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Original poster

Will baby be Christened? Why/Why not?

69 replies

LuckyOwl28 · 10/09/2012 14:15

I waded into dangerous territory yesterday telling my Nan that we're not having our baby Christened. To her it's just the done thing, she can't understand why we wouldn't.

This topic isn't to say we are right, I'm just interested in other people's decisions on this matter, as we have some much more choice these days and Christenings don't seem as popular. Im sure there are varying reasons for this, our reasons (briefly) are as follows:

Although we're not entirely atheist, neither myself or Hubby are religious. We never pray or attend Church, although we have absolute respect for those of any faith.

I would feel almost like a bit of a fraud reciting passages in a Church that I don't necessarily believe in, purely for traditional or superstitious reasons. We didn't get married in Church for the same reason.

The idea that all children who are not christened go to Hell (in my personal opinion) is untrue. I can't believe that if there is a God he would turn away an innocent child simply because they hadn't been blessed.

I would be quite happy if our child decided to follow a certain faith as they grow up, but think that is their decision to make not ours.

I would be really interested to hear what you have decided if you fancy sharing?

OP posts:

Zara1984 · 10/09/2012 14:18

Nope. My husband is staunchly atheist (I'm more agnostic) so there's no way baby is being baptised! Also I think it's a bit weird to get your child christened when you have no interaction with that church in any other way.

Where we're from (NZ) the vast majority of children aren't christened/baptised anymore. Give it 10 years or so and I'd say the same would be true of the UK also.

sammyleh · 10/09/2012 14:25

I went to a Catholic School, learnt so much about religion and made my own mind up to have a little faith a long time ago, but I never EVER go to church. My DP is completely non-religious and we faced the same thing with some relatives when we said we wont be having our baby christened. Purely for the reason that its not our choice. DP was christened and he always says that given the choice, he wouldn't have been.

Personally, I agree with you and would feel a fraud if we christened our child, I also think its unfair to 'bless a baby' that when they grow up, may not want it. I think with something like religion its personal choice and having that choice made for you when you're so young and have no idea what its all about can come back to bite you in the bum. I'm pleased my mum had those same thoughts 28 years ago when I was born because my own choice would have been to not get christened. I know a lot of parents do it nowadays 'for the baby' and get loads of nice silver gifts and have a party with the family but never set foot in church again. I say stick with your decision, times change and people should respect that.

Beamur · 10/09/2012 14:29

I wasn't christened as a baby, but have attended church on occasion as an adult. I'm in a non attending cycle at the moment and happy with that. My DP is an atheist. We didn't have DD christened - I'm not sure we even discussed it TBH, it just wasn't an issue. I totally agree that it's an event which is hugely significant if you are religious - it is a special way to welcome a child to the church family, but loses that meaning if you don't really mean it.

vodkaanddietirnbru · 10/09/2012 14:31

I'm not christened, dh is, but neither of us are religious/go to church, etc so our kids are not christened.

Sossiges · 10/09/2012 14:34

My DD wasn't christened (despite funny looks from family ). I believe in God but don't do religion. If people want to get married in church, have children christened and they believe in all that, then fine. Not for me though.

Doodlekitty · 10/09/2012 14:40

I will be getting my DS christened once he gets here. I'm very religious although not a constant churchgoer. I intend to take my child to church regularly until they can make a decision themselves. Husband is not religious but is happy to have a Christening and child to go to church as long as neither he or the child are forced to attend, which I would never do.
I don't believe unchristened children go to hell, not even sure I believe in hell as a concept, but having my little bundle blessed means a lot to me.

furrygoldone · 10/09/2012 14:43

No because we don't go to church.

Polyethyl · 10/09/2012 14:47

How about having a naming ceremony, or welcome to the family party. You still celebrate the birth, and receive the traditional prezzys, but avoid any accusations of religious hypocrisy. I haven't been to a naming ceremony yet, but they sound like fun.

ReallyTired · 10/09/2012 14:48

Lots of active christians choose not to baptise their children. They prefer to allow their children to decide as adults and have a believer's baptism. Many christians have a service of dedication. There is also an arguement that a small baby has no sins to "wash away".

Infant baptism is more about the parents than the child. As a parent you are making massive promises and declarations about what you believe. A lot of christians would respect for honesty for not wanting an infant baptism.

Alternatively if you want nothing to do with religion you could have a humanist naming cermony. You could still have a lovely party without telling a pack of lies.

Our dd was baptised at three years and three months. She actively asked the priest to baptise her. She even choose her god parents and decided who she wanted to invite. We attend church regulary and everyone at church was invited to the party.

ReallyTired · 10/09/2012 14:50

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Mathew 19:14

I think that is pretty strong evidence that babies do not need to be baptised inorder to go to heaven.

Beamur · 10/09/2012 14:54

ReallyTired - where in that quote does it actually mention baptism?

lottiegarbanzo · 10/09/2012 15:04

No, as we're not religious. I was, as my parents were church-goers. So what do I do with the family christening robe? I might take a picture of her in it, just cos I can. Then, what, it becomes a family museum-piece I suppose, unless and until a descendent gets Christianity.

We did consider a naming ceremony at the register office and party, to bring family together.

