years before i got pregnant, then quit cold turkey. I just kept telling myself that it was not fair for me to decided whether my baby smoked or not. It is so very dangerous for both you and the baby, and you are more likely to loose blood during birth if you smoke.

I would advise attempting to find a different method of relieving the stress. Massage perhaps?

I haven't smoked now for nearly 5 years, but i still think about cigarettes every day.

Original poster

xmasevebundle · 14/09/2012 16:26

I do feel VERY guilty. I have thought about if anything happens, i would be heartbroken but then again my fault?

I didnt know i was pregnant until 10w so i gave up and have lasted 15 weeks. But so much has happened. I thought i cant do it!!

I do expect the comments to come flying in, but unless you are a ex smoker i dont think you fully understand.

I mean when im stressed i could be for at least 4 days. I haven't told my MW just yet but for the time being, if i get angry i will smoke.

When my mum and dad had the car crash i thought he was dead. He is a lot better, but all of it has got to much and i came to the point fuck this.

He is healthy and weighs over 2lbs already, hes going to be a chunky monkey. I eat perfectly, go for walks, nothing seems to help.

OP posts:

puds11 · 14/09/2012 16:29

Smoking cessation clinic?

Bunbaker · 14/09/2012 16:34

Please don't be ashamed to ask for help MW? GP? If you are pregnant I'm sure help will be more forthcoming.

Original poster

xmasevebundle · 14/09/2012 16:35

I have just started after i seen my MW last wednesday. I dont see them again until my 28 bloods.

I am seeing a women on monday which i will talk to her about.

Thing is i wont smoke in public is in my back garden

OP posts:

winnybella · 14/09/2012 16:36

How many do you smoke a day?

Badvoc · 14/09/2012 16:37

It's stoptober next month.
You can get help from their gp and NHS.
Also you could speak to the pharmacist and perhaps have a chat about other forms of relaxant that are safe for you and your baby?
Cigarettes contain all sorts of awful things like formaldehyde etc which pass through the placenta to your baby.
I am assuming that you want to quit and thats why you posted?
Good luck.

JanuaryMommy · 14/09/2012 16:41

It sounds like you need to relax overall and stop worrying about everything. This might include smoking/not smoking at this point. Sounds like the worst is over and your dad is ok. I probably should not say this but my friend is from Serbia and smoking was and still is very, very socially acceptable there. She says to the point of where noone really thinks about it that much. I know her mom smoked throughout her 2 pregnancies. Both my friend and her brother are fine overall. They do have some small probs but who knows whether they would have them anyway. Just try to relax and connect with your baby and switch from thinking about anything else apart from nice thoughts. Almost like medicine! Your are a mommy already. Maybe go get a pregnancy massage and try and relax. You might stop trying to sort out your stress with smoking, which is not the healthy way xx

MagdalenaAlec · 14/09/2012 16:42

If you cannot stop and have signs of cold turkey, it is better not to. At least that is what my GP advised me for my 2 pregnancies and allowed me to smoke 1 cigarette a day (but I usually smoke less than 10 a day - DSIS was allowed 3 because she smokes a lot more than me), on the basis that even if the smoking is bad for your child, the damages can be much bigger if your body is stressed. My 2 DC are perfectly healthy, btw.

dontcarehow · 14/09/2012 16:45

I think the best approach is to take it a day at a time. Its what they tell alcoholics and drug addicts. Try setting yourself the challenge of not having one today. That way it doesn't feel like such a big task (its only for today, not forever). Then the next day, then the next keep going. If you have one bad day, start again tomorrow. Each day you don't smoke you could treat yourself (though not with a fag), or maybe put a pound a day in a jar for when the baby is born.

I've never been addicted to anything, but I used this approach with dieting and it was so helpful. The key thing is that it feels like a small thing, its just for today. but then the next day you feel so good about being successful yesterday that you don't want to spoil it.

JanuaryMommy · 14/09/2012 16:51

Or just have only 3 puffs of each cigarette and chuck the rest away and maybe only 2 per day max anyway, if desperate...

you often only need a drag and it is more the idea and not being able to do it that's the problem and you won't want more

that's how i finally quit, as felt so guilty even after one drag that soon realised i did not really need cigarettes at all...and it was more of a habit reaction

Londonmrss · 14/09/2012 16:54

OP, you have to just stop.
I do understand, I miss smoking every day. But there will be a way that works for you. For me, it was just about willpower. I just had to force myself not to. It's always easier after even 1 day because you don't want to ruin the good work you've done. I suspect you did feel like that when you went back to it. If you can't do it that way, you need to ask your midwife and get some help.
I'm sorry to be blunt, but it's not just your body any more. Your baby is a person and you're now forcing them to smoke.
You're right that no one understands unless they've been addicted to something. It's particularly hard when you're stressed and I'm sorry you've been going through such a difficult time, but you can't use that as an excuse. I used to do that when I was quitting / failing to quit- 'It's been a good day, I'll reward myself with a fag', 'it's been a shit day, I'll console myself with a fag'. Ultimately, you have to just stop.

NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown · 14/09/2012 16:55

No advice but just wanted to say I think you've done really well quitting like that. I say that as a non-smoker (well I smoked 'socially' for a year) who is very anti smoking. If you've done it once you can do it again. Wishing you lots of luck, pregnancy is hard and we all have different ways of coping with stress (I eat) - I hope you find the strength to quit again and have a less stressful rest of pregnancy :)

scandy · 14/09/2012 16:55

Just stop. Everyone can stop, you just have to put your mind to it. I smoked for over 20 years and went cold turkey the day I found out I was pregnant. Yes I've missed it terribly, especially when I've been stressed or have had an argument. But you just have to persevere, and it gets easier.

Dahlen · 14/09/2012 16:56

No flaming from me. You know you shouldn't be doing it and guilt is a far more powerful thing than someone else's censure.

You're having a hard time. It's human nature to latch on to whatever helps you to deal with it. In your case it's smoking. It's far from ideal as you know, but it doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother, it just makes you a vulnerable person with a bad habit.

I'd really recommend the Allen Carr book. It will help you to see that far from helping you deal with stress, smoking reduces your ability to deal with it. It will transform the way you view smoking.

In the meantime, try substituting it with something else - whether it's chocolate, a walk, a bath, or whatever else makes you feel better.

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of things.

Greypuddle · 14/09/2012 17:39

I second reading Allen Carr. One version of the book also has a good hypnotherapy cd.

If you stopped upon discovering you were pregnant, then you maybe hadn't quite got your head around really wanting to, so instead were thinking 'but I have to!' in a hanging on by your fingernails kind of way. So even though you weren't smoking for weeks, you were still a smoker psychologically and some stressful happenings were enough to make you think that smoking could help. But you're now stressed out about the fact that you're smoking as well, so it doesn't totally work to relieve stress.

Allen Carr deals with all this and with a bit of luck, might make you enjoy stopping...that's the idea anyway.

I wish you well.

shrimponastick · 14/09/2012 17:45

OP please do try and quit the cigs. I am an ex-smoker (for many years) so I do know how hard it is. But truly, once you have got the first few days out of the way it becomes much, much easier. And you have a good reason to not smoke.

When I found out I was pregnant, I think I had one cig for shock and didn't touch one for years then. To be fair, though, I couldn't abide the smell anyway.

I also recommend the Allen Carr book - full of extremely useful tips.

Good luck!!

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