PurplePidjin · 10/09/2012 15:05

I will, and I will probably be flamed as a heretic on here for my reasons!

DP and I are believers but not church goers. Different branches of Christianity.

Our "parish" church is the one I was Christened at. It is also the church my 91yo Gran attends, along with most of her friends. I would like her to have the chance to swan around at the Christening of her first Great Grand Child.

MIL and SIL attend different churches within a different denomination, however they are both church goers. Choosing "my" parish church and denomination avoids any question about where from them - and DP doesn't really agree with either church. As I said, we're believers but not attenders.

A Christening is a welcoming to the Christian community. A baptism or Confirmation is a person choosing a particular denomination.

I have very many elderly relatives. I would like to see them all together for something that isn't a funeral. Christening my child, despite not being married to his father, means I can do this - we can't afford a wedding (yet) but will be following pretty much the same reasoning for that too, ie Church service and large party afterwards for friends and family.

My Gran gets to be the centre of attention, and I get to see lots of relations that I would normally not see and may not otherwise be able to travel to meet the baby. Win!

Orenishii · 10/09/2012 15:08

Neither of us are religious, though we have nothing particularly against being christened. Both DH and I were but we'd feel like massive big hypocrites if we had our future children christened when we've never stepped a foot in a church for our own reasons as adults. I think we tend to respect religion from that perspective, but don't adopt it in our lifestyle.

It's like when people go to church for a few months so they can married in the pretty building, having hardly ever committed to religion in their lives

nananaps · 10/09/2012 15:11

Nope.
We are not religious, got married in a reg office.
It doesnt mean anything to us.

Having said that, i am God mother to 7 children...despite me nor any of the families being religious at all.
I just didnt want to say no because i was so touched by them all asking me.

Ragwort · 10/09/2012 15:12

Our DS was christened (and had a separate naming ceremony ). Both DH and I have a strong faith, we are members of the Church community and wanted our DS to be welcomed into the Church and we were happy to publicly declare our intention to bring him up in the Christian faith.

I genuinely don't understand why people want to have a christening if they aren't comfortable making those promises, a naming ceremony can be a lovely alternative and the child is free to make his/her own decision when they are older. I always feel very uneasy at christenings when it is obvious that it is just being done 'for show'.

Londonmrss · 10/09/2012 15:12

We're not because we're atheists. Thought it would be an issue with my grandmother, but then when we were first together so said to me 'Do you think you'll get married one day?' I said 'Maybe' and she then said 'It's all different nowadays, because you can live together before you get married now, can't you?'
My parents chose not to christen me even though they are believers because they wanted to allow me to make the choice for myself when I was old enough. Best thing you can do for your child, in my opinion- give them free will!

paperclips · 10/09/2012 16:23

Some close friends of ours who are only slightly religious, chose to have a Thanksgiving service at their local church which I thought was a very nice idea, much nicer than
"officially" indoctrinating a baby into a religion when they have no idea what any of it means. It seems much less hypocritical too as they are not regular churchgoers.

We're atheists so obviously we won't. A lot of people at work were talking about Christenings and it seemed many of them were not very religious, but had christenings so they can get family together, put the baby in the lacy gown, get the nice little keepsake gifts and have a big celebration of their arrival. But I just think it's kind of inappropriate unless you are really going to be part of the church community.

I wouldn't mind doing something to celebrate the baby's arrival, welcome them to the world type of thing. It's quite hard for a lot of people to understand if it's not a traditional, religious ceremony. You can do humanist celebrations, or things like tree-planting but all that sounds a little bit too hippyish for us.

loveschocolate · 10/09/2012 16:23

No, neither of us go to church so we won't have a christening. We'd be happy for either my MIL (catholic) or FIL (protestant) to take their grandchild to church with them and if our son / daughter wants to be baptised when older and aware of the committment we'd support that decision.

Lovelylace · 10/09/2012 16:29

we wont for same reasons as people have stated above.

MeltedMoments · 10/09/2012 16:51

We will because we are church goers and it is important to us. My parents are both priests and it will be a massive occasion.
My dad Christened both our DD's but now Mum is ordained too and so she will Christen the new baby.

Sastra · 10/09/2012 17:06

No, because we don't believe in god.

minipie · 10/09/2012 17:12

No because we don't believe in God and we aren't Christians.

Those of you who are not christening your child - what are you planning to do instead? I am looking for ideas. And what about godparents/non-god equivalent? Will you have them and what will their role be called?

HoneyMum21 · 10/09/2012 17:18

We won't be christening as we aren't religious and don't attend church. Anyway, apparently churches (in our area at least) won't even consider christening babies if parents don't attend regularly and promise to bring the child to church regularly. Not that this makes a big different to us- we wouldn't christen anyway as we would feel like hypocrites.

We are planning to have a naming ceremony (though no idea how to go about organising one - any tips...?!!) and have the equivelent of godparents (obviously won't be called that) but leave out the religious part. If DC decides he wants to follow any religion when he is older we will support that but we can't force him into a belief system that we aren't part of.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 10/09/2012 17:55

Both my current dc were baptised in their first year, this one will be too.
We are church goers and strong in our faith. If you don't want to get yours baptised, that's also fine, they may come to it in their own time as they get older, they may not. Also fine :0)

